Will321

I think some of us get complacent once we start to "feel better" after a relapse or anxiety period. That makes us go back to unhelpful ways of thinking in other areas and let our guard down. I think it may help to constantly see ourselves "in recovery" and keeping up the therapeutic work even after the strong anxiety fades. I've noticed my themes can evolve or change over time catching me off guard so I've decided to try and live a lifestyle of accepting I have an ongoing anxiety battle and keep trying to practice living with uncertainty and allow the anxiety and what if's to be there...not easy though!

Thanks Howard. I'll look that up but not in too much of a reassurance-seeking way if possible...

Even though it's the same fear/theme at it's core it does feel so different this time. Despite the sensations and doubt my attraction to women hasn't disappeared (like it can do with this kind of anxiety) yet doesn't even help me feel less anxious...which makes the whole thing frustrating. Feeling attracted and tuned on by a women doesn't help anything like it refuses to listen to logic and just convince me I'm still in denial no matter what. It's really annoying but I really am going to try and work on the cognitive side to learning "so what?" when it comes to sexuality fears.

Appreciate the reply DRS1. I definitely think I attached some "oh no!" meaning to it so it has become a conditioned response to anything remotely related to genital areas. I battled sexuality anxieties in the past and never experienced this. Makes me think "this time it's real!" as there's something new and scary added. I'll try and take a "so what?" approach and leave it alone.

Hey there everyone, Been a while since I posted here but recently anxiety has returned pretty bad...but I'm trying to see it as a positive yet challenging "wake up call" as I was falling back into unhelpful habits. I was curious if physical bodily functions that go along with thoughts/triggers can be a thing with OCD? For example my fear is unfortunately sexuality based as "fear of being gay" which is difficult enough to talk about, but a while ago I started getting an automatic salivary response (mouth watering sensation) at the thought or image of men's parts "down there"...and even sometimes my own when going to the toilet or something! It's automatic and can linger for many minutes after the trigger is gone. It became a thing back when I starting checking lots with fantasies and think it back-fired. It seems very hyper-sensitive, even words relating to oral stuff or any images I might churn up in my mind automatically triggers saliva...but no arousal feeling but it still scares me as makes me worry I might like it. Kind of like a gonial response but in the mouth! I'm gonna try and be brave a bring it up with my therapist soon but it definitely makes me worry and is hard to ignore! Until then I'm going to try and label the response as fear-induced and leave it alone. Anyway just wanted to vent and just typing this rather terrifying haha. Thanks!

Thanks cupcake! Yeah it's amazing how quickly things can change. One week you're fine, then the next...not so much haha. Hope you feel better soon too! Let's try and view all this as a learning and strengthening experience.

Hey all, so I've recently hit a major bump in the road and am relapsing big time. Despite having all this awareness I feel I need a helping hand, especially as it's been affecting my sleep big time! Recently I haven't been totally honest with my therapist, I sometimes avoid bringing up certain worries or topics out of fear of what they're going to say but on Wednesday I am going to be real with him, mention the anxieties surrounding my mum (which I feel guilty talking about, but I need to), my lack of sleep and even might have to bring up my past sexuality OCD which is better now but was indirectly linked to this triggering event regarding my current obsession. I feel it's going to be very tough, but I know I need to do it! I'm trying not to view it as a sign of weakness. Maybe bottling up worries is what's been causing this feeling of dread to creep back over the last couple months? Who knows. I'm going to London with my mum this weekend and I'm just going to go with it, have a good time, take a leap of faith and maybe even learn from it so I know what to say on Wednesday. Sorry if this seems like a pointless topic, I just wanted to get it out there. Hopefully this will be one big learning experience and beneficial for the future!

Hi! I have very similar experiences regarding mental compulsions and the only physical ones I have are Googling (and sometimes coming on here...). I think the best thing to do is follow method 3 and not even entertain the thought. Let that feeling that "something's wrong" or "I'm avoiding this important issue" be there as they themselves are obsessions trying to drag you back into rumination. It's very hard, but gets easier with lots of practice. Your anxiety is bound to increase, but allow it to, say "this is a compulsive urge, I recognise this!" and try to re-focus onto something else. That's currently what I'm working on myself. Also, you're spot on about the feeling that you haven't just had a thought, but a "realisation" - this again is a nasty OCD trick. It "feels" like a realisation and makes you feel that need to sort it out and prove it isn't. Sly trick that I also fall for too often haha. Best of luck!

Thanks Yeah, I think it's all about the mindset you have before walking into it. Inviting the difficult thoughts and feelings to take hold and be willing to sit it out with any reassurance. I think I've done it before and does help over time. Guilt is a bit of an issue right now and makes me want to "correct it" so I'm going to work hard on that.

Hi guys, so recently I've had a bit of a relapse regarding my OCD with has unfortunately latched onto my mum. Interestingly a little incident which happened last year sparked some anxiety and worry around her but actually got better and through most of this year, life was moving forward nicely and the thoughts were only mildly bothersome and sometimes completely absent. Unfortunately, I thoughts came creeping back last month and unfortunately has blown everything out of proportion. I now have the obsession about whether me and my mum are close, whether I love her or not and obviously leads to a lot of guilt which guessing is part OCD too, as I understand it's attacking a core value (the relationship between someone I've always been close to!). I've been brushing off the old mindfulness (ACT) and have already cut down on ruminating and especially acting "extra nice" or something to reassure myself and my physical anxiety levels have began to decrease. My mum and I are actually going to London this weekend and I had to option not to, but of course I'm going! That avoidance would make me feel worse ultimately. I was wondering if you guys have any tips for exposure, maybe some good ways of challenging myself, is there such as thing as "thought exposure?" where you purposely think the worse case scenario and then wait it out? Thanks guys!

Hey ashipinharbor, the reply you gave to my other, more focused topic was definitely appreciated. I was having a moment of weakness and needed to vent with this post haha.

Thanks for the reply. I think acceptance and a "so what?" attitude are needed, I've just placed a huge importance on my sleep which is definitely back-firing. I'll give it a go. I also have had to accept the fact I've got a new obsession, which was probably keeping me up in the back of my mind. I did some "core values" analysis and found out OCD is ripping into one related to a close family member, so hopefully now I can also get to work on everything I've learned from the past obsessions and who knows, might even help with sleep.

Hey guys, I know I just recently made a topic but I am genuinely worried about my sleep. About 9 days ago I had a night of insomnia and anxiety out of the blue and since then I've found it near impossible to sleep. I have slept a bit (some nights 3-4 hours) but others have been none. I lie awake very anxious wishing the anxiety would not be there and I could just sleep. Tried mindfulness, but the frustration and fear can be too intense to settle. I'm also battling a relapse of my OCD theme which has been drawn into the situation. Thoughts like: "If I finally sleep tonight I'll know I'm getting better and can start to relax!" "If I don't sleep tonight it means something's still wrong!" I feel quite stuck. If I have a good day of battling my OCD effectively, I still get the thoughts "So what? You're still going to be lying awake all night anxious again!" I do have melatonin tablets which I've been trying to avoid but might have to give them another go. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!

Hey everyone, been a while since I've posted on here (I've read around a few times though), but I guess relapses are inevitable sometimes, especially when you let your guard down after a good summer. Basically, last weekend when I had a sleepless night due to intense anxiety and racing thoughts that I have been experiencing high anxiety levels since as well as unhelpful, hopeless thoughts. I feel I'm stuck in this cycle of obsessing over recovery and my previous worry which lightened off earlier this year. I'm having wishful thinking like "Why can't I go back to before?" "Why won't these feelings go away!" "Why can't I just sleep properly?". I even notice myself checking memories of earlier this year to reassure myself it will get better or comparing how I feel now to past OCD phases to make sure this is actually OCD once again and not "different this time!". My biggest issue now ls sleep. I've associated the evening and going to sleep with anxiety and get anxiety about anxiety as that means another sleepless night might lie ahead. It's a nasty cycle. I'm reading my mindfulness book again and trying to brush off the old treatment methods but obviously have doubts that it's not going to work. I feel like I need to make peace with the return of anxiety as I've beat it before, even on my own after I left CBT. This time feels worse, as I guess is to be expected and admit I have been trying to "hurry up and get better" which I understand it counter-productive. Just needed to get this down. Always scary when full blown-anxiety returns. Going to try and keep up the mindfulness and even throw the 4-steps back into play. Hoping this ease soon. Thanks guys!

Be careful not to fall into the trap of not thinking about it...it'll will make you more frustrated. As horrible as it is, you actually want to think about it and when the anxiety hits...avoid compulsions and attempts for reassurance (even mentally). Let the anxiety fade on it's own (and yes, it can take a while). It's very challenging but with practice you definitely get the hang of it.

We have OCD about a particular thing that feels important to us which is why we react so emotionally. Acceptance isn't about making yourself feel better and getting rid of the anxiety, it's about allowing the anxiety be there and seeing your thoughts for what they are: just thoughts (regardless of the theme). If you feel scared and fearful, register that feeling, embrace it and say to yourself "it's ok to feel like this, it's a normal human emotion" or something like that and resist any compulsive behaviours whilst doing so.

You're right about it being sneaky...sometimes I find that I'm mentally reassuring myself "it's all OCD" or even checking my reaction to see "Am I better yet?" and it happens so automatically I'm not even aware of it, so I have to stop myself as soon as I realise what I'm doing. A couple weeks ago I doubted the possibility I even had compulsions with my current worry but now I'm noticing the tiny, automatic mental rituals I do. Hoping I can get the hang of this and see some improvements.

I feel the same when I read other people's obsession stories. It's because we are viewing it from an outside perspective without the fear they are going through, so we can easily spot the obsessive thoughts and the obvious compulsions (such as asking for reassurance on this forum) and we think "meh, I would much rather have that than this!" - but others would just say the same about our themes. This is why people say it's not the content of the thoughts that matter with OCD, it's the reaction to them.

Thanks for that link, I'm giving it a read and it's got some great advice. Sometimes mental rituals are hard so hard to notice as compulsions, you might need to take some time differentiating between an obsessive thought, then a compulsive-responsive thought as for me they can be so sneaky and sly.

Great advice. I went out tonight for a night out and allowed my thoughts and anxiety to be there and carried on doing what I'd do if they weren't there. You might even feel like you are denying it or "trying to escape the scary reality" by doing so, but you let that feeling be there and continue. It made me realise that you are in control of your behaviour despite what your brain is telling you.

This is a very common thing with OCD called a "back-door trigger" when lack of response or anxiety to our obsessive thoughts actually make us double check to make sure we haven't accepted it or become what we fear (which is a compulsion). It's a very sneaky one and can lead to further ruminating. Just another form of doubt that should be left alone. Best of luck.

100% spot on! Looking back really smooths over the rough edges of that particular time making us believe it was paradise compared to now. I guess that is our obsessive minds giving our current obsession even more power and meaning and I'm practicing labelling any thoughts of comparing my situation to the past as a checking compulsion.

Yes, I also experience this with obsessive themes themselves, not just thoughts. Right now, all my past obsessions seem so easy to deal with and I even have a bit of nostalgia for those times (which is crazy), because looking back those now seem obviously like OCD / irrational obsessions, but what I'm going through now feels like fully justified concern and "different" - but that's fear talking... I have almost permanent anxiety, triggers, thoughts about a topic I don't want to worry about (intrusive) and a need to reassure myself that everything will be ok - Yet I continue to think "Oh but it's different this time!" haha. Gotta love the human brain.

Thanks guys. I've just had a nice one on one dinner with my mum and was rather pleasant. Just let my brain do whatever without trying to analyse how I'm feeling or testing my reaction to certain thoughts and all that unhelpful stuff. I'll try to put all this into practice and take one day at a time. Thanks.

Thanks for the reply Gemma. You're right about the "acting different" part. I feel I may be trying to prove to myself that everything is ok between me and my parents, and there's no need to worry, but I know that's not a good thing to do. Hoping for the worry to disappear as long as I ignore it is a back-door spike if I truly think about it. The worst part is accepting that my anxiety has latched onto my own parents and it won't be going away any time soon, which is a horrible reality, but I need to accept that try not to feel too guilty about it. EDIT: I've just had an amazing realisation that my exposure methods have been wrong. I've been hanging around my parents (as exposure) acting all normal and hoping for a lack of thoughts or lack of anxiety to the thoughts to prove things are going to be ok. What I need to do is spend time with them as normal, and let all those thoughts and fears be there, maybe even try to believe them as much as possible without trying to neutralise any discomfort. Am I right? Sorry, I'm just trying to get this all clear as I feel I need re-educating.