Will321

Thanks Angst, I'll be sure to be honest with everything tomorrow. I can definitely see this taking over at the moment and being on my mind almost 24/7 - very intrusive so I'll be sure to try and take the OCD approach and get out there and live my life even if my brain is pulling me back into trying to "solve the problem". It's only 1 hour per week for physio - can't let that rule me!

Thanks Jack, appreciate the reply. I was in a bit of a state this morning haha. I've done well dealing with it in the past, but all of a sudden the social side of "what if they think I'm gay?" or in denial is the main issue. I must have a very unfortunate negative complex about it that needs to be challenged. I've always tried to avoid conversations about sexuality, relationships, dating etc with certain people (mainly family!) as it makes me so uncomfortable but maybe that's something I need to expose myself to? Allow uncertainty of what others think, not fear the concept of being gay and stand my ground with a "maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm not? deal with it" approach. Thanks again.

Hey everyone, so for over 10 years I've had sexual orientation OCD and it's come and gone in different severities. It's currently not too bad and I feel confident in my attraction to women, however recently I've been heavily triggered by my family physio (who also treats my parents) who I felt was trying to imply I might be gay and in denial by telling anecdotes about a couple people like that. Ever since then I've felt so paranoid about my heart pounding out my chest during sessions he's going to ask me "what's wrong? why are you so nervous?" or something...especially as I'm being treated for anxiety effects in the body. I feel this anxiety is one big scary, catastrophizing secret which is probably making it worse? Maybe I've suffered in silence (besides my therapist) for too long that it's made it feel like sexuality concerns are a bigger deal than they actually are? I know there's nothing wrong with being gay but anxiety persists. I'm thinking it may be time to "confess" my fear or tell a trusting family member about my OCD. Has anyone done this or get any advice? I'm speaking to my therapist tomorrow and I'll tell him all this and see if he'll support it. I just don't want to live in fear with what feels like a scary secret anymore.

True, although the paranoid thoughts say "he knows..." which is something I will try and just let linger. Also today I realised I probably need to work on the cognitive side of things. Who cares if people think I'm gay? or even if I was to be? and realizing I've been in the habit of worrying about this for too long and it's an outdated fear and need to work on letting it go - it's not the end of the world!

Ok having read this back in a slightly calmer state...and it does sound rather paranoid and attaching too much importance on what others think. I definitely need to work on this. I have lots of anxieties than have probably contributed to my built up tension over the years so I guess my anxiety is just overly-fixated on the most embarrassing one...

Hey guys, So basically I've had the sexual orientation OCD on and off for years and sadly I'm feel very overwhelmed by the possibility of my family knowing I have anxiety about being gay / fear of others thinking I'm gay (mainly this one these days) - I feel quite assured that I'm straight although that reassurance doesn't help at all! I'm having physio treatment from someone who is also very "tuned in" to anxiety and the body and has noticed my tension and slight tremors and wants to help with them. I'm paranoid he knows what my fear is and he also knows both my parents and is known to chat and never keep any confidential. He wanted to help with my anxiety and I feel he's just going to confront me with my fear on Friday. I already have a therapist who knows and is helping me with this and that is confidential - which helps hugely! But someone know knows my family well is NOT someone I want prying into my personal anxieties. I wish I didn't care so much, but I do and is pretty overwhelming. Just wanted to rant as I feel quite alone on this as my actual therapy isn't until next week.

I think after those experiences it just made me feel I have no control - which I know is a big part of my anxiety. Learning to not care about sexuality so much (especially what others might think) is the cognitive part I need to do more work on too. Thanks for the reply!

Hi everyone, been a while since I've posted here. I've been struggling with a variety of OCD themes in my life but the stubborn one is fear of one's sexuality (HOCD as mentioned online)/ or the fear of what others think of my sexuality which I feel is a spin-off on social anxiety too. I'm embarrassed to say this as I know logically it's no big deal or worth stressing over but years ago at a wedding I was basically "forced" to kiss one of my sister's bridesmaids in front of family/friends for a photo but I wasn't attracted to her and never really liked her, so it was very uncomfortable and awkward, especially in front of people. It stuck with me and I couldn't shake off the "disturbed" feeling afterwards. "What if that means I'm gay?" "are they trying to set me up with her"? "Should I have enjoyed that?" etc. I felt like I was being tested in a way. I think I've developed some kind of paranoid response to that as ever since I've never felt comfortable in social situations where I feel I could be set up, approached by girls etc, and as I guy I feel I can't say "no" to opportunities like that which makes things worse. Safe to say: I've been avoiding pubs and stuff for a good while... No amount of reassurance of feeling attracted to women even helps, as in the moment anxiety takes over. I can feel very attracted to women when on my own without feelings of pressure, I guess I just want to feel like I have a choice who I end up being with and not feel pressured into anything! I'm going to be honest with my therapist and bring it up again (I have some work to do!) as I don't want to be so fearful in social situations anymore and work through this, but I must admit I'm anxious. Can OCD themes overlap into trauma type symptoms or it that all basically the same thing? I guess for me a big compulsion is avoidance which I'll try my best to work on. This was just a bit of a rant but also felt good to get it off my chest too! I wish anxiety didn't have to latch onto things that others might see as a non-issue. Thanks for letting me let off some steam!

I think some of us get complacent once we start to "feel better" after a relapse or anxiety period. That makes us go back to unhelpful ways of thinking in other areas and let our guard down. I think it may help to constantly see ourselves "in recovery" and keeping up the therapeutic work even after the strong anxiety fades. I've noticed my themes can evolve or change over time catching me off guard so I've decided to try and live a lifestyle of accepting I have an ongoing anxiety battle and keep trying to practice living with uncertainty and allow the anxiety and what if's to be there...not easy though!

Thanks Howard. I'll look that up but not in too much of a reassurance-seeking way if possible...

Even though it's the same fear/theme at it's core it does feel so different this time. Despite the sensations and doubt my attraction to women hasn't disappeared (like it can do with this kind of anxiety) yet doesn't even help me feel less anxious...which makes the whole thing frustrating. Feeling attracted and tuned on by a women doesn't help anything like it refuses to listen to logic and just convince me I'm still in denial no matter what. It's really annoying but I really am going to try and work on the cognitive side to learning "so what?" when it comes to sexuality fears.

Appreciate the reply DRS1. I definitely think I attached some "oh no!" meaning to it so it has become a conditioned response to anything remotely related to genital areas. I battled sexuality anxieties in the past and never experienced this. Makes me think "this time it's real!" as there's something new and scary added. I'll try and take a "so what?" approach and leave it alone.

Hey there everyone, Been a while since I posted here but recently anxiety has returned pretty bad...but I'm trying to see it as a positive yet challenging "wake up call" as I was falling back into unhelpful habits. I was curious if physical bodily functions that go along with thoughts/triggers can be a thing with OCD? For example my fear is unfortunately sexuality based as "fear of being gay" which is difficult enough to talk about, but a while ago I started getting an automatic salivary response (mouth watering sensation) at the thought or image of men's parts "down there"...and even sometimes my own when going to the toilet or something! It's automatic and can linger for many minutes after the trigger is gone. It became a thing back when I starting checking lots with fantasies and think it back-fired. It seems very hyper-sensitive, even words relating to oral stuff or any images I might churn up in my mind automatically triggers saliva...but no arousal feeling but it still scares me as makes me worry I might like it. Kind of like a gonial response but in the mouth! I'm gonna try and be brave a bring it up with my therapist soon but it definitely makes me worry and is hard to ignore! Until then I'm going to try and label the response as fear-induced and leave it alone. Anyway just wanted to vent and just typing this rather terrifying haha. Thanks!

Thanks cupcake! Yeah it's amazing how quickly things can change. One week you're fine, then the next...not so much haha. Hope you feel better soon too! Let's try and view all this as a learning and strengthening experience.

Hey all, so I've recently hit a major bump in the road and am relapsing big time. Despite having all this awareness I feel I need a helping hand, especially as it's been affecting my sleep big time! Recently I haven't been totally honest with my therapist, I sometimes avoid bringing up certain worries or topics out of fear of what they're going to say but on Wednesday I am going to be real with him, mention the anxieties surrounding my mum (which I feel guilty talking about, but I need to), my lack of sleep and even might have to bring up my past sexuality OCD which is better now but was indirectly linked to this triggering event regarding my current obsession. I feel it's going to be very tough, but I know I need to do it! I'm trying not to view it as a sign of weakness. Maybe bottling up worries is what's been causing this feeling of dread to creep back over the last couple months? Who knows. I'm going to London with my mum this weekend and I'm just going to go with it, have a good time, take a leap of faith and maybe even learn from it so I know what to say on Wednesday. Sorry if this seems like a pointless topic, I just wanted to get it out there. Hopefully this will be one big learning experience and beneficial for the future!