please help new baby spikes new theme

[lauren1988]

Hey i havent posted on here in ages. I don't know what to do anymore. The last 7 weeks have been hell. Ive suffered harm ocd for 5 years and ive dealt with it and it no longer bothers me. Now its switched to pocd. I never thought this would happen. I find it hard to be near him. We was bonding so well. I love him so much. I cant change him or bath him on my own. Even when people watch me change him i still feel as if i done something wrong. After every nappy change i go over and over what happened. And keep getting false memories. So now i just walk around with guilt. I feel like im self destructing aswell as this has really killed me. I feel like i dont deserve to be happy. I get all these thoughts while changing him that makes me cry and now they have stopped bothering me which bothers me. I dont know how to shake this off. This is the complete opposite of me. I know that deep down. But ocd is so hard to beat. I cant move forward until im 100percent certain my memories r false. Even tho i know they are. I keep talking to my family and husband for support they dont understand altho very supportive they say so what if u think things its not who u r

It dont matter. But to me its like the ultimate no no. But i feel ove made it worse by thinking things i dont mean then going back to neautralise the thought. I feel depressed every day like why did this happen. Y cant i just calmly change my baby without panicking and going out of my way to make sure i dont do anything like ill wipe him really fast and have minimal contact and try to even not look while changing him. This is ruining my life. Breaking my heart. I love my boy so much i i just want to be his mum x

[lonely mum]

Im sorry you are going through this, especially with a new baby. They grow up fast and I hope you dont get to miss out on those special early years because soon they wont be needing us. I dont have anything helpful to say of your ocd because i have different issues but i have come across many people posting of the same issues when having a baby so I hope someone with more experience can help you soon. Take care

[lauren1988]

Thanks hun. I miss him so much x i just want to hold him and cuddle him without stupid thoughts then doubt whether i mean them. Even though i dont

[Guest Himmel]

Hi lauren

It is very important you get professionel help as soon as possible. Ocd must not ruin this special Time for you and it is crusial that your boy has a good contact with his mother.

You love him so and want so bad to be a good mother, thats why the theme shifted. Its ocd, tell yourself that it is not your thoughts, they are made by ocd and not Tour fault. You only engage and react so strong because you have ocd. Every parent has such thoughts but Can disregard Them quickly. Us with ocd overreact and go round i circles and cant stop. But you need to keep changing him, even change him on time too many. You need to sit with him and have the horrible thought shortly, then feel the anxiety and all the things ocd makes you feel, then go on with what you where doing and focus on something in the room. Deliabertely Think a bad thought 5 times a day and register the anxiety level. You need to habituate. Its not easy and you would say what kind of a mother does that - I say that about my thoughts and excersises - the answer is a mother who desperately love her kid and wants to get well and give him a good childhood. You must be strong and fight this. And do it now before the theme unfold itself and get stuck.

See your GP tomorrow and get to a specialist in ocd. It is treatable what you have and it will hurt at first but then you will be normal and functioning again.

[PolarBear]

You are making the situation so much worse by performing compulsions. Not bathing or changing your child alone is a compulsion. Going over what you did in your mind after every nappy change is a compulsion. Asking your husband and family for reassurance is a compulsion. Neutralizing the thoughts is a compulsion. Trying to be sure you didn't do something bad is a compulsion.

You need to have some faith that you won't do anything wrong, despite what the thoughts are telling you. Trust yourself. And work on eliminating those compulsions. They are only giving credence to the idea that you will do something wrong.

Change your child on your own. Bath him on your own. Stop going over things in your mind. Trust that you did these things right.

[lauren1988]

Thanks guys i do still change him and look after him excellently. But i feel i cant enjoy it. I just spoke to my family and they all had it. Im gonna face my fears. I think doing what u suggested is a good idea hun thinking them to get rid of them. Im under a gp x

[Guest nikko9000]

Id like to suggest reading through a couple of chapters from this book. This is the best help I have found for pure ocd. http://www.ichoosetoheal.com/downloads/the-power-of-your-subconscious-mind.pdf

You can make positive sentences to tell yourself every day, such as: "I am confident that my subconscious mind is guiding me to be the best mom my baby could ever have, and there is no safer place for the baby than under my protection". Make up something like that. However do not make a statement such as I will not do [insert something negative here] since it is a negative focus which will only make it worse.

I strongly suggest reading a couple of chapters, since it is very underestimated how much power you have over yourself despite that you are at the moment focusing on your ocd. While doing this you won't necessarily be aware of the effect, but it has effect on your subconscious mind.

Edited September 14, 2015 by nikko9000

[Guest Himmel]

My therapist would say that you must insist on enjoying it. Its your right, ocd Can go to ...., its your time and moment.

I try that when my ocd bothers me. When I Think back on a good day, or moment/memory my ocd tend to ruin it. My ocd tells me I cant Think of certain persons or else.... Or if I want to Think of a happy thing I did with my Boys and I feel the love it wants to scare my and gives me bad images and want me to do compulsions. Its annoying that the fear come crawling and I cant enjoy. Then I have to insist on doing it anyway my therapist says.