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Emm33

OCD affecting vision? Intrusive thoughts and other things

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I'll try to make this quick...

Bit of backstory: I have what I believe may be the 'intrusive thought' type of OCD. Where these evil thoughts come into my brain that I know aren't me, so I make myself believe I have to basically rethink/perform the situation over and over again either in my mind and/or physically until it goes away or until I get it 'right'. Sometimes that can take ages and it's so annoying. And then it just happens all over again in a few minutes anyway. Like for example, I may walk through a doorway and think something negative, so I'll have to walk through that door way again and again until it goes away. Anyway, Lately I've been having trouble with my vision. Well not necessarily trouble with seeing things but... it's hard to explain, although I suspect my OCD is the cause of it. It's like I almost think that what I see isn't right, that I'm perhaps 'hallucinating', so I have to stare at certain things for ages until I am satisfied with knowing that what I'm seeing is correct. I have to double check things all the time too. I don't know, it's hard to explain. For example, every night I check that our gas oven knobs are turned off. I have to stare at them for minutes back and forth because, as I mentioned above, I seem to believe that what I'm seeing is false. I look at them once and see that they're off, and then find myself still looking at them for the 5th time making sure they're still off even though I know nobody has touched them. This also applies to reading things, for example if I'm ordering something online I have to re check multiple times that I've entered my details in correctly, back and forth back and forth. This may not seem like a bad thing, but I know I do it way longer than normal people do. Also I don't know if this has anything to do with OCD, but another annoying and uncontrollable thing I do is having to always look behind me when I walk somewhere due to thinking that I've dropped something. I have to look behind me like every 30 secs. Well anyway I'd really appreciate some advice and just to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar because it's driving me crazy and I just want it all to stop for good. I forget what it feels like to just have a clear and comfortable mind. I'm also scared because I'll be going for my license soon and I don't know how I'll go driving a car. Will I be so focused on my OCD and making sure I'm driving correctly that I end up hitting someone or something?! I know I'm being silly I'm just over it all tbh. Thanks for reading.

Edited by Emm33

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Hi there Emm :)

What you describe are all normal OCD compulsions. Putting things 'right' in your head by thinking something good when doing an action is a mental compulsion, the walking and ordering online things are checks.

What you describe is using feelings as evidence that there is something wrong, so if something doesn't feel 'just right' then you do an action again. CBT will help you realise that using feelings as evidence is an incorrect way to know if somethings right, particularly if you have OCD. You learn that wanting to feel right always leads to you feeling right less and less. Are you getting CBT with a therapist (Cognitive behavioural therapy)? 

Also, research has shown that the more you check the more we doubt ourselves and our own memory and I think this is what you are describing regards the vision problem. Checking leads to doubt and doubt leads to checking resulting in a cycle of unhelpful behaviour. This is again something that CBT can help with.

All the problems you describe are completely treatable with CBT, so there is no need to worry about learning to drive. Have you been treated for OCD in the past, have you been diagnosed? 

I recommend Break free from OCD, it's an excellent self-help book that takes you through various aspects of CBT if you are waiting for therapy too.

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