Need a little help - from some friends ??

[Anxiousgirly]

Hi I am new to this forum but certainly not new to anxiety and OCD, both of which I have suffered with for about 8 yrs. I’ve tried CBT but couldn’t work out how it was supposed to help.  Anyway recently I’ve had a really bad relapse of my symptoms. Basically long story short, I was starting to think about the long term effects of the drugs I take ( Quetiepine and Pregabalin ) and thought I was well enough to start reducing them, I am now under the care of the GP after being ‘discharged’ from secondary community mental health team. 

Then I had something that was wrong with my physical health - a cancer scare, where I had to wait weeks to get the all clear, and basically it pushed me over the edge. Now I am suffering from what I think is health anxiety and convincing myself ( or rather my own brain is tricking me into it) that I now have a life altering illness and I really do have the symptoms. Can anyone relate to that ?? Not sure if I’ve put that down how I mean it to come out. 

So, I’ve increased my meds up to the original full dose and am just waiting to see if that improves matters.  My Gp has re refered me back to secondary care but as wel all know, that can take forever. 

How do I get through this without going so mad that I just cave in. I am not myself I am a quivering wreck, I cry all the time. My poor husband works away from home and he can’t take it either, seeing me so down and upset.  The future is a big black hole with me in the middle making my whole family miserable by me having some disabling Illness relying on them to care for me. 

I don’t know if the thoughts are real or if they are my illness - it’s terrifying ....

[Gemma7]

Ok so i know about OCD, health anxiety is similar but not the same, but I'll try with advice, welcome to the forum too

CBT is definitely the treatment you want for health anxiety. When you say you tried it, what do you mean? CBT helps by showing you how thoughts, feelings and behaviours are all connected and it's actually how we respond to thoughts and feelings that cause our anxiety problem. So for example, say two people have headaches, they both get thoughts about illnesses that could lead to headaches. The first person dismisses these thoughts as unlikely and catastrophising, feels little emotion, takes paracetamol and moves on. The second person however might have these thoughts, think about them further, the consequences of these dreadful illnesses, feel anxious and then do various checking online or of their body for further symptoms. They might even get a check up at the doctor. Because the second person has treated the original headache and subsequent thoughts as meaning something, it heightens their awareness of further signs of illness, increases the likelihood of getting more thoughts about illnesses and sets a precedent of behaviour they feel they should maintain so that they make sure everything is fine. In actual fact, both people are the same, the difference between them is their reaction. 

CBT is all about looking at your beliefs around illnesses, like how common or devastating they might be, and then challenging your behaviours around checking for illnesses, to see what actually makes you feel better. It would really help you so i highly recommend it. 

As for your current situation, worrying about it is not going to help at all. If you think this is health anxiety, go with that and start tackling it the best you can. I haven't read this but the book Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson is supposed to be good and might just give you the insight needed to start tackling this. 

Your future does not have to be a black hole, you can be ok again, it's just going to take a little time and work x

[Anxiousgirly]

Thanks Gemma7. I tried CBT 8 yrs ago and tbh I just couldn’t do it, I found the thoughts too powerful to change around and I spent most of the time explaining my symptoms - which I now know is completely counter productive. Now, whenever I can I don’t even speak what the thoughts are as I don’t want them to have any more power, and usually I just say I don’t feel well.  I was diagnosed with OCD as my compulsion is the ruminating. It’s not always about my health it could be from something I see on TV that I think might relate to me, or some action I’ve taken that I worry about so if I can’t ‘check’ I ruminate . It’s very isolating because to everyone on the outside I appear as an intelligent professional who is well groomed and pleasant, I have hardly told a sole that I have this issue, only my husband truely knows the extent and perhaps one friend I’ve known 25 yrs who witnessed my complete breakdown 8 yrs ago. I will defo have a look for that book, however challenging my thoughts and turning them around is very hard - and the therapy was only a few sessions and most of it was about why I was like this, and not arming me with the tools to fight it. For me starting quetiepine helped massively however it’s got its drawbacks and some side effects can be serious. It’s now not working any more for me. I’ve now got to try and refocus my thoughts as it’s horrible living in a state of complete panicking and misery.  Thank you for your thoughts and advice

[Gemma7]

Hi Anxiousgirly

Not wanting to talk about thoughts is completely normal for OCD sufferers, but it is a form of avoidance. Saying something doesn't make anything more powerful, if I say I'm going to win the lottery it does not mean I'll win it, you see? What really happens is your anxiety and discomfort go up, making the situation seem riskier,  it hasn't really become more risky. A good therapist will help you even if thoughts are difficult for you to explain and will make you feel confident and safe enough to talk about your fears. 

If OCD is the problem start with Break free from OCD, it's the book i read when i was in a terrible place, i hope it offers you the same hope it did me x

[Anxiousgirly]

Thank you Germma7 that’s so kind of you, I will order this books now - I will let you know how I get on x 

[Gemma7]

That's great, definitely let us know how you get on and we are all here if you need more support x