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Chelsie

Not again

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Historically, I have always had ocd relapses at Christmas and in the summer. Not sure why, but always works out that way. This Christmas was going remarkably well - so proud of myself and feeling that if I could just get through the next couple of days, I might break the cycle. Then, as so often happens to me, something I had dealt with stupidly in the past came back to catch me out and I’m now a panicking mess again :( 

 

I suffer from contamination ocd, particularly related to blood. About 10 months ago, a package came through my letter box. I ripped it open before realising it was addressed to someone else who lives in my street. It was a home Sti testing kit. I panicked and reacted stupidly (in retrospect). Instead of resealing the packaging and putting it through the neighbour’s door, which a normal person would do, I threw it into the tall cupboard in my kitchen where the boiler etc are, and stopped using the cupboard. This is the cupboard where I had previously stored my cat food. My worry was that, instead I of being a new  kit ordered by my neighbour, it might be a used kit with blood in it, which might have got on my hands. Obviously, I then went through a lot of washing/cleaning compulsions. My neighbour knocked on my door asking if I had taken delivery of a parcel for her a few days later and, to make things worse, I lied and denied the parcel had come to my house. 

Today, I mentioned to my daughter that I needed to go and buy sone cat food. Before I could stop  her, she opened the cupboard I had put the parcel in, got out a bag of cat food, filled the cat bowls and left the bag of cat food next to the bowls, on the floor in front of the kitchen sink. I went cold, but managed to avoid saying anything to her (she washed her hands as she always does after feeding cats, so touched the soap, taps etc. 

I now face s whole host of contamination in my house again. I have forced myself to used the sink. The bag of cat food is still right near where I stand to use the sink - so I’m constantly stepping around it and am bound to touch it with my foot before long. This feels even worse than usual, as any blood in a kit like this is more likely to be infected as a person would only use s similar kit if they felt they were at risk. 

Edited by Chelsie

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I can totally understand your panic, but if you think about it, how much trouble would a company be in for sending out an infected testing kit?! They could be sued for thousands. They just wouldn't do it.

Edited by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze
Amended answer, just reread and realised it happened 10 months ago.

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Thanks for the reply. My panic was that this lady works from home but I don’t know what she does. I wondered whether she does the actual testing from home and the completed kits get sent to her to test, rather than her bring the one who wanted to be tested. 

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The truth is, you weren't facing contamination 10 months ago and you are not facing contamination now.

There is no reason to avoid anything or clean anything. All those thoughts you have about contamination are lies created by your own mind. They are not real.

 

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2 minutes ago, Chelsie said:

Thanks for the reply. My panic was that this lady works from home but I don’t know what she does. I wondered whether she does the actual testing from home and the completed kits get sent to her to test, rather than her bring the one who wanted to be tested. 

This is the result of a runaway OCD mind. It is actually quite ridiculous to think that people test tainted blood at home.

Edited by PolarBear

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Thanks Polar Bear - I really appreciate your advice, and it has helped me so many times in the past. I will really try to hold on to the idea that the concept of a home lab is ridiculous . 

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Of course it is. Overcoming OCD is hard. The less attention you pay to intrusive thoughts, the less of a big deal it will seem.

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