Ruminating? Or something else?

[changemynametosomething]

Really need to share/get some help here now. I have not been on this forum for a long time, cause ive actually been able to get a lot better the last year/two years. Ive been doing reduce and delay regarding my compultions wich has been a huge sucsess.

the topic i want to bring up now is something of a different sort: 

im not used to this ruminating thing as many of you other are. This is the problem: 

I think: if im thinking about this, it will interfear on things i want to do, and with my life, and i cant stop thinking about it, and im going around just, you know, thinking about this all the time. 

how do i sucsessfully manage to get a handle on ruminating-themes? 
 

in my case, im not sure if this is a compulsion where im actually is afraid of thinking about it, and the answer would then be to actually think about it on purpose, or if this is actually ruminating, and then treat it differently.
 

First of all: how do i know wich way to go with this one? 

Second: if this is rumaniting, what is the way to go?

yeah. Any thougts? (Pun intended)

Did i even manage to explain?

Edited October 25, 2019 by ocdishell
ocd.

[changemynametosomething]

The worst thing for me i think, is when i dont know HOW to handle it. One thing is when you have this.. anxiety and know what to do (painfull as it is), but when i have the problem, and dont know the right proceedure, thats when i ask for help. Ive stopped asking for help when i know the answer, so this is why im writing now. 
would really apriciate some good advice from somebody that knows what they talk about. 

[changemynametosomething]

???????????????

am i INVISIBLE on this forum?

[lonelygirl91]

I feel the same way on this forum. Ruminating is horrible and wastes so much time and energy. I've gotten a lot better with it over the years and have learnt to handle it. The only advise I can really give is not to engage with those topics as you will only go round and round in circles. Just say to yourself STOP, I'm not going there and I'm not going to engage with the OCD. Do things to try and take your mind off it.

[dksea]

On 27/10/2019 at 04:59, ocdishell said:

am i INVISIBLE on this forum?

I know it can be frustrating/anxiety causing not to get responses right away, but understand that not all of us are on the same time schedule or able to respond to things right away.  People might read a post and not be sure how to respond at the moment, or waiting to see if someone with more direct advice will reply first.  With one or two exceptions, we are all volunteers here.  Try to be patient and understand that when responses don't come as quickly as you'd like them.  We are all just doing our best.

[dksea]

On 26/10/2019 at 02:19, ocdishell said:

I think: if im thinking about this, it will interfear on things i want to do, and with my life, and i cant stop thinking about it, and im going around just, you know, thinking about this all the time. 

how do i sucsessfully manage to get a handle on ruminating-themes? 

As to rumination, it is definitely challenging, but like the rest of OCD recovery its something that takes patience and time to overcome.
One important thing to keep in mind, and I see this a lot in your above post, is that you don't need to be certain in order to move forward.  You don't have to be convinced whether this is a rumination compulsion or an intrusive thought RELATED to rumination that you are then having compulsions about.  In the end its the same problem.  You are engaging in a behavior that isn't helpful to your OCD recovery.  You want to avoid engaging in that behavior.  You won't find an answer in deep analysis of the situation (thats rumination!), but by focusing on changing your approach when you notice this happening. When you catch yourself ruminating, gently remind yourself that you don't have to "solve" this problem, and try to refocus your attention elsewhere.  You don't have to forget the thought or make it stop, you just need to be ok not "solving" it.  Like breaking any bad habit it will be challenging at first, you'll catch yourself ruminating quite often.  Patience and persistence are the keys, the more you refocus and prevent yourself from continuing to ruminate once you notice it, the easier it will become.  You can use some different techniques (mindfulness, the four steps, etc.) to help you, but mostly it's just stubbornness.  

[changemynametosomething]

Thank you.

i read somewhere else on this forum, something like: you do something wrong if its still a huge problem for you. So im trying to figure out what im actually doing wrong.

im not that interested to figure out what type of ocd this is just to KNOW, im interested because i need to know the right tools for it.

my problem is fear of thinking about a disease, and that i will get this disease by thinking about it.

i guess its ruminating in this case. I guess i understand what you are saying, and this may be the difficult part of ocd, because its not that easily to discover just exactly what compulsions i do. 
 

i discovered that i get this OMG OH NO feeling when im thinking about it, and even dough i think i go about my business, im still in this shocking state of mind, and i dont even dare to plan my future because i am so afraid im gonna get this disease, or that i already have it.

thats right. Thats what im doing. Thats my compulsion. I dont plan, and i..... its a bit clearer now when i wrote it down. 
 

i been trying to get a handle on this on my own since i wrote this cause i didnt get an answer, but still this is so difficult i just had to see if anybody had written anything.

anybody else got any advice i would very much appriciate it.

i draged my sorry ass out of a depression on my own a month ago, i got my own business, having a long distance relationship, and i dont take any medication, or speak to a psycatrist, so advice on this spesific problem will VERY much be appriciated on this part. All the other **** i can handle on my own.

thank you.

[changemynametosomething]

On 28/10/2019 at 01:19, dksea said:

One important thing to keep in mind, and I see this a lot in your above post, is that you don't need to be certain in order to move forward.  You don't have to be convinced whether this is a rumination compulsion or an intrusive thought RELATED to rumination that you are then having compulsions about.  In the end its the same problem.  You are engaging in a behavior that isn't helpful to your OCD recovery. 

No, this is actually not correct, i am not interested to be convinced whether this is rumination or whatever, i am simply interested in HOW to solve this, and what exactly i am dealing with here, to get a HANDLE on it. This is not a part of ocd in itself, this is me trying to understand WHAT exactly to do. 

and the sentence: «you are engaing in a behavior that isn’t helpful to you ocd recovery» -yes, but exactly WHAT IS THAT:P you know? That was my problem. 
 

im not in a state of mind where im looking for either reassurance or.... comfort. Im simply, really fullhearted looking for the right tools.

Like i said: with my own dirty hands, i dragged myself out of a heavy depression a month ago. I changed the structure of my business at the same time, wich saved me from going bankruped, im a fighter like you have not seen, but as for now, well, untill now, this exact problem was not something i could figure out HOW to solve. Its not a question about WANTING to solve it, or the lack of courage. my post was written because of my lack to  understand what im doing wrong.

im still not quite sure how to attack this. 

(and you may wonder why. Let me tell you: if this problem is that i actually should try go go TOWARDS it, like you would with a spider-fear, like, you would actually aproach spiders, right? Should i then go towards my fear, google this disease, talk about it (its something i have avoided for years) or should i try to feel..... aha! I just discovred another compulsion i do, that might be one answer to this. Hm, i might be on to something.

ok, so over to another funny thing for those still reading: yesterday i walked over to a girl at the gym (im a girl myself) and told her she looked great, just for the hell of it. She was so happy when i said that!

and my boyfriend, wich i havent seen in 4 months, come to visit me in only 2 weeks:) 

im gonna google the 4 step plan now btw, i dont know what that is.

Edited November 22, 2019 by ocdishell

[changemynametosomething]

deleted this comment:)

Edited November 22, 2019 by ocdishell

[dksea]

2 hours ago, ocdishell said:

im not that interested to figure out what type of ocd this is just to KNOW, im interested because i need to know the right tools for it.
my problem is fear of thinking about a disease, and that i will get this disease by thinking about it.

Its a common misconception that different types of OCD exist and need to be treated in different ways.  The reality is that OCD is OCD, there are no different types, and the tools for dealing with any kind of OCD are the same.  Now there are variations in technique and approach, but those are less about the topic of your fears than how you as an individual respond and process the information.  One problem with pigeon holing on the specifics of your anxiety when in recovery is that OCD can shift what it focuses on.  If you learn the techniques and how to apply them to ANY situation then you are better prepared.

As for the techniques themselves, well thats a bigger topic than one post can hold.  I would recommend starting with a self-guided CBT workbook (you can find some good ones in the OCD-UK shop) and go from there.  Working with a qualified therapist with experience treating OCD would likely be even more beneficial, but sadly thats not always a possibility for everyone.
 

2 hours ago, ocdishell said:

No, this is actually not correct, i am not interested to be convinced whether this is rumination or whatever, i am simply interested in HOW to solve this, and what exactly i am dealing with here, to get a HANDLE on it. This is not a part of ocd in itself, this is me trying to understand WHAT exactly to do. 

Apologies if there was any misunderstanding, but my impression from your post and having been a member for some time was that you were already familiar with the basics of OCD treatment, so if thats not the case then your questions are more reasonable.  Its true that having some understanding of how to solve the problem is necessary.  To clarify my position, many OCD sufferers get caught in a trap of trying to "solve" OCD.  They believe that they key to beating OCD is to simply understand the situation better, to find that magic "aha" moment and so they spend countless hours reading book after book after book or visiting forums or watching videos trying to "get" it, trying to "wrap their heads around" it.  I've seen many people on these forums falling down this hole, I suffered from it myself for awhile, and your above post read a lot like those previous posts.  Again if thats not the case, apologies.

The thing about OCD recovery is its actually pretty simple, not easy, but simple.  At its core, eliminate compulsions, sit through anxiety, force yourself to respond in a more "reasonable" way to intrusive thoughts.  There's no real quick fix (though medication can be a help, a big help in some cases), just hard work.  OCD recovery is a matter of stubbornness and persistence, not deep knowledge.  In many ways recovering from OCD is like losing weight, replace bad habits and bad behavior with healthy ones.  Do it consistently over time and you'll get results.  The exact nature of the exercise is less important than just doing SOMETHING.  The exact nature of the CBT exercises you do aren't as important as finding a few and committing to them.

Since you asked about rumination for example, the general pattern is more or less, notice you are ruminating, stop ruminating.  "Yeah right, you say, if it were just as simple as stop ruminating I wouldn't be in this mess".  When I say stop ruminating I don't mean stop ruminating forever.  I mean in that moment, stop.  Shift your focus away.  If you are ruminating about your health say "OMG I have a headache, does that mean I have a brain tumor" and you find yourself analyzing your physical sensations and pondering the evidence of whether or not you have a brain tumor, you notice that and tell yourself mentally "no, stop, I'm not going to analyze this" and try to shift your focus to something else.  it doesn't mean the thought won't stick around in the back of your mind or push its way to the front.  If/when that happens you stop yourself, shift your focus again.  And again, and again, and again.  At first maybe you won't be able to hold it off for long.  You'll probably start ruminating without even realizing it most of the time, its a bad habit.  So your goal is both to become aware of when you do it and to try and shift focus every time.  If you do this enough you'll find it easier and easier and you'll ruminate less and less.  Like giving up cigarettes.  At first its gonna be really hard, you are just gonna crave them, just like you'll crave rumination.  The longer you can go without a smoke/put off ruminating the better.  Stretch it out over time and eventually you can put it off/stop indefinitely or at the very least easily switch your focus when you do notice it happening.  There are some different techniques and approaches for shifting focus, but its all basically the same idea and same goal.  Stop the bad behavior, replace it with more "correct" behavior.  Like I said, OCD isn't solved through cleverness, its solved through stubbornness.  No miracle diet, just dedication and persistence.  Hopefully this is more of what you are looking for.  But again I highly recommend a good CBT book and working through the steps/exercises or a qualified therapist where you will do the same with guidance.  

[changemynametosomething]

Not gonna comment to much on this same topic spedificly, (edit: i did anyways) im not ready for it, but i can say that: this is pretty much the same kind of issue i had about thinking about thinking.

this might seem like an easy problem, but it went deeper than that. Its pretty much like beeing burried alive.

i thought i was a victim to it those few times ive been going trough it, but not many weeks ago, i discovered that this is all in my own hands.

About this topic:

i also do think that im doing some other compulsions wich is the opisite of what you laid out as examples. My fear is about beeing paralazied, and the fear that thinking about getting paralazed (or having no energy) will do this to me.

my compulsion is NOT trying to feel my body, because im so afraid that thinking to much about it will make it happen, so i wont even dare to try to «feel my arms» or whatever.

one example: im doing something called «ice massage» to my face. This is where you put an icecube in a plastic bag, and massage it over your face. Not ocd related, just a really good skincare rutine (try it:)). 
so, i thougt about doing it today, and the fear sound like this: omg what if i loose energy in my arm while doing it, so i wont be able to do it.

the end-fear, you know, worst case scenario is that i will be lying in bed all the time, not being able to move. Or that i will have no energy. Thats my fear.

it feels really good to write this down, because the fear has gone so far that im not even sure what the problem was, and writing it down like that is making me see things a bit clearer. And i also never tell anybody, because «telling people will make it happen». 

I think its important for me to do some erp about this topic, for example lying in bed, with my ice cube, and be like: ok now im gonne loose my energy in my arm, and then still keep doing it. This is a huge challenge for me. Really huge.

i did the same thing a few years ago when i had this fear, i sat in the middle of the night and was so afraid i wont be able to move my arm if im thinking about it, and i sat completly still, and thought: ok, now my arm is paralazied. And i tried all i could to paralize it with my thoughts, and then tried to move my arm. 

so i think some exersices like that would be good, and also what you suggested.

i think the mainrreason for me writing in the first place is that.. i knew i was doing some avoidence/ compulsuins that make me stuck, and part of this is not even planning the future, or saying things im gonna do, because im so afraid i will get paralized/loose my energy.

I want you to know i really apriciated your respons, you made me realise some things ive overlooked,wich was important to me.

Edited November 24, 2019 by ocdishell

[changemynametosomething]

Omg writing this post and not deleting it: OH MY GOD this hurts

[changemynametosomething]

Just gonna wait untill its not possible to delete it anymore, and then shoot myself. HAHA. Just kidding. (Not) (yes i was)

(no wasent.)

(well offcorse i was)

(not really.)

(but you know i was)

(but was i?)

(yes.)

(no, in fact i was not)

 

 

 

(yes i was.)

 

 

(but really no.)

 

(.....)

[dksea]

8 hours ago, ocdishell said:

this might seem like an easy problem, but it went deeper than that. Its pretty much like beeing burried alive.

I would never say that dealing with and recovering from OCD is easy.  Its definitely not easy.  Simple (in that the way to recover is well understood and pretty straightforward) but not easy.

[changemynametosomething]

10 hours ago, dksea said:

I would never say that dealing with and recovering from OCD is easy.  Its definitely not easy.  Simple (in that the way to recover is well understood and pretty straightforward) but not easy.

..

 

Edited November 25, 2019 by ocdishell