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Em00

Not coping with now. (corona)

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Hey. I haven't been on in a little while. 

I suppose I should get to the point. Everything that is happening now is like all of my ocd nightmares coming true. It's not even just ocd, it's fear and reality. Contamination fears and hand washing haven't been too bad because I've hardly left the house in two weeks. I'm terrified of making other people ill/killing them unintentionally - I want to help the local community - helping people with shopping etc, but instead I'm feeling really isolated because I can't even bear to be around people in case I make them ill. My partner is a keyworker, so working every day and I'm terrified of them getting ill and dying. But my biggest fear is the collapse of society and the end of the human race, I've obsessed about it for years and has made me hugely suicidal for years. In and out of psych wards. And now it all seems to be coming true. People are being hideous to each other, hoarding shopping, the economy is failing, the NHS will fall apart, don't even get me started on the climate. What happens next? Its certainly not going to get any better. It's all so awful and I can't bear it. I was starting to get a bit better, coping better, but in the past month it's fallen apart. Endless panic attacks and tears. I have a mental health worker who has stopped visiting because of the virus, we spoke on the phone, she thinks I can cope fine. I want to be dead. My partner (obviously) doesn't want me to. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, horrendously claustrophobic and awful. I'm also autistic and all of my usual routines that I've worked so hard on have gone out of the window. I can't cope. I don't want to be living this. 

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I am in a very similar situation to you. Every day I have a new trigger. I usually have 0ne or two a year. My body is kind of numb and I can't do all the things people are doing like gardening reading etc. My main fear is harming someone so this is the worst thing. I still have all the fears everyone has but with these on top. 

1.I found reading through my CBT notes helps and also 2. chatting to people .(I feel like everyone has their own worries at the moment so it's hard to bother them so I did wonder if it would be good for those who need it to be able to chat about our worries on here.)

3.I also find breaking the day into smaller pieces and dealing with one at a time helps.

I hope this helps s bit, even just sitting down with a cuppa and replying on here may help and we can figure out ways to handle this OCD.

Thinking of you 

Ecomumxxx

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Hi Ecomum. Thanks for the reply. 

I'm trying really hard to distract and keep busy so I'm not obsessing. I'm trying to challenge my thoughts, but it's so hard when there's so much unknown with everything going on and this virus. 

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