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  1. My post 'stuck' talks about this. You're certainly not alone.
  2. Em00


    And I suppose that is the point we're trying to reach - that balance of thinking.
  3. Em00


    I'll have a look at the book definitely. I'm currently reading on compassion focused therapy and it talks about the complexities of the brain, evolution, the threat system etc. Is that the sort of thing you mean? It is helpful, understanding things. Having Aspergers also it really helps with the logic side of my brain. See, even knowing I'm autistic and knowing that makes me prone to get stuck on things... The obsessions feel so real. 😣
  4. Em00


    Thanks Taurean, I'll persevere.
  5. Em00


    It's ok. That's very much the sort of thing I have issues with too. Was just more about the unrelenting chronic nature of it and if I'm missing something.
  6. Em00


    I understand the logic of all the cbt, obsessive thoughts, being kind to yourself, everyone makes mistakes, you can't change things etc etc and the great advice I've read on here. I just can't seem to FEEL it. I can see it can apply to others but I'm irredeemable. 😞 I get the slightest bit of movement on it with compassion work and mindfulness, but it's only ever fleeting. It's really relentless and has been for years. My brain constantly wants to find meaning in it which I'm constantly trying to let go of. I think if it's 'just' ocd surely it should let up a bit. I really have problems seeing any other truth in it. In some ways it's kind of comforting you saying about repetitive loops. I will, of course, continue to try and let it go. Even writing all this my head is yelling 'it's not ocd, you're bad'. It's hard.
  7. Em00


    Why do our brains do this?
  8. Hello folks. I'm having / had various types of therapy that have been helpful with my ocd and related things. However I have one thought and story I tell myself that I just can't get past. I've tried exposure, challenging it, accepting it, compassion work etc etc. It will not budge. It's based in reality (which I think has made it so sticky) and makes me think I'm evil and going to end up in prison. It doesn't stop swimming round in my head and has done for YEARS. I can't see or believe anything round it and have had professionals say that some people can get almost delusion like obsessions. When people challenge it I just don't 'get it'. I don't even think I have compulsions directly related to it anymore, it just goes round and round. What do you when you feel so stuck?
  9. Hi Ironborn. I'm not a big writer so don't have a great deal to say. But I couldn't read your post without saying I completely relate and you're not alone feeling like this. I've come to realise that whatever the awful thing was, the excessive ruminating, huge distress, compulsions etc are ocd. I try and stay focused on the present and not cling to the thoughts. I also try and treat myself with compassion and forgiveness. There has been lots of posts on here about the standards we hold ourselves to and the 'shoulds' we use. These can help feed the ruminating. The biggest thing I try and remember is not everything is black and white. There are no definitive answers that ocd demands. We are not either 'good' or 'bad'. Embracing uncertainty can be so uncomfortable, but I think ultimately helpful.
  10. I had about three sessions of emdr that I never finished due to becoming quite emotionally unwell, don't know if it was related to the emdr. I never had anymore and didn't find what I did have helped. My situation was quite complicated at the time.
  11. Em00

    Other people

    I'm just finishing dbt/cbt. I've had previous therapy in the past too. Which makes me feel even more useless because it's like one step forward and two back...
  12. Em00

    Other people

    Thank you for your replies. I've had mental health issues my whole life and feel such a burden. However much progress I seem to make there's always MORE. People must be so tired of me. I've been so distressed and confused this week (I start losing track of what is real with all my thoughts and pictures and noise in my head), triggered by a major ocd spike. My family were questioning getting me sectioned. I'm home now though. Exhausted but recovering. I wish I wasn't like this. I must try harder.
  13. Em00

    Other people

    I feel like a failure 😔
  14. How do you deal with how other people react to your ocd? I'm trying so hard to get better, some big steps here, baby steps there. But people don't really get how hard you are trying. I wish people could see. I know I have a lot of work to do. I know I have a lot of compulsions I still do. But I'm trying so hard to be proud of how far I have come. But then yday when I was not doing something due to a contamination obsession, a family member I'm staying with said "you ARE joking right", except they weren't joking and it felt quite confrontational. I ended up hiding and having a big panic attack. And now my other obsessions are consequently getting louder and I feel panicked and dirty and dangerous. I want to get away from the situation. I know there is so much work for me to do. I know it can't be easy for others, but why do they get so angry? And how can you cope with that when you're feeling vulnerable anyway?
  15. I am autistic. I've had ocd since childhood and definitely think it makes things harder dealing with lots of rigid thinking. Doesn't mean I don't stop trying 😊 I hope having the diagnosis helps you understand yourself. I was relieved when I got mine as so much fell into place.