Am I just catastrophizing this sexual obsession? Will this mean I will actually like it in the future?

[FlyingRocket]

The doubts have come back once again and I fear I'm just catastrophizing about this sexual obsession. I'm scared that I'm actually into it and I'm just catastrophizing the idea of it. I don't want this at all, I wish it would stop

[Hedgehog]

Hi there, 

The fact that you hate the thoughts tells you this is OCD - there's no reason to think you're actually into it. If you were into it - You'd be into it!! And not upset like this.

I have no doubt this is OCD, so best way to tackle it is to treat it as such. 

Stay strong, don't feed it. 

Best of luck. 

 

[FlyingRocket]

Thank you for your reply @Hedgehog

OCD is horrible, sometimes it feels like I like the idea of it and I just spiral. Have you heard of false attraction? I read about it but I don't know if it's real. 

[Hedgehog]

I had never heard of it but I just did a quick Google. I don't know why you would doubt that is it a legit concept - other than because your OCD is trying to convince you it can't be your answer. 

I found this here: https://pure-o-soft.tumblr.com/post/182741768216/how-do-you-tell-if-something-is-false-attraction

"False attraction can make people feel anxious, disgusted, fear, confusion, guilt, and it can lead to groinal responses (and even butterflies in your chest)"

Sounds exactly like what you're experiencing. I'm sorry you're suffering with this kind of OCD

May I ask if you have looked into medication, or seeing a therapist? It took me a long time to do these things but it has made my life better.

Edited December 30, 2021 by Hedgehog

[FlyingRocket]

8 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

Sounds exactly like what you're experiencing. I'm sorry you're suffering with this kind of OCD

It's horrible, every day is like hell on earth. 

8 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

May I ask if you have looked into medication, or seeing a therapist? It took me a long time to do these things but it has made my life better.

I appreciate that medication is good for some people, but it goes against my beliefs. I believe medication for OCD, depression, anxiety is merely like putting a bandaid on a huge, gaping wound. It doesn't address the actual problem at hand, it merely lessens the symptoms- which is why I'm against it. On top of that, I also dislike the side effects and the damage they can do. I have considered seeing a therapist, but sadly they come with a lengthy waiting time. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[Hedgehog]

Hi there, 

Medication is a personal choice, but I just want to offer a new perspective.

I also did not want to take medication for a very long time. I'm 32 now and only started about a year ago, but I've suffered with OCD since I was 13. If I could have limited how OCD impacted my life for all those years, I'd go back and take medication sooner. 

"I believe medication for OCD, depression, anxiety is merely like putting a bandaid on a huge, gaping wound." 

I see how this may be the case when something like depression or anxiety is caused by past trauma that needs to be dealt with and reprocessed. However, from what I understand, OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance - so by taking medication, you're correcting that imbalance, and therefore fixing the problem at the root cause.

"I also dislike the side effects and the damage they can do."

I had some side effects for a few weeks, but that was all. I felt sick every night at 4am, for 3 weeks. Small price to pay for reduced OCD. I'm so much happier. 

"I have considered seeing a therapist, but sadly they come with a lengthy waiting time."

All the more reason to get on that waiting list now. I was referred via iapt and yes, it was a lengthy wait. I don't know your financial situation, but if you're able to find someone privately it may be worth it - but they'd need to specialize in OCD and offer you CBT or ERP, not just talk therapy which can actually just cause you to ruminate more. Alternatively, you can start reading up and learning CBT and ERP tactics now by yourself. Everything you need to know, you can actually learn online even. One thing is for sure, you need to make treatment a priority. 

[FlyingRocket]

1 minute ago, Hedgehog said:

I also did not want to take medication for a very long time. I'm 32 now and only started about a year ago, but I've suffered with OCD since I was 13. If I could have limited how OCD impacted my life for all those years, I'd go back and take medication sooner. 

I'm glad the medication has worked for you, but let me ask you a question. If you were to come off that medication, what would happen?

8 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance - so by taking medication, you're correcting that imbalance, and therefore fixing the problem at the root cause.

It is unknown what causes OCD. There is research to suggest that it is due to genetic and hereditary factors, chemical imbalances, nurturing etc but there is no answer. OCD is no different from many other mental illnesses in this regard. Nature vs nurture is an ongoing debate in psychology and people haven't figured out what causes OCD. I suspect there are many reasons OCD is caused, not just one. 

2 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

I had some side effects for a few weeks, but that was all. I felt sick every night at 4am, for 3 weeks. Small price to pay for reduced OCD. I'm so much happier. 

It's not necessarily those types of effects I'm worried about. My brother had depression, he took anti-depressants for years and he felt terrible on them. Me and him have had some deep conversations about it. He said coming off the meds was the best thing that ever happened to him, however he says that he doesn't feel right now. He feels like he lost parts of him, and that his brain doesn't work properly like it used to and he believes the medication caused damage to his brain. I understand he was taking meds for depression, but when I hear stuff like this it's just really off-putting. 

[Hedgehog]

10 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

I'm glad the medication has worked for you, but let me ask you a question. If you were to come off that medication, what would happen?

So, I started them for about 6 months, came off, went back on for the last 2 months. When I came off I guess what happened was... nothing. I moved into a new house and I knew that would be hard for me, so I decided to go back on. 

Yes I understand there are many potential causes. 

Your experience with your brother makes it a lot more understandable to me why you wouldn't want to try it. That is certainly unfortunate, I'm very sorry that happened to him. 

Are you instead open to getting on a waiting list for therapy, looking into private options, or trying to learn CBT and ERP yourself? 

[Caramoole]

32 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

However, from what I understand, OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance -

So far as I understand this isn't a proven fact

[FlyingRocket]

10 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

So, I started them for about 6 months, came off, went back on for the last 2 months. When I came off I guess what happened was... nothing. I moved into a new house and I knew that would be hard for me, so I decided to go back on. 

I'm glad it worked out for you, I expected the OCD to rebound if you came off them but you proved me wrong  

10 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

Your experience with your brother makes it a lot more understandable to me why you wouldn't want to try it. That is certainly unfortunate, I'm very sorry that happened to him. 

I should have said this, I'm not completely opposed to medication I guess, it's just that I'd rather try every other option and leave that to a last resort. It just feels like sometimes doctors and psychiatrists just chuck meds in that direction as an easy quick fix, I appreciate to some people though it's the best thing since sliced bread and it really helps them move on with their lives- and that is fantastic. 

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[FlyingRocket]

11 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

Are you instead open to getting on a waiting list for therapy, looking into private options, or trying to learn CBT and ERP yourself?

Going private is most definitely not an option, my financial situation is nowhere near capable of paying for the fees private psychologists charge. I am strongly considering going to therapy. I have bought a self help book too, it's just that when I think about my obsession I feel terrible. It feels like hell on earth and then when I heard about catastrophizing and what not, it's making me doubt myself even more. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[FlyingRocket]

12 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So far as I understand this isn't a proven fact

Hi @Caramoole, 

I have DM'd you. I know this is OCD but do you think I'm catastrophizing and I like it deep down? 

[Hedgehog]

@Caramoole, I understand that it is just one theory of many, sorry for my misspeaking -  I should have phrased this differently to instead say "...if OCD is caused by a chemical imbalance". I was attempting to challenge the idea that medication is just a bandaid; if it is a chemical imbalance, which I think is one of the major theories, medication could be seen as more of a "fix" in my opinion. Out of interest, which theories do you personally trust the most? I've always found it interesting to consider what the cause really is. 

@FlyingRocket I also expected to be hit with the same kind of obsessions again - was very surprised that I was not! First time I took the medication it was for OCD relating to COVID and I remained fine with all that, even when I came off the meds, even now. Partly due to ERP too though. The stuff I still struggle with now is stuff that has haunted me for years so it's much harder to shake off, so I'm still trying to practice ERP and I'm still on the lowest dose of medication so the thoughts still mess with me. But the stuff I initially took it for stayed eliminated, hooray!

And yes I do agree medication is often thrown at everything, too easily. 

No reason not to get on the iapt waiting list though. You can always decline treatment once it's your turn if you change your mind. 

One thing I learned in CBT is "theory A' and "theory B". I am not sure I can explain it well enough but will try. 

So for me "Theory A" is "my house is contaminated". Theory B is, "my house is not contaminated, the problem is OCD". 

The risk here is that you might start to rationalize in the wrong direction. So to keep it simple, I know not to try and argue for theory A. I've done that a lot and it's no good for me. Same for you. 

We can trust that theory b is correct, because we know that we have OCD. 

I have found this helpful because now any time a thought about my obsession comes into my mind, i say to myself, the problem is not X, it is OCD. 

It helps me leave it at that. Sometimes harder than other times of course. As you are having a lot of trouble with rumination, perhaps it's something you could try?

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Hedgehog

[FlyingRocket]

3 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

I have found this helpful because now any time a thought about my obsession comes into my mind, i say to myself, the problem is not X, it is OCD. 

It helps me leave it at that. Sometimes harder than other times of course. As you are having a lot of trouble with rumination, perhaps it's something you could try?

I will give it a try, thank you for this @Hedgehog. OCD is already a misunderstood illness, and when people hear about sexual obsessions it's even more tabboo. For the longest time I just thought there was something wrong with me. I hate having OCD so much. Prior to when I obsessed about this subject, I never once even thought about it in a sexual way or fantasized about it. But when I saw a video about it a few months ago, I got a groinal response and I've been on a steady decline ever since. I doubt myself daily. When I'm in a healthy frame of mind and OCD isn't upsetting me, I know I don't like it but when my OCD is playing up like it is now it almost makes me forget about those times and makes me doubt myself, this paired with the feelings and groinal responses are horrible. 

[Hedgehog]

Yes, it is unfortunate these things are misunderstood and taboo. But anyone that understands OCD would see that this is what you're going through. If one of our other forum members was writing what you've been writing, you'd be able to see yourself that their only problem is OCD. It's just so much harder when it's our own thoughts. 

The distress you feel is proof you don't enjoy it. The fact that you keep thinking about it like this is proof it's OCD. My therapist said OCD is sometimes called a "disease of doubt" - what you're describing above is doubt, you even use the word yourself  I don't love the word "disease" here but i still find it a helpful reminder that when my fears are around doubt - it's probably OCD. 

The fact that you know you have OCD is a great step in the right direction, so well done.

Try to keep saying to yourself - I don't have a problem with X, I just have a problem with OCD. 

You can fill in the "X" yourself as I know it may be worded slightly differently depending on the moment.

 

[FlyingRocket]

8 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

My therapist said OCD is sometimes called a "disease of doubt" - what you're describing above is doubt, you even use the word yourself  I don't love the word "disease" here but i still find it a helpful reminder that when my fears are around doubt - it's probably OCD. 

Yes, I think 'disease of doubt' is a pretty accurate way to describe OCD. 

Another horrible thing I have, not sure if you've experienced this but, it's sinister interpretation of people's words. So despite what people say is in good faith, I read it as something bad. So for example when you said 

8 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

I don't have a problem with X, I just have a problem with OCD.

For some stupid, silly reason my brain just focused on the 'I don't have a problem with X. So my brain focused on 'I don't have a problem with my sexual obsession' so it's making it sound like I'm saying to myself I don't hate it. I know it sounds stupid and illogical, but my brain justifies this and makes me believe it. I hate it so much. You probably don't understand what I mean, I sound completely insane 

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[Hedgehog]

@FlyingRocket I have had a similar problem with this kind of misinterpretation. I'm sorry - didn't mean to cause you trouble with that. 

Perhaps we can come up with some wording for X together. How about keeping it simple like this:

"I don't enjoy this, I have a problem with OCD"

 

[Hedgehog]

@caramoole or @snowbear would someone with more expertise than me be able to help? I'm trying to explain theory A theory B that my therapist taught me but don't want to get it wrong for @FlyingRocket

 

[FlyingRocket]

4 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

@FlyingRocket I have had a similar problem with this kind of misinterpretation. I'm sorry - didn't mean to cause you trouble with that. 

Perhaps we can come up with some wording for X together. How about keeping it simple like this:

"I don't enjoy this, I have a problem with OCD"

No no no, don't apologize. I wasn't saying you upset me. I acknowledge this is something I have a problem with. I appreciate your help!

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[FlyingRocket]

@HedgehogYou explained the theory A & B quite well, and I understand my brain is just trying to interpret things in sinister ways and I know that wasn't your intention. I just brought it up to see if you had suffered from something like it as well. 

Edited December 30, 2021 by FlyingRocket

[Hedgehog]

@FlyingRocketyes I have experienced this too, it's so horrible isn't it!  And thank you for explaining, not your fault at all, my own OCD makes me scared that I might cause you harm when I intend to help. OCD is playing tricks on both of us. But we know it, so we're going to keep getting better. 

[FlyingRocket]

Just now, Hedgehog said:

my own OCD makes me scared that I might cause you harm when I intend to help.

I completely apologize, I misworded what I meant. You did not upset me- I apologize if I came across as accusing you of that, it was not my intention. I really appreciate you trying to help me. 

3 minutes ago, Hedgehog said:

OCD is playing tricks on both of us.

OCD  is a deceiving little ******* 

[Hedgehog]

@FlyingRocket no need to apologize either, you're very kind and appreciative, so thank you!

8 minutes ago, FlyingRocket said:

 OCD  is a deceiving little ******* 

I couldn't agree more 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Hedgehog

[FlyingRocket]

@Hedgehog Just a quick question, did your therapist ever try to get you to accept uncertainty? I understand that is an important step to recovery in OCD. I had an obsession around being homosexual at one point. It was horrible, whenever I tried looking at women I thought were cute prior to the obsession, it was like I felt nothing at all. I got over this by a combination of things and one of the things was uncertainty. I kinda told myself 'oh well, if I'm gay- I'm gay' and it went away. When the obsession went away, my attraction to women was restored. But with this, whenever I try to accept uncertainty I just can't. It was easy with the gay thing and other obsessions, but with this I just can't accept the uncertainty. It's something I've found disgusting and never understood how some men can let it happen. 

[Hedgehog]

Hi @FlyingRocket, yes I believe she has mentioned that. As mine is currently contamination OCD, she has mentioned it in the context of how I don't need to be rid of ALL POSSIBLE TRACE of this one thing, there will always be potential contaminants and that's ok. I guess that was actually a wake up call to me in a way - there are other contaminants I'm not even trying to control!

I read a previous post where you explained why this concept is so disgusting to you, and your belief in monogamy. I think for a lot of people, it wouldn't matter to them if they might hypothetically like it, because it's not something they're ever going to try, and it barely enters their brain, so it just doesn't matter if they COULD like it. That is where it doesn't matter for you too. You don't like it, you have OCD. But you're never going to be faced with a situation where you have to act on it or not anyway - so it doesn't even matter if you did like it (YOU DON'T THOUGH - just being hypothetical  ) It's highly unlikely you ever have a partner that wants to engage in this - less than 0.000001% I imagine, considering the kind of person you'd be looking for.  So it's just irrelevant. As you've already tried this with "oh well, if I'm gay, I'm gay", you know it can work. Maybe try giving it a go? What you did that time was actually amazingly well done acceptance of uncertainty. You showed the OCD you didn't even care - so it couldn't win anymore. That's the kind of thing you learn in therapy. You're showing you can win at this already. 

You're a good guy that wants a loving monogamous relationship. That's all. Nothing your OCD can throw at you defines you - it just highlights what you don't want, and how committed you are to your beliefs, by causing you distress. 

 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2021 by Hedgehog