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Can ocd make you do something out of 'moral' necessity ?

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Hi all. I have something that worries me deeply.


My ocd mostly revolves about ethical and moral stuff, hence for example i am a vegan and i hate it when i do something that perhaps causes harm to any animal or living being, like feeding our cats meat and stuff like that.


It now got to the point that i constantly am weighing things against each other. For example: how can it be that i think its ok to feed my cat meat and have several lives destroyed for saving just one. My mind also wonders off with crazy thoughts like; im going to be convinced that its morally better to kill myself or my family. This deeply shocks me, and i hate it.


Its as if my ocd is trying to convince me to do certain stuff because they are 'morally' better then not doing them. For example and this could get graphic, kill my children because they might cause the world more harm then good.


But then i resist the thought and start repeating, i dont want that, i love them! And i feel deeply sad and broken.


But my ocd immediatly says; who are you to determine that one life is worth more then a couple of other lives?


And i dont have an real answer for it that feels absolutely 'true'. Of course i love my family, wife and kids to death. But that in itself does not make them more worthy of life then anyone else.


I hate these thought trains because they feel like robbing me of my love for them. What can i do?


At first i was scared i was turning psychopathic, but that could not be true because psychopaths dont feel guilt which i do feel ALL DAY, and now my fear is that ocd will keep pestering me until i do what it wants and that is 'kill'.


Anyone else had these terrible kind of thoughts? 


I dont have intrusions about killing btw, just the fear of getting driven to the point of breaking due to ocd and then go on a kill spree.


Even typing this turns my stomach.


Pls help!

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1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

Anyone else had these terrible kind of thoughts? 

Yes, a lot of people, some people with OCD can even "feel" the "urge" to stab people. Like when you are in a balcony and you "feel" the "urge" of jumping (just brain generating random possibilities and geting afraid of them (anxiety is often confused with urge (both are located in the same part of brain).


1 hour ago, Ironborn said:

It now got to the point that i constantly am weighing things against each other.

You are not supossed to be God. You are a human being with all your biological and learned limitations. For instance: all people here would prefer save 1 of our family than 100 random people, because we are humans and its in our brain. Just relax , you are not your best version when you are rumminating (neither me I should remember myself) :) 

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You repeat, I don't want that. I love them.

There, mixed with rumination, is your compulsion. You have to learn to leave these thoughts alone. Completely alone. It doesn't matter how awful they make you feel. You must ignore them and get on with your day.

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