Afraid of arousal

[Imhotep]

Hi all,

A different topic this time, but I'm getting horrible visceral thoughts to do with being sexual with a child. Of course I'm finding them disgusting, but also applying acceptance techniques, allowing to come and not getting involved with finding meanings or judging them. What does worry me is in case I get aroused by them. Will that prove the OCD right? The thought of getting an erection to the thoughts is really frightening. Nothing has happened so far in that way, and also comforting that it hasn't. I want to know if it's possible to overcome this doubt, I've not experienced this for a while and out of practice. 

[DRS1]

1 hour ago, Imhotep said:

Hi all,

A different topic this time, but I'm getting horrible visceral thoughts to do with being sexual with a child. Of course I'm finding them disgusting, but also applying acceptance techniques, allowing to come and not getting involved with finding meanings or judging them. What does worry me is in case I get aroused by them. Will that prove the OCD right? The thought of getting an erection to the thoughts is really frightening. Nothing has happened so far in that way, and also comforting that it hasn't. I want to know if it's possible to overcome this doubt, I've not experienced this for a while and out of practice. 

Nope. It's not how the sexual response cycle works. As much as we may want to we actually have very little control over when and when we don't get aroused. To give you a quick explanation, effectively the part of your brain that gets sent a signal and starts up the sexual response has no idea of what you value and what you don't. That's why when something is mislabelled as sexual that's what starts that up.

 

I know it's scary to experience but you do have to see it from that point of view. An erection is an erection. It's just a body function but you can't really control it. You get sexual intrusive thoughts which you hate experiencing because they are totally against your values and rightfully so but... These sexual intrusive thoughts are just thoughts no matter the content.

 

Hopefully you can see here that OCD is trying to make you think the content is what matters and that with this thought it's different, it's something you need to concern yourself over. When you spend so much time checking if you have arousal, you keep putting emphasis on your genitals and what ends up happening is arousal. Does it mean anything? No.

 

The simple fact is you want to stop the checking behaviour and the rumination over these things and try to disconnect the content of the thought from the OCD cycle itself. 

 

You may say "but how can I do that. This thought is horrendous, surely I have to do something about it?" But you don't. In fact it's the doing something about it that's the problem. just let it be there and whatever you don't fight with OCD over it as that reinforces that OCD is right to worry about this.

 

In this situation if you had that thought and you got an erection, that's okay. You didn't ask for it to happen but it means nothing. Sit with it and just let it be there. It's just an erection, no different to other ones that you get randomly through the day for seemingly no reason. If you try and avoid experiencing an erection in this scenario it's going to happen more often in those kinds of situations. Just letting it be there a few times and not doing compulsions, you will notice that you don't have to worry about it at all and you will stop paying attention to your groin area and thus experience it less.

 

The last point is, this is likely to affect masturbation and sex too and it's the same response. If you get a thought before, during or after masturbation or sex, don't let it affect what you wanted to do, currently doing or judgement in what you had done. It's just a thought.

 

What I'd look at is what do you value, masturbation/sex or the intrusive thoughts and giving importance to them. If they occur before masturbation or sex, don't let that stop you from wanting to masturbate or have sex that day, continue on as you planned.

 

If it's during those activities, continue with those activities, don't stop doing them. Finally if it's after those activities, it's perhaps clearer to see how they are absolutely unrelated but OCD has a way of twisting the narrative. 

 

Sorry for the long winded response but I hope that helps

 

 

 

[Imhotep]

No need to apologise, that was super helpful! I'm so close to a break through with this, I've been doing ERP,  identifying compulsions and stopping them, and not finding the thoughts that terrifying. So I feel in the right direction. As I said I haven't been aroused by these thoughts, clearly that sort of thing is not for me!

I'm wary because I don't want to get lost down the rabbit hole of guilt and shame over this. If I were to get aroused, then I would feel so bad about it, and another thing for the OCD to attack me with. 

[DRS1]

3 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

No need to apologise, that was super helpful! I'm so close to a break through with this, I've been doing ERP,  identifying compulsions and stopping them, and not finding the thoughts that terrifying. So I feel in the right direction. As I said I haven't been aroused by these thoughts, clearly that sort of thing is not for me!

I'm wary because I don't want to get lost down the rabbit hole of guilt and shame over this. If I were to get aroused, then I would feel so bad about it, and another thing for the OCD to attack me with. 

Totally get where you are coming from but I'll try and give you another example that might be useful. There is nothing to feel bad about with it though. Just like everything in OCD, it's not your fault you experience thoughts but it is your choice as to how you respond to it. Something to think about is looking at from a non-OCD context and then also looking at it from your point of view of someone else having that happen who did have OCD and what you would think of that.

 

If you had an erection normally that you didn't want to have in that moment, maybe in an awkward situation around other people or any other place where its not exactly convenient for it to happen, what would your response to that normally be? Would you throw all the shame and guilt at yourself questioning why that would happen and how horrible you must be for that to happen? Probably not, right? 

 

Looking at it from the other context. If someone you knew had OCD and dealt with this, what would you think of them experiencing unwanted arousal to these same sexual intrusive thoughts or other sexual intrusive thoughts that are taboo? Would you think they deserve to feel guilt and shame about it for something they didn't want to experience or would you try and understand that they have OCD and whilst everyone has intrusive thoughts, only those of us with OCD are trying so desperately hard to respond to those thoughts in a way that argues with them or tries to constantly defend our characters as people and what we value. Also that we don't have control over our sexual response cycle.

 

What I would say is if it happens, it happens. Just let it be there, even acknowledge it "oh, well that's an erection, cool, whatever". You already know with the progress so far that you've made, you can adapt those things that you have learned and apply them to this if it were to happen. A content/theme switch is not something that makes therapy ineffective, it's just understanding that whilst OCD says "but this time its different" that its really not.

[Imhotep]

What a great reply, that's a big weight off my shoulders and helpful way to look at things. Self compassion is very important to consider.  Thank you! 

[Handy]

It used to be thought that POCD was a "Pure O" version of OCD because there was no physical compulsion & it's believed physical compulsions are almost always present for OCD.  Now OcdUk states:

But does ‘Pure O’ exist?
Well as an online term yes, but as a form of OCD, not really, it’s merely a phrase. It’s certainly not a medically listed term,

How does that effect this topic? 

[Imhotep]

The thoughts have morphed and I'm struggling to accept them. My brain is really testing me, and I'm worried if I won't be able to handle them. I'm managing to remain calm, but the thoughts are so gross. It all started when I was doing some ERP exercises and then this new thought popped up. I'm scared of getting depressed from this, and I'm due to start a new job on Monday week, how the hell am I supposed to do that whilst dealing with this? 

[DRS1]

9 hours ago, Imhotep said:

The thoughts have morphed and I'm struggling to accept them. My brain is really testing me, and I'm worried if I won't be able to handle them. I'm managing to remain calm, but the thoughts are so gross. It all started when I was doing some ERP exercises and then this new thought popped up. I'm scared of getting depressed from this, and I'm due to start a new job on Monday week, how the hell am I supposed to do that whilst dealing with this? 

You don't have to like the content but you know that if you don't do compulsions in response to it that it's not as bad. Every time it comes around you can treat it like the time before. Your current worry is what if it gets worse, what if it affects my job. Reasonable worries but OCD is the one making those doubts happen in an attempt to get you to fix it by doing compulsions.

 

Try to recognise that and not engage with it. Maybe it might get worse maybe it will be fine.

[Imhotep]

Good points, thank you. Earlier in the day I've decided to have a "I don't care" attitude to the OCD and it seems to be helping. Trying to adopt the attitude of someone who wouldn't be suffering with OCD with the same thoughts. And yeah I feel much better for it!