Retro Active Jealousy OCD

[AJL]

Hi all, looking for some advice or words of wisdom.

I'm currently suffering from Retro Active Jealousy OCD and I'm a little unsure as to what the recovery process is supposed to look like.

It feels like I'm spending 50% of my time in an anxiety loop and the other 50% of the time feeling fine. The thing that's dragging me back into the loop is the knowledge that nothing will ever change the facts of the past. This leads to rumination's, mental analysing and checking. Low mood follows.

Every morning I seem to wake up and first thing I do is mentally check that the thing bothering me is still there and of course it always is. It feels hard knowing that it's never going anywhere. 

What might the recovery process for this look like? Is ERP appropriate if it involves dragging up someone else's past that they don't want to share? Why can sometimes I feel totally fine like I have processed everything and then the next day feel depressed about it?

 

Many Thanks

Andy

[snowbear]

12 hours ago, AJL said:

The thing that's dragging me back into the loop is the knowledge that nothing will ever change the facts of the past. This leads to rumination's, mental analysing and checking. Low mood follows.

I have good news for you, AJL. The facts of the past can be changed.

You can't change what's happened, but you can change how you frame it (think about/ reflect on it.) 

Reframing it will change how you feel about it in the present.

Changing how you feel about it in turn will change how you reflect on it, which will stop the urge to ruminate and eradicate the helplessness/ hopelessness that causes the low mood.

Reframing our thoughts isn't a difficult process, but if you've not done it before you might find it easier to do with the guidance of a therapist. Do you have access to CBT?

 

12 hours ago, AJL said:

Is ERP appropriate if it involves dragging up someone else's past that they don't want to share?

ERP is the second stage of CBT, after you've done the cognitive work I described above.

It's not appropriate or necessary to drag up someone else's past. Remember this isn't an external problem you need to fix, it's how you have internalised it that needs adjusting. So fixing it doesn't require anybody from the past to get involved.

 

Quote

Why can sometimes I feel totally fine like I have processed everything and then the next day feel depressed about it?

Probably because you are naturally doing some degree of reframing, then falling back into looking at things through the same old lens you used before, which sends you back to square one. Awareness that's what you're doing will help to stop you going back to old ways. And of course it's like anything you build - putting the bricks and mortar together is easy, but you may need to support the structure until the cement dries.

With mental health, 'supporting the structure' means lots of repetition of doing things the right way, and then practise, practise and more practise until the new way becomes second nature to you.

[Ashley]

On 02/02/2023 at 22:31, snowbear said:

ERP is the second stage of CBT, after you've done the cognitive work I described above.

It's not appropriate or necessary to drag up someone else's past. Remember this isn't an external problem you need to fix, it's how you have internalised it that needs adjusting. So fixing it doesn't require anybody from the past to get involved.

Really like this advice from Snowbear, with ERP being the second stage of therapy.  She's also right that dragging someone else into therapy defeats the purpose of it somewhat as OCD is fuelled by our doubts and uncertainties and it's that which therapy tries to help us understand and work with.  Also, the risk of actually talking to people involved in our OCD fears (past or present) is there's a good chance that's likely to be a form of reassurance seeking (at a guess).

Just to say I have moved your post to the main OCD forum in order you may get more replies.