Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

Thank you, Dusk. That does help. I don't want to make you sad too though!

It will probably sound really silly to be so upset over this, but it happening on top of everything else... It's the proverbial 'last straw'! My severe contamination OCD means that I now have very few things that actually feel 'clean' and 'safe', and that I can put down on my bed (the only place I can sit is the end of my bed) and use without worrying. This evening I was moving a small pile of things off my bed onto the small bit of table that's clean enough for them, and somehow half of them managed to fall on the floor (a total no-go area)! Some of the things mean a lot to me, and now I will have to get rid of them. :'( Something I'd done for my mum tomorrow was there as well.

Hi Joanne, ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. Try to ignore your husband's comment - he is lucky enough not to have OCD, so he doesn't understand what it's like! It is so exhausting, isn't it? You are doing very well coping with OCD whilst being pregnant and looking after your little girl as well. Do you feel able to try CBT again? xxx

Thank you Legend and CJay - I must say, I hadn't expected this much of a response! xx

Thank you both. x I love your poem too Elle! x

Thank you. I'm sorry you feel like that too. (((hugs))) xxx

Thank you Elle. Can I have the hug now? ;-) Although I'm 19 now, most of it still applies today. xxx

I wrote this when I was 15: --- Alone --- I'm walking through the weeks and months of time, Just putting one foot in front of the other and wondering why. Does this life have a meaning? Is there a reason I am here? Or is it all just pointless, being alive year after year? I'm clouded by confusion; thoughts are whirling in my head, I don't know if I can keep on going, my whole body's turned to lead. --- I'm walking through the darkness to a place I cannot see, Even when the sun is shining, rain's still pouring down on me. I'm standing at a window, watching as the world goes by, There's so much I don't understand, however hard I try. I'm afraid to go on forward, but I know I can't go back, I'm waiting in the shadows for the courage that I lack. --- I'm walking through the streets and alleys, feeling that I don't belong, Thinking that I shouldn't be here, wondering what it is that's wrong. I wish I could be somewhere else; I have a longing deep inside me, There is no place that I feel right, there is nowhere I am free. This feeling weighs upon my shoulders; it's something I just can't explain, I don't know what is happening to me, but it's causing so much pain. --- I'm standing in a crowd of people, but I feel all alone, No one knows what I am thinking; I am always on my own. They can't see my inner struggle, it isn't written on my skin, I can't communicate to them the trouble that I'm in. But even if I could, I doubt that they would comprehend, I'm in so many pieces I don't think I'll ever mend. --- I'm drowning in a sea of panic, trying to find solid ground, I open my mouth to cry out, but I cannot make a sound. I feel the pain close over me; my heart begins to ache, I look into the future for the path that I should take. I'm staring at an empty void; I don't know where to go, I'm suffocating, I cannot breathe; my troubles seem to grow. --- (Apologies for the lines, I couldn't get spaces to appear without them!)

A very good article.

I get a lot of muscle tension as well - at the moment I think just about every muscle in by body is tensed up all the time! It makes me go all shaky and jerky. I also get headaches, and jaw and neck aches. It's horrible isn't it? Sorry I don't have any useful advice to give you, other than try to focus your mind on something you enjoy doing. Take care

I know what you mean, I find making the smallest of decisions incredibly difficult too! I have no faith at all in my own judgement. Whatever I do, I'll be thinking I should have done something else! I think it's a common problem with OCD sufferers. Yes, that makes perfect sense, and you did really well to resist lots of the compulsions all by yourself, that takes some doing! I find it very hard to resist checking as well - I still check an awful lot. If I do manage to stop checking something, it usually gets replaced by another obsession! When you go for CBT your therapist should be able to help you identify the compulsions. For now, have you read any self-help books on OCD? The type of compulsions that come with intrusive thoughts are usually things like endless rumination and trying to neutralise the thought and make it go away. (sorry if this sounds patronising, it wasn't meant to!) x

Hi CJay, I agree with Legend, it probably isn't worth putting yourself through another appointment with your GP. If you feel he should know, perhaps you could write him a letter explaining the full extent of how your OCD is affecting you? Maybe he could speed up the process so you get help sooner. If not you could give the crisis team a call - you deserve help, and you don't want to get any worse. Please remember: NOBODY would be better off without you!!! (((hugs))) x

I feel that way too. I lost out on a lot through all my teenage years due to severe OCD, depression etc, and I don't have a lot of hope for my twenties either. I think anxiety and fear have ruled most of my life!

Hi CJay, (((hugs))) Try not to beat yourself up about it (easier said than done I know). If it helps any, I know I'd have been exactly the same! It's very difficult to say what you need to in ten minutes. I'm glad he mentioned CBT and is going to make a referral. You'll be able to discuss things through properly with your therapist. x

Hi Claire, When I was younger I used to spend hours every night before I went to bed (and again if I woke up in the night) checking and re-checking every inch of my room, and one of the things I checked for was fires. I would definitely give the book Sarah suggested a read.

I'd better not put mine, as it's not very optimistic!

I think you mean haven't Lucy ;-) xx

I don't think you've offended anyone at all! :-) I know how you feel though, because I am always worried that I've offended people, and am always finding 'evidence' that I have, even when I haven't! :-/ xx

Aww, Annabel, I wish I could! (((hugs))) Stressful situations always make OCD worse, don't they?! I suffer with social phobia too, and can totally empathise! Hope you feel better soon! xxx

Thank you :-) Am going to keep doing the salty water rinsing! Yeah, I have one the other side coming in horizontally and have already had problems with that one - a couple of years ago I had to have antibiotic. I think a similar thing is probably happening with this one! Grr! :-| xx

Thank you, that sounds great! :-) I'm glad you were able to do that! I have a pretty useless doctor, so I'm not sure if he'd be that helpful... Could be worth a try though, thanks xx

Thank you very much =) It's not so bad this morning. Will see how it goes before contacting the dentist - don't want to go through all that for nothing... Thank you for your help =) You take care too =)

Thank you for your help! :-) Have taken pain killers which have helped. Will see how it is in the morning...

Hi, thankyou for replying! I'm sorry you're having trouble as well! I think I'll do that, thanks. Do you mind me asking if the gum gets red and swollen as well? Also with mine if I put any pressure on the tooth above it (it's a lower one) it's agony as well!

Within the space of several hours my wisdom tooth (which hasn't really erupted) went from hardly hurting to raging agony and it's now red, hot and swollen, so I'm going to have to go to the dentist tomorrow (or as soon as I can get an appointment). Problem is I have severe contamination OCD and social phobia! I am so scared, how on earth can I cope?!