Atlantis

They're not fantasies Lily, they are intrusive thoughts - you are hyper aware of your physical reaction so ANY curl of the corner of your mouth you'll interpret as smile / sign of enjoyment so then you're instanly thinking you're a peado.. intrusive thoughts.. nothing else.

The worry thoughts are there because of OCD, "what if I have caught something?" - is just a thought, it's not a question that needs answering because it's an irrational question asked by an anxious mind. My HIV / AIDS phobia went on from about the age of 16 until I was 27. Totally ruined my teens and young adult life, however I didn't know it was OCD until I was 27, I had no therapy or no medicine, just my own self counsel to seek reassurance from the National AIDS helpline which made me worse because reassurance is bad for OCD and makes the condition stronger. Now I still worry about HIV / AIDS when I'm with a new parnter - but hopefully, next time around I can identify the triggers better.

Classic OCD. It's irrational but it consumes your thinking. My OCD started with this particular obsession of HIV. For example, I once cut myself on a fence I was climbing over and spent months worrying that someone else with HIV had climbed this fence and cut themself on the exact piece of wire I had done. Also, do you think your boyfriend would worry unduly if the shoe was on the other foot?

I had this with my ex and my best mate said to me that I should imagine how I would feel sat alone in a pub staring at a half empty pint wishing I still had her.. he was right, we did split up and only after did I realise all what I was feeling was fake due to ROCD.

I've done things in the past that I think are horrendous and unforgivable, the more I think about them the worse I feel.. BUT, no-one at all has been harmed by my actions, no-one but me that is. Added to which, these things be they a deliberate movement with the intention of harm or a silly act out of frustration, have ALL been in an OCD moment. There's always been some ongoing OCD stress or nagging thoughts leading up to the deeds..

Look Lily the key to managing OCD, any type is to not try and work it out. Simply trying to work it out adds fuel to the fire, you give it power by giving it importance. Ridicule it, make fun of the suggestion that you want to engage in fantasy about your sister - it's ridiculous! You know that but your inner voice is drowned out by the noise of OCD, that noise only exists because it's you that allows it to happen via ruminating, let the thoughts come, don't fight them and soon they lose power, lose volume and your own voice of logic will be heard again.

Thanks so much for your reply mate, appreciate it. I don't want these thoughts or feelings (if that's what they are) because they are all fruitless, I just wish they would go away but maybe if I am distracting myself instead of engaging the longing to be with her by hanging around I will overcome it, and I hope so because I do not want to lose her friendship, trust or respect.

A couple of weeks ago I posted up about my 22 year old neighbour who I was having lots of thoughts over. I didn't know (and still don't) whether it's a genuine crush or an obsessive infatuation. I get super jealous if I know she likes another guy, yet I know it could never happen between us due to age difference, imcompatible personalities and the fact that she doesn't look at me that way anyway (despite the constant misreading of any innocent smile or eye contact she makes with me) and to be honest I'd make a much better mate than a boyfriend anyway. I love being in her company, I love how I feel when we hang out and I go to the bar where she works across the road from where we live just to chill out and talk whilst she works and it's been fine. The other night she asked me if I wanted to have a BBQ and it was really nice, we spoke a lot and we spoke about my past OCD themes. The urge to confess things with this girl has been huge but I have resisted, probably for the first time ever in my life. The way I see it is, I confess, it becomes habit and before long I am pushing her away just to satisfy the selfish compulsion for reassurance. Well not her. I refuse this time. However, what bugs me lately is my behaviour, like I'll sit on my step just waiting to see her to talk, or if I know there's a guy talking to her I find it excruciatingly difficult to not ask if there's anything going on between them - but why? I know we'd never work so what does it matter if she's got an interest in someoene, yes I'll be jealous over it and probably upset because I'm way past dating girls of her age. I don't want to be in love with her and I don't want these obsessive traits because I feel guilty for hiding it. I just want my mind back to how it was 3 months ago before we got really close.. just wondered if anyone else has had this kind of enhanced crush / obsession with a person? thanks x

Only when you stop ruminating will you, yourself be able to answer that question.. then you'll get it in the rearview mirror and see it for what it is. Keep paying it attention and importance, and you'll never be free.

Mind over matter, if you want to beat this you'll do it, even if you go on autopilot just to get out the front door.

Not me personally, but I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. When I came back to this forum, my head was also in a mess, however over the last few days I've stopped ruminating. I've done this by engaging in 'real life' and although sometimes it's taken a herculean effort, I've done it and the OCD has backed off. That's the key Lily.

She already knows about them!

You could say that your condition is magnifying your guilt for past fantasies and that it's internal torture but you're not going to put any of it onto her by confessing because you love her. Well that's what I would like to think I'd say to my future wife.

I was thinking only today about looking for another job in a danger zone.

I don't believe for one minute that just because you're with someone you don't fantasize about being with other people, especially in the age of social media where privacy is limited for most people. If you don't let this go it'll be your reaction to the OCD that harms your relationship rather than any initial fantasies you had. Prime example, I've had a crush on my neighbour for some time now and because of that and the fact that we got closer mates recently, I've had the OCD wolves at the door of confession i.e. confessing every bad 'OCD linked compulsion I've done and guess what, she doesn't need to hear it. She's a sensitive soul with a beautiful mind and who the hell am I to lay all my issues on her ? just to make mysef feel better and pollute her mind? It's selfish and only when you let the thoughts go do you finally get grip on what's right and are mentally able to put the other person first by learning to alleviate the risk of confessing.

OK so when Quentin Taratino thinks up a script with extreme violence, do you think he is punishing himself for years afterwards?

so so mate, distracting away haha

Nooooooooooooooooooooo! I purposely try not to have these because of the sheer realism that anything I get involved with is destroyed by OCD, no matter how hard I try and even if I don't confess I end up really stressed as a result and it's not easy to hide.

In 2010 I went through a very rough time with OCD, I was tired and had enough of it costing relationships and friendships. I didn't want to live because I'd reached rock bottom and did not have the energy to begin another ascent of that black abyss. A mate of mine told me that I needed a plan, something to work at and aim towards. I was tired of living in a comfort zone as being a military child in my youth and moving around a lot, comfort zones were none existent. For many years after moving to the UK when my old man left the army, I'd had a longing to go back to Germany as I'd spent pretty much most of childhood there and it was a far better country to live in. So I began applying for civilian jobs attached to the military. I was told that due to the drawdown of British Forces in Germany, there were no vacancies with the company however, they did have vacancies in Afghanistan as their side of the business that operated in conflict zones were needing staff. This took about 3 seconds for me to jump at the chance and in December 2010, after 6 months of weening myself off citalopram, paperwork and security checks, cladded in body armour and a helmet I finally trudged off a Tristar with about 100kg of gear onto the airstrip of Kandahar Airfield. This is where the first distraction came in. War. The sound of jet fighters taking off causing my ears drums to vibrate and witnessing the fire power on display, the OCD thoughts began to subside. I was in a war zone. Did OCD have a place here? After a short stop I ended up on a hercules heading out to Helmand Province to meet up with the rest of my colleagues, again landing in complete darkness and overwhelmed by the surroundings my mind was a little clearer than it was a few days earlier. We had been warned to expect rocket attacks into the base and had been trained in drills for the eventuality, which is where I began to think "I might get blown up or seriously injured here" and it was on that realization that I decided I wasn't going to pay the OCD thoughts any importance and live every day like it was the last. Which I did, at least for 5 months anyway. During that time, OCD did not even register, all the trivial what if's had turned into 'so what?' and only then was able to fully recognise the condition for what it is, a short circuited part of my brain that was misfiring lies, falsehoods and irrational garbage that had kept me hostage for years. I find it ironic that it took doing a 6 month stint in a warzone gave me peace from OCD, but it did because the distractions were there for the taking. So it is possible to manage OCD better by distraction. I know there will be times when I can't take my own advice and will fall into the trap of dwelling, but I will be forcing myself towards distraction techniques because that's the best battle plan. anyway just thought I'd share

What Skullpops said about what Roy said.

Interesting and yes it could be that but to be honest I'm sick and tired of mental health issues and if I start believing it then OCD will get onto it and make me feel guilty for having it, I'll end up confessing and then losing her out of my life completely so I'm just going to reign whatever it is in and get back in the driving seat.

damn. I was hoping it was something I could ignore, but the fire rages on in secret, I just hope it dies down soon.

I thought you were a native!

Right, not one of my usual themed posts but still centred around obsessive thoughts.. Recently become quite close to my neighbour, strictly mates and we've opened up to each other about stuff - however she's 22, and I'm 42. I have never fancied her or thought anything more than just mates in the 3 years since I've known her, until now. I don't know if I have feelings for her or whether it's obsession, I cannot stop thinking about her and whilst I would never tell her this, it's annoying the hell out of me. I wish I could go back a couple of weeks ago when we could go out and have fun together and then after going our separate ways, I don't spent the evening thinking about how amazing she is and how I would love to be with her. All pointless thoughts and dreams because age difference and OCD would 99 percent mess it up at some point.. I'm just wondering does anyone else experience an unhealthy level of thinking about their partner / someone they fancy? It's doing my nut in not knowing whether it's real or OCD or both...