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Atlantis

Bulletin Board User
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    1,735
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About Atlantis

  • Birthday 01/10/1975

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    fear of harming, relationship OCD, Pure 'O'

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Münster, NRW, Germany
  • Interests
    Mountain biking ( Trail / Enduro ) Dogs and Techno

Recent Profile Visitors

807 profile views
  1. Atlantis

    Hyper Responsibilty OCD

    I think I know what you mean, I've had this situation many times in the past but I think on this occaison the guilt was worse because I went along with the idea of "well I'll let him be harmed because I'm angry with someone" almost like some feeble revenge.. but it was only a shopping trolley wheel and although he reacted with a squeal, kids do overreact and it's hardly a fast moving car so the OCD catastrophized the whole thing - besides, it's not my job to watch what his own mother was doing..
  2. HI, My OCD centres mainly around a fear of harming, mainly children. Sometimes I find myself with hyper responsibility OCD mixed in with this. For example if I see a kid playing on a swing, I find myself thinking of possible dangers or accidents that can harm the child, and I feel like I should say something to the parent so that they watch the kid. A while ago I was under immeasurable amounts of stress due to having an argument with someone. My OCD and depression was off the charts. I was in a store, and there was a woman and her little son in front of me, the kid was being a brat at the checkout, throwing things around, he dropped something under the counter and crawled under to get it leaving his leg sticking out. I noticed that his mum was pulling the trolley forward and that the wheel was going to hit the kids leg. I had the idea to warn the mother, feeling like it was my duty to prevent harm, but then the thoughts came to deliberately not say anything so that the kid would be hurt by the wheel, and I wanted this to be the case to punish the person that I'd had an argument with earlier in the day.. I found myself agreeing with this thought so didn't say anything to warn the mother, and sure enough the wheel went into the kids leg and he squealed. Now I feel like a bad person, because I allowed an intrusive thought to take over my way of thinking, but I am trying to step back and see if for just an unfortunate OCD moment, as it's not the first time it's happened. I think I remember deciding not to say anything when I realised that the kid wasn't going to die or anything as a result of being hit with the trolley.. just wondered if anyone with fear of harm / hyper responsibility OCD has any similar experiences? thanks.
  3. Yesterday I was at a party and met girl, we started talking up close due to the loud music which meant me leaning into her to hear what she was saying. As we were chatting away I became aware that my body was in contact with one of her breasts which triggered off all the usual sexual assault thought patterns. I started to think that I wanted to purposely make contact with her breasts because I was angry with someone else I'd fallen out with, and by committing sexual assault it would be because of this other person. It was weird, like I'd taken responsibility away from the OCD and knew what I was doing was wrong, the urge was strong to do it and so I did, once, leaned in and made contact whilst thinking to myself that I was going through with this on purpose. I felt I enjoyed the contact although it wasn't physical, i.e. no arousal, just simply in the mind. Thought nothing of it at the time, until about 2 hours later when I began to feel seriously ashamed and guilty, now I feel like a monster. OK, so this has been a recurring theme of my OCD, I couldn't even hug my own Mum properly before she died because of the OCD thoughts about inappropriate contact, but I'm so guilty for what I did yesterday, even though it was bad, it was triggered by OCD in the first place and had I not had this godawful condition, I wouldn't have done it. Has anyone else ever acted on the thoughts or urges? thanks
  4. HI, My OCD centres mainly around a fear of harming, mainly children. Sometimes I find myself with hyper responsibility OCD mixed in with this. For example if I see a kid playing on a swing, I find myself thinking of possible dangers or accidents that can harm the child, and I feel like I should say something to the parent to watch the kid. Yesterday I was in a store, and there was a woman and her little son in front of me, the kid was being a brat at the checkout, throwing things around, he dropped something under the counter and crawled under to get it leaving his leg sticking out. I noticed that his mum was pulling the trolley forward and that the wheel was going to hit the kids leg. Suddenly I had the overwhelming thought to deliberately not say anything so that the kid would be hurt, and I wanted this to be the case to punish someone that I'd had an argument with earlier in the day.. I found myself agreeing with this thought so didn't say anything to warn the mother, and sure enough the wheel went into the kids leg and he squealed. Now I feel like a bad person, because I allowed an intrusive thought to take over my way of thinking, but I am trying to step back and see if for just an unfortunate OCD moment, as it's not the first time it's happened. I think I remember deciding not to say anything when I realised that the kid wasn't going to die or anything as a result of being hit with the trolley.. just wondered if anyone with fear of harm / POCD has any similar experiences. thanks.
  5. Atlantis

    Am I a pedophile?

    Put it down to intrusive thoughts, nothing more. It's how you react to them that's important. A non-OCDer would've just brushed them off, but we tend to analyse more. Can I ask you, regarding the thought you had where you felt you wanted to do something to make your parents suffer.. do you get this with people you are angry / stressed with? i.e. thoughts of doing something bad to someone, to make a third party suffer?
  6. Atlantis

    was doing great then crash

    There's one way you're not helping yourself, drinking, and I can say this because I've noticed my OCD intrusive thoughts double in intensity when I'm drunk and off guard. If you're serious about beating OCD, you'll knock the drink on the head.
  7. Atlantis

    was doing great then crash

    Ever thought that these just might be real time intrusive thoughts? Happening as you're innocently moving your leg? Get a grip lad you don't want to sleep with your sister.
  8. Atlantis

    Compulsion?

    well yes I get your point, I managed to control it as in when I've found myself acting like that I've stopped it, resisted the urge to check finally.. as I said, stalkers do what they do to stress or intimidate their subject whereas I don't, it's almost like I just hated the uncertainty and wanted black and white. But I am repeating a mantra that it doesn't matter who she's with or not with because I'd be a rubbish boyfriend anyway. When I do this, I can control the urges to check.
  9. Atlantis

    Compulsion?

    OK thanks for the input.
  10. What she said. Nail on head.
  11. OK so stemming from previous issues with my friend and neighbour.. I will give some background info before I ask the question.. Few months ago, my neighbour and I became pretty close friends, hanging out a lot and whilst just friends and nothing more I began to really take a shine to her. This happened during a time of absolute stress after my Nan passed away and OCD was firing on all cylinders. I began to think about her a lot, and started to worry that it was a crush or worse that I'd fallen for her. I didn't want any of those to be the case because she's way too young, not even my type and I would never want to put her through my OCD bad periods because she is super sensitive. I made myself very, very ill with OCD trying to fight these feelings because I didn't want to scare her, however in the end I gave up and just accepted the fact that I did love her a little bit. Then my mind felt calmer for a short period. We used to talk about dating experiences until one day she had a massive fall out with me because I was asking her every time she was going out, if she was going on a date. She said she felt like I was trying to control her and made her feel that she couldn't go on dates if she wanted to. I admit I did ask a lot because at the time I didn't want her to meet someone, purely because I was scared of losing the bond we'd built over the last few months. Clingy or what? Anyway, I managed this for about a week until I got drunk at a party and lost control of my mind causing me to again ask her if she was planning on pulling someone, why? Because I just didn't wanna see it. We fell out again, she didn't speak to me for 2 weeks until recently and now it's almost like back to normal. I've also realized that what I feel is not love but emotional attachment So my problem now is, whilst I know that we wouldn't be right for each other even if she did like me, and the idea of sleeping with her does not compute in the way that it does with other girls I like, I still have the idea in my head that she's seeing someone. It's like I need to know for certain.. I can't ask her because she'll flip again, so I've been trying to find out by checking. The guy in question, she's actually told me before that she isn't interested in him anymore however she saw me with him the other day and asked what we had been doing together (we're not even mates it was a chance meeting in the street) but I see this guy a lot in the village and sometimes I feel like I need to know if she's changed her mind on him, so one time I got the intrusive thoughts that they're together I purposely rode past the cafe he drinks in to see if they were together. Last night I was out with her and when she said she was going to bed I had the urge to walk to the front door because I wanted to check she was going home, and then when she did go inside, I saw the porch light come back on a few minutes later and got the idea it was this guy turning up - so I opened my front door to check and it wasn't. she was just hanging washing out. Now I'd never follow her or anything like this, I do not want to stress her out or anything, however my OCD is telling me I'm stalking her, yet I looked this up and although what I'm doing creeps me out, none of it falls under the "stalker" definition. So I'm thinking, is this irrational 'need to check if she's with someone' a compulsion? Because it's not even like I want her as girlfriend for the reasons I've already explained, but I cannot control the compulsions to check.. just wondered if I could have some insight on this? thanks guys
  12. Atlantis

    Leaving the forum

    You and me both, Lost. Take care x
  13. Atlantis

    Why.

    OCD can convince you of anything, if you let it.
  14. Last week I was shopping and at the checkout, I put my bag down too hard on the floor and smashed a bottle. I could see it had leaked onto the floor but was in a stressed mood, embarrassed and just wanted to get out of there. As I was walking out I thought I should tell someone to clean the spill in case anyone slipped. I then had the idea that I didn't want to because I wanted one of the kids behind me in the queue to slip on the puddle, hit their head on the floor and die. I found myself agreeing with this thought and left the shop without telling anyone so that scenario would happen. 2 minutes later I got a grip on my thoughts and said to myself "stupid, I don't want anyone to die I just don't want to tell anyone about the spill" so when i got home and dropped off the beer soaked shopping, I went back and cleaned up the spill, and to check nothing had happened, then left the store again. But since then I've felt guilty, but refused the compulsion to give in and analyse it. OK so technically now I'm feelinig a little bit guilty but typing it out on here is more of a vent than reassurance seeking.
  15. Atlantis

    OCD brushing teeth

    That's something a friend of mine used to do and caused a ton of permanent damage by over brushing. I think he lost a lot of enamel by doing this so by this safety behaviour, he caused more harm.. the irony of OCD.
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