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loulou

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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  • Gender
    Female
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    dover

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  1. I work in a school. Everyday I shower and put every item in the wash straight away and put on other clothes. Today I got home, showered changed but put the same bra back on. I'm trying not to obsess, but then messaging co-workers what they do after work, checking on google and contamination to clothes from school to home. What risk is there really from passing on something? One of the kids in my class was sneezing near me but all of us have our temp check and distance as much as possible. I was thinking i'd have to wash again, get my child to have a wash after i cuddled him, the list goes on! I type this I go from thinking how ridiculous I'm being but then Covid is real.
  2. I had a dry cough for a few days and thought it might be coronavirus. I husband thought hayfever and as I work at a school, albeit once a fortnight at the moment I wanted to get tested just in case as I would feel awful if I coughed and not known if it was dangerous or not, especially when little kids don't always stay 2m away. I freak out after a day of school anyway, not sure if OCD but certainly not making it easier. Anyway, on VE day I decided to stay in garden incase there was something wrong with me whilst I was waiting for the result of test. My son blurted out to our neighbour i'd had a test when I popped outside, so I sat discussing this with her and enjoying the sunny afternoon (2m away) and now I'm thinking why on earth I sat outside!! My result was negative so is probably hayfever. How come I can be as lapse as this but totally losing it crying having a breakdown on others - like after work.
  3. The first week of lockdown I was at work (on rota basis at school). Most of the time I was away from kids and then not - foundation kid leaning on me when reading a story to them. I should have moved away - thinking I should move, mixed with this is nice for them to have to lovely story time - when I got home and started to think, what if I have now got covid and pass it to my family. Then I started thinking what if I have it and passed it to child who was in my responsibility and she passes it to her family.
  4. Sometimes I come out with some right rubbish. I have been ruminating about something I said at work over a week ago. I have tried to let the thoughts go through my head but now its still waking me up at night and I need some help. I work in a school. There is a dance competition done by each class. My colleagues class has the theme of 'love' to dance to. I said ' Lets get in on' by Marvin Gay! to be funny!! We had just had a training session about what to look for if pupils my be suffering from abuse and what to do about it. Why the heck did I say this!! and now i'm thinking do they think i'm really weird. I know abuse is abhorrent but I'm particularly sensitive to this subject as I was sexually abused as a child.
  5. Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
  6. thank you. I have read these. Been reading a lot on Google. My son was diagnosed over 5 years ago and I've never even considered/ worried about this. Consultant didn t say anything about products.
  7. I thought I was doing ok with this. My son has a nut allergy. He is ok with food that says 'traces of nuts'. He has an epi pen never used. Anyway I have never paid attention to bath/beauty products but for some reason I bought something new and ingredients listed hazelnut (face serum). I freaked out starting to think I had to then check everything I had to make sure it did not have derivatives from nuts. My husband (who was trying not to pander to my worries) said he's not digesting anything and the risk would be basically 0. My anxiety went up to the point I could not sleep at night wondering how I was going to manage this problem. Even reading up data on internet said no risk of this but maybe be careful! When I go to use a products to wash with or make up I cant do it and anxiety stops me with thoughts like 'how could you do this to him' etc. I know its not the be all and end all but I wish I could be like I was before. I even phoned the doc for advice, she wasn't sure. I phoned makeup company. Everything is in latin. I make a list of prodcuts by latin name but this is too much. Any advise please.
  8. this has been bugging me again. No i dont think this way about 'lads'. Even at the time i didnt want intrusive thoughts. Its amazing what you can remember, but ocd does that otherwise there would be any problem but things get stuck. Most weeks, some months things can come and go and sometimes they get stuck. Sometimes you think whatever and sometimes its 'what the hell was that'. Thankfully this has become less, cbt really does help.
  9. I put an email on here last week which I had some helpful replies back, one being not to ruminate which I have tried very hard, on a few occasions I am not anxious but most of the time my head is spinning with anxiety which I don't want to get worse. I panicked and put some stuff on here which I should have left alone but was worried it would caused be distress even I didn't get someone to help me think it out. The thing is I put it on another site - non ocd - and panic that someone I know would have read it, even though I have asked for it to be taken down, which it has I find myself thinking about it and going round and round 'what happens if someone sees it, explaining it, and all the horrible outcomes there could be. Will I get back to normal, I know when you are in this cycle it feels as if not. I know I shouldn't 'check' but my head is hurting. I know I don't have the problems I was worried about but the fact its 'out there' is causing this worry.
  10. i think i know the answer but really dont want to go round and round in circles. what are thoughts on thinking someone in a film is attractive that is say 15? and that if you were that age that is the sort of person you would fancy, what does that say now i'm an adult?? then it got me thinking (yes that) i fantasised many years ago during (sorry to if too much info) arousal that i was in olden times and was one of those older women that younger lads were sent to to 'teach' them. makes me squirm typing this. does this mean 'nothing' about me?
  11. I have tried doing my own therapy at home before - ie not washing my hands for 5 days - i almost had a breakdown! it worked for a bit. Has anyone had exposure therapy with a professional with regards to sexually harming children? I have read that if you purposely think of a bad thought over and over it will eventually fade? Any advice appreciated
  12. I get different 'groinal' responses. At the moment its very strong and i am presuming its anxiety. I suffer with a variety of ocds, one of which is of harming a child. I work in a school and this week (last few weeks really) i am trying to put my CBT into practice but dont think i've been working at school when my ocd has gone into overdrive. When i set next to a child i have a strong tingly sensation which i could describe as what you would get just before a scary ride starts, ie a rollercoaster, but i sort of enjoy this feeling, but prefer it when it is not present, can anyone explain what this is and .how to deal ith it I am trying not to avoid children. I get it at home with my own children which makes my thoughts worse or the other way round?
  13. on xmas eve i was cuddling my 5 year old son, his hand was partly on my nipple as i rocked him (sorry for too much info) and i thought that feels nice, then realised that shouldnt do that so moved him then decided no it felt nice so cuddled him back with his hand in same position. I then realised that i should not have done this. My ocd has done a bit mad with thoughts all over the place and i'm trying not to change mys behaviour towards my children. Feel ok then low. I've had this before and had therapy but i actually physically moved my son and i cant move past it, i cant face the fact i may have done something wrong.
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