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loulou

Bulletin Board User
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

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    Female
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    dover

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  1. Sometimes I come out with some right rubbish. I have been ruminating about something I said at work over a week ago. I have tried to let the thoughts go through my head but now its still waking me up at night and I need some help. I work in a school. There is a dance competition done by each class. My colleagues class has the theme of 'love' to dance to. I said ' Lets get in on' by Marvin Gay! to be funny!! We had just had a training session about what to look for if pupils my be suffering from abuse and what to do about it. Why the heck did I say this!! and now i'm thinking do they think i'm really weird. I know abuse is abhorrent but I'm particularly sensitive to this subject as I was sexually abused as a child.
  2. Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
  3. thank you. I have read these. Been reading a lot on Google. My son was diagnosed over 5 years ago and I've never even considered/ worried about this. Consultant didn t say anything about products.
  4. I thought I was doing ok with this. My son has a nut allergy. He is ok with food that says 'traces of nuts'. He has an epi pen never used. Anyway I have never paid attention to bath/beauty products but for some reason I bought something new and ingredients listed hazelnut (face serum). I freaked out starting to think I had to then check everything I had to make sure it did not have derivatives from nuts. My husband (who was trying not to pander to my worries) said he's not digesting anything and the risk would be basically 0. My anxiety went up to the point I could not sleep at night wondering how I was going to manage this problem. Even reading up data on internet said no risk of this but maybe be careful! When I go to use a products to wash with or make up I cant do it and anxiety stops me with thoughts like 'how could you do this to him' etc. I know its not the be all and end all but I wish I could be like I was before. I even phoned the doc for advice, she wasn't sure. I phoned makeup company. Everything is in latin. I make a list of prodcuts by latin name but this is too much. Any advise please.
  5. this has been bugging me again. No i dont think this way about 'lads'. Even at the time i didnt want intrusive thoughts. Its amazing what you can remember, but ocd does that otherwise there would be any problem but things get stuck. Most weeks, some months things can come and go and sometimes they get stuck. Sometimes you think whatever and sometimes its 'what the hell was that'. Thankfully this has become less, cbt really does help.
  6. I put an email on here last week which I had some helpful replies back, one being not to ruminate which I have tried very hard, on a few occasions I am not anxious but most of the time my head is spinning with anxiety which I don't want to get worse. I panicked and put some stuff on here which I should have left alone but was worried it would caused be distress even I didn't get someone to help me think it out. The thing is I put it on another site - non ocd - and panic that someone I know would have read it, even though I have asked for it to be taken down, which it has I find myself thinking about it and going round and round 'what happens if someone sees it, explaining it, and all the horrible outcomes there could be. Will I get back to normal, I know when you are in this cycle it feels as if not. I know I shouldn't 'check' but my head is hurting. I know I don't have the problems I was worried about but the fact its 'out there' is causing this worry.
  7. i think i know the answer but really dont want to go round and round in circles. what are thoughts on thinking someone in a film is attractive that is say 15? and that if you were that age that is the sort of person you would fancy, what does that say now i'm an adult?? then it got me thinking (yes that) i fantasised many years ago during (sorry to if too much info) arousal that i was in olden times and was one of those older women that younger lads were sent to to 'teach' them. makes me squirm typing this. does this mean 'nothing' about me?
  8. I have tried doing my own therapy at home before - ie not washing my hands for 5 days - i almost had a breakdown! it worked for a bit. Has anyone had exposure therapy with a professional with regards to sexually harming children? I have read that if you purposely think of a bad thought over and over it will eventually fade? Any advice appreciated
  9. I get different 'groinal' responses. At the moment its very strong and i am presuming its anxiety. I suffer with a variety of ocds, one of which is of harming a child. I work in a school and this week (last few weeks really) i am trying to put my CBT into practice but dont think i've been working at school when my ocd has gone into overdrive. When i set next to a child i have a strong tingly sensation which i could describe as what you would get just before a scary ride starts, ie a rollercoaster, but i sort of enjoy this feeling, but prefer it when it is not present, can anyone explain what this is and .how to deal ith it I am trying not to avoid children. I get it at home with my own children which makes my thoughts worse or the other way round?
  10. on xmas eve i was cuddling my 5 year old son, his hand was partly on my nipple as i rocked him (sorry for too much info) and i thought that feels nice, then realised that shouldnt do that so moved him then decided no it felt nice so cuddled him back with his hand in same position. I then realised that i should not have done this. My ocd has done a bit mad with thoughts all over the place and i'm trying not to change mys behaviour towards my children. Feel ok then low. I've had this before and had therapy but i actually physically moved my son and i cant move past it, i cant face the fact i may have done something wrong.
  11. i was looking at new items on internet yesterday and felt i may have become aroused slightly after reading about game of thrones, then i thought i shouldnt be sitting next to my son (who is 7) as its like looking at por n with a child even though he wasnt and i know it was a tv programme but i thought - this is ocd, you cant move everytime you feel a bit 'saucy' sorry for stupid wording so i ignored and knew i get thoughts but now i'm thinking this was wrong as i was thinking 'oh i'm getting to touch someone while feeling aroused' this sounds gross. ive tried to forget about it, my ocd had gone into overdrive, although sometimes it gets better it comes back to this initial thing.
  12. 20 years ago i repeated some info from a medical file to a friend about someone we knew. Im not in touch with either person and i know i should not have done so but it has been playing on my mind - what if i was found out at the time, if i lost my job, the shame, guilt from talking about someone else. I have known about this of course and used to say to myself 'shouldnt have said that' and basically left it as that as it was long ago. I thought of looking up what would happen if i was found out but darnt look at internet incase it makes me worse. Is this normal or ocd? i'm not making light of confidentiality but need to move on.
  13. I thought i had this cracked! bad thoughts about kids and my boys and i'm used to the feeling i get of anxiety but now its changed slightly which made me think 1. maybe i have now turned into a paedo and 2. has my ocd worked out how i cope so has changed? this sounds slightly mad i know. When i have a thought i let it pass even though it annoys me but the new ones have me questioning stuff and then i think how can i be thinking this back **** in detail and its as though i could do bad things and no anxiety is coming in as before. I try to reassure myself that i would never do anythink then i get 'but you might if no one else is around' i dont want to test myself!! then i get 'why do you be alone'. After 30 seconds or so i feel normal and i'm thinking of course i dont, then it starts allover again even though i'm telling myself i wouldnt why does my brain repeat!!
  14. as a helper at school i have been having training about confidentiality. It has reminded me of something i used to do when i worked at a hospital i didnt want to discuss with my husband because i feel like a sad case, ashamed and a bit worried. Firstly i used to read medical records of people i knew, purely out of boredom, noseyness BUT i did repeat a small piece of info to someone who has probably forgotten about it, and doesnt live near me, otherside of country s and was 20 years ago. I know if should not have done this but now it is really bothering me for my breach of confidentiality. Secondly its starting to affect my ocd. You could say i deserve it.
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