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lonely mum

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Everything posted by lonely mum

  1. I do this too. Some days are good where I feel I have not had an obstacle to overcome. Other times I struggle so bad with challenges. Well done to you!
  2. So I think this is contamination ocd again. I don't think people think like this but I'm not certain to some degree if my thoughts are rational. I ordered some new clothes and one of the jackets was the last one in stock and he o be honest it must have been a returned item (it was not a new season item). So my order arrives, every item is nicely packed except this jacket, it's crumpled up inside a crumpled bag that's open. I take out the jacket to inspect and see something like cardboard fluff falling off and some stuck to the jacket. I think it's dried sperm but there are no stains, just this 'fluff'. May be picked up from repackage but the card that the jacket was folded around was fine- crumpled but nothin gets coming off. I stuck it in the washing machine and took it outside to dry. As I opened the jerker up outside I'm sure something fell off it. I thought may be a label but there was nothing of the sort. I keep thinking it must hve been some of that fluff thing. Now I keep thinking if it didn't disperse in the wash then it definitely wasn't paper/card an it was bits of dried sperm which must have been stuck. I can feel myself going crazy An I'm stuck and panic is rising.
  3. Thank you for your reply. This is where I struggle- when I don't know if it is OCD or not. I struggle to determine if it's a real threat or not. That's why I came here to ask. When I know it's OCD, and believe me there are many times, I know I should ignore it and move on. It's when I genuinely don't know! I just don't know where to draw the line sometimes.
  4. I really need to do know if this is OCD or something I should genuinely be worried about! My child won a prize from the fairground in the park. I didn't think nothing of it until I was holding it. The cardboard package was stained why looked like oil mark but it looked like it had been spilt on. I left it in the car and it looked the same at the end of a hot day so I know it wasn't wet but the mark was still there, the same. My OCD is fear of semen and I really don't know if this packet had a semen stain on or if it was just oil. Should I be worried? Everything our clothes touched from that day is contaminating my house. I tried not to think about it but I remembered again when I did the laundry last night and now I don't know what to do. If semen can look like this?
  5. I wonder what the ooze was??thinking it's something unpleasant
  6. Thanks Polarbear. May be I'm loosing it more often at the moment because I'm stuck in the house. I went out today and it helped to get away from it. I also couldn't use our pram that's in the back of the car because the last time I used it over Christmas, my hubby had placed it on a bag of McDonald's that was left on the floor- it was in the car park, so it was flattened but there was white oozing out of the bag an I'm scared that the wheels have gotten contaminated. He was trying to shut the pram so pretty much grated the wheels on this! Oh dear. However, it helped I didn't need to get it out but we had some grocery in the back of the car with the pram and I am convinced that the bags would have touched the wheels and now they're in my home
  7. Yes I know it doesn't matter if you're male/female. I have a fear of semen and part of me thinks it's to do with the abuse I got from a man, so to see a man suffering from this contamination of bodily fluids, it's a different perspective. I'm also not abscribing logic to the obsession- if it was logical I wouldn't be here seeking help. Before becoming a mum, I was a lawyer. OCD throws logic out the window, but I understand where nrh is coming from becuse my obsession is similar/same and I come here to seek guidance when I don't know what rational thinking shoud be. I can relate to the uncertainties and appreciate the advice given.
  8. The legging were for my baby. I had washed them with dettol wash and the mark was just made obvious because of sunlight. I can't think of what else it would be that's not washing off? They were brand new! I fear I have contaminated my babies wardrobe because these legging were inside!
  9. Hi guys. Ive just posted on a topic few mins ago and I came across this. My fears are based on semen- I see it everywhere! I'm also repulsed by it, scared and find it very filthy/dirty. I'm not worried about getting sick from it. I'm reading some of the comments/replies to the original post and I'm overwhelmed reading it all. I guess I need to digest it. Also to the original poster, nrh12, I feel like you're writing/describing my thoughts! I find this fascinating because you're a bloke An have this same/similar fear. Anyway, thank you for this post
  10. Hi guys, I haven't been on here in a while. I had a baby and life has gotten busy but my contamination issue spikes from time to time and it really drags me and my family down. I'm not responsible for just myself but also with children I don't have the time to try to 'fix' things and more random things just appear and make me unhappy, distressed, confused and exhausted. Like looking after a family isn't enough tiring! I can't recall when I last posted here but my current OCD contamination issues are to do with sperm. Any mark/stain which resembles anything like sperm, in my mind, is sperm and is contaminating me, my family and our belongings. So over Christmas I did online shopping for my baby. I did a superset white wash and dried these clothes on radiators around the house. This was few weeks back but today I went to iron one of the leggings which is got online and there was a stain on the back. The leggings are a light whitish grey colour and the stain is propbaly the size of a 5p coin and was a creamy/yellow tinge colour. I spotted it in the sunlight as it was on the ironing board. Ive panicked all day. I've felt nasty. I couldn't touch nothing else on the wardrobe as these legging were with other washed new clothes. What am I meant to do??? Why does this happen??? I'd feel guilty putting these clothes on a baby but how did it get there? Also my fear is not of my husband's sperm, it's more if it's from outside. I'm sorry to bombard myself here suddenly. I've had a few big issues like this and really struggled but it's affecting my children and I didn't know what to do. Thank you
  11. I hope you're feeling better and know that no harm will come of this. I have similar issues so know what you went through.
  12. Thank you so much for your words. thank you for reminding me it is just OCD. I haven't done anything with the stain an think I will try to get out the house tomorrow for distraction.
  13. I don't have anyone in real life to talk to either. I tried years ago but found that my issues are too overbearing for people to deal with. I guess it's difficult for people outside the box to understand because things for us don't just go away. When it gets too much for my own head, that's when I turn to this forum. I'm sorry you feel like this but I understand where you're coming from an wish you all the best
  14. And I'm exhausted My house was a mess an disorganised! I managed to finally sort it out as we having an addition to the family. I had to sort a section of my kids bedroom out. Needed to empty their things/clothes from bottom of the fitted wardrobes. We own the house but was previously rented twice to families. As the wardrobes fitted, the bottom of it is just carpet- the old carpet from before renting out the house. I took the things out from there an the carpet is green but there was a yellow stain, like a bleach stain. Now I keep thinking previous tenants had sperm on their shoes an must have stained the carpet when left them inside. I don't know what to do if it's real or OCD? I mean the mark is real but how do I move on. Feel like it spread everywhere!
  15. The above suggestions are the correct way but i understand how hard exposure can be. I have contamination ocd and things have been thrown away unnecessarily because of 'contamination'. Please dont throw your teddy/stuffed toy away as this is the most precious thing and that is why you are feeling so down because you feel it has been ruined. How about you out it in a food bag and in a treausre box and then that way its still safe and with you and you can 'try' to forget about whats happened to it. May be over time, eventually, that severe contamination 'thought' will fade and you will one day be able to go back to the toy and realise nothing is wrong with it and give it a cuddle. Or wash it in cold water with a antibacterial conditioner, if it wont get ruined. Good luck x
  16. Daisy I also need to have new double glazing put in but im not doing it because of all my issues. I need to extend the house too but i just dont see how it would be possible with workmen everywhere. Re sorting things - my house is a tip and im so ashamed to let anyone in that i just meet people outside and dont bring them in my home. Its getting bad now but i dont even know where to start because it never ends. Ohdear - that is very brave allowing someone to use the bathroom. Well done!
  17. Im sorry you are going through this, especially with a new baby. They grow up fast and I hope you dont get to miss out on those special early years because soon they wont be needing us. I dont have anything helpful to say of your ocd because i have different issues but i have come across many people posting of the same issues when having a baby so I hope someone with more experience can help you soon. Take care
  18. I feel for you and you are very brave. I had similar issues this time last year after we brought home a new born baby who had a very bad start in hospital. I really struggled and can understand how you must be feeling. Our entire boiler had to be replaced so there was a large hole in the wall and the workmen walking into every single room of our house to check the pipes and radiators. I got through it slowly and you will get through this too. Wishing you luck
  19. Hiya, Do you think you can try distraction at all? so may be go for a walk or somewhere else out of the house (im assuming you were at home), a change of scene to help in reducing the anxiety? You replied to my post about my front door being left open. Well I ended up walking out the house and went to my parents across the road (convenient!). I do this when I feel myu anxiety buidling up because i know otherwise i would have ended up cleaning everything in sight and throwing away good stuff. When i came back home the anxiety was reduced and i could tackle it better, although i admit i didnt even want to come back home because i had to deal with it. I throw a lot of things away but i would try to may be wash the clothes? may be thats a step you could take from not throwing it out. Also you are very lucky that your partner is on your side. I dont have that and i would say dont push her away as it is also difficult for them to deal with our issues.
  20. Thank you guys. I did just that the next day, carried on and trying to push past the thoughts. Sometimes the line between ocd and reality just dissappears for me and i genuinely cant distinguish whether its an ocd issue or not, so thank you for your advice as its really appreciated.
  21. Im sorry you were feeling low but I hope you get some help soon. Is that your profile pic? You are gorgeous, god bless. Do you have any support from parents or someone you can confide in? If you were my daughter, Id like to know how you were feeling but If not, there are plenty of supportive people here so please dont feel alone. By the way, my birthday is a day before yours...Leo's are fighters and you carry on fighting x
  22. Hiya, Im really stuck here again and ot able to distinguish if there is a real threat or if its my ocd again and therefore should i move on? Its abouyt my contamination issues again but hubby went out the house and the door didnt shut properly. The porch door did but not the second door to the house. We normally leave the porch door unlocked and people usually come in and knock on the second door of the house which stays locked. However, this second door has been playing up and not shutting so being left open without us realizing and today hubby went out and the door was left open, it hadnt clicked close. I even mopped up the entrance area as someone had walked in with shoes, then i went away for an hour. After this time, a delivery guy was knocking on the front first door with a parcel. I dont open doors for parcels so i never opened it but could see from inside someone was there. He then rang me saying im at your house so i told him that the porch door is open and he can open it and leave parcel inside the porch so he said ok. I heard the door open and then i went to look and the second door of the house was open too but i then saw that the man was leaving but i only saw through the stained glass as it wasnt wide open. I tehn saw a wet patch (almost puddle) inside of my house and thought did that man get inside and do something here? Now please im trying to rationlise this and think it could have been from when i mopped and this area is still not dry so i ignored it and closed the door and not washed my feet either. I thought its the antibacterial on the floor so i touched it with my fingers and sniffed it and expected to smell the antibacterial but there was no smell. I proceeded to spray antibacterial on that area and mopped it up. My question is coulkd the man or someone else have entered the house and contaminated or was it a wet area from the antibacterial? i even walked into my bedroom and not washed my feet but im beginning to panic so how should i continue and whats the normal response? thank you
  23. Tori just wanted to say thanks for sharing and i wish you all the best x
  24. Thank you - still just moving forward but it's not my machine as it was just on this one skirt and only on the front May be it was my iron - on just this one item! I dunno! Oh well
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