Lynz

There are so many posts on here by forum users with the exact same theme as yours, sometimes almost word for word in what they post. The first step is to recognise that this is OCD at work. Secondly you identify what your compulsions are around this theme and you make a step-by-step plan (hierarchy of triggers) to reduce and eventually stop doing the compulsions. After applying this then your anxiety surrounding this theme should reduce and it will no longer bother you. We can help on the forums to identify what compulsions you are doing as sometimes they can be a bit tricky to spot. Also a good therapist who is specialised in treating OCD can help you work through it as well.

Despite what we may think 35 is still very young so there is still lots of time to turn things around, and it doesn't mean that this is your life now and it won't ever get better. I often have moments where I'm feeling down that my life hasn't gone to plan since I was in my twenties either but I think that happens with a lot of people. I normally go away with my husband for my birthday as I don't like family meals or occasions for my birthday at all haha. We will probably go to Scotland as we haven't been there since we got married and had our honeymoon on the Isle of Skye in 2020, and I absolutely love Scotland. Yes definitely let it go! There will always be other family meals and other occasions that you can go to if you want to face your fears around that. Hope you're not feeling too down about it all and that you can do something fun this week instead.

Also I just want to quickly add that I know you think this means you are some kind of failure but actually I think it's brilliant that you are able to go outside each day even if it's just for a short walk. Many people wouldn't be able to manage that at all so please don't be too hard on yourself.

I agree with Howard. It's supposed to be an event for your birthday yet it seems like your needs and priorities were at the bottom of the list compared with everyone else's. I understand it can be hard to advocate for yourself with your family when you are in a vulnerable position, but I think it's important to try and look after yourself and not put the feelings of others first all the time. Yes it is a shame that you missed the meal however if you wouldn't have enjoyed it and had been anxious and stressed the whole time then what would be the point? Your comment that your niece and nephew were looking forward to your birthday meal and you feel so guilty for not going suggests that you're prioritising other people ahead of yourself. If it were me I would be thinking "so what if they were looking forward to it? It's not about them it's about my birthday". Now if you actually wanted to go but couldn't due to your contamination OCD then that is obviously a shame but there's no point forcing yourself to do these things if you won't enjoy them. Using your own birthday meal as an exposure exercise isn't exactly fun for you. Perhaps your birthday should be the one day where you get to do something fun that you would enjoy and OCD exposures can take a back seat for the day. Happy birthday for yesterday too, or whenever the actual day was. I'm assuming it's the big 3-5 as I'm sure we are the same age and I'm turning 35 this year too

Ah OK I understand now. It's not clear whether the therapist meant this type of treatment or more general psychiatric hospitalisation. Perhaps she wasn't clear about this to the OP either?

That therapist sounds completely out of her depth and doesn't have a clue at all about the state of the NHS at the moment. To even suggest you should be hospitalised in your circumstances is ridiculous in itself, but there is no way you would even be considered for inpatient treatment as there is such a shortage of beds. Even some people who are actively self-harming and have attempted suicide can't get a bed due to the severe shortage so to think you could just walk in to a hospital and ask for a bed due to your OCD, and without actually being a risk to yourself or to others is just laughable. It sounds to me like your therapist hasn't got a clue and is just trying to palm you off on someone else. I agree with others who say to get rid and try and find a new therapist. I'm not too knowledgeable with the process of changing therapists through IAPT as I've only ever had private treatment with clinical psychologists who specialise in OCD. I think calling the OCD-UK helpline is a good idea as hopefully Ashley or one of the team will be able to advise you on how to get appropriate treatment for yourself that won't involve inpatient hospitalisation (which really is last resort stuff!) Sorry you're having to deal with all of this

That's great news. Glad to hear you're feeling better

I'm glad to hear your doctor thinks your leg is improving. I would definitely try and be guided by his judgement rather than allowing your "what if he's wrong?" anxiety thoughts to take over as best you can. A lot of what drives any type of OCD is hyper-responsibility. You basically feel more responsible for everything than someone without OCD would do, so in your case you feel hyper-responsible for your health and that is what drives a lot of your compulsions and safety seeking behaviours. Part of overcoming this is to try and reduce the amount of responsibility you feel and allowing others to be responsible for things instead. So in your case it would be trying to accept that you are not completely 100% responsible for your own health and your doctor also has some responsibility too, so it's OK not to worry as much about your health because that is your doctor's job also. I'm sure you will feel better if you can manage to eat something. I had salmonella a few weeks ago which I picked up on holiday in Mexico and completely lost my appetite so I do get how that makes you feel. Weirdly enough I was able to eat Nesquik cereal with no issues so I went through about 3 boxes of that in just over a week haha. How about making yourself some porridge and have a cup of tea? I put Nutella in my porridge (can you tell I've got a bit of a sweet tooth? ), or if not a bit of honey and it's such a nice comforting meal. But yes I agree with your doctor, don't worry about your appetite. The most important thing is to keep your fluids up and not get dehydrated which I'm sure you are doing fine with. Your appetite will start to return again once you begin feeling better. What have you been watching on TV? I recently watched all of Breaking Bad (yes I'm very late to the party haha) on Netflix and I'm now watching Better Call Saul which is kind of a prequel/follow up. I also finished watching Death in Paradise on BBC iPlayer which is one of my favourite shows. Although since going to the Mexican Carribbean coast a few weeks ago it now makes me sad watching it as I want to go back to the Carribbean, even if I did get salmonella haha.

Yes I've heard about that. I think it's also basically impossible to fly out of the country with it as it can cause issues going through airport security. I do get it but it must be really frustrating for people who have to take it. I hope that some new laws will come into place which will make the whole thing easier for people who take it, but I doubt that will happen with this current government, sadly.

Thanks jonesy. I'm obviously not up to date enough with what's currently legal or not. Glad to hear it can be prescribed for OCD. I do think medicinal cannabis is a great thing when used properly.

I think medicinal cannabis is different to the illegal type you get on the street which is more potent and impure (called "skunk"), which is more likely to cause psychiatric problems in people who use it. In the UK medicinal cannabis is very heavily regulated and safe, but it is only approved for a limited number of conditions such as chronic pain and epilepsy that can't be controlled with other treatments. I know a few women with severe endometriosis (I have endometriosis but mine is better managed) who have been prescribed medicinal cannabis and have had a lot of success with it. Any other types of cannabis are illegal in the UK. I don't think any of us in the UK will be able to comment on medicinal cannabis as a treatment for OCD because it's not used for that over here currently as far as I'm aware. I'd be interested to hear from people in other countries who may have already used medicinal cannabis for OCD and whether it's worked for them. I remember reading a study about MDMA (ecstacy) and magic mushrooms possibly being used as a treatment for OCD and other psychiatrist problems in the future but I think those treatments are way off and may not actually come to pass due to problems with using them in clinical trials and things like that.

Sorry to hear that, Summer. Don't feel guilty. You're an adult now and you are free to make your own choices. If you don't want to go on a holiday with your family for whatever reason then that's your choice. Your mum will just have to accept that.

I don't understand why you have to go on holiday with your family when you're 20 years old? If your mum wants to go away on holiday then I don't see why you have to go as well?

Also I'm a nurse myself so I try and imagine I'm one of my own patients and what I would say to them or how I would expect them to act if they were me. This helps me to be a lot more rational. You don't have to be a healthcare professional yourself but definitely try and take a logical, rational view as much as possible which really helps. Also don't be scared. You will get through this I promise

Firstly I would avoid googling or looking up anything online about it as that will only make your anxiety worse. You're working closely with your doctor and know what signs to look out for if things are getting worse. I'm assuming you're being treated with antibiotics? If you get a fever, feeling sick etc or any other symptom instead of flying into a panic, take a few deep breaths and say "ok, this might be a one off symptom or it might mean I'm getting worse. I'm going to give it 1 hr (for example) and reassess before I start panicking". Another technique I did was deliberately delaying doing a compulsion, so if I was worried about my symptoms and was panicking about it I'd say to myself "no I'm not going to Google or check my temperature again or ask my partner again what he thinks. I'm going to not worry about this at all and do something else and if I still feel like this in the morning then I might ring the GP". This would work as a lot of the time I would feel OK in the morning and it was a bit easier to deal with. Practice taking a detached view of it all as though you are watching yourself which helps you remain rational about everything. Also avoid compulsions as much as possible so reduce reassurance seeking from family, reduce googling as well etc. I say reduce rather than stop as I know all too well that you will probably be doing a boatload of compulsions, and by cutting them all at once it will just lead you to be more anxious. Distraction is also a wonderful tool for when you're ill and it will also help to take your attention off your symptoms for a while too. When I was ill, to distract myself from worrying about it I did mindfulness meditations using this app called Loóna, and I also played games on my iPad - Stardew Valley was an absolute godsend during this time for me. I do completely get this as I had a horrible 12 months with severe illness and ended up having major surgery. I've got PTSD from this incident too and any symptom (either when I was really ill or since being better) used to send me in a complete panic. My OCD was a bit haywire at the time with it all as well. However I applied those principles above and was able to get through it, and I'm doing much better now.

Yeah I think there's something wrong with people who don't like dogs, seriously . When my dog died I actually found it worse than grief I've experienced when family members have died. Both of my grandads have passed away and while I grieved for them both obviously, they were both very old and I think I rationalised it in my mind that it was a part of life that elderly relatives will die. I've not experienced the loss of someone close to me who was young though or my own parents yet and I think I would find that really hard to deal with. I think I found it difficult with my dog because he was my baby and I'd had him since I was a kid and grew up with him so I just couldn't imagine life without him, and when he did pass away the house felt so empty, it was really weird. But I just got through it with time. Honestly there isn't anything special that you need to do except just carry on with your life as best as you can. Also just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel too. If you want to have a big cry everyday for about a week or something then that's absolutely fine. What helped for me was just talking about it with others too. Luckily my dog was so loved by everyone in my family so we talked about him all of the time and still do, but now we mainly laugh about silly things that he used to do and remember all of the happy times so it's all good. I think you're worrying that you won't be able to cope with grief when it happens and that you'd find it too overwhelming, but you will get through it whatever happens. Grief and loss are a normal and natural part of everyone's lives and it's nothing to fear or worry about trust me

I still miss my childhood dog who I had from when I was 11 years old until I was 27 when he passed away. I'm 34 now and not a day goes by where I don't think of him. At first it was horrible and the grief was unbearable but after a while this feeling gradually become replaced with a feeling of happiness when I used to think of all of the happy memories that I had with him. Try your best not to dwell on the future when your dog will no longer be with you, but enjoy every moment that you have with her in the present. Even though I miss my dog I'm so glad that I had him as he enriched my life so much.

I've suffered from this theme. It is like your feelings suddenly get switched off so I do get that. However you treat it the same as you would any other OCD theme. You don't react to the intrusive thoughts such as "what if I don't love him? etc. You also identify what your compulsions are and work at reducing/stopping them.

Every single time I've taken the pill my OCD symptoms have worsened significantly to the point where I have to come off it because I can't function. I've tried about 10 different types in the past 15 years or so. My GP would always say that those side effects will lessen over time but they never did they only got worse the longer I was on it. The only thing that worked for me was the mirena coil IUD as that delivers a very low dose of hormones directly into the uterus, so it bypasses much of the hormone going through your bloodstream and affecting your brain. I had no side effects and no periods. Although I did need to have it taken out eventually because I was diagnosed with endometriosis and needed to have surgery. I haven't got another one put in yet but I probably will do at some point.

It says on the OCD guidelines that NICE are in the process of updating them so that is good news I think the lack of updates probably reflects that not much has changed in how OCD is treated during this time.

I work in healthcare so fortunately mental health isn't really a taboo subject. Most of my colleagues have anxiety, depression, burnout, even PTSD etc to some extent so it would be more challenging to find someone I work with who doesn't have a mental health issue. Having said that, even though there is a big awareness of mental health issues in healthcare there isn't really much being done to try and improve working conditions so staff don't suffer from these issues. That is a massive problem without an easy answer unfortunately.

Thanks for your post, Ashley . I'm sure it will be helpful and insightful to many people on here.

Well your GP is completely wrong here. All of the SSRIs can have side effects like that and each one works differently for different people, so sertraline (Zoloft) might be terrible for one person but great for another. It's one of the most effective meds for OCD so I don't know where your GP has got that idea from. https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/meds/ https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/medication/

I would be tempted to say that you should follow the advice of the medical professional whose specialism it is. So if it's a mental health problem and you're under a psychiatrist then follow the psychiatrist's advice rather than the GP. GPs know a lot but they don't know everything and they sometimes won't be familiar with all of the most recent research and practice from a particular specialism.

Definitely ask your pharmacist. They are the experts in medication more than any other medical professional. Taking them together will probably cause more side effects but I highly doubt it will do you any harm otherwise you would not have been prescribed them and the pharmacy would not have dispensed them.