snowbear

Hi SJM, Disgust is easily as common in OCD as fear of getting sick. The good news is that it doesn't matter what the driving emotion is (mine is anger) because the treatment is the same. Some good advice from @Scott79 there. I've allowed the link to stay on this occasion because it contains relevant and sensible advice, but in line with the OCD-UK guidelines on not allowing marketing in links I do need to point out that there is no need to pay for treatment, and don't be fooled into doing so to any online therapist just because they've made a helpful podcast/ book/ webpage that you relate to because of a specific theme. Please ignore the part of the page in the link that markets the author's services as a therapist.

Hi Dahlia Jo, Just so you know you don't need a book that specifically deals with contamination. It's not the contamination 'theme' that makes it OCD, but the thinking and behaviour around it. All the recommended books that take you through doing your own CBT will be generalised on theme, because it is well recognised that the theme is actually irrelevant. Once you've learned to recognise the pattern of disordered thinking and behavioural respone (compulsions) you can apply the exact same therapy to any theme. There aren't currently any books in the OCD-UK book shop specifically for contamination OCD, but you can find several on Amazon books. OCD-UK book shop is here if you want a kick-start to your search. Disclaimer: I haven't read this book myself, but it might be the sort of thing you're looking for: Contamination OCD workbook Do have a good browse before buying anything though, there are lots of good books available.

Good to hear you're trying, KC. That's all we ask of you.

Well done for pushing yourself mc1971 I agree that it comes down to deciding you're going to do it even though it's hard rather than it 'magically' becoming easy to do. But whatever gets someone to the point where they're willing to make the change has to be a good thing, so if hypnotherapy helped you to relax sufficiently to take on the challenge then it's been worthwhile for you. Again, I agree. Though for anyone who doesn't like the whole 'think positive' brigade it works in reverse too. Just stop feeding your subconscious the belief that you can't do it or that the risks are too high etc (Change your internal dialogue.) Same difference, only some people prefer the positive approach and some the stop-being-negative approach.

Time for some tough love, KC. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Life doesn't have to be this tough. You're making it hard for yourself. Get in touch with your local mental health services or crisis team and tell them how you're feeling. Get yourself some help.

You're right to be wary and skeptical. OCD is a thinking disorder. Thinking is always a conscious process (even if it sometimes feels automatic and beyond your control) Hypnotherapy makes subconscious suggestions. It doesn't change your conscious thinking for you. So if you do try hypnotherapy, you still have to make the exact same choice that someone who hasn't had hypnotherapy has to make ... 'Do I continue telling myself the same things as before, or am I ready to change what I tell myself and willing to behave differently?'

Maybe not a bad idea. Then at least you know it's completely sealed off and safe and you can start using the oven normally without worrying. Not challenging the OCD thinking around risk, but it's a practical solution. Sometimes being practical and getting on with life is the best we can do and the OCD can wait for another day.

The answer is both straightforward and encouraging. In that 'moment' you're now so worried about, you were actually thinking like a normal person! You allowed the helicopter to land for a moment. Now you're back to OCD thinking - interpreting the helicopter landing as 'bad' (when it was actually a healthy, good thing to do) and beating yourself up for allowing yourself even a second of respite from your OCD concerns (again interpreting that as 'bad' when in fact it's the healthy option and what you're aiming for .) Except this time wasn't really dangerous or dreadful either. It was just another OCD over-reaction, same as whatever freaked you out during pregnancy. That moment you're so upset about was actually a moment of healthy parenting! Allowing your child to explore. Allowing your child to begin to work out for themselves where fun ends and risk begins (a lesson children with helicopter parents never learn in childhood, leading to all kinds of teenage risktaking and problems as an adult. ) At 3 years old your child has an inbuilt wariness of danger that will keep them safe most of the time without you doing anything. Taking some risk from time to time - and scaring themselves in the process - is how children learn about risk. How they learn for later in life when to take a calculated risk and when to play it safe. For all you know this episode at the boat railings was one of those essential, positive childhood experiences where they recognised the risk of falling, scared themselves a bit by thinking what would happen if they fell in or threw themselves off - all while staying perfectly safe in reality. And then its been filed away so that later in life they recognise the feeling of imminent danger and know to take a step back. So why are you stressing out over a good thing? See how by telling yourself 'it was bad' and 'I am at fault' you've created your own stress? Can you see how that interpretation of 'bad' and 'fault' is only one way of looking at things? Other (healthier) options are available! And those alternative interpretations result in a different set of emotions and thoughts to follow. So it comes down to choosing which way you want to look at things in life. Choosing which way you want to make yourself feel. It comes down to telling yourself that you have to be a certain way or act a certain way to be a good parent. 'Being a good parent means...' But just because that's what you've been telling yourself it means to be a good parent doesn't make it true. You can change what you tell yourself if you want to.

Exactly this. You're confused because you're overthinking it. This entire paragraph is exactly what we mean by 'overthinking it.' Stop trying to work any of it out. No reason you can't simply say, 'I'm confused, my thinking is tied in knots on this, I will never be able to work it out, even less so with any feeling of certainty... so I'm just going to draw a line under it and let it go, unresolved.' It isn't necessary, but if you're that bothered by the possibility of wrongdoing then ask your Heavenly Father for forgiveness and understanding. If He can't manage that then He's really not much of a God. (No offence intended, just pointing out that forgiveness is supposed to come from God, so the idea you've done something He won't forgive goes against everything Christianity stands for.)

Nobody else is responsible for our state of mind. Nobody. Whatever experiences we have in life it's up to each person to decide how they are going to respond, and each person is responsible for that choice. So you can't blame the mets for how you feel. You feel the way you do because of the way you talk to yourself, the things you say to yourself. 100% you. 100% your responsibility. The good news is that you're always free to make a different choice. Instead of getting frustrated and upset and getting into fights, you could choose to be resigned, level-headed, sad, bored, make a joke about it... You don't have to respond this way. So if you choose to get upset and get into fights - that's on you, not on the Mets. I understand that you had it tough growing up. Maybe nobody took the time to teach you how to control your emotions, and I'm sorry you didn't get given that head start in life. But it's never too late to start. What positive action could you take today to make yourself feel better? How about going out for a walk? Or call a friend and arrange a night out. Being sociable is a great way to get out of your own head and start taking back control of how you feel. Change the way you talk to yourself. Take responsibility for your own feelings and behaviour. It's not rocket science. You just have to be willing to make a bit of effort to change. What do you say? Ready to give it a go?

Blaming the Mets for your state of mind is a bit unfair on the team don't you think, KC? Have you spoken to anybody in mental health support yet? If you're really feeling that desperate you need to talk to someone and seek help.

I love this. I used to love WW2 films and stories, especially stuff about women in the French resistance. I often wondered where they got their courage from, knowing I'd have got myself caught and shopped in minutes! The conclusion I came to was they got their courage from a deep commitment to the cause. Something they truly believed in and thought was worth risking their life and/ or freedom for. I've often thought the one thing that would have given me that sort of courage was if I had been a mother. And you are. I'll leave that thought with you.

That's part of the problem rather than a solution. Every time you 'resolve' an ocd worry by deciding it wasn't your fault you're feeding the ocd thinking for next time. Have you tried the 'Maybe it was my fault, maybe it wasn't, can't be sure, don't need to be sure' approach?

Exactly. So, what does that tell you? That maybe you don't need to be so hard on yourself? That maybe feeling so guilty is unnecessary? That maybe you should forgive yourself and be compassionate to yourself and let it go? This tells me that you probably label things as OCD in a compulsive - escape it - neutralise it- kind of way. Which isn't actually a recommended strategy. Instead you should be labelling the catasrophising and obsessing and difficulty letting go of the guilt as OCD. OCD is the thinking and behaviour response to something, not 'having a worry about something'. So it makes no difference at all whether the thing you're reacting to (the 'trigger') is a real event or just a thought. If you're responding with obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviour then it's OCD. Which means all the normal strategies apply. And it doesn't matter if you caused actual harm. Normal thinking would allow you to process the fact, get over it and move on. If you're struggling to do that then it means you're caught up in an OCD response. So what strategies do you usually apply when your OCD kicks off?

I'm sorry to hear how difficult things were for you growing up KC. But don't give up. The best times in life are in your mid-life years , so still ahead of you. What other topics interest you? It would be a great idea to find more than one hobby or interest so that if one isn't feeling so good you can refocus on your other interests for a while.

Ok, if that's your argument for continuing with your OCD versus living life normally, then where's your proof that there are trace elements of poo left behind, and where's your proof that any single atoms of poo left behind are significant? You have no proof. But I'll say this much, it'd be a lot easier to prove the 'no risk' side of the argument than to prove your 'there is some residue/ risk' argument. A scientist putting your door under an electron microscope couldn't find proof of poo residue left behind! A biologist wouldn't be able to grow a single living bacteria in a petri dish off whatever 'trace elements' might be on your door! But this isn't about proof. It's about feelings. Feelings of insecurity. 'No proof' is you justifying to yourself that your continued surveillance and anxiety is necessary to avoid having to pluck up the courage to let it go. The mad thing about OCD is we have courage in abundance. We just apply it to holding onto the OCD thinking instead of putting it to better use in helping us challenge our OCD thinking. Would it help to think about why you're feeling insecure generally? Let's turn the qustions you usually ask yourself on their head. What is your OCD giving you that not worrying about dog poo wouldn't give you?

There's no such thing as making a mistake, only more lessons on life yet to be learned.

Unless the figure you're referring to was a quote or estimate you're charging for doing the job then it makes no sense to contact them again. The email correcting the number once could be interptreted as 'strange' and a further correction might come across as incompetence or inability rather than correctness or integrity. You're in recovery (yay!) so you know how to deal with these blips. You know there's no difference between OCD about 'real world concerns' and OCD about imagined concerns. It's still the same OTT ocd response. Feeling deflated and anxious after any job interview is completely normal. There's nothing needs done other than to wait for acceptance or rejection - it's out of your hands either way. So, we label the excessive concerns about minuitae and detail as OCD and we let it go. If further doubts and concerns about 'getting the number wrong' arise - either before or after getting the job - you label those as OCD too and let it go without reacting or taking any further action. Good luck with the job application!

How did the mets come to be such a big influence on your moods and thinking, KC? Can you remember when they started to mean everything to you? Was there other stuff going on in your life that was too painful to face or deal with? Could that be how you came to put so much importance on a baseball team?

Welcome to the forum, Mishendra. Have you discussed this randomiser with your psychiatrist at all? What was their opinion?

The false memory real event stuff is a distraction. It's plain old OCD. No need to give it qualifiers or excuses. What you're saying is the exact same thing as somebody with contamination OCD saying 'I need to know that I hoovered up every last particle of lead dust. If I missed as much as one atom of lead then I've poisoned my kids, I'm a bad mother and my life is over.' You can see that is irrational, right? Because lead poisoning isn't your OCD theme you're able to step back from it and recognise the distorted thinking, the creation of guilty feelings as a result of catastrophising and the obsession with absolute certainty. Even if you won't (yet) accept that your thinking is distorted around this issue, can you at least see the obsession with certainty and the catastrophising in your own thinking? OCD follows patterns and yours is the exact same pattern as every other person on here. How do we help you to step back from it far enough to see the OCD thinking is your problem? Not some imagined risk that you're a bad person (a fear which results from the distorted thinking, not from the act of thinking/ agreeing with a thought)

I know you are, because every time we explain to you that having that first thought isn't the OCD part you go staight back to telling us 'I can label the thought as OCD.' You have OCD (a thinking disorder) because - you keep trying to work out if you agreed with the thought - you're looking for certainty (that you've done no wrong) Having the intrusive thought isn't OCD. The OCD starts when you obsess over whether you agreed with it or not. The fact you're still feeling guilty and can't be reassured of no wrongdoing makes this 100% OCD. So, you feel guilty, you're still going over it seeking certainty - why then the struggle to accept 'it's all OCD?' Because you're incorrectly labelling the thought as OCD and incorrectly labelling your thinking as something 'religious'. The thinking (that creates the guilt) is the OCD part.

That's all the one thing. Being scared you've done wrong IS your obsessional thought. When you stop obsessing about wrongdoing the guilt will vanish and your thinking will come straight again. Then you'll be able to see how you've got things all twisted and upset yourself up over nothing.

KC, this is a choice you're making. You can choose to have your life revolve around a sport team, or you can chose to find something more meaningful and worthwhile to define you and your life. Defining your life by whether a particulat team win or lose seems trivial and sad to me. What else can you use to define yourself? Do you work? Have you friends? Have you a purpose in life? Finding a meaningful purpose in life is what gets most people through a bad day without feeling that life is over. Do you have a non-sporting hero you admire? Is there some volunteering project near where you live that you could devote some time to? Anything that gets you out of your own head and helps you to see the world is a MUCH bigger place than you view it as currently. Getting some perspective would help you 'roll with the punches' better when your team lose a game for sure.

That's my favourite tipple too!