umbreon

I'm from the states, but I'd LOVE to support the forum at some point and become a member. Since I am in the US, is there a way for me to still access the magazine digitally or physically? I'd love to read all of the volunteers' hard work. OCD-UK is a wonderful resource and it's very much appreciated even across the pond. My doctor recommends the forum to her patients with OCD as an additional support system.

Thank you for another insightful post. I'll try not to look for specific things to tell myself! Before I accepted my OCD diagnosis, I used self-reassuring mantras. If NOT doing the mantra isn't causing me any distress, do you think it's alright to use them in certain cases? I mainly use them when I feel like I'm going to panic in public, but it isn't every single time I panic, and I can cope just as well without it. It's just a bit of extra help, but I'm wondering if it feeds my OCD. I'm going to keep bits of your post in mind as I'm struggling to practice tonight, thank you. Is it true that some OCD issues will take longer to treat than others? It seems like common sense to me, but I wanted to clarify. It's so easy to feel hopeless and discouraged.

Thank you so much for the reply! Your posts have been very helpful to me for quite some time (back before I was a member, when I was just lurking the forums). I keep a little quote of yours in my profile so that I can look at it -- it's such good advice. Is there anything I can do to practice this new way of thinking? I noticed that some of my OCD-related issues have been easier to reason with and push through, but issues like this are ingrained so deeply that they're truly painful to work on. I'd seriously take any amount of advice, no matter how insignificant it seems. Breathing exercises? Specific things I can tell myself? Some CBT-related advice? I feel so clueless and embarrassed about my lack of control in this situation.

Really struggling with this right now. I don't think CBT is failing me, I'm just not doing something right. I noticed today that I'm avoiding practicing a skill because my study notes aren't "perfect", and if they aren't perfect, I can't even start practicing. I want to practice so badly, but my OCD just wants me to work on my notes, or else "I won't know what to do if something goes wrong". When I do practice, I'm obsessed that my work COULD be better, if only I had just worked on those notes for a little longer... And then it starts telling me that my work is horrible. The feelings are so overwhelming that it's tiring to get through, so I've been--unfortunately--a little apathetic toward handling this recently. I just feel exhausted and want to enjoy something. I'm trying to remind myself that I can retain information easily without obsessing, but then my brain cycles into another checking compulsion of "how many things DO you remember? WHAT made you remember them? Maybe you DID obsessively have to study!" and it spirals from there. Then I recall that I've done this my entire life, and that it's only gotten worse. If I do push through the anxiety, I noticed that I'm not comfortable or happy while practicing-- just distracted and uncomfortable, which makes my work suffer, which feeds my OCD... Any advice? I don't even know if I know how to study healthily, so some tips from other community members would be appreciated. How can I retain information without feeding these feelings?

I honestly felt the same way (and still do), except I think this app does it right by not making it a significant amount of damage unless you put off the task for weeks and weeks (in some cases months, based upon task priority that you can set). I play with my friend, who's a fellow OCD sufferer, and my partner who has autism, so if they see that I'm not completing anything, usually one will step in and ask if I need some support. Which is good for me, I usually feel too guilty to ask. It's also optional. Encouragement and reward is always preferable, of course. I hope that we get more tips and experiences from other members. I have had to do things to "OCD proof" my phone though, mostly in regard to my checking compulsions. As I (hopefully) improve, I'll slowly reintegrate more apps and websites that I've blocked back onto my phone. I wonder if that's a good way to handle it? I know my phone can be a great resource, but if not used mindfully, I can use it to entertain my harmful checking compulsions for hours, sometimes while engaging in another mindless behavior like skin picking.

I've definitely received what I put into my medication (Luvox) experience: went into it thinking that I had nothing to lose, and I got a little bit of help in return and was/still am pleasantly surprised. Of course, this is considering the fact that my OCD interferes with a large portion of my life, so "a little" help is still substantial. However, I've had to do an exhausting amount of work to get through the side effects while trying to stay mindful. Luvox definitely doesn't reduce my number of intrusive thoughts (I'll admit-- I was excited for that one ) but it DOES make it so much easier to cope with them in the moment, and to disengage. Which, honestly, is more than I could have asked for. Medication + CBT has been a great combination, but I think CBT works just as well, whereas I don't think I'd be doing very well on just Luvox alone. Some temporary help is nice though, and that's how I view my medication.

I automatically have to mentally "discard" sudden thoughts such as this, because there's no way to understand them or work them out whatsoever. Period. Trying to just gets you stuck, and your OCD is clearly baiting you into thinking about it by making you feel close to remembering, yet nothing ever comes of it. Don't play that game, it never, ever works. When I realize what's going on (like you have), I just accept that it's a problem that my brain will likely throw at me in the future and move on. If it keeps popping back up after that, I think to myself "yeah, that's nice, brain," and use one of my go-to distractions to help show me that there are WAY better things that I could be solving. PolarBear is right. Do your best to ignore it.

That has to be, without a doubt, one of the worst feelings in the world. I'm proud of you for resisting it, and I hope you continue to do so. One thing I'm learning to do is pick myself back up when I fail and give in to my anxiety, without giving in to the thoughts that tell me that it's hopeless and that I should just keep doing the compulsion/overthinking something because it's what "works". No, it doesn't work. Don't play its game! I hope you're doing something much more fun instead.

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me! Thank you for the advice. I use one app that tracks your "moods" like a journal, though I use it for tracking realizations about my OCD. It will ask you to select your present negative feelings and/or observations from a large list of unhelpful "thought traps" that I'm sure many of us are familiar with, such as magical thinking and catastrophizing. Once you submit your entry, it provides you with pop-up reminders of important CBT principles based upon whichever issue(s) you selected. You can also briefly write about what you're experiencing at the time. It's been really helpful for me when I feel like I may have forgotten some of the fundamentals of CBT, as I'm still learning. It has no social aspect, which works well if you're feeling guilty about a thought and don't really want everyone to read it. I also use an app that functions as a game, making daily habits/mental health management a bit more fun. I use it to keep track of my medication time and for rewarding myself whenever I don't give in to a compulsion. Because it's a game that I can take anywhere, it's also useful for distraction and to keep my hands preoccupied. Another thing that's neat is the ability to play with other people. You can team up, and as you do your daily tasks, you can share experience/rewards among your group. On the other hand, if you don't meet the goals that you've set for yourself in the app, it will give your entire group a bit of damage. It helps with accountability, especially since I play with others.

The title of this thread caught my eye, because I've found myself using my phone more and more lately to help manage my OCD. I didn't know that anyone else would think to make a toolkit in a note app, honestly, so I liked reading that! I keep very concise (so I don't over-complicate anything) reminders of the tricks my OCD likes to play on me in my phone, so that I can remember them in moments where I'm struggling to be mindful. It really helps. I also have a productivity app that I use to reward myself when I don't give in to a compulsive behavior. Do you know if it would be alright to mention the name of it here in this thread? I'm aware of the external link guidelines, but I wanted to adhere to any rules about apps as well.

Thank you for the warm welcome! It means a lot, and I'm happy to be here. I only started taking my OCD diagnosis seriously last year, so managing a lot of these behaviors and seeing them for what they are is a new thing for me. I thought a lot of my paranoia was justified until recently... BPD seems to be a very painful condition, especially for the sufferer, but also to those around them. I pandered to them excessively toward the end of our relationship, because I was becoming more irritable due to the constant threat of "doing something wrong" and having it lead to problems that I wouldn't even see happening. I would say something defensive, and then spend the rest of the week trying to reassure them that I didn't mean it, all while terrified that any comment could be "the one" that ended everything. Thank you also for reminding me that what my partner did was truly nonthreatening. I definitely don't want to indulge in reassurance-seeking, but a different person's perspective is very helpful to me, as I've never had a healthy relationship until now. I do feel like I can be myself around my partner, and that he loves me, I just have a hard time believing it consistently, which leads to doubt. It's completely OCD, and I hate it. I talked to him tonight though about my fears and intrusive thoughts, and he was very understanding and offered to help refocus my attention elsewhere when I get anxious. You really put it into perspective: I don't want my ex to have the power to ruin the good thing that I have now. I'm happy to hear that you're managing your own BPD, it must not be easy. I felt bad for my ex and loved them dearly, I just couldn't keep helping them at my own expense. I appreciate the reply, you've made me feel more confident that I can work through this and move on.

Last year I left a toxic relationship where my partner (who had Borderline Personality Disorder) lied and manipulated me. The relationship lasted from when I was 16 to 22, and throughout that time they cheated on me, had an alternate life where they were dating another person, "split" me (they'd love me one day and hate me the next), and wouldn't tell me if I'd done something that upset them. The last bit led to an unfortunate situation occurring on a near-weekly basis: I'd do/fail to do something, and they wouldn't voice their discomfort no matter how obviously bothered they were. What upset them never seemed to have any consistency to it either, so I was always stumbling in the dark trying to appease them, asking them constantly if I had done something "wrong" or if I was inadvertently saying something inappropriate that would lead them to feel hurt and then later, lie/cheat/lead some double life. The final straw was when they (TMI) gave me an STD from a person they had been seeing behind my back, and I only found out when I developed an infection. I felt violated, but they told me it was because they were unhappy and "didn't want to bring it up" for months. What?! Fast forward to now. I have a relationship with a partner who has autism. He's very understanding, but in the beginning of our relationship HE had some serious trust issues. Specifically, he was worried that the extent of his autism would scare me away, so he lied about his various quirks and issues. He also didn't understand my OCD initially, and would lie to avoid making me upset, which is one of my worst fears (my ex did this). However, my ex lied to avoid talking/having to answer questions (I assume because most of their life with me was a lie), whereas he lied to avoid hurting me emotionally. Still, I want him to feel like he can talk to me, especially considering how long I went feeling like I could never, ever reach my partner. Unfortunately, he replayed a frequent scenario that I had with my ex: I asked for the truth, he lied, I gave him another opportunity to be honest, he lied again, I gave him physical proof that he was lying, and only THEN did he tell the truth. This happened about 5 times until all of his quirks had been discovered. This seems like some distorted form of a ritualistic checking behavior, but it's been near-impossible for me to fend off because of how my intrusive OCD thoughts regarding my ex were always correct. I feel like checking keeps me safe in this new relationship, because if I don't do it, how will my partner ever be honest? Especially since I begged him to never lie to me because of what had happened with my ex, and he still did it numerous times, even after reassuring me for months that he was being completely transparent about everything. How do I accept that, even if he did it with supposedly good intentions? I told him what my needs were, and he completely ignored them. How can he care about me? How can you even begin to move on in a relationship when you know that if you ask your partner about something, they may not be honest until you dig and check and ruminate and FIND evidence of their dishonesty? It makes my brain go crazy! I don't feel "safe" around my partner. Whenever I'm around him, I feel like I need to ask if he's ok, or if I've done/said something wrong. I'll ask about my tone of voice, my choice of words, if asking questions is wrong, if I'm being too enthusiastic, if I'm being too overbearing... It's gotten to the point that being around my partner is stressful. I feel like I can't do anything right, or that any small thing I do could lead to the end of our relationship. Just, I wouldn't know about it for 6 months, until something bad happened, just like before. All because my partner can't say "this is bothering me!" or "I want/need this!" or "I'd like to do something else!" Can anyone relate? Anyone afraid of just being lied to? Also, right now I'm on Luvox for my OCD, and doing CBT, but I'm fairly new to both. Any advice would be really appreciated, as this could potentially ruin my relationship.