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Lavendar

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    41
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  • OCD Status
    Sufferer

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Manchester

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  1. Lavendar

    Worst Intrusion Yet

    I still up to now don't know if I had acted on my thought of inappropriately touching a mans privates as he walked past me? It scares me whenever I think about it as I can't make sense of it in my head? How can I possibly of acted on the thought whilst the man was fully clothed? How can I have acted on the thought so quickly within seconds as he was walking past me? It just doesn't make sense. The room was full of people but what doubts me is the fact that because I was sitting right at the end of the room (when the intrusive thought took place) and everybody else was sat on the other side of the room it is making me think what if I did touch his privates and nobody else noticed as they were sat on the other side?
  2. Lavendar

    Worst Intrusion Yet

    I completely understand you Oceanblue. My latest obsession/intrusive thought triggered me just a day before I got married. This was by far the worst intrusion ever! I was thinking the same "how can I live a life thinking I've done this awful thing?" I don't know why I got triggered at this time when it was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I don't know why at this time OCD got ever so strong and tricked me into believing I had acted on my intrusive thought. Was it because I was going through different emotions at the time? Can somebody tell me? I will explain the situation. 1 month before I got married I had just lost my dad and I was in shock and the next month I was supposed to be getting married. My emotions were everywhere. I was so confused as to what was happening to me.
  3. That makes sense PB. My therapist is very understanding and she is telling me to work at my own pace.
  4. It is said that a brain injury can cause someone to suffer from long term mental health conditions such as OCD. Does anybody on here suffer from OCD that has been caused as a result of a brain injury?
  5. I am new to CBT exposure and it is frightening. I like the talking part but I am not strong enough to do the exposure part.
  6. I have not yet met anybody with these sort of thoughts. I feel like I am the only one going through this and I feel extremely isolated. I have wanted to end my life because of these thoughts. It just gets too much for me and I feel suffocated. I feel I cannot handle one more intrusive thought. Does anybody have any similar experiences, can anybody relate to my thoughts and give me any advice as to how to deal with the thoughts? I honestly from the bottom of my heart would appreciate any input on this topic as I am just so lost right now and have been for the last 20 months.
  7. Lavendar

    OCD

    Trying to be 'perfect' is how it all started. I tried to be so perfect in everything that I made it become into a problem. Today this problem has overtaken my life and it has made me so ill. At first I didn't realise what it was and I continued living in that way. I started showing signs of this type of behaviour from the age of 3 years old. Now it rules my life and has taken over my life and many times I have felt suicidal about it. I just feel as though there is another person inside of me or I even feel as though I have another brain (irrational brain) that controls me 24/7.
  8. Lavendar

    OCD

    I was supposed to say *I don't know where I would be without it.*
  9. Lavendar

    OCD

    People still think OCD means being neat, tidy, clean and organised. We need to say to them, 'think again!'. We need to tell them that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a seriously debilitating disorder which leads the sufferer to having unwanted debilitating intrusive thoughts rendering day-to-day life a living nightmare. That's OCD!
  10. Lavendar

    OCD

    Thanks for the reassurance Oceanblue. I have felt so alone for years until I found this site just over a year ago. This place is like home. It is my safe zone and I am so glad I found it. I don't where I would be without it. There are so many lovely people on here who are so understanding and comforting. We should all help each other at beating this monster of an illness that has taken over us.
  11. I wanted to talk about a situation that happened last year which has been really bothering me for over a year now. I was sat down and a man walked past me and I got this horrible thought that I had touched him inappropriately on his private area and it straightaway got me into a state of panic. Once I had calmed down a little I started to think of it in detail whether it really happened? I started to wonder how could I have done that action so quickly as the man walked past me? Surely it would have taken a bit of time to undo his trouser/underwear etc to get to his privates? These thoughts come out of nowhere it is not like I am thinking I want to do this whenever I see a male. I don't know why these thoughts just pop into my head out of nowhere. I was able to ignore the thought for a day or so but it crept back into my brain later and I got the thought that every thing I had touched that day after I thought I had touched him inappropriately on his privates had become contaminated. I added importance to the thought which got me more into a state of anxiety. I have not been able to touch these things that I feel are contaminated after that day and I have been doing a lot of avoidance behaviour around these things. Can anybody please give me any help or advice?
  12. Lavendar

    OCD

    As I cannot function properly due to this horrible OCD brain that has taken over my brain I sometimes wish my every action can be recorded just so I know that I haven't done anything stupid. My false memories keep making me doubt everything and I live in constant fear and doubt every day. It makes me see a scenario in my head of me doing stupid things and it scares the life out of me. I cannot function like a normal person. There is always something on my mind bothering me. It is just so hard to ignore these stupid thoughts. I am afraid of my own mind. It is always looking for things to set me off with panic attacks and anxiety. I am a nervous wreck all the time. I just don't know what is going to attack me next. I live in a world of fear and it is so sad when nobody understands what I am going through.
  13. I am sorry for the long post. It is my first time posting on here about my OCD (I am not sure if this is pure o?) and I would really appreciate it if you could have a read and offer any help or advice. (It is very embarrassing so please do not judge as this is my OCD.) Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I am suffering from Intrusive Thoughts and False Memories of a sexual nature. (I have a fear that I have touched someone inappropriately on their privates especially male). It is very embarrassing and it is not like I deliberately want to act on the thought otherwise I wouldn't have so much anxiety afterwards, it randomly just pops up into my mind out of nowhere. I have never suffered from this type of thought before and so I am finding it very very difficult to cope with it. It is very distressing. I have suffered from different themes of OCD over the years throughout my life but for me this theme (sexual thoughts) is probably the worst by far and it is killing me. I have been suffering from OCD and anxiety and depression since the age of 3 years old. I am now 29 years old. I got diagnosed with these conditions over 10 years ago. Thoughts of this nature initially started coming into my mind after I started watching porn. The image of a mans privates would just pop into my mind out of nowhere whenever I saw a male. This could be outside, inside, on TV etc. And then I'd suddenly think I touched the mans privates and then I would panic and suffer extreme anxiety. I have stopped watching porn because it triggers the intrusive thoughts. OCD started to affect me seriously from mid teens and since then it had started to get worse. And now I have ended up with depression too. Over the years I have suffered from various different forms of OCD. My mind has never had a rest. I am constantly battling irrational thoughts and anxiety every single day. Nobody understands. My family, my partner etc. I feel suicidal at times to end it all. It is really hard because my mental condition has got very intense with these stupid intrusive thoughts as well that I cannot function properly. I am scared of being around people due to these thoughts and I am scared to go out etc and the fact that my partner is not very supportive towards my condition does not really help and it is making me really frustrated as well.
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