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luna blue

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  1. Hugs dear and thank you so much! Great topic!
  2. Polar bear god bless you! Really man ! This is such great news! I ve been suffering since October 2016 hardcore and your words - they kind of set a limit on this sucker. Thank u!
  3. You are so right! Between the despair and control there has to be fun! My therapist said to me that my homework this week is one day no cbt! Just do what I want . And this is a challenge- because !!!! what do I want? I want to get rid of my ocd and play with my son naturally without the monitoring but me wanting this so bad has become a very focused thing. So the trick today is not to do exposures do all the compulsions and try to take it easy:) this is so ironic:) but I am like ok - I just go with the flow:) this is so cool - the fact that you let go of your temporary condition ( because it is!) and enjoy yourself! I think this is where through exposure happenes because people who feel as guilty as we are - well it's hard to enjoy life then. So this is something I am taking with me- thank you so much!!!!
  4. Great post! Very clear and helpful! Thank you for taking time and share this with us! i would as meditation. Just some mindfulness for 10 minutes a day or catharsis meditation . But of course that is personal. i have to say I admire you and it does sound that you are really doing everything you can to have a balanced life which is the one true cure for ocd in my humble opinion -both therapy and fun things ! Now I am learning to have fun again hugs hugs hugs!
  5. Polar Bear Polar bear Hi, could you share few examples of What you did to recover? Also how long it took you since starting cbt? i have been diagnosed with having ocd for 31 years- all different themes - now as I look back it is so clear it has dominated my life and choices but I am 35 and I am very motivated to get better. As you know now I have pedophile themed ocd and would love to have your opinion on handling it. As you advised previously I try to give bath and hug my son and just stay through it. I say few times a day that I am a pedophile. I keep a journal where I write down all the exposures and compulsions I did/skipped. But all advise is welcome! Thank you so much !
  6. Hi guys, Here is something that had pcured to me - when you "did" something ( touched something dirty , hugged your child and now thinking you are a pedophile, took a knife in your hand , or touched a needle, no matter what , ) just something that got your anxiety immediately very high - did you ever exposed yourself even more at that moment? I did it accidentally few times and it had a huge effect - positive one! I really felt a winner and then did it few times on purpose and also had a positive effect. Anyone experienced something similar?
  7. I had to tape on video that I was a pedophile and it was tough. Very! But now I don't care about the word so much- am I a pedofile am I not who cares? It's just a word. Of corse the battle is not over! But the word is less treathening. So the what if , worked for me but slowly.
  8. I remembered why I am also afraid of the earth! In our culture, people who use dark magic put earth under someone else door to bring bad stuff and death to those who live there! And ofc i dont want to accidentally bring harm to the ones i love, typical ocd.
  9. Hi, thank you for a warm message! I really appreciate it. I will continue to expose myself! x
  10. luna blue


    Yes! I am having emdr since may last year and cbt since December. I also do the 4 steps on my own and take sertraline. I am doing everything everything in my power to be a good mom.to be natural. And it's the hardest thing in the world. This theme ocd started October 2016 when I was two month pregnant and still going on. But I am slowly making progress. So I feel hopeful! Also since 14 February I am sharing this on this forum . I was to ashamed to speak to anyone in real life.
  11. luna blue


    First of all thank you! I feel your comments have great value to me and I think to many others here! so just do it? Even if groisal arousal or whatever that is comes? Even if it feels like molesting, and you want to run away? I am just afraid that I am doing something wrong by touching his genitals by bear hand. Problem my mom never really hugged me or dad , so I don't know what is right, ok, good, for example my husband showers with the baby and it feels like torture. So sometimes I get confused as in what is the norm if you know what I mean.
  12. luna blue


    Polar bear please! Tell me how you did it? I can only wash him with little washing sponge , not bare hand. And when I massage him or wash everything feels sexual:( I ve been working so so hard. And now doing exposures by myself as well , and really staying focus, but to touch his genitals - is something I cannot imagine. What is your advice? This baby is my everything and sometimes I am afraid to hug him:(
  13. luna blue


    Also suicidal thoughts , especially with pedophile themed ocd and harm ocd. A lot! So don't take them in. Breath in , breath out. This is very very difficult theme you have
  14. luna blue


    Did you describe to your therapist exactly what you did? The act I mean? I think this will help you! guilt and feeling of not right are the ocd tools .
  15. luna blue


    How are you abusive? I don't see it on your text I am sorry. Maybe I just didn't understand, my English is not that great:) does your child struggling now from this? How do you know you was abusive? I mean ocd can tell you anything.