ExpectoPatronum

This will probably be a rambling post and I apologize. I am wondering if there’s any point in trying therapy if I honestly don’t think I have the drive or strength or intentions to get better. I think it would be wrong of me to waste a therapist’s time if my heart and head aren’t in the right place when they could be helping someone else who perhaps has more “try” in them. I guess I’m asking that if I don’t currently have the will to get better or change, should I maybe wait a bit until I somehow have better intentions? I feel so hopeless right now that I don’t think I can make any effortfull change, and I don’t want someone to waste their efforts when there are certainly others more deserving. Does this make sense?

I’m so sorry, Saz. Will be thinking of you!

Thank you taurean. I haven’t heard of the ACE plan before. I’ll give it my best shot. I assume there is no recommended ordering or sequence, correct?

I absolutely get this. For me, I don’t think the smell is necessarily not there, but it is much more intense for me than others would experience. Like heightened sensitivity to external stimuli.

So sorry, Saz. By the way, I’m currently rocking glasses too. Have you tried joint/couple counseling at all, and is that something he would be receptive to?

Very, very depressed, and I can’t seem to get out of it. And no motivation to do anything I might enjoy.

I have a question if that’s ok. I’ve really cut down on my compulsions this week, but I feel this overwhelming sense of depression...greater than I have ever felt before. I just feel so heavy and dark that I hardly have the ability to do anything with my thoughts. I’m just wondering if this is a normal occurrence or even related to doing fewer compulsions. Any ideas? I’m just not sure whether there’s a correlation or this is just a random observation.

That is so wonderful!

This is a good point, and I suppose there is a much greater chance of getting in a car accident, foodborne illness, disease, etc. than potential exposure to a chemical. Risks that are taken everyday, and also risks that I worry about. Unfortunately I tend to just trade off one obsession for another, so at least I guess I can take comfort in the fact that the chemical obsession will soon be replaced by something else in the future (and perhaps a risk that actually has a higher probability of occurring).

Ok, thank you. I guess it’s possible that I have poor insight. I just don’t know if I can be convinced that what I’m doing is irrational because it seems so right to me. If it starts interfering with other people’s lives, though, I agree that I need to try to change who I am. Thank you for your help.

Also, my compulsions don’t cause me significant distress. If anything, they are comforting to me. So I don’t even know if I technically would fit into the diagnostic criteria. I am probably just researching things to make myself feel better, so ultimately, perhaps I’m just a selfish, self-consumed person.

Ok, well I will rephrase and say I won’t do that. If I could go back in time and unread everything I have read, then yes, maybe. But at this point, I could not deal with the guilt and I feel like that would be terrible of me to try to deal with my own anxiety by potentially exposing innocent children to something potentially harmful. I just could not live with myself. And honestly, I am going to admit that I probably don’t have OCD. I don’t have any sense or understanding that me doing this is irrational or unnecessary. I’m sorry if I sound argumentative, but I am feeling pretty convinced that this is outside the realm of ocd.

Well I can’t do that.

Yes, why do you ask?

And also, would erp even be appropriate in this scenario?