ExpectoPatronum

Hi Dksea. Thank you so very much for your detailed response. I will try to enact a few more limits to my research. I think I will try to at least hold off on additional research, at least for the short term as I have already spent so much money replacing things. In terms of setting limits, do you think it is unreasonable to replace things that I didn’t purchase myself and I don’t know where they came from? With products I didn’t purchase myself, I can’t be sure of the origins, their chemical composition, whether it could potentially be counterfeit, etc. It would be awfully environmentally unfriendly and pricey to throw everything out, though, so I am conflicted. And it is of course difficult to remember where everything is from as I haven’t kept a spreadsheet and am now questioning my memory.

Hi Saz, I don’t necessarily have words of wisdom without knowing the specifics, but I empathize with what you’re going through. Relationships are hard anyway, but especially when compounded by anxiety and ocd. I’m going through something that sounds pretty similar relationship-wise and I can’t talk to my partner about anything because they pretty much invalidate anything I say. Hope you are ok.

Truly, a lot of the parents I know do constantly research household chemicals so this is adding to my guilt. I don’t feel like I have a good sense of what is normal. I don’t think that I’m right and everyone else is wrong, just to clarify. I do wish I was oblivious to some of these concerns, but I can’t exactly go back and unknow what I know.

Thank you dksea. I agree with what you’ve said about not being able to eliminate all risks. And I agree that a lot of the claims on the Web are based on pseudoscience, so I do at least try to at least contain my research to peer-reviewed medical journals. And I’m finding many concerning studies that have not necessarily been released to a more public audience or via statements through environmental or health organizations. I’ve been struggling with how to figure out where to draw the line. I can’t really figure out what a normal/healthy level of research is versus a compulsive level. I’m not even sure that I have personally reached a compulsive level. Because a lot of the products in my household were not necessarily purchased by me and were gifted to me (and thus not researched for safety and may have unclear origins), I’m not sure whether it would be prudent to replace things with unclear origins or just try to deal with the potential risk. It’s also frustrating because a lot of the chemicals deemed harmful such as bpa, parabens, etc. are being replaced with things that may likely have similar potential effects on the endocrine system.

Thank you. I will discuss with my doctor. I do actually already have some propranolol on hand. Again, I realize that meds will certainly be no magic solution, but I’m just so shut down right now that it’s hard to focus on getting better. I hope your med review went well and you’re able to work something out that doesn’t cause you any uncomfortable side effects.

Thanks, PolarBear. I promise I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I really don’t know how I can just stop being a certain way. I would argue that I am accountable because children can’t yet make such decisions for themselves and I am responsible for looking after their best interests. I have already found some products in my house that are dangerous, and I wouldn’t have realized this without researching everything. I feel like if I stop, I’m just doing it for my own self comfort to make myself feel better. Wouldn’t that be selfish of me? I feel like if I am complacent about this then I’m just being neglectful. I apologize again, but I don’t understand how I am supposed to feel comfortable just doing nothing.

Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree that it’s very subjective. I guess I was just working under the assumption that the smallest dosage possible would be best to avoid potential side effects because I don’t do well with any meds in general. I have no expectations about medication ridding me of OCD thoughts. I don’t see how that would be possible. But I’m wondering if the OCD may be easier to tackle if there was something I could do to at least help cope and lessen the generalized anxiety and depression.

Thank you. That’s really good advice. I am definitely guilty of checking with others (and with slight variations to hopefully be less annoying). I am getting so frustrated because I don’t know the origin of a lot of the products in my home and don’t know whether they could be contaminated with chemicals or heavy metals. They probably aren’t, but there’s still a small chance. And I’m 100% ok with taking small risks when it comes to my own health. However, I just am having so much trouble taking risks when it concerns others’ health, particularly children that rely on you to keep them safe. I feel like I am completely accountable for researching everything to make sure it’s safe and I don’t know where to draw the line.

May I ask what dosage of Escitalopram you have found to be most effective for you? I know it certainly varies by the individual, but I am just curious about how low of a dose you have found helps to manage symptoms. Thanks.

Thank you. I have found this to be the most difficult part of being a parent. If anything seems off the normal path of development I immediately try to attribute potential blame to myself, although I realize most often such things are out of our control.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. And I hope it didn’t sound like I was implying that people that don’t have these same worries don’t care; I certainly didn’t mean that. However, I am having trouble sorting out which concerns are rational and which concerns are not. I feel like I have to check with others to see which worries are valid and which are not, though I am wondering if this is perhaps a compulsion.

I really, really can’t let this go. I truly don’t understand how it is possible to just be at peace and not worry about these things. I feel like this is an enduring personality trait and I can’t really be someone that I’m not. Anything else is just fooling myself.

Sorry to bring this topic up again, but I’m still really struggling. How am I supposed to get past feeling so guilty? I am not sure how worried I should be about all the things I am worried about. But I just feel like a horrible, irresponsible person. And I feel like if anything bad happens it will be my fault, and I can’t deal with the guilt.

Thank you! I will try harder to distract myself.

Thank you. That sounds very similar to what I’m experiencing. Are you still getting panic attacks? Sorry that you are going through that too.