Ma29

Hello. I’ve had a very tough week and Im so confused why these things are happening to me. I was sitting with the baby, he was asleep and whilst asleep in my arms I noticed I clenched the inside of my head which triggered a sensation in my groin (I know it sounds stupid but it really did). Or it was just mental because everything I do atm is related to my groin. I got alarmed by this and thought that’s odd because it felt like when I did the head clench my groin sensation was triggered but almost like it was magically moving in the same direction as us by just the sensation - I don’t know if I’m being delusional at this point??

Hey Jeremy, Thanks for posting and looking out for us, very kind of you. This is positive and encouraging - thank you for sharing. I am so glad to hear that ocd hasn’t stopped you from achieving these things and nor should it ever have the power to do that. I often worry that Ocd will get in the way of me living a fulfilling life but your post has given me hope.

Thanks Snowbear. I am trying, I really am. I’ve noticed that some obsessions of the same theme have less impact on me now and some are still there. Im trying to treat these thoughts as nonsense, I really am. It’s just that there are some that just stick with me for longer than they should. I’ve refused to let the latest sticky thought stop me from interacting with the baby. It’s been very tough but I’ve done it. I just can’t get my head around what happened. I think it’s as simple as:- Dad stands baby up from the changing mat and asks mum to put baby’s sleeping suit on the changing mat, behind the baby. OCD triggered. Mum has OCD and gets reminded of her obsession the last time she did this (her obsession was a fear around things touching baby’s bottom). Mum proceeds to put sleeping suit on the changing mat. OCD is triggered again, thoughts about the sleeping suit being too close to baby’s bottom as she places it on the changing mat. Mum freezes but continues to place sleeping suit on the changing mat. OCD triggered again and gives mum a fleeting feeling of something like she wanted the sleeping suit to touch baby’s bottom. Mum feels guilty for having this feeling/thought. At the time, mum was trying to just put the sleeping suit on the changing mat amidst all these feelings and thoughts ect. Later on the ocd keeps reminding her of the feeling that ocd caused convincing her that she wanted the sleeping suit to touch baby’s bottom which the mum doesn’t feel comfortable with and she feels like a bad person. The task at hand was to put the sleeping suit on the changing mat - that is what I did. So why do I feel so bad for this? I know it’s the feeling element which I don’t like - I hate it. How can I ignore this and dismiss it? It’s almost like being in a constant battle with my own mind - and then the constant stress which comes with this caused me migraines and skin rashes.

Thanks Snowbear it’s just so scary because if I’m doing something ‘normal’ ocd twists it because of my obsessions and sometimes can even make me ‘feel’ like I’m doing something normal in a bad way. For example putting the babygrow on the floor, in the process it for a split second made me feel like I wanted it to touch his bottom and then I carried on and because of the feeling surely I should have stopped? I did freeze before hand because I got stuck. Then today I’m putting baby’s top on and as soon as I’m about to put his arm in I make sure I try not to touch his nappy area ect and then after I’ve put the arm in I pull his top down to straighten it out and I don’t know what happens but I move my hand too quickly and at the same time the ocd thought comes in telling me it’s bad / for a bad reason ect and then I feel awful again. I know these actions will seem harmless to someone else but to me they are harmful and wrong. I don’t know how to forgive myself. Is ocd an excuse for this behaviour? What will I say to my baby when he’s older - Oh when you were a baby, the babygrow touched your bottom as I was placing it on the floor and when we were changing you, I pulled your top down to straighten it but my hand moved too quickly. I shouldn’t do any of these things and I’m still yet doing them.

Thanks all. @MarieJo Thank you so much for sharing you’re experience with me - I really appreciate you being so open and letting me know about your own obsessions - Which I understand can be difficult to talk about for some people, so thank you. I’m sorry you’ve had to cope with such distressing obsessions relating to your children and can understand how very challenging this may have been and still is now albeit the obsessions may have changed in nature. You mentioned you are struggling atm, I hope you have enough support around you and are getting help if necessary? Thank you for offering to chat - Now that I’m a mother, I instinctively feel responsible for my child which is expected, natural and healthy of course however as an ocd sufferer I have a heightened sense of inflated responsibility which is where the issue lies because these obsessions/compulsions become unhealthy and irrational. I need to learn that my child’s life span isn’t dependant on choosing the ‘right’ food jar from the supermarket or that if I don’t walk back and forth in the living room twice, it isn’t going to cause harm to my child.I’m sure you can probably relate to similar things!

Hello. Is it okay to just dismiss everything because I have ocd when it comes to obsessions. By that I mean any thoughts / feelings / harmless actions ect. I feel exhausted from all of this and worry the ocd tricks me at every chance it can get. The feelings then feel so real it’s scary and I don’t know what’s real or not then. Today was really difficult but I tried my best to fight and managed surprisingly quite well - the trick for me is not to panic straight away and give it some time before I react to anything. I noticed when I do this, I actually forget about the initial thought and when it does come back, I can see that it was silly anyway. However there are some that just stick and I can’t get rid of them. Am I supposed to just ignore these sticky thoughts too? Even if they cause feelings too? I was keeping the baby distracted today whilst his dad was changing him. His dad picked him up in a standing position from the changing mat and asked me to put the babygrow underneath the baby before he puts him back down on the changing mat. As soon as I proceed to get the baby grow - I get reminded of a previous time when I was asked to do the same thing and the ocd kicked in telling me that I laid it down in a way which was too close to the baby’s bottom as I put the babygrow down (almost like when you make the bed you toss the duvet and so to put the babygrow down I have to toss it in the same way so it falls neatly on the mat). Anyway, I carry on and as I’m getting ready to toss the babygrow in air to lay it down flat something tells me I’m too close to baby’s bottom but I still go ahead and do it. Just after the thought and before I carry on, I freeze but then I still lay it down and now I feel really bad because it was too close. The ocd is also making me ‘feel’ like I wanted that to happen but I don’t like that and feel uncomfortable with that however also feel guilty that I just went ahead and carried on when I shouldn’t have although I did freeze at the same time because I was anxious. I feel like I’ve done a really bad thing now because of the though feeling action ect. I hate it all. If I didn’t have ocd and didn’t have this obsession and wasn’t reminded of the previous time a similar thing happened then none of this would have happened. Am I okay to just dismiss this all? Thanks

Glad you have got a plan of action for yourself, Cora. Best of luck with your studies this weekend - you got this. I’m sure the finished product will be ace when you do present it. ?

Cora, forget other people and their circumstances. This is about you. Has OCD impacted your ability to complete your dissertation project for the set deadline? Y/N/Maybe. You’ll know the answer. Don’t feel guilty about anything. You need to look out for yourself and give yourself the best possible chance in life. So, if this means getting an extension to allow you the time to complete your project to the best of your ability because so far you haven’t been able to, due to illness (ocd) then you should go for it. When I was at school which seems like a long time ago now, I had to ask for exemptions a lot due to various different things that were out of my control. This illness isn’t any different and if I was struggling how I am now and had uni work to complete I would be trying to get all the additional support available to me. Best of luck !

I sensed an overwhelming amount of sadness last night and this morning. Sad about many things that have occurred in the last year or so. I hate OCD. I always say why, why. Then I remember something, as my father would say - ‘we can sit here asking why, if it wasn’t you it would be someone else’s daughter and that wouldn’t make it OK’. Which is very true of course. I’m also grateful that ocd has the potential to be treated with the right tools. I know that there are other people not so fortunate, suffering from other illnesses. That being said, I just feel so sad. This thing has robbed me of experiencing one of the best moments of my life with my beautiful baby. I wish I could have been the mother I planned to be. It has not just impacted me but has impacted my baby, husband, siblings and mum. I also know my dad is watching and probably hurting knowing I’m going through this. I wish I could wake up and just cuddle my baby, wish I could kiss him as much as I want, wish I could watch him have fun whilst he enjoys the bubbles at bath time, wish I could buy him lovely clothes and toys to dress him in and play with him, wish I could take him to fun activities - I can’t even buy him food jars unless I spend 30 minutes picking the ‘right’ jar because if it doesn’t feel right then something may happen to him. I know everyone’s obsessions feel the most traumatic to them - that’s the nature of ocd and why it’s so distressing, it targets peoples worst fears. For me, ocd couldn’t have attacked anything more precious in my life. I just don’t know how I will ever get over this trauma. There is the grief of what It has robbed from me and then also something which feels like ptsd associated with trying to recover from all the trauma it has caused. No exaggeration intended, this has been one of the darkest times of my life. There is also a lot of guilt attached - guilt that I think is probably made up from all the meaningless things I thought were wrong. I know it’s ocd but because its all so distressing in nature, it’s equally distressing when memories come back and then those feelings / emotions return. I understand the concept of dealing with each obsession is very very similar by applying the CBT techniques ect. However when I’ve researched to find other parents who have experienced post natal ocd and in particular ocd around harm and inappropriate behaviour, I just can’t find any. I don’t know if that’s because people are afraid to share their experiences or just don’t want too but it would really help me to see that there are other parents who have had the same ocd theme as me and have recovered. Does anyone know of any mums and dads that have experienced something similar - I’d love to read about their journey and see that there is a way out from this and that I can still be all the things I wanted to be and be happy. Thanks.

Struggling again @PolarBearcan you help me please?

Thanks @Lily sheila My therapist has tried that with me in a similar way by looking at the likelihood of something happening to which I always almost say not very likely. In my case ocd has recognised that the way to make me suffer is to create associations with inappropriate behaviour (which is what I’m fearful off). It knows I’d never act and do the latter so it creates stupid associations which then results in me making up rules for myself which are more likely to be broken. I then attach false belief to these rules which are pointless and meaningless in the first place. So in this instance - During the day OCD made an association that moving my head (which would move my face) near the baby is bad because it could touch his nappy area therefore I shouldn’t do anything of the sort like hold him up in the air/ nod/tickle his tummy with my face/Bend over to pick something up when he is near me. Even that association is false because so what if I bent over to get something and my head hit his nappy area, I’m sure when he’s older he will crawl all over us. Anyway, this then led to a rule I must abide by:- Head/face must never ever touch baby’s nappy area OR move near baby’s nappy area because it is inappropriate regardless of the context ( obviously there are instances where this may happen such as smelling a baby’s nappy / blowing raspberries on their tummy’s / or thighs even) and the most obvious one is we have to move our heads to function. This rule is flawed. Part of a parents head or face coming into contact with a babies nappy area as they are tickling them on their tummy isn’t wrong, a parent smelling their baby’s nappy to see if they’ve done a poo isn’t wrong. A parent bending down to get something and accidentally hitting their head on this area isn’t wrong. What is wrong is the complete opposite which I don’t even need to explain. However when I am in this situation the ocd then alerts me to say ️ Rule in danger of being broken which then triggers the thoughts ‘don’t move don’t move’ and I’m fixated on this one thing because IF I do move and the rule gets broken:- ie his dads face touches his nappy area then I have done something incredibly inappropriate. When in actual fact that rule is nonsense, as a) nothing inappropriate is going on and b) I have no bad intention. The point is I’m fixated with the worry of moving because IF I do that equals inappropriate regardless of context and intention and that’s false. So, that leaves me ruminating and seeking reassurance when the answer is the same - the rule you are trying to follow and have put belief in is false in the first place. If you did move and that persons face touched the baby’s nappy area for a brief second whilst tickling his tummy it wouldn’t be wrong or wouldn’t do any harm. Your worry was not about behaving inappropriately it was actually about breaking a rule you think would = inappropriate. You were afraid of not moving because you thought if you do that would be inappropriate regardless of intent or context and that’s false. Hope this makes sense..? I do like a Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.

A lovely person on this forum gave me some words of wisdom the other day which were from: The parable of the poisoned arrow which is a short story told by a Buddha in order to illustrate the futility of speculating on certain metaphysical questions, such as the ones you, I and probably everyone has. The difference is we both have OCD and find it hard to accept that we will never know anything for certain. Hope this helps. The parable of the posioned arrow It's just as if a man were wounded with an arrow thickly smeared with poison. His friends & companions, kinsmen & relatives would provide him with a surgeon, and the man would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble warrior, a priest, a merchant, or a worker.' He would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know the given name & clan name of the man who wounded me... until I know whether he was tall, medium, or short... until I know whether he was dark, ruddy-brown, or golden-colored... until I know his home village, town, or city... until I know whether the bow with which I was wounded was a long bow or a crossbow... until I know whether the bowstring with which I was wounded was fiber, bamboo threads, sinew, hemp, or bark... until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was wild or cultivated... until I know whether the feathers of the shaft with which I was wounded were those of a vulture, a stork, a hawk, a peacock, or another bird... until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was bound with the sinew of an ox, a water buffalo, a langur, or a monkey.' He would say, 'I won't have this arrow removed until I know whether the shaft with which I was wounded was that of a common arrow, a curved arrow, a barbed, a calf-toothed, or an oleander arrow.' The man would die and those things would still remain unknown to him.

Thanks ocdjonesy - I’m going to get up and try to have something to eat as I haven’t eaten yet at it’s 3pm.

My ocd started off the moment after a Muslim teacher told me that if I don’t dress a certain way, my parents will burn in hell. So I adopted various changes to my life which involved many many compulsions because I couldn’t take the risk of my parents burning in hell for eternity (now older I don’t even believe there is a hell like this and the belief I even attached to this silly statement was completely irrational). The belief that our actions will cause our family to burn in hell is false. That’s all there is to it. My child could me the most law abiding, caring child in the world but he may go to hell because of my actions - If that’s the case then we are all doomed and set up for failure, right? I’ve been where you are and I get it. It feels so real and even if there’s very little chance of something happening we want complete certainly it won’t but we can’t get complete certainty around anything let alone the afterlife! So, we carry out these compulsions because we can’t cope we the slightest of chance this false belief being true. It’s called, Intolerance of certainty and it’s really uncomfortable. The ocd wants you to believe something that is false. It’s a big lie. Your children won’t be punished for your actions or non actions. It’s attaching to your children because it knows you love them the most in this world. You need to recognise this is the OCD playing tricks on you and treat it as the garbage it is - OCD. Do it because by attending to the false lie OCD is telling you, you’ll spend more time carrying out compulsions trying to save your children from something that won’t happen than spending quality time with them. Best of luck

I’ve applied the techniques I have learnt in therapy so far and the advice I’ve had from users in this forum and I’ve worked this out myself. Sorry about that. Everyone.

I just want some help to help me challenge this and see it logically. Sometimes I get really stuck especially when it’s so distressing in nature. I’m sitting here with my notebook trying to solve what happened but I’d like someone to explain the rule thing again and help me see sense. I spoke to the perinatal team and told them I’m feeling pretty down. I don’t want to tell anyone that I’ve had dark thoughts in the past about myself because they will then section me and I’ll be in a hospital which in my experience and opinion are not nice places to be at all because I’ve seen it first hand with my own mum. @PolarBearcan usually explain the difference to me and help me see clarity when laying it out for me. That would be really helpful for me right now. @snowbear has also helped me which I’m grateful for. I just need someone to help me see this from an ocd perspective again so that I can get back to things. I’m

Hello. For some context OCD had been trying to get me all day, yesterday - telling me that head movements/ bending down near baby/lifting baby up in-front of me/tickling baby on his tummy with my face is bad because my face is near his nappy area or pointing in the same direction as his nappy area which is inappropriate. Which created a rule that any contact / association of face is bad near nappy area. Just to be clear this is while the baby is completely fully clothed and via normal interaction. Yesterday evening I refused to let the same thoughts get to me and I’m playing with husband and baby and swinging baby towards husband. We are all having the greatest time. I feel emotional even thinking about it now because it felt so nice. However on the last swing when baby gets to his dad, his dad tickles him with his face on his tummy whilst I’m holding the baby in a standing position in front of him. I can’t remember whether he was also going nom nom nom playfully on his tummy. This is completely normal. However for me.. ocd alarm bells ring in my head ? ‘Don’t move don’t move don’t move, if you move then his dads face could touch his nappy area and that’ll be inappropriate. I panic, and I’m scared - baby is wriggling away as he’s unsteady on his legs. My husband completely oblivious and just enjoying tickling his son on his tummy. Now I’m so scared because it all happened so quickly and I don’t know whether I did or didn’t move and I feel awful. I’ll never know for certain now. The likelihood is I didn’t move but I’ll never know for certain. Just to be clear, In the moment there was NO desire to intentionally do something bad, it was a fear of don’t move don’t move/ you’ll move, you’ll move and IF you do then husbands face could touch his nappy area which is inappropriate and you would have caused that - Which is what is causing me the anxiety. Is this a nonsense rule again? Am I giving this too much thought? Can someone help me challenge this particular moment please and help me see sense? Am I following a nonsense rule again? IF Face touches baby’s nappy area = abuse and inappropriate when that’s not the case? I’ve seen some people hold their babies up in the air and smell whether their baby has a dirty nappy by putting their face on the nappy area - I used to do this myself when baby was younger and before I got ocd. Im really scared and feel awful. I can’t look at the baby or my husband in the eyes today and have shut myself away in the bedroom. I’m looking for answers and feel like I’ve squeezed my eyes so tightly desperately trying to concentrate that they hurt. I love my baby. This is so heartbreaking it is painful and soul destroying.

Hi Lynz, Baby is 5 months old and I relapsed last year in November. I actually contacted the gp back in October time and told her I’m feeling very low due to dealing with the grief of losing my dad and finding it overwhelming to cope with things after the birth of my son. She suggested I speak to healthy minds - they did an assessment and asked me if I ever get intrusive thoughts about the baby, to which I replied no, thankfully because that would be distressing. Low and behold I start getting the intrusive thoughts the next day. Gp also referred me to the perinatal team. They did an assessment and said I should wait for CBT via healthy minds because they basically didn’t have capacity to take me on and also didn’t think I was severe enough which I think is unfair. They have, this week agreed for me to be under their care but the wait for a psychologist is still a while away. One of the perinatal nurse practitioners will support me until I can see the psychologist - apparently they’re trained to some degree in psych therapy as well. I have been paying for private therapy in the interim.

I’m really sorry I didn’t mean my comment to be offensive at all. I was being completely serious that I have appreciated all the help everyone has given me. when I wrote it I also thought I am forever grateful for their help. The last thing I wanted was to offend anyone - reading back, I can see that I should not have put goodbye at the end - that may cause distress to other sufferers. Again, I didn’t mean to cause any harm by my comment however I do appreciate how the goodbye at the end may have come across. No justification but I am going through immense pain and I strongly believe that I have done something wrong which may seem absurd to you but for me it’s as real as anything and it’s my greatest fear. You saying that I may have caused distress and guilt to other sufferers is causing me distress and guilt knowing that - I don’t want to cause other sufferers on here any distress at all. I’m sorry. I feel really bad now because I acted with my chimp brain when writing the post and I’m sorry. Currently trying not to cry in bed at your response caramoole because I’ll wake the baby up, sorry again everyone. I didn’t mean to sound like an unappreciative little brat who isn’t grateful for your help. I don’t want my comment to cause any harm and I’m now worried that someone may feel guilty because of my comment and that may cause them harm in which case it will be my fault. I’m so sorry, I don’t want anyone to feel guilty - please do not. I’m here and I will try and fight this. I’ll even stop coming on this forum if I have hurt anyone. I’m really worried and scared I’m going to contribute to someone feeling guilty and worse than they already feel - I don’t want that. That wasn’t my intention at all. Having heart palpitations right now because I don’t want to cause anyone guilt and distress and add to their suffering - no - it’s the last thing I want. I feel like an awful human being. Not trying to make this about ‘me’ but I just want everyone to understand I had no intention of causing anyone distress or guilt as per caramooles comment. Telling that to an ocd sufferer itself is terrifying because my theme is harm and so now I think I’m going to be a contributor to someone else’s distress, albeit you may have thought I deserved to know caramoole. Really sorry again everyone ?. Without eveyones help here I wouldn’t have got this far and it’s really important everyone knows that. I am forever grateful for your help. Many of you know how distressing ocd can get and I hope you can see that my comment was not meant to be offensive it was merely just a reflection of the amount of distress I was experiencing at the time. I had already done that yesterday evening and have asked for an appt sooner. I often say this out aloud to myself ‘it’s a lie, this is all a lie’ because I remember you saying that to me before. In a calmer state I have realised that actually touching my own baby whilst trying to pick him up is not bad. It’s my mind that thinks it’s bad. I could touch him anywhere and it wouldn’t be bad. Sorry polarbear. I feel like I’ve let everybody down as per caramooles comment ( I know you always have good intentions caramoole and are only trying to help me and other sufferers on here). Again, please know my comment was not intended to offend anyone or cause any distress or guilt - I’m so sorry, I feel so guilty I may have caused those feelings for some of you. I need to go to the bathroom to let out my cry. I’m so sorry again, it’s the last thing I wanted. I’ve expressed how grateful I am for everyone that’s helped me in the past and that is still the case - i have come this far because of everyone else on this forum who has helped me more than I deserve now after my comment. Sorry, again. I know apologising can’t take away my words but I truly am sorry. If someone can delete my comment please that would be helpful to stop anyone from getting distressed when they read it. 4am so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

I disagree it feels as though this is getting worse and worse and it’s now screaming at me to do these bad things and I’m doing them. It bullied me today and it bullied me this evening the last time I was about to hold my baby. You’re going to do the bad thing, you’re going to do the bad thing, you’re going to do the bad thing and I go ahead and still pick my son up and feel my thumb move on his waist and that’s it I did the bad thing. do people get ocd attacks like this where it is literally screaming intrusive thoughts like this? It’s horrendous. I hate it. I feel so sad and disappointed - I should have been more careful but I got so fed up and didn’t re adjust my hands and I did the bad thing - I shouldn’t have put my thumb there and I did, I should have been more careful and picked him up under the arms I guess instead of the waist area.

Thanks all. @ocdjonesy Thank you for this - it’s really relatable and you are right I am the guy lying on the floor who’s been shot. I’m really trying I am, I just don’t know how long I can go on for - it feels like I’m also going to die very soon and these things are still going to be unknown to me. This thing has been SO cruel to me all day - egging me on, telling me I’m going to do something bad I’m going to do something bad - it’s nasty, I never want to do anything bad. I’m in a flood of tears right now, the baby is crying in the cot as I just can’t hold him (his dad is around don’t worry). I go downstairs and the ocd is screaming at me telling me not to hold the baby, don’t go near him because this time I will do something bad like touch his nappy area ect and it’s bullying me. I pluck the courage to pick my baby up, scared to touch him and as I pick him up I notice my thumb slide up his waist tummy area and that’s it - I’ve done it - I’ve done the bad thing. I did it. I should have been more careful. It was telling me you’re going to do the bad thing you’re going to do the bad thing and I did it. I feel awful and want to leave the house to end things - I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t. I feel horrified. I still remember the sensation on my thumb when I picked the baby up. I should have been more careful. It was telling me it was wrong it was telling me I’m going to do the bad thing and I went and done it which makes it even more real for me because it was egging me on and told me I’m going to do the bad thing and I did it. Thank you to everyone who’s helped me on here, I really appreciate it. Goodbye

Thanks @snowbear - It’s just that in that very moment all I’m thinking about is my thumb - I’m fixated on it. So fixated on it I can’t even remember what my husband was talking about at that time. But not fixated enough to remember if I did or didn’t move it intentionally in the process of the transition. It’s bizarre. It all boils down to one thing which is for me Moving my thumb is bad because I am touching a forbidden part of someone else’s body so I shouldn’t move my thumb. That is the fear which is what triggers the ocd off. It’s very black and white thinking. Whereas I need to recognise that this rule and an actual harmful action are very different things but then my mind tells me that anything is harmful or wrong if you’re touching that area of someone’s body. Especially if you’ve no reason to move your thumb and move it. However then I think well the only reason I even think of my thumb moving is because of my stupid rule so where does that leave me ? It’s like the ocd screams at me and says Ma - you moved your thumb on that area regardless of the intention it’s a bad thing to do so you’re a bad person who’s done a bad thing. I can’t even prepare for these rules because they are so hard to avoid. My hand is going to touch baby’s nappy area or bottom - rule is then Close to being broken because ocd is triggered which can cause an ocd response which could be an intrusive thought or a minor movement such as moving thumb but not because i am trying to cause harm just because ocd is fixated on it. It’s just a visions cycle and I really struggle to understand it from a logical perspective. Am I explaining this properly? So the next time this happens and there is a nonsense rule which is not harmful, I should go ahead and just do it? Are you sure this is the right approach to adopt ? I assume my anxiety will spike at the beginning wont it? is this what you did to overcome you’re ocd in the past if you don’t mind me asking? You don’t have to answer that of course. It’s just so scary trusting the process.

I am getting myself into a pickle about the above. Can someone pls shed some light.

Hello. I don’t understand - how bad does ocd have to get before it gets better? Im really trying, I swear I’m really trying but every time I try - something else happens and then I regret trying. Then I get stuck because I don’t plan for these things to happen in the moment and I don’t know how I can get away from it. I’m stuck can someone explain this one to me from an ocd perspective please? I’ll give it a go as well. Im holding baby and about to give him over to his dad. I pass baby to his dad. Mid transition ocd is triggered because I notice my thumb is on the baby’s nappy area (naturally). I get panicky and anxious and all I can think about is my thumb - scared that it’s going to move. Once transition is over which only lasted less than a few seconds, I can’t remember if I moved my thumb in the heat of the moment or if I didn’t. I can’t remember what exactly happened. I know there was NO bad intention there and the only reason I even noticed was because of the ocd. Is this the same thing as what’s happened to me before? I make a rule - moving thumb is bad especially if it’s on nappy area. Ocd gets triggered every time my thumb or finger is near or on his nappy area whilst I am caring for him. My anxiety rises. I get really fixated on my thumb moving because if it does or if I move my thumb that must mean I’m a bad person. I get worried I may have moved my thumb but even if I did, its only because of the ocd and nothing else so It’s meaningless. So I treat the action of moving my thumb like an intrusive thought - dismiss it and not think I’ve done a bad thing? If my thumb was on the baby’s arm and the same thing happened, I wouldn’t be so upset about it so why am I upset about this? I should apply the same logic to this area shouldn’t I? But I can’t because I think that area is forbidden. Is this how I’m supposed to look at it? I get so stuck and confused sometimes and just need some help. I guess I get stuck because for me - any movement is bad because it’s on that area. Can someone please help me? Please don’t say no because I’m asking for insight into what is going on. I genuinely need a but if support. I’ve tried really hard today and I’m still trying of course but I just need someone to help me understand what’s going on again as sometimes I find it hard to see. I’m sure those of you who have been following my journey can see that I come here less and less to ask for help but sometimes that little support can help someone see the light. Thanks

Hello, Keen to know everyone’s take on OCD sufferers like me making self fulfilling prophecies / rules for themselves. These prophecies that are SO hard not to do and therefore we are actually setting ourselves up for failure. Furthermore contributing to the negative impact ocd can have on us because of the belief we put in these rules ect. Mostly talking about myself here and not assuming everyone with ocd does this. I had never heard of the term in an ocd context but when i read about it , it makes sense. I’ve decided myself that I must not do the following when I’m with the baby and if I do then that makes me a bad person :— • Move my hips • Flinch a muscle •Twitch • Breath a certain way • Move if the baby is on my chest • My hands must not move when I’m holding the baby around his nappy area or bottom • I must stay completely still Anyone is around me and I must not dare move These are just some examples. Can anyone relate to this? This morning I got up to do my babys feed and was paranoid about my hips moving and what happens, as soon as I give the baby his bottle, my hips move. The baby falls asleep whilst I’m burping him and he’s on my chest. Ocd draws attention to his nappy area and any movement on my tummy is bad such as breathing in and out - a muscle flinch, all while I’m sitting there thinking I don’t care he’s my son, I’m not doing him any harm - trying to be anti ocd - I don’t care if my tummy moves I don’t care if my muscle flinches ect. However later I then feel bad for these tiny tiny actions but the thing is it’s my ocd that’s triggering everything off. Make sense?