Josiah10

I think the point here is that you didn't do the thing you're afraid of. When I have violent ocd thoughts I've nearly been convinced I wanted to do it or I enjoyed the thought. I have also had ocd thoughts when I'm angry, but I can tell it's not coming from the anger, how I can tell the difference is hard to describe. There's always anxiety about it.

So nice to hear this recovery story! May it continue!

You aren't a sicko. I have these urges too to confess things to the girl I'm talking to. It's very hard. Some things are worth sharing some not. In this case it's not worth sharing, so try and keep it to yourself and allow yourself to feel the anxiety. She has flaws too you aren't living a lie.

Hey Rosie if he didn't realize he was doing it nothing off happened then it sounds harmless based on your description. Do nothing and expose yourself to the anxiety you feel when you decide not to confess, allow yourself to feel that anxiety instead of confessing and it will go down. Sorry you are having a hard time:(

Hey Cora just resist the urge to confess we all say things we later regret. Expose yourself to the anxiety that occurs when you decide not to confess. This is something I have to do as well. Usually takes awhile for therapy to get going. Sometimes there's waiting lists. Have you talked to your doctor about medication?

I mean I wasn't there so I can't really say what happened, whether what he did was outright inappropriate or just strange. I wouldn't put my hand under my granddaughters leg sounds a bit off to me but I don't know really know what to make of his actions. I'm not even sure if what you're experiencing is ocd or just a natural response to a memory of something that was a bit off with your grandad. You sound troubled by what happened and I wouldn't invalidate that with any diagnosis. If this is bothering you you could talk to your parents about it but thats your call.

Yeah I totally understand that the groinal responses make you feel like one, in the same way someone with contamination ocd really feels like their hands are dirty even though they aren't. Good luck! Consider medication

I have heard of some ocders who no longer get the groinal response. For myself, when I say groinal response it's more of a somatic awareness of my genitalia, that almost convinces me I'm feeling something or about to feel something, and not actually arousal. Just this uncomfortable awareness of my genitalia. Some ocders do experience arousal but this does not mean they are pedophiles, attracted to animals or family memebers etc, it's just the bodies response to the thought of sex, not necessarily sex with children per se. So if you are experiencing true arousal don't worry it's very possible with ocders my psychologist explained as well that it can be a conditioned response, like if you ring a bell and give me food every day, I'll start salivating at the ring of the bell. There's nothing about the bell itself that is making me hungry, in the same way the thoughts do not necessarily make you aroused, but they make you think of arousal or sex, which can lead to arousal. She said the two can suddenly coexist at the same time but it doesn't mean they're connected, I hope that makes sense. When a pedophile becomes aroused something different is happening. They enjoy the experience and the thought itself is what they want, while they are thinking it. During the thoughts you probably hate what is happening. This article might help you, I actually did cbt with one of their providers https://www.manhattancbt.com/pocd/ And these ones on arousal: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/pocd-arousal-not-sign-real-desire&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwi4y4ud7In3AhWDAp0JHVdeCAcQFXoECAEQAg&usg=AOvVaw2y9296D7mzZl_PS7QsAK4n https://www.manhattancbt.com/archives/1471/pocd-arousal/ ERP can DEFINITELY help with the groinal responses, by making you get used to it, so that you no longer have that somatic awareness and the conditioned arousal response will die off. That being said, there are times when I still have that uncomfortable awareness, but I know what it is now so I just let it go. The point is that youre hypervigilant for any signs of arousal because of your anxiety, which is self defeating. The less you care about whether or not you're aroused the less you're going to be aware of your genitalia and response, the more the feelings will go away. Perhaps entirely in your case as with others. I still have a little somatic ocd going on with my pocd but it's at such a low level I'm not impaired. Do not let ocd take away your future children. That would mean you let it win. You can totally have kids even if this issue persists, though I'm confident you can get better as I have, perhaps you will recover even more fully than me. Hope this helps and that I explained things clearly.

Hey sorry you're dealing with this I know what its like. The ocd needs to be treated and then you will sleep better. Evidence based treatments are exposure and response prevention therapy and medication. I suggest you pursue those avenues. If you're looking for a quick fix I can't help you with that and I don't think anyone else can help either. That being said when I found the right medication for me (abilify) my ocd cleared up in a week. That was after a long time of trial and error testing different medications.

What I'm trying to say is that relief can be found outside of death medication and erp are your strongest shot at it. You need to decide that you're going to get better no matter what. Suicide can't even be an option for you. Read man's search for meaning by Viktor frankl.

If your feeling suicidal please visit your local emergency room! It sounds like you either need to start medication or switch meds. Therapy is seldom enough for ocders to get by typically a combination of both is in order. Trying medication is certainly better than nothing. I'm sure you rationally understand you aren't vile or a pervert, but the obsessions sound strong so I know it's tough. I couldn't stop ruminating until being put on an antipsychotic (abilify).

Dude it's normal man you've got to learn to cope with regular human experience you aren't a disgusting pervert it's normal.

Canada

The reason I am suggesting you visit the emergency room is because of your suicidal thoughts they can help you with that. I know you didn't hurt the kid.

Hey man like I said please visit the emergency room you really need to get some help from there. You can escape this conflict without suicide. You didn't hurt that kids head it's going to be ok IF you don't hurt yourself. Go to the emergency room! You probably need to start a different medication and keep going to therapy.