RexB

Then it’s time to break the cycle, reading your confessions from a psychodynamic perspective you’re quite obviously what’s called a people pleaser. You are terrified of people even complete strangers thinking badly of you, and the fact is you can’t control what you think let alone what other people think….so stop trying. You seem desperate for other peoples approval, and that’s because you seem to have almost no self worth. That’s something you need to explore with a therapist, because it explains your constant need for external validation.

It’s not a matter of whether you should feel proud of yourself or not, it’s that seeking reassurance isn’t helping you. Simply because you don’t need assurance from people that your thoughts are nothing to worry about, you need to know in your own mind that there isn’t. You need to believe that your thoughts are just thoughts, and you’re never going to persuade your brain of that with reason and argument. You need to act like you already believe that…it’s not always going to work but the more you practice the more you’ll catch yourself saying “oh I’m ruminating” and just stop holding on to the thought and let it slip by

I tend to agree with the Admin, giving you reassurance is just neutralising your anxiety not dealing with it. Stop engaging with the thought, and stop asking people here to be your accomplice. If you’re avoiding being around your wife because that’s triggering your anxiety stop that, there’s no objective justification to confess to her you just want to make yourself feel better (yes I understand that urge better than you can imagine…no one wants to feel anxious). But this will go away you just need to stop giving the thoughts the power over you, you can’t stop them just treat them like what they are unimportant

Hi Rosie, I personally don’t think the thought is all that relevant, in fact I know it’s not. It’s how we respond to it that’s the problem. Suffice to say its something that upsets you and is causing you to ruminate

You’re not the first person I’ve heard of who has expressed anxiety about this, and I think the release of the draft statement from the USC probably brought up a lot of unpleasant feelings for a lot of women both American and otherwise. Ultimately though there is a separation between your sense of sadness, anger for the women in certain states who will be affected by the court finding that Abortion is no longer constitutionally protected and trying to retain a realistic perspective of the likelihood of something similar happening over here. it’s likely to be a dry and political explanation that I won’t bore you with but realistically it’s not something likely to happen here Of course intrusive thoughts don’t affect us in our rational cognition, they affect us in our vulnerable areas in the things that have deep emotional meaning to us and to catastrophise and worry about the worst case scenario isn’t often about how likely an outcome is. Turning off the news is one thing to do, I cannot imagine the news did much for peoples anxiety levels during the pandemic But sometimes just being open about what you’re worried about even if you do think it’s slightly irrational helps, I know that I fear that people will think my fears are silly (mainly because I think they are) But I think the worst thing about OCD Anxiety is that feeling that you’re alone in how you feel and no one can understand you. So I want to say I think it’s a good thing that you decided to share

I’m not really sure I know how to respond to this, my instinct tells me to say to you “why are you torturing yourself like this” but that just feels harsh. I am wary of feeling like I would be giving you reassurance either, I genuinely don’t know whether you know deep down that you’re punishing yourself unnecessarily or whether you seem to think you actually are a monster. Well ok then just this once, if you were a monster how likely is it do you think that you would agonise and feel guilty over every thing you’ve done. I just read your story about your admission of being a little cross with the old lady who told you, you were in the wrong queue. Listen we are human beings, sometimes we can be grouchy without it being justified and her skin colour is irrelevant, it’s only relevant to you because you consider being racist a bad thing (which makes you a decent person). Realistically if that little old lady went away and killed herself as a result of you making a face at her (a likelihood so small that only a mind that wants to punish itself would ever consider it) there would have to be something seriously going on for her for such a thing to be a catalyst. OCD is about control, and the things we can’t control (mainly our wandering thoughts) can be terrifying. And the issue with you pushing your brother harder than you meant because an intrusive thought entered your head….if I was agitated by an intrusive thought whilst I was sitting down I’ve been known to bang my fist on the nearby surface because I don’t want to think that thought. You clearly have a strong moral core, and that’s a good thing but I fear you’re using it to punish yourself. It’s going to be hard for you, but the only way I can see for you to feel better about yourself is to remove the meaning from your thoughts. I sense from your responses here that you think “if only people really knew what was going on in my head, you’d think I was a horrible person”. I can safely say that everyone who has had intrusive thoughts has had that inner dialogue that utter disgust with themselves “how can you think like that?” You have no control over what you think, you never have and you never will. The only control you will have is how you respond to those thoughts, and when you get to the point where you can say “oh that was a bit of a weird thought” and let it drift down the banks of your river of consciousness then you will be ok

Hmmm not sure. I’ve never had a formal diagnosis myself and in fact it was a counsellor from the Iaps service that showed me stuff about OCD that convinced me I had it. I don’t tend to do rituals or anything, mine is purely based on intrusive thoughts. A GP won’t be able to diagnose you but it’s possible they will refer you to someone who can.

Thank you that’s appreciated

Hi, First off thank you for sharing your own experiences, especially as someone who is a counsellor (well nearly qualified) I’m always interested to hear about how other people process things. And apart from anything else it’s not always easy to talk about What the intrusive thoughts/compulsions are about tend to be very personal to the individual, but the distress they cause is something we can all relate to. I think my problem has been that being forced into the situation that makes me anxious never really gives me any kind of faith that I can deal with it in the future, it’s always this is going to be bad and then making it a self fulfilling prophecy and then making it a dread in the future. Was there anything you did whilst your partner was away that made it so that subsequent times when they were away it was easier for you and you had more confidence? Because I don’t feel I’m learning

I understand how you’re feeling. On one hand you’ve got your mind playing tricks on you by trying to convince you you’re something you’re not, and I suspect as well that there’s a guilt element because you don’t want to come across as homophobic. Dont worry you don’t, it’s a common thing to get anxiety about. I’m sure people who are gay and have accepted it but also have OCD have had intrusive thoughts about “what if I’m heterosexual” Ive had it, there are times where I’ve not enjoyed sex and then my mind has concluded oh what if it’s because I’m gay? As opposed to the most likely explanation that because I find intimacy stressful and nerve wracking I can’t relax enough to enjoy it.

Yes I have to say I agree with the other people here, this seems to be about wanting that release which will give you the short term relief from the anxiety you feel over not confessing what you did. I can relate to that, but it’s still a compulsion and should not be fed. If you feel in time that you do need to come clean to your wife and give her the full details that’s a choice only you can make, but at this moment in time it sounds far more about unburdening yourself and alleviating your anxiety (and I’m not judging you for that, it’s awful to feel the way you are) But the more we allow it to control our behaviour and decisions, the more in hoc to it we become

Hi, I don’t think anyone on here could give you a formal diagnosis but in reality it depends on how it’s affecting your life. Are you having to ritualise, make changes to your every day routine or are you finding yourself in a high state of anxiety or distress as a result of these obsessions? If so it’s worth speaking to someone

Hi, i am a 38 year old from UK. Living with my father whilst funding a counselling course I’ve been doing. Have had OCD intrusive thoughts since leaving university 17 years ago. Most of the time my anxiety levels are under control, but there are things that do trigger it. About 10-12 years ago it was at its worst when I would get intrusive thoughts about harming my parent’s dog (harming is euphemistic I got thoughts about killing her) these were extremely distressing because I love animals especially dogs and at the time I felt massive guilt but as I’ve learned intrusive thoughts attack you in your most vulnerable area, they convince you you will do that which you least want to do. But it extended beyond that, it got to the point where if my parents went on holiday I was scared that I would hurt my next door neighbours or if they went abroad I’d break into the kennel to get to the dog. It would get to the point where I would become incredibly anxious at the thought of my parents going away even if just overnight or for a few days. Even now I still get it, and even when I was living away from home. My father was in hospital three times over a two year period from anywhere from two weeks to a few days, and the anticipation of how bad that would be would sent me into panic like anxiety both before and during his hospital stay - partly out of concern for my dad and partly out of fear of what I would do in his absence (as if somehow his mere presence prevents me from doing bad things) Now my dog has passed away sadly (not my doing honest ha ha) and my dad is going to stay with relatives in Scotland for a week, and I was fine with this up to the other week where for some reason this prospect has brought about severe anxiety. I know i shouldn’t, but I do feel deeply ashamed as a 38 year old man that I need my elderly father around me to protect me from myself, and if I’m honest I don’t know what I’m afraid will happen. Yes I’ve run through the gamut of absurd and disturbing thoughts but there doesn’t seem to be one thing I’m obsessing about, it just feels like a holdover from a very specific obsession. Is this something anyone on here can relate to?