OB1UK

Thanks again, especially for the camaraderie. I hope you’re right. ironically I can see from my posts to this forum I was already obsessing about something else a few days later, which suggests it wasn’t something major.

Thanks both. I hate the uncertainty. It really kills me. I always fear that it’s going to be there forever. in general I hate not being able to remember things, although my OCD brain is great at reminding me of things at the opportune moments

I guess it feels a bit like Schroedinger’s cat. Until I can unlock the box of the memory it’s both terrible and mild in my head

I’m stuck in a stupid loop. I’m going through a period of lots of obsessions, one after the other. The same thing happened in August, mostly older obsessions but I remember being at a birthday party in August and being knocked off balance by a newer thought/memory/obsession that I hadn’t “dealt” with before. Now the memory of this experience is in my head but I can’t remember what the obsession was. Now I’m going through the ridiculous compulsion of trying to recreate the memory in my head so that I can try to recall this particular obsession because I’m paranoid that this will come back to me later and I’ll realise it was something really bad that I’ve somehow forgotten again.

This is really good. As you say, I’m not cured, but it was great to hear it normalised. I really recognised a lot of the behaviours described. The funny thing is my OCD brain immediately went into overdrive telling me, “yes but this isn’t you, what they described doesn’t touch what a bad person you are”.

That it so true.

I hate the internet sometimes. I sometimes think it was better when all our news was controlled by tv and radio that had a certain level of responsibility. I often think I was happier when the internet didn’t exist

Wow this really puts into words what I feel some of the time. Like the obsession is just waiting in the wings

@Summer9173 yes, I think with all these things there isn’t a one size fits all. I’m like you, I’ve generally avoided caffeine, but might take another look. The problem is caffeine is very hard to quit once you start

It’s interesting because I’ve generally avoided caffeine for the last 15 years, but maybe I’ll experiment with a single expresso in the morning

@taurean also good

@Wandereron the caffeine subject. If you just Google OCD and Caffeine, there are some studies that suggest caffeine as a possible treatment for ocd as it can lessen intrusive thoughts etc. however too much can increase anxiety. I guess a bit of moderation like most things is the answer

I know what you mean about the quiet moments. I appreciate those. I find an hour at the gym can give me 4 hours feeling more relaxed. i sometimes think of the Depeche Mode song “enjoy the silence “ at these times

Thanks for sharing. Have you listened to other episodes or just this one?

Thanks for the update. I’m glad you’re at least tolerating the meds and things are sort of moving in the right direction. I’ve been back on citalopram now for 11 weeks and it’s been a pretty rough ride. I still don’t really feel much benefit. I’m going to request a dose increase soon

As an update, when I’ve tried to use my recorded notes of prior rational thoughts when in a mess, OCD just gives the middle finger to those thoughts and just finds new arguments against them. So it hasn’t really been that helpful when I’ve needed it

@Ginghamhow are you a month on?

I recognise some of the symptoms but not all. I’m particularly harsh on my own failures but tend to be much more forgiving of others

I recently read a description of obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I hadn’t heard this phrase before and it described it as being different from OCD although with overlapping themes such as intrusive thoughts. Apparently this relates to people who tend to suffer perfectionism and harshly judge themselves. has anyone else heard about this as being a separate condition

Yes. My brain was is very good at telling me what a terrible person I am

I know what you mean, and have had the same. Did I chat to someone too much, did I deliberately stand close so they might brush against me. sometimes one of the things that helps is to remember that 99% of the population wouldn’t worry like I do

From what I understand they’re at opposite ends of the mental health spectrum, OCD is excessive rigidity in the brain and thought patterns, schizophrenia and psychosis are extreme chaos. It’s unlikely you’d have both and if you had schizophrenia, you wouldn’t be obsessing about it. I think they’re sort of mutually exclusive in that sense

What is really interesting about the descriptions of people who have undergone psychedelic treatment with psilocybin is that rather than running from their fears they confront them during the process and the fears lose the power. So this sounds like an extreme version of ERP.

@NotRock I recently read about it in Michael Pollan’s excellent book How To Change Your Mind. i also recently attended a lecture by Dr Chris Timmerman from Imperial College London who also talk about this phenomenon.

Thanks for the reply @snowbear. how did you go about learning mindful meditation? Any tips or advice?