Annie x

I think alcohol absolutely makes anxiety worse. I call it hangxiety. Those heightened feelings of doom and panic the day after drinking. OCD won't go away when you stop drinking, but you'll have much less anxiety on your plate, which really helps. I stopped drinking in 2021. Hope this helps x

Hi @canigetawitness1990 and @Angst. This is one of the most debilitating themes of ocd I have. I totally get what you're both talking about. And I also live above others so have had this exact fear. I also take photos of the bath and kitchen sink although some days that urge is much lower and I can manage without doing so. Taking the photos is just another form of reassurance but sometimes it works. It does seem to be true that the more you check the more uncertain you become. A few things I have concluded are: I am not a careless person so if anything I'm less likely to leave a tap running than those you don't check repeatedly, I am doing the best I can, there is no evidence that those with ocd ever carry out the thing they are distressed by, and OCD confuses stakes and odds. By this I mean, my OCD wonders if I've left the tap on and bombards me with thoughts of how catastrophic that would be. The stakes are high. But the odds are actually pretty low. But OCD tells you high stakes are the same as high odds - if something bad can happen, then it will happen - but that's not true. Carrying these conclusions in my mind has helped me and I hope it helps you both too xx

Hi @Gingham I think it will have helped you to get your feelings out here. Well done for sharing. I hope you have people in your life you can lean on too. I imagine halving the dose of any medication would have an effect (although I'm not a medic) so be kind to yourself as your system adjusts. Is there anything you can do to apply some self care today? Watch a favourite film? Read a good book? Sit out in the sun? You deserve to feel better x

Hi all. I just returned from a holiday, which I had been anticipating would be a battle with my ocd, and I found it effective and helpful to remember something some lovely soul here said about there not being a requirement to do compulsions/ there isn't anything to 'get right' in the first place. Having trawled through the discussions here, I can't find who said it to thank them personally, but if you know it was you, thankyou so much, it helped loads in confronting my 'what ifs' and intrusive thoughts about things not being 'just right' x

Hi @Gingham I hope you're doing okay today. I just noticed you've started a few discussions recently. Try and do something nice for you while you're having a tough time with ocd x

Hi @Summer9173 I'm sorry to hear it didn't go your way. Did they give a reason? I'm not sure what to offer you in terms of advice but just wanted to say I hope things work out, and keep reaching out. Take care

Unfortunately, a lot of it is work related. But I love what I do so just have to as you say find little strategies for dealing with it. I also ruminate less about work most of the time now (occasionally I get a big flare up of rumination usually over a decision I wasn't expecting or a last minute change or something I feel is unfair) I think I am getting better at curbing stress, but it takes consistent effort. Thanks for your reply.

@Handy may I ask out of curiosity what ocd meds did for you? Do they stop the intrusive obsessions? And when you come off them is there a longterm difference? Thanks

Thanks @taurean I hope to achieve what you are saying about taking a leap of faith more consistently. Sometimes I feel brave enough to and sometimes I don't. At this point I eat healthily, I don't drink, I sleep 8 hours a night and I do yoga. Yet I still have ocd symptoms. So frustrating! I think my biggest trigger is stress But I would acknowledge ocd was even worse at times before doing all these things.

@Lisa123 this happens to me too. It's like I resist one compulsion which increases my anxiety, then another obsession comes along straight after and in my already heightened state of anxiety, it feels worse and harder to ignore. Also have had an easy day where obsessions are easier to not engage with followed by a nightmare of a day where my brain gets stuck on a thought and compulsions take ages. @Zelda what you're saying here is so helpful about the bully at the gate analogy. Thankyou for sharing, that makes a lot of sense. Hugs to you both x

@Seb @northpaul I hear what you're both saying. Seb I would say I'm high functioning too - good job that I have never taken a day off from due to ocd - I feel fortunate as I know others aren't so lucky. But I've spent most of my life mentally exhausted and a big part of that has been trying to keep up the facade that everything's fine and hiding ocd. Like you I've often wondered what it would be like to just get up one morning and ignore all obsessions and resist all compulsions. It sounds liberating. But seems so hard to do. North Paul I agree with you, I much prefer the term condition management. I think it's more realistic for me anyway. And allows for a bit of self compassion and acceptance instead of beating myself up for not conquering my obsessions all these years - I can learn to live as best I can with them. And I say this having had cbt and learning lots from it, but still battling daily to put the strategies in place. Good days and bad, which is the 50-50 of life. Thankyou both x

So great to read all the positivity here. I've just finished up work for the holidays and find it hard to adjust from 100mph to 0mph. I think it's an executive function issue - I can't see the wood for the trees and not sure what to do first - tidy, shop, relax etc. And some days I just don't go out because it feels too much effort when I don't actually need to. So today I used a technique that helps which is to do one thing, then the next, and so on ie have a shower, have a cup of tea, do hair, check phone, put makeup on and get dressed, have breakfast. Then at that point having done 'chores' separated by down time like having tea without thinking about the whole process at once allows me to feel like going out is then easier. I then headed to the shops to buy food I have ocd around sending parcels back via the post office. But today I carried out the packaging, labelling, sealing and returning as calmly as I could even though the intrusive thoughts raged, and still raged afterwards - and the anxiety didn't last as long as I anticipated. So I think going out when my brain was on overwhelm and posting the parcel back counts as two little wins today. Time for feet up now x

This is such a good analogy @Garfield Totally agree. It's like ocd has to be heard so if you ignore it, it'll just manifest in another way. Exhausting. Glad to not be alone in the fight, but sorry you are going through it as I know how hard it is x

This is a similar thought to one I had recently @Gingham At this time of year when I finish up work there's always a big annual decision being made by management. In other places, it's decided by now, but for us it isn't and I have to go on holiday not knowing what they'll decide - and it will have a big effect on the coming year so it's important - and every year I struggle with and ruminate over the uncertainty of this. Or rather, ocd does. It occurred to me to think about the opposite situation 'well, what if I was heading off on my holidays and I knew the outcome of the decision? What if I had a piece of paper in my hand before I left that confirmed it? Wouldn't ocd just find something else to latch onto instead?' This is the first time I've thought like this! Maybe it's not about having certainty, but about getting comfortable with uncertainty. And this sounds similar I think to what you've said above - ocd always finds something. Thanks Gingham for your advice x

Hi @PolarBear that's wonderful, but may I ask what 'symptom free' is? By that I mean, don't you still get intrusive thoughts? Do you mean you no longer carry out compulsions? Thanks x

Thanks @Garfield Appreciate your support. I will try to concentrate on the wins. Sometimes you just need to hear that someone else gets it, you know? Cheers x

I finished up work for a holiday today and I'd usually have spent the day anticipating how many checks I'd need to do, leaving them as long as I could, then starting my routine before I left, getting anxious in an ocd spiral and leaving hyped up on stress that I still didn't feel right about one or more of the checks. So I was delighted and relieved today when I was able to engage in what I was doing all morning instead of worrying about the upcoming checks, and was able to leave some things unchecked and minimally check others. Huge win. Me 1 - OCD 0. But then when I got home I started ruminating and panicking over an interaction I had with something at work before I left. Did I say the right thing? Should I have asked more about what they said? Was my conversation appropriate? Was it OK I gave them a hug? And so on. And there we go - ocd has reeled me back in. Why does it morph and change all the time? Why if I resist one compulsion does another obsession take its place? Why does ocd always have to win? x

Interesting thread If I have to overtake someone who's parked up in a lane with their hazards on I often think 'Yes, you *are*a hazard' And the other day I thought: 'of all the music that's ever been written, what percentage of it is in a minor key?' Random indeed....

I agree this sounds like an ocd symptom. I'm finding I do that too. I've been surprised recently at how many of my thoughts and behaviours can be pinned down to ocd. I thought I had the classic checking ocd and some 'just right' ocd and that was about it. But I also ruminate, can't handle uncertainty and I think looking back on my past relationship I often sought reassurance which was probably part of ocd too. It's hard to know where ocd ends and we begin sometimes. Wishing you well. It takes courage to reach out

Hi @sillykitten How are you today? I hope things are going okay. I agree with the above about being kind to yourself. Personally I spent years thinking I should suffer in silence with ocd and that I should be ashamed of having to carry out these compulsions. Now I honestly don't feel like that which is liberating. Having this community has been an amazing support I wish I had found the courage to reach out to years ago. I believe ocd thrives on isolating us. Do you have anyone you could confide in? I have to be honest and say that confiding in family was met with a disappointing response but I have a friend who has been awesome about it. Could be worth considering. A problem shared is a problem halved and it will take some of the power away from ocd x

Thanks @StressedOut101 and @northpaul Great to hear your thoughts on this. I was thinking that one of the drivers of ocd can be a fear of doing something wrong/being at fault/disappointing someone else/getting in trouble. Or is that 4 separate motivations? Anyway, maybe it's the case that the fear of getting in trouble/doing something wrong is greater in my fear hierarchy than the intolerance to uncertainty of what may happen if the house isn't sufficiently checked. I do feel oddly grateful for this though - without this fear I wouldn't get out of the house. Would be strangely fascinating if only I didn't have to experience it all x

I was checking compulsively before I left home today as usual, and I've always noticed that where going to work is involved, no matter how strong the ocd is, I am still able to leave by a certain time - like the need to be on time for work/fear of being late overrides the fear of something bad happening at home after I leave. Does anyone else get this? I'll be checking right up to that moment, but then it's like being on time takes priority - I know the exact latest possible time I can leave to get in on time and I won't go past that. The checking is tiring and distressing and often makes me late for other things, but somehow never for work. Any thoughts on why? Thanks x

Hi @sillykitten I'm glad you have a plan in place, and hopefully that all happens for you as it should. In the meantime, I'm glad the help here is making a difference and I'm pleased to be able to support you. How have you done with the suggestions about your shopping? Have you managed to handle the food any more quickly than usual? I'd also like to offer a little something I read recently that has helped me: your ocd confuses stakes with odds. You feel the stakes of catching covid are high but your ocd thinks this means the odds of catching it are also high. For example I have a checking theme. I have an elaborate routine of checking plugs and taps before I can leave home because my ocd tells me that my home is in danger if I don't and because something dangerous 'could' happen means it 'will' happen. While being careless may lead to something bad happening (high stakes), a person with ocd isn't capable of being careless if that's their theme. I know I'm checking my house way more than the average non-ocd person. AND just because it could happen does not mean it automatically will (low odds). Ocd is not rational. And it preys on our worst fears. You don't have to settle for this, okay? You just have to keep fighting. Here if you need to chat x

Hi @sillykitten I'm so sorry to hear you feel unable to leave your flat due to ocd. Please know you are supported here, and I hope you can make progress soon. What kind of help are you getting? x

What a great idea! Thanks @taurean x