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About jennielouises

  • Birthday January 13

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    West Sussex

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  1. Thanks polarbear well I did have a shower and put my clothes in the wash but I feel proud that I lived with the anxiety for 7 hours before doing it. That’s a step in the right direction
  2. Thank you for your replies. That really helps. I am reading breaking free from ocd to help myself feel better and it says that although challenging it is scary that something bad might happen, something bad has already happened as ocd has ruled my life which is the bad thing. But how do I ignore the almost physical feeling of dirt? It’s so disgusting and I feel gross
  3. On my way to work this morning someone had puked at the train station. The whole place stunk of it and I breathed the smell in. Now I can’t get myself clean. My nose feels dirty as well as my clothes and shoes. I feel ill never get clean and Christmas is ruined. It’s on my phone and everything. I also feel I am definitely going to get sick as I breathed in the dirty particles. Help. I know i should obsess but I am. I don’t feel I can act normally as the sick will just go everywhere as it’s all over me
  4. I have had OCD for a majority of my life (since I was 14 and am now 33). I have managed to tackle the small compulsions in the past but because I have never successfully managed to tackle the major obsessions, they all just slowly come back. My main issue is I want to feel 100% clean all the time. I get extremely anxious if I deem myself unclean which makes me feel physically ill. The dirtiest thing in my mind is vomit. I am a recovering emetophobic as well and no longer fear being sick as much but I still find it so distressing when I walk passed it on the street. It's not that I think it will make me ill myself, it's just that I feel absolutely disgusted by it and feel like the dirt is all over me and I need to throw my clothes in the wash, throw my shoes away and get in the shower. But I can't do that all the time and as I commute to work, I often see piles of the stuff at the side of pavements etc. where someone has had a good time the night before. I want to be able to handle walking passed sick on the street but the anxiety is so strong that I just can't tolerate it. i know from my CBT in the past that I should focus on the little compulsions first but this is the one I want rid off. Because I find this such a daunting task, instead of tackling it and chipping at it bit by bit, I just don't do it at all. I need some words of encouragement
  5. I would love to hear from anyone who has successfully treated contamination OCD. I have had it for over half my life now (I’m 32) and I want to get passed it. The issue is I know there are germs and dirt on things like public door handles etc. so I can’t just challenge it as to be it’s rational not to touch it. But it interferes with my life. I want a baby and they are going to produce all sorts of bodily fluids, which is one of my main contamination fears. I feel like if I go near it (not mine) or clean it up, it’s all over me. I’ve got to treat this as I want my life back. For example, my husband was sick the other day. He cleaned the toilet but not to my standards. However, I’m the type of person whose ocd makes them want everything clean but avoids cleaning it as I know I won’t stop. I’m stuck in a loop. Would love to hear other stories of those who have got passed this
  6. Has anyone had any issues getting life assurance and disability insurance? I have just purchased a flat and have been declined disability allowance insurance because I have OCD. So even if I am disabled for another reason (God forbid) they wouldn't pay out. Even though I have NEVER been off work because of my OCD. Then they had the cheek to say I am mentally ill and more likely to get another mental illness. I am furious
  7. I was holding my friends baby at work and unfortunately he had a little accident on my. It was on my work trousers so I took them off in the loo and ran thenmunder water and rubbed a bit of hand soap into them. I dried them under the Hand dryer but they are still damp. I have to wear them for the next 5 hours at work. I need to be able to cope with things like this as I want to have my own baby but my anxiety levels are sky high. I am now worried the bottom of my desk will be dirty where I touch it with my trousers etc. I need to learn to cope what shall I do? I have been taught how to cope with 'fake' germs but this is real
  8. I agree that boosting self confidence would help a lot of people with OCD. I finished a course of CBT about three months ago and it really helped but we got to the point where I wanted to tackle by low self esteem as I really think it has a lot to do with my OCD. But I got told that I had to be discharged and then go back in six months to try and get CBT specially for low self esteem! The 6 people on that programme were so brave. Like others it made me so emotionally watching it, especially Jack as I have contamination OCD. I am currently in the process of coming off my citalopram so I can have a baby and I felt my OCD twitching more whilst watching this show. It's really good and can't wait for next weeks but wonder if it is good for me to watch it?
  9. Thank you both for your replies. I guess I should know that I will be able to cope when I have my own as I am often forced to do something and manage. Like I was forced to change my niece's nappy the other day because it was just me and her and it would have meant leaving her in a stinking nappy full of wee! As you say Nervous My therapist said that a big part of my OCD (and probably others) is not believing I am strong enough to cope. I guess this falls into that category. As you both say, having children is worth it. I am so excited about the thought of TTC (though we can't till my Open Uni course finishes next year) and having a baby but I am nervous too. But I guess that is normal. Shannon - that is a good idea about an observer. I might discuss that with my husband. All my family watch out for my OCD and they all nearly fell over when I told them that I had changed my nieces nappy by myself. I guess I should discuss my fears with my sisters, mum and dad as well! :-)
  10. I never wanted children until I met my husband. People always said to me that I would change my mind about wanting children when I met the right person but I didn't believe them. The reason I didn't want children is because they are sticky and you can't control what they touch, they are sick everywhere and you have to change pooey nappies! Well I was prooved wrong and after meeting my husband and with the birth of my niece 2 years ago, I now want children. But I still worry. It has taken me 2 years to be able to change my niece's nappy and even that was pull ups and a wet one. I haven't tackled a pooey one by myself yet. I struggled when she was a baby as she was quite a sicky baby and she was sick on me once on my way to an interview. I kind of handled it but had to go home and wash everything. I won't be able to do that everytime my own baby spits up on me so what would I do? Also, it will be 100% worse when it is 'proper' sick. That fills me with panic. 1. because I would get all my usual OCD reactions to sick. That I am contaminated because sick is just repulsive (my CBT therapist said that I can't handle the feeling of replusion the same way I can't handle the feeling of anxiety). and 2. how would I be able to look after my child when they are sick? At the moment if someone I love (say my Mum) gets sick then I run away and just call them on the phone to see if they are ok. I won't be able to do that as I will be the one they will be looking to for comfort. I have the same fear about my husband getting sick. Then the big fear is how to I ensure that I don't pass this horrible condition onto my child? Although I believe that nature has is a big part of my having OCD (I believe that I was born with a sort of nervous disposition that would result in OCD) I do think nurture has a big role as well. Lots of things happened when I was 4,such as my cousin dying of cot death just before my baby sister was born. There was a lot of stress in the household and that is the origin of my OCD. My main fear is that my family will die if I don't protect them. Anyway, I digress, I 'learnt' a lot of my OCD behaviour from the way the adults around me where when my cousin died. My OCD is much better but my symptoms will always be there and I don't believe I will 100% get rid of them. So chances are I will end up doing some habbits in front of my child even if I try not to. How can I make sure that my child doesn't 'catch' those symptoms?
  11. A colleague of mine has just lost her father to cancer. She is not doing well at all and keeps breaking down at work. I am worried about her but it is also having an effect on my OCD. There are only three of us in a small office and you could cut the tension with a knife. She is asking us questions like when will she feel better and saying she just wants another 5 minutes with her dad. I feel guilty for saying this but I just can't cope with it. It has been two weeks now and bless her but she is still in stage 1 of grief (me and my other colleague looked it up). It is affecting my IBS as it is making me stressed. I recently completed successful CBT and managed to get a lot of my life back from my OCD. But I have noticed it slowly creaping back over the last two weeks. I feel stressed and tired and can feel OCD taking control. What can I do? I want to help her but I need to help myself more. Jen x
  12. Have they changed the intro? I'm sure there was a clip in the intro before when the main woman says 'have I been called OCD? U bet I have' ?
  13. Orange soaks just because people have accepted yours doesn't mean it is the same for all. I have had people laugh at me because of OCD, people have changed their opinions of me and stopped talking to me, I have lost a boyfriend thru it, I had an employer watch me everytime I went to the toilet ad count how many times I went and how long I spent it there, it has held me back at work, had them treating me differently and questioning why I am washing my hands after touching something that would make a non OCD person want to wash their hands. I have lost friends because of it, lost boyfriends, had rumours go around my college about me and I got asked if I had ADHD! People tell me 'oh I have that too' or ' I was like that. You will grow out of it' or 'things will change when you have children'. I have never once had a good experience of telling someone I have OCD so that is why press like this has a negative effect on me. If it explained more about what OCD really was and didn't make it out like we are in a Victorian freak show then I could tell people.
  14. This sort of press is exactly the reason why I feel I can't tell me friends and work colleagues about it. Many of my friends from childhood know and my extended family know but I just pretend they don't. My newer friends and the people I work with don't because articles like this and programmes like Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners make people think that they are 'a little bit ocd' because they like to keep their desk tidy!! One of my friends/colleagues has twice made a 'joke' to me that I must have OCD because I wouldn't touch the door handle of the toilet door in the pub and I wouldn't pick up a nasty greasy bag (though I never said I wouldn't, she just announced to another colleague that I wouldn't pick it up because I have ocd!). These sorts of things make people think OCD is something to joke about. If she caught me running to the bathroom after every meal do you think she would joke that I was anorexic? I think not. Why should OCD be any different when it is just as bad!
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