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About jennielouises

  • Birthday January 13

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  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD

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    West Sussex
  1. Has anyone had any issues getting life assurance and disability insurance? I have just purchased a flat and have been declined disability allowance insurance because I have OCD. So even if I am disabled for another reason (God forbid) they wouldn't pay out. Even though I have NEVER been off work because of my OCD. Then they had the cheek to say I am mentally ill and more likely to get another mental illness. I am furious
  2. jennielouises

    Baby peed on me

    I was holding my friends baby at work and unfortunately he had a little accident on my. It was on my work trousers so I took them off in the loo and ran thenmunder water and rubbed a bit of hand soap into them. I dried them under the Hand dryer but they are still damp. I have to wear them for the next 5 hours at work. I need to be able to cope with things like this as I want to have my own baby but my anxiety levels are sky high. I am now worried the bottom of my desk will be dirty where I touch it with my trousers etc. I need to learn to cope what shall I do? I have been taught how to cope with 'fake' germs but this is real
  3. I agree that boosting self confidence would help a lot of people with OCD. I finished a course of CBT about three months ago and it really helped but we got to the point where I wanted to tackle by low self esteem as I really think it has a lot to do with my OCD. But I got told that I had to be discharged and then go back in six months to try and get CBT specially for low self esteem! The 6 people on that programme were so brave. Like others it made me so emotionally watching it, especially Jack as I have contamination OCD. I am currently in the process of coming off my citalopram so I can have a baby and I felt my OCD twitching more whilst watching this show. It's really good and can't wait for next weeks but wonder if it is good for me to watch it?
  4. jennielouises

    Having children and passing on OCD

    Thank you both for your replies. I guess I should know that I will be able to cope when I have my own as I am often forced to do something and manage. Like I was forced to change my niece's nappy the other day because it was just me and her and it would have meant leaving her in a stinking nappy full of wee! As you say Nervous My therapist said that a big part of my OCD (and probably others) is not believing I am strong enough to cope. I guess this falls into that category. As you both say, having children is worth it. I am so excited about the thought of TTC (though we can't till my Open Uni course finishes next year) and having a baby but I am nervous too. But I guess that is normal. Shannon - that is a good idea about an observer. I might discuss that with my husband. All my family watch out for my OCD and they all nearly fell over when I told them that I had changed my nieces nappy by myself. I guess I should discuss my fears with my sisters, mum and dad as well! :-)
  5. I never wanted children until I met my husband. People always said to me that I would change my mind about wanting children when I met the right person but I didn't believe them. The reason I didn't want children is because they are sticky and you can't control what they touch, they are sick everywhere and you have to change pooey nappies! Well I was prooved wrong and after meeting my husband and with the birth of my niece 2 years ago, I now want children. But I still worry. It has taken me 2 years to be able to change my niece's nappy and even that was pull ups and a wet one. I haven't tackled a pooey one by myself yet. I struggled when she was a baby as she was quite a sicky baby and she was sick on me once on my way to an interview. I kind of handled it but had to go home and wash everything. I won't be able to do that everytime my own baby spits up on me so what would I do? Also, it will be 100% worse when it is 'proper' sick. That fills me with panic. 1. because I would get all my usual OCD reactions to sick. That I am contaminated because sick is just repulsive (my CBT therapist said that I can't handle the feeling of replusion the same way I can't handle the feeling of anxiety). and 2. how would I be able to look after my child when they are sick? At the moment if someone I love (say my Mum) gets sick then I run away and just call them on the phone to see if they are ok. I won't be able to do that as I will be the one they will be looking to for comfort. I have the same fear about my husband getting sick. Then the big fear is how to I ensure that I don't pass this horrible condition onto my child? Although I believe that nature has is a big part of my having OCD (I believe that I was born with a sort of nervous disposition that would result in OCD) I do think nurture has a big role as well. Lots of things happened when I was 4,such as my cousin dying of cot death just before my baby sister was born. There was a lot of stress in the household and that is the origin of my OCD. My main fear is that my family will die if I don't protect them. Anyway, I digress, I 'learnt' a lot of my OCD behaviour from the way the adults around me where when my cousin died. My OCD is much better but my symptoms will always be there and I don't believe I will 100% get rid of them. So chances are I will end up doing some habbits in front of my child even if I try not to. How can I make sure that my child doesn't 'catch' those symptoms?
  6. A colleague of mine has just lost her father to cancer. She is not doing well at all and keeps breaking down at work. I am worried about her but it is also having an effect on my OCD. There are only three of us in a small office and you could cut the tension with a knife. She is asking us questions like when will she feel better and saying she just wants another 5 minutes with her dad. I feel guilty for saying this but I just can't cope with it. It has been two weeks now and bless her but she is still in stage 1 of grief (me and my other colleague looked it up). It is affecting my IBS as it is making me stressed. I recently completed successful CBT and managed to get a lot of my life back from my OCD. But I have noticed it slowly creaping back over the last two weeks. I feel stressed and tired and can feel OCD taking control. What can I do? I want to help her but I need to help myself more. Jen x
  7. jennielouises

    Does this prove my contamination fear?

    Hi Annabel I think that is the case. My boss sits next to me and she kept coughing without covering her mouth. We r only in a small off and it has a/c heating so I guess i would have got it anyway. I have to keep reminding myself that I got sick even before I touched door handles. I told my therapist that tho would happen and she said you will have to get over being ill and the. Try again. If I keep getting ill then my theory is probably right. But, I'm worried that because I have spent the last 13 years not touching door handles, that my immune system has been damaged and I will get everything. You know like when newly qualified teachers get ill a lot in their first year of teaching
  8. My CBT task this week was to touch door handles in public. One of the hardest things for me to do. I did it on Friday at work when my boss has a stinking cold. My worry was that I would get ill and then that would reinforce my belief that the door handles are contaminated. So last night (sat) I developed a really sore throat. This morning I was woken up at the crack of dawn with a piercing headache and still a sore throat. My nose is a little stuffy but I tend to get that a lot in the morning without it turning to something. So it sounds like I have the cold my boss has. Surely this proves the handles are contaminated? On the other hand, yesterday morning I cried my eyes out really hard for about an hour. At first I was crying about our finances but then it turned to what was really the matter. My mum just had a biopsy on a breast lump and found out on Thursday that it was just a cyst. I have been worried sick about it for three weeks but don't show emotions (hence the OCD). I think realised I don't have enough money to buy my mum a decent Mother's Day gift and cried harder when I realised I came close to loosing my mum (most of my OCD is fuelled on this fear due to a death in the family when I was 4). So maybe the crying caused it? Also, during my honeymoon I had the exact same symptoms and I put it down to 'honeymoon flu'. Basically my body relaxing after all the stress and it let a virus in. Maybe it's done it again this time after being stressed about my mum? But u can't get passed the thought that its because those door handles were contaminated
  9. jennielouises

    'You're going to kill your Mum' ITs

    Yes I do. I've only just worked out the main fear I my OCD and that is that my mum will die. So I can totally get how you feel. I'm sure if it just a routine surgery she will be fine. Hugs. X
  10. I've always thought my OCD was about fear of contamination from germs so I don't get ill. But I've finally got to the bottom of my OCD and realise that it's actually a way for me to keep the big scary world in control and put of my save haven of a home. My cousin (my mums sister's son) died of cot death when I was four. Less than a month later my little sister was born and obviously there was a lot of anxiety in my family. My sister was very protected in case it happened to her. As a four year old I didn't really understand what was happening. Just that people could die. I think I then took on the heightened sense of responsibility that I had to protect my parents and sisters from dying. That is when the OCD started really. Plus mum remembers that's when I stopped being the cuddly little girl. If I don't let myself show how much I care about someone then it avoids me getting hurt and it protects them. I've been tasked with challenging this belief. It was easy for me the challenge the belief that if I will get ill if I do or don't do something. But how can I challenge the belief that if I don't do something, my family will die. What if I'm challenging it an it turns out to be true and one of them dies? I've also got to start thinking through the actual horrible thought and starting facing that it could happen rather than running away from it. I've never got this far into my OCD before and feel I'm making progress but its going to be hard to learn to live with emotions and anxiety.
  11. jennielouises

    to wash or not to wash?

    It went really well thanks. X
  12. jennielouises

    to wash or not to wash?

    I pretty much managed it. I added in washing my face but the main thing was not washing my hair until the next morning. Still feeling anxious about it though. I'm seeing my cbt therapist tomorrow which will be good. I've always thought my contamination OCD was about not getting ill but keeping the horrible outside world away from my haven of a home. X
  13. jennielouises

    to wash or not to wash?

    Thanks for the replies. That is exactly what I thought but I needed it confirmed to me. It's going to be so hard!
  14. I'm currently working on my contamination compulsions and I am supposed to not do them and learn to live with the anxiety. Today I have been on a long train journey for work and been in London and Birmingham city centre. The cab I went in stunk and I feel so dirty. My husband said he will run me a bath when I get home but I know that will make me go into full scrubbing mode. When I come home from work I brush my hair, change my clothes and wash my hands. It's taking me ages to get to just doing that. Do you think I should just so that today or have a full on shower? Help!
  15. jennielouises

    Oh the irony!

    I have been working with my therapist on my evaluation of risk of contamination and I said I find it hard to not believe the adverts etc about not touching door handles as you might catch something. I've been told to just open doors etc in the office and not wash my hands. But I work in office management and have been asked by another member of staff to ask people to wash hands more etc because of the flu, colds and noro (my worst fear)!!! How can I do that at work whilst trying to not be obsessed with them myself?!