Length of the narration

[St Mike]

On 12/03/2019 at 14:33, Pranjali said:

 

I am in that rut of my thoughts and feelings taking hold of me and leaving me with nothing but only repeated going back on those instances. What triggered is, I had accompanied a friend of mine to smoke (I do not smoke, she wanted to), I saw this beer bottle lying near the place where we were. And all I know now is I drank from the bottle. The last few times OCD has overpowered, the trigger had been alcohol (or was it inferred) so I had decided to stay away from it. In the past few months when I had confided in my parents about my thoughts, they had strictly warned me off from touching alcohol because it only causes stress and triggers the entire rut all over again. 

Going back to this particular instance, I spoke to this friend of mine - she is like you did not even touch that bottle and sounded extremely certain about it. I am convinced I drank from that bottle. I do not know why I feel guilty, before OCD was in picture I used to drink, but having gone through the ordeal my folks advised me against it sternly for my good of course, I know if I tell them this they will disown me. I feel sick and overwhelmed with guilt. 

I am not sure this time around 'how to stop ruminating' because all I can think of this instance and a multiple instances of the recent past when things have gone bad specially with OCD being in picture! As always, it almost feels like you falter and you have OCD to blame and your mind wants to get away by labeling it as OCD. This is not OCD, this is my stupidity. I cannot frame my thoughts but I feel like I am back to square one. This disorder (if it is still in play in this case, which I doubt) seems to be a constant endless struggle. 

  

Hi Pranjali, you have to realise by now that's how OCD works. Your compulsions have fed your intrusive thoughts to such an extend that you have convinced youself you did actually drink from the discarded bottle.

You are no different from other sufferers who convinced themselves they have cheated on their partners, they are of another sexual orientation or harmed someone or something.

I suggest you read through the advice given in your thread and see how they can be applied to your situation.

At the same time, do try to get an appointment with a therapist who is experienced with treating OCD if possible.

Edited March 14, 2019 by St Mike