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St Mike

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    457
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Ex-Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Scrupulosity

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Somewhere in the Far East
  • Interests
    History, Religion, Languages

Recent Profile Visitors

962 profile views
  1. In my opinion, there is really no yardstick for how far one wishes to practise their faith. I found my own balance, going through life experiences and realising there are a lot of shades of grey in life, it isn't totally black and it isn't totally white. It took me over 20 years to come to that conclusion. An example of mine (I am Buddhist) which I can site is that, I've stop drinking completely but decided against vegetarianism. Alcohol is a neurotoxin and it also makes meditation impossible but meat, fruit and vegetables are sources of sustenance for a human being. Every living thing basically has the essence of life in them, ending the life of a pig is no different from chopping down a tree to plant soya beans. To exist in the corporal world, I have to eat and it makes no sense to me, why the life of the pig is worth more than those of fallen tree and the birds as well as the thousands of insects that depend on that tree for food and shelter. In the end, it is you who decide what's best for you. As you can see, even authority figures of the world's major religions are not infallible. So as long as we just do what we can, to lead a decent, reasonable and harmless life, with a measure of love and kindness mixed in, that again, in my own opinion is good enough as a lay person.
  2. You should know, no one here would want to you to confess because that would be a compulsion based on your intrusive thoughts of sexual assault and contamination.
  3. I am assuming you meant OCD-intrusive thoughts and normal intrusive thoughts. There is no difference between the two. There are only intrusive thoughts. The only difference is how an OCD sufferer and non-OCD sufferer responds to intrusive thoughts. Non-sufferers are able to dismiss them rather effortlessly while OCD sufferers can't.
  4. Firstly, Pranjali, do you realise how illogical OCD is? How it has skewed your thinking in relation to your understanding of infidelity? Where in the world, would someone who wants and has cheated on their partner, proceed thereafter to search and present evidence of their infidelity to their partner? The French termed OCD as the "doubting" disease and for good reason. You are in constant doubt in relation to theme of OCD you are suffering from. The first thing you have to do is to recognise you have OCD and you obsess over infidelity. In this case, it is a trip to a hostel that triggered you. Your OCD has played on your obsession by introducing doubts. For example, You have to note there is a HUGE difference between you felt like you did something and something you actually did. Being physically involved, i.e. performing an action with your physical body is real, something done in reality while thinking or feeling you might have done are thoughts and emotions in your mind. This is the reason I kept stressing to you on understanding how your OCD works, what are your triggers, how you respond, what are your compulsions etc. in my replies to your previous posts. Once you wise up to the tricks OCD does to your mind, you would be prepared and prevent yourself from falling into the intrusive thought - compulsion cycle. Confessing to your husband and requesting CCTV tapes from the hostel are all compulsions. Performing them will keep you sick and hurt your husband. The same goes for wanting to punish yourself. This too is a compulsion. Performing these compulsions are extremely selfish and irresponsible on your part because these are all actions your OCD afflicated mind wants you to do to ease baseless guilt and distress. It hurts both you and your loved ones. Neither party deserves such treatment. For now, the best thing is to DO NOTHING in relation to your obsession about cheating. Don't confess anymore, don't call the hostel, don't punish yourself. DO INSTEAD, seek treatment for your OCD. Continue to educate yourself about OCD. Ask yourself whether you can respond differently each time the same old intrusive thoughts strike. I.e. instead of running to confess to your husband, you will this time, keep watching the telly, or carry on reading your book or doing whatever task you are performing at hand. Keep yourself rooted, don't allow your mind to drift, ruminating on whether you have cheated or not. It is all MENTAL CHAFF, not worth destroying your mental health and life over it.
  5. I wouldn't doubt your therapist's words because it had happened to me when I was about 5 years old. Instead of being too tired to do a complusion, I was shocked out of it. I was beginning to show signs of OCD with a contamination theme as I started to incessantly wash my hands. I had intrusive thoughts that my hands will get really dirty each time I touched something and I had wash repatedly to ensure they remain clean all the time. Thankfully, my mom warned me that the skin on my hands will fall off if I continued and that totally shocked me out of my wits. The images of skeletal hands scared the hell out of me and I stopped completedly. I supposed it is a greater fear that overwhelmed the minor fear? Perhaps it could be the better neural plasticity of a child's brain that makes the child easier to de-conditioned from OCD compulsions? I don't know. But I can relate to the patient of this therapist. I however would state it doesn't mean this particular individual has recovered from OCD. He may have just overcame the theme of OCD that has been affecting him. Without understanding the cognitive aspects of OCD and de-conditioning the response to intrusive thoughts, the sufferer's OCD will remain latent, waiting to latch on to something else to obsess over, later on.
  6. This is also a moment for which you would realise the reigns of control can be brought back to your hands. You can remain in control in spite of the anxiety.
  7. I do think this genetic mutation does confer immunity to OCD and other anxiety conditions due to the affected person not feeling anxiety. Of course the trade-off is not feeling pain, which is I agree is necessary to alert us to problems with our own bodies. If only there is a way to tweak our genes to dampen down on anxiety. Perhaps individuals such as this Scottish woman who happens to be one of two known to have this mutation can not only help with pain relief, but also anxiety relief. That would be a god send to all anxiety condition sufferers.
  8. The disorder wouldn't leave you without your active interventation. Medication on its own is insufficient, the sufferer needs to decondition him/herself through a combination of CBT, mindfulness (in my opinion), good mental habits and lifestyle changes. You need to put in the hardwork to rid yourself of OCD. That's okay, everyone screws up. The thing is that, do you know where you screwed up? I suggest you read your post from a third person perspective and see how all the events fit into the intrusive thought - compulsion cycle.
  9. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-47719718 "It means she feels virtually no pain, and never feels anxious or afraid." This is one genetic mutation I don't mind having.
  10. Exactly! May I also add you shouldn't allow OCD to run your life either. Do what you think is best for you, don't let OCD to tell you what to do.
  11. Good old fashion deep breathing exercises, going for a run or a hike, getting enough sleep, eating healthy and not drinking can go a long way to help deal with excessive anxiety as well.
  12. Hi Pranjali, you have to realise by now that's how OCD works. Your compulsions have fed your intrusive thoughts to such an extend that you have convinced youself you did actually drink from the discarded bottle. You are no different from other sufferers who convinced themselves they have cheated on their partners, they are of another sexual orientation or harmed someone or something. I suggest you read through the advice given in your thread and see how they can be applied to your situation. At the same time, do try to get an appointment with a therapist who is experienced with treating OCD if possible.
  13. If you avoid your mum, then that's an avoidance compulsion. It just gives more credence to your obsessions. It is definitely not something helpful to recovery.
  14. Of course OCD can destroy your life and happiness, if only you allow it to do so.
  15. I am very sorry to hear you were abused as a child. Always remember it is never the fault of the child, the child is the victim. As mentioned before, OCD occurs when the sufferer performs compulsions to obtain relieve from intrusive thoughts, thoughts that causes distress. I am in no postion to say whether what happened to you as a child is the cause of your OCD or your fear of being intimate with man. If it is something that is causing distress now, whether as post traumatic stress disorder or something that your OCD is latching on, it has to be treated. Has your psychiatrist recommended any therapy? This issue has been addressed in earlier posts. Firstly, why must it be self-punishment? Can't it be doing good deeds instead? Rather than make yourself suffer, why not make the people and yourself happy with good deeds? This is the black and white thinking that OCD sufferers often have. Either way, doing either action at this point time with your OCD running at full gear would be a compulsion. So in my opinion, it is best not to do either, just concentrate on your big day and recovery later on. Recognise your thinking is temporary skewed, and it will change once you undergone CBT. There are many forum members more knowledgeable than me, I do hope they can chip in to offer advice to specific areas. Lastly, Congrats on your wedding. I know it is hard for you at the moment. Try your best to focus on the positive and joyful moments, OCD can be cured. You can change the way you think. Take care and Best Wishes
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