Should I shut myself off from the outerworld to do ERP/Recovery?

[VoidSeeker]

Hey

I'm at the brink of insanety right now.

If I'm very knowledgeable or passionate about a topic or hobby (doesn't matter what it is) and then hear someone's opinion or take on it, be it by talking to someone or reading/hearing something about it on the internet and other media, my OCD throws my opinion under the bus and latches on that other opinion.

As you could imagine these opinions can be pretty stupid and nonsensical but my OCD doesn't care. And so this opinion gets stuck in my had and I start worrying about it. This then leads me to do two things:

1.) Ask for reassurance to confirm my opinion.

2.) Avoid the hobby/topic all together.

Asking for reassurance doesn't help because in a matter of minutes the need of reassurance is back because OCD shifted to a slightly different version of it or it picked something I've worried in the past.

Avoiding things I love to do feels incredibly frustrating and makes me even more anxious.

What's worse I can't even (and don't want to) talk about my OCD because it makes it worse and or create new compulsions.

Before all of this I went to a therapist. At that time I was too anxious and couldn't do anything on my own. I also didn't knew how OCD worked and what to do. The Therapist had done little to help me and I quit after 7 months.

Since then I read a lot about OCD and watched countless videos. A few months ago I've managed to be free of anxiety and compulsions for 5 weeks in a row. It was so great. I finally could do what I wanted for so long without anything to worry about. Then it came back, I reacted and now I'm back in the loop for 2 months and it seems worse than ever before. My OCD manifested itself in the recovery process where I'm doubting myself if I'm recovering correctly. I then "have to" rewatch videos or reread articles.

I went as far as quit using the internet in order to do ERP without a way to seek reassurance, create new compulsions and triggering old ones but I don't know if that's the right approach since I'm running away and not exposing myself to the fear (opinions on the internet)

Should I completely shut myself off from the outerworld and not talk with anyone and not going online in order to try doing ERP uninterrupted? Or is this idea counterproductive?

[Gemma7]

Hi VoidSeeker

Over all shutting yourself off would be a compulsion and therefore counterproductive but I can see that you're a bit tied in knots with the whole thing. I think you need support to help you look at your problem in the most basic way to start with, which is what are you worried about (obsessions) and what do you do to feel better (compulsions). Then ideally together with a therapist work slowly through tackling your issues. I know that you have struggled in the past with seeing a therapist, but if you are honest and open about what you doubt and question I'm sure you can feel supported enough to tackle your OCD

 

[VoidSeeker]

Yes you're right. A therapist is probably the best option to handel this monstrosity, and I'm currently on the look out for one. But this takes time. It could take weeks or even months.
In the time from now until I start the therapy, I have to do something otherwise I would just sit there day in and out doing practically nothing/wasting my time worrying about nonsense.
This drives me mad.

To me shutting myself off doesn't feel like a compulsion. Without it I just keep avoiding and wasting my time because the compulsions keep poping up and interrupt me . Not because I'm feared but all this **** is disturbing me and ultimately ruining my experience. In this situation I can't do ERP. It's just too hard.  When I do not shut myself off and do ERP by doing  the hobby in question there is a pretty high chance that a compulsion gets triggered and even when I try resisting it,  my mood will change imidiatly and it causes me to avoid again leading in a setback. The more I do this the less montivation I have to get started again.

By shutting myself off for a longer periot of time (monstly by not using the internet) I find it a dozen times easier to get started. I feel like if I do this long enough I will build strength (self esteem) to resist all this once I go back to normal.

Ultimatly shutting myself off is a compulsion because I should be able to do ERP nonetheless but I don't have the mental strengh for it.
 

Edited September 16, 2019 by VoidSeeker

[Gemma7]

31 minutes ago, VoidSeeker said:

Ultimatly shutting myself off is a compulsion because I should be able to do ERP nonetheless but I don't have the mental strengh for it.

Hi VoidSeeker

I think this is important. You need to at least get to a place where you can start applying CBT so if you need a break then take a break. But just keep in mind that it would be avoidance and therefore a compulsion, making your OCD worse long term.

If you have to wait for a therapist I recommend the self-help book Break free from OCD. It's a guide to CBT and could help you to start tackling some of the smaller issues, hopefully working towards no avoidance at all

[malina]

Hey VoidSeeker,

I think it's important to remember your goal, which is to function and be happy in everyday life. If you shut yourself off, you're removing yourself from everyday life. So how will you ever be able to function properly if you isolate yourself? I agree with Gemma that it would probably be best to start with smaller steps, rather than an extreme action. 

[Sodovka]

So sorry to see you’re struggling, VoidSeeker. My best advice is to always try to do what your OCD tells you not to/don’t do what it tells you to. This weakens the disorder’s power. If it’s engaging with content about a hobby you like, keep doing that. 

I know how much it sucks when you’re deep in an obsession so I hope that eases up for you. 

[VoidSeeker]

On 19/09/2019 at 16:49, Sodovka said:

So sorry to see you’re struggling, VoidSeeker. My best advice is to always try to do what your OCD tells you not to/don’t do what it tells you to. This weakens the disorder’s power. If it’s engaging with content about a hobby you like, keep doing that. 

I know how much it sucks when you’re deep in an obsession so I hope that eases up for you. 

So you mean like doing the opposite of what it tells you?

[malina]

23 hours ago, VoidSeeker said:

So you mean like doing the opposite of what it tells you?

Not necessarily doing the opposite, but just not doing anything at all, not engaging with it.