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msf010

convince my thoughts have killed someone

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I’ve always had the thought “I would sacrifice ______(a person) , for____________ (something to happen(such as a team win a football match)” that caused me a great deal amount of stress. I was feeling guilty about this one person in particular as (the something to happen) did happen. 

Anyway this name kept popping up in my life, and even so when i drew names out of hat his was the first name. I also got a facebook friend suggestion as a notification( ive never got a friend suggstion as a notification) with someone with the same name. I then even got a text message (defientally my first text from facebook) with another friend suggestion, this time a different person with the same name. 

I dont know what to do anymore, my life i've tried to prove these sacrifice thoughts wrong, but now it feels so real.

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Ah, like an internet meme! We all joke about that, my darling! :D 

It's funny how some people follow you around, isn't it? I have a colleague of mine; met him at the interview; we worked together at one place; then he came to join me at my new place. It's just the way of life sometimes. :) But don't worry. We can't kill people with our thoughts, no matter how hard Donald Trump tries. Am I to guess you're a little stressed out right now with everything?

You'll be okay. Lots of love. :hug:

C x

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Thanks for the reply. 

The main guilt is around that the same name has popped up (Friend suggestion etc, First name from random draw.) when ive been specifally trying to prove it too not. It just feels like too much of a sign.

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I am not completely sure I understand you msf, but happy to try and help if we can.   Do you mean you are worried because you have intrusive thoughts about something bad happening to a specific person in your life?

 

4 hours ago, msf010 said:

dont know what to do anymore, my life i've tried to prove these sacrifice thoughts wrong, but now it feels so real.

If my summary above is wrong, then this could be part of the problem here. By trying to prove your OCD thoughts to be wrong, you're reinforcing them. I.e. compulsion doesn't bring relief, it brings more uncertainty/obsessions.  Much like I try and wash my hands to 'feel' clean, the 'feeling' makes me feel less clean still.

Before I carry on I just want to clarify if that was when you meant?

 

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Thanks for the response Ashley. My worry is that my thought of "sacrificing this person" in particular has come true, because of these signs that the universe keeps to be giving me, as his name has popped up all the time when i am trying to prove it to not pop up. 

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This is somewhat magical thinking really, because your thoughts can not have the power to magically sacrifice a person. Just the same as believing and wanting to win the lottery (which is what all sane people still call it) doesn't mean it will come true, unfortunately.    The more you're trying to avoid the person's name, the more life's coincidences are throwing the name in your direction. The same if a certain word triggers my feelings of being contaminated, sods law that word was being used everyone at one time.

What you're going through is pretty common for OCD, and the first thing I would encourage you to do if you have not already is try and understand some of the basics of how OCD works. This is a great book I would recommend for understanding the basics of OCD.  https://www.ocduk.org/shop/ocd-anxiety-related-depression/   It's not specific for your type of OCD, but through the therapist pages of the book it does help us understand the principles really well.

Ashley :)

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