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Need help urgently new to this don’t know how to help my partner

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Hi this is my first time on here so apologies if this isn’t the correct place , my partner is currently away but has just been diagnosed with ocd but not what I thought ocd was he’s become over the years very paranoid about us as a couple and is always worrying about me cheating ( which by the way I never have and I wouldn’t ) I am constantly reassuring him , he got diagnosed with ocd about 2 weeks ago but feel like we have argued more than ever recently as I get so frustrated repeating my self over and over to reassure him about small things who I speak to , who I’ve seen whilst nipping to shops or On a walk , constantly making sure it’s just me and our 3 kids alone in the house and no one is coming round , does this sound like ocd or could it be something else aswell ?? I’m really struggling to help him as I get so upset and frustrated myself in the process ?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated right about now 🙈🙈😢 

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Hi and welcome to the forum.

It is my adult son who has OCD and trust in relationships can be an issue.  My son's psychiatrist has said to him the past that OCD wants certainty and of course there is no certainty in this World.

As he has been diagnosed, does this mean he will now receive treatment?  Part of that is accepting the diagnosis, as he has to engage in the treatment and challenge his feelings.

It is a very lonely time for you and as I am sure you have already worked out reassurance does nothing, in fact it makes it worse, the more you give, the more OCD wants.  Try and make sure you have someone you can talk to about this too.  You and your children are just as important.  He has to understand that you have a life too and the children.  Unfortunately this is a difficult time with lockdown, but take tiny steps.  Agree with him for you and children to take a short walk, but tell him you won't be answering any questions when you come back and try to stick to it.

When he does have treatment, try and get the professional to speak with both of you, so he can understand that when you don't engage with reassurance, it is to help him and not just because you are being secretive or difficult.

We are always here.


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Hi Kd289 :)

Your partner sounds like he is struggling with what people colloquially call relationship OCD. It's no different from other OCD other than the worries (obsessions) focus on relationships. It can involve worries about whether your other half is right for you, to them cheating or even the sufferer cheating. The sufferer will usually then do various compulsions like comparing to other people's relationships, or checking through reassurance. Anything to get certainty that what they fear isn't going to happen. 

I agree with Carol, if your partner gets therapy it would help you to be involved. I recommend the self-help book Break free from OCD too which takes you through how to begin tackling OCD. 

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