carolj

Hi and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear your father's circumstances are causing you such distress. I don't have much experience with hoarding, although I am sure some people on here do, but I am wondering if it would be a good idea to also join a website and forum which is specifically for hoarders and the families of those hoarding. Here is one and hopefully you will be able to share your experience with many others who are in the same situation. https://www.helpforhoarders.co.uk Best wishes Carol

Hi and welcome to the forum. It is my adult son who has OCD and trust in relationships can be an issue. My son's psychiatrist has said to him the past that OCD wants certainty and of course there is no certainty in this World. As he has been diagnosed, does this mean he will now receive treatment? Part of that is accepting the diagnosis, as he has to engage in the treatment and challenge his feelings. It is a very lonely time for you and as I am sure you have already worked out reassurance does nothing, in fact it makes it worse, the more you give, the more OCD wants. Try and make sure you have someone you can talk to about this too. You and your children are just as important. He has to understand that you have a life too and the children. Unfortunately this is a difficult time with lockdown, but take tiny steps. Agree with him for you and children to take a short walk, but tell him you won't be answering any questions when you come back and try to stick to it. When he does have treatment, try and get the professional to speak with both of you, so he can understand that when you don't engage with reassurance, it is to help him and not just because you are being secretive or difficult. We are always here. Carol

I think you will know what is right for your daughter and if and when the time is right to introduce her to the forums. My son's OCD has taken on many guises, but interestingly when he attended a support group, which I went to with him, I asked him what he thought about other people's compulsions, which, of course, were extremely varied. He didn't latch on to any of them and although he totally understood where they were coming from, he saw them as being as illogical as I did.

Hi I am not sure if you are here in the UK, but when my son was a college, there was a department who was there to help with anyone's special needs, or problems, whatever they may be, including his OCD. It really didnt matter whether they were experts in OCD, they were experts in dealing with any special need. As well as being able to talk to them, his teachers were made aware by the team that he should be allowed to leave the room if he needed to, without being questioned as to where he was going. He was told there was a quiet room allocated that he could go to and if he wanted one, they would arrange for someone to sit in class with him. Just knowing these things were in place and someone knew, made so much difference, that he never actually needed them. The only thing he did use was the option to take his exams in a separate room, in the special needs department, where he could get up and go for a walk in the middle of them if he wanted to. Passed with flying colours, so proud of him, as OCD had destroyed his schooling. I would find out who is in charge of special needs at your college and go and speak to them. Would it help if one of your parents went with you? You really don't need to even think about what you are going to say, the fact you are there, will tell them you need help. If there is no team (and there should be, just as there is at school), just tell your head of year that you are having problems and need help. May be you are over thinking how much you have to tell them in that conversation? You really don't need to go into great detail if you don't want to. You will feel so much better when you know someone there knows you are struggling.

Such a difficult situation for you, my Dad is nearly 85 and I know it would be difficult to change his ways if I needed to. As with any condition unless the person acknowledges they have a problem, its really hard to get help. You are, of course, always welcome on here, but could I suggest you perhaps join the forums on this site, who may have some more specific ideas for you https://www.helpforhoarders.co.uk/family-and-friends/ Good luck!

When my daughter was 8 she had ALL, which stands for acute lymphoblastic leukaemia, would they think of making cheap jokes from those initials? No of course not!

Daily Mail article this morning was quite positive, but hope someone rings in to that moron on LBC, who says 'surely its just a bit of festive fun'! Unfortunately I am at work.

Hi I notice you are in Nottingham, have you thought about going to the Nottingham support group, which is actually run by Ashley and I am sure would be very beneficial? I'm not sure how old your daughter is and whether it is appropriate for her, you could check with Ashley, but you would be very welcome, as i have been when we had a local support group. https://www.ocduk.org/support-groups/nottingham/ There is one this coming week!

Hi Kaz, I notice back in June your son saw a dr (although not much use!) and he had an appointment at the wellbeing clinic. Did anything come of that? You are in a difficult situation because your son is now classed as an adult, but so was my son. I have found that if I say to the doctor 'I know you can't talk to me, but I need to talk to you about my son', that usually works. How does your son feel about treatment now? My son insisted he could manage this himself. I always told him I would help him when he wanted it and suddenly one day, he said 'I can't do this by myself any more'. I thought that was an important turning point, because it was something he decided and I hadn't made that decision for him.

Its interesting that so many parents don't want their children to go into specialist schools and yet when they visit their opinion changes. My daughter says its simple things like, plain white walls, which to us look boring, but to the children, its calm. I so hope you find the right help for your son, just knowing he is being looked after at school can at least give you some peace of mind. The summer scheme sounds very good, I suppose the only way you can look at it is that he did manage 2 days? So hard to follow when rituals change isn't it, one disappears and another pops up!!! My daughter's university decided to base the master's degree on this occasion around mental health in children. Of course she jumped at the chance to do this, as she knows how important it is to have the expertise to help the children who need it. Do let us know how you get on. xx

Im not sure where you are, but my daughter says the EHCP gives you the power to request what you consider best for your child, in your case, a 'specialist setting'. The only problem is if the school says they can meet his needs. I hope this helps a bit, although the system doesn't seem to be quite the same.

My daughter is a SENCO and I have mentioned your son to her. I couldn't remember how old he is, but she asked, does he have an EHCP?

Just watched an information film on OCD in children on TV, which I thought was extremely well done and very informative to both parents and teachers https://nipinthebud.org

Hi Cathy and welcome to the forum. Im sure there will be people on here who understand exactly what you are going through. I have seen many over the years. It is my adult son who has OCD, so my experiences are slightly different, but I do know that somehow your husband has to understand that you can't be controlled like this, nor should you be. It doesn't help that his mother won't get involved. The problem is that OCD takes more and more and no matter how much you comply with his demands, it will never be enough. I wish I could be more helpful, but in a calm moment, can you get him to understand that your future lies with him getting help? Carol x

I suppose the important thing is, are they treating your daughter in the meantime? It really is difficult to say whether getting a private report and taking it to CAMHS would have any affect on how they are treating your daughter. My son has been mainly in the private system, but NHS do step in in a crisis, with varying success. The first time when he was feeling suicidal, they gave him a leaflet on a computer course (yes really!), but the second time more recently, they had a team meet with him every day. They obviously took him more seriously that time! So I don't think they would automatically withdraw their services, but whether they take any notice of a report is another matter. The problem is that they are all different and who knows how they will react!

I was just looking back at your posts from last year and I wondered if your son has now officially been diagnosed with OCD and whether he made it to uni and how he is doing?

Jonny Wilkinson was on This Morning on Tuesday and I can really recommend watching him talk in depth about his anxiety. He was very honest and although it may not strictly be OCD, I recognised a lot of my son in him.

Hi Tasha, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is struggling after doing so well and it is devastating to hear your child saying she wants to kill herself. My son often said this and now he acknowledges he really just didn't want to be here. Actually blamed me for having him more often than not! Is she now with cahms? Have they given an explanation as to why its only every 2/3 weeks rather than once a week, especially with her OCD being so bad and not having been to school for so long. Do the school understand her problems and try to help? Does her OCD allow her to leave the house to see friends or go out with you? Sorry for all the questions, but it might help us make a few suggestions. Carol x

As you say PolarBear, OCD is OCD and Jos' son getting help is the really important of part of this and him beginning to understand why he feels like this.

Out of all you have said Headwreck, this I think sums it up. As I have heard said before, a sufferer needs certainty and there is no certainty in life. My son suffers with this and as Headwreck also says OCD can change focus, as it has with my son many times. My son sees a psychiatrist who has many years experience of OCD and she always tells him that if he stops his rituals, which are mainly performed in his head, she won't promise him whatever he is worried about won't happen, that's what life is like, uncertain. If something does happen, he can also be convinced he made it happen with his thoughts and then you can get 'I told you so', when actually its just life. Its incredibly hard for us non-sufferers to understand how all consuming this can be. We would be sad if a relationship broke up, but it does happen to most of us at some time. I feel for all of you and especially your son's girlfriend. When he has treatment, she is going to have to start resisting his demands for reassurance and that will probably be even harder, but reassurance doesn't work, it just makes OCD demand more, as the lie detector tests showed. I hope your son gets the help he needs very soon and they can start working on it together. We are all here if we can be of help. Carol

I haven't watched it, but my Mum said the actor playing Craig was on This Morning with an OCD sufferer called Richard (?) and that he did a really good job explaining OCD.

Hi, I was just wondering, do you suffer from OCD, or are you family or friend? Not that you can't post in here if you are suffering from OCD, but you may get a better response in the main forum. I would just say, over the years my son's OCD has taught me that anything can become an obsession.

Hi and welcome to the forum. Its a long time since my son was 12, but I do know what you are going through and the awful sense of frustration and helplessness. Ive learned that its frightening having to face OCD and it could be that although she was happy with the counsellor, having to challenge the OCD was just too much. I think its really hard to force her to go, because she will probably just ignore what the counsellor says and carry on as before. May be if you tell her that you want her carry on going, but she will have control over how she challenges her OCD? The problem is that you know she won't work on it by herself and of course CAHMS will be similar to what the counsellor is doing now. Does the counsellor have experience with OCD?

My son has PIP for his OCD, just fill it in as though its your very worst day. He didnt get the motability part, but thats ok. Good luck!

Hi Sharon The fact your daughter has said its time for help is such an important step, because she is much more likely to engage in her therapy when she has it. The self help book suggested by Gemma is a good idea and learning about OCD. Im not sure how your daughter's OCD affects her, but we do know reassurance only makes OCD worse. Having said that, its a nightmare for parents too and you just want to make everything better, so be kind to yourself, dont feel guilty if you have to give her some reassurance before therapy starts, but try and keep it to a minimum. Welcome and praise every tiny step forward, don't expect leaps. I hope it isnt too long before your daughter gets some help, in the meantime there is a support group in Portsmouth. You would have to check whether they welcome under 18s, as adult themes quite often come up in thoughts driven by OCD, but if not you could go by yourself. I have been and my son and its so useful to listen and talk to other people going through similar problems. I have met Stephen who runs the group and he is very knowledgable. http://www.ocduk.org/portsmouth