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About carolj

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    OCD-UK Member and

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    South East

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  1. carolj

    I feel so powerless

    Hi Cathy and welcome to the forum. Im sure there will be people on here who understand exactly what you are going through. I have seen many over the years. It is my adult son who has OCD, so my experiences are slightly different, but I do know that somehow your husband has to understand that you can't be controlled like this, nor should you be. It doesn't help that his mother won't get involved. The problem is that OCD takes more and more and no matter how much you comply with his demands, it will never be enough. I wish I could be more helpful, but in a calm moment, can you get him to understand that your future lies with him getting help? Carol x
  2. I suppose the important thing is, are they treating your daughter in the meantime? It really is difficult to say whether getting a private report and taking it to CAMHS would have any affect on how they are treating your daughter. My son has been mainly in the private system, but NHS do step in in a crisis, with varying success. The first time when he was feeling suicidal, they gave him a leaflet on a computer course (yes really!), but the second time more recently, they had a team meet with him every day. They obviously took him more seriously that time! So I don't think they would automatically withdraw their services, but whether they take any notice of a report is another matter. The problem is that they are all different and who knows how they will react!
  3. carolj

    Use of CBD for OCD?

    I was just looking back at your posts from last year and I wondered if your son has now officially been diagnosed with OCD and whether he made it to uni and how he is doing?
  4. carolj


    Hi Tasha, welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is struggling after doing so well and it is devastating to hear your child saying she wants to kill herself. My son often said this and now he acknowledges he really just didn't want to be here. Actually blamed me for having him more often than not! Is she now with cahms? Have they given an explanation as to why its only every 2/3 weeks rather than once a week, especially with her OCD being so bad and not having been to school for so long. Do the school understand her problems and try to help? Does her OCD allow her to leave the house to see friends or go out with you? Sorry for all the questions, but it might help us make a few suggestions. Carol x
  5. carolj

    Relationship OCD

    As you say PolarBear, OCD is OCD and Jos' son getting help is the really important of part of this and him beginning to understand why he feels like this.
  6. carolj

    Relationship OCD

    Out of all you have said Headwreck, this I think sums it up. As I have heard said before, a sufferer needs certainty and there is no certainty in life. My son suffers with this and as Headwreck also says OCD can change focus, as it has with my son many times. My son sees a psychiatrist who has many years experience of OCD and she always tells him that if he stops his rituals, which are mainly performed in his head, she won't promise him whatever he is worried about won't happen, that's what life is like, uncertain. If something does happen, he can also be convinced he made it happen with his thoughts and then you can get 'I told you so', when actually its just life. Its incredibly hard for us non-sufferers to understand how all consuming this can be. We would be sad if a relationship broke up, but it does happen to most of us at some time. I feel for all of you and especially your son's girlfriend. When he has treatment, she is going to have to start resisting his demands for reassurance and that will probably be even harder, but reassurance doesn't work, it just makes OCD demand more, as the lie detector tests showed. I hope your son gets the help he needs very soon and they can start working on it together. We are all here if we can be of help. Carol
  7. Hi, I was just wondering, do you suffer from OCD, or are you family or friend? Not that you can't post in here if you are suffering from OCD, but you may get a better response in the main forum. I would just say, over the years my son's OCD has taught me that anything can become an obsession.
  8. Hi and welcome to the forum. Its a long time since my son was 12, but I do know what you are going through and the awful sense of frustration and helplessness. Ive learned that its frightening having to face OCD and it could be that although she was happy with the counsellor, having to challenge the OCD was just too much. I think its really hard to force her to go, because she will probably just ignore what the counsellor says and carry on as before. May be if you tell her that you want her carry on going, but she will have control over how she challenges her OCD? The problem is that you know she won't work on it by herself and of course CAHMS will be similar to what the counsellor is doing now. Does the counsellor have experience with OCD?
  9. My son has PIP for his OCD, just fill it in as though its your very worst day. He didnt get the motability part, but thats ok. Good luck!
  10. carolj


    Hi Sharon The fact your daughter has said its time for help is such an important step, because she is much more likely to engage in her therapy when she has it. The self help book suggested by Gemma is a good idea and learning about OCD. Im not sure how your daughter's OCD affects her, but we do know reassurance only makes OCD worse. Having said that, its a nightmare for parents too and you just want to make everything better, so be kind to yourself, dont feel guilty if you have to give her some reassurance before therapy starts, but try and keep it to a minimum. Welcome and praise every tiny step forward, don't expect leaps. I hope it isnt too long before your daughter gets some help, in the meantime there is a support group in Portsmouth. You would have to check whether they welcome under 18s, as adult themes quite often come up in thoughts driven by OCD, but if not you could go by yourself. I have been and my son and its so useful to listen and talk to other people going through similar problems. I have met Stephen who runs the group and he is very knowledgable. http://www.ocduk.org/portsmouth
  11. carolj

    Where to start to beat this

    Let's just say that David's psychiatrist, who is well known in the world of OCD, told him he had been with her longer than any other patient and that was a couple of years ago! He has had periods of time that he hasn't needed to go though. Now its anxiety to conquer. I totally understand what you are saying. My son's OCD revolves around something happening to people and animals he cares about and its really hard to be brave and and not carry out rituals when you believe it keeps people safe. Thank you for your good wishes.
  12. carolj

    Where to start to beat this

    P S Now I have an update. My son saw his psychiatrist today and tells me for the first time ever, he is in remission! He still suffers from terrible anxiety, but the fact OCD is in remission, calls for a celebration and Im very proud of him, especially as it comes at a time that things haven't been easy. I think remission is a good word. My daughter had leukaemia when she was 8. She now has a family of her own, but the professionals never say cured, they always say remission.
  13. carolj

    Where to start to beat this

    The driving fear will probably wax and wane, as it does with my son. He goes from racing on the track, to not wanting to drive down the road, but a happy medium usually returns in the end. I know what you mean about letting your son make his own decisions, that too was my feeling. OCD takes so much, any bit of control they can have over their lives must be good. Im always loath to say my son hasn't recovered, because we all need to feel there is light at the end of the tunnel, its important to remember everyone's OCD is different and the path to recovery. I would say he does have it under control for periods of time. It surfaces when he is under pressure, but I suppose we are now better equipped to deal with it.
  14. carolj

    Where to start to beat this

    Can I ask what happens when he goes to college? How many days a week is it? You said earlier your son is happier with his new course, so presumably he manages to get up for that. My son does really badly under pressure, I think he feels his head is going to explode. I'm sure you have already tried it, but praising him for the little things, I find is very gratefully received. Try to get him not to worry about employment opportunities at the end of the course, he can deal with that when the time comes. Does he have, or need, student support? Encourage him to make very small changes that he can maintain and then tell him how proud of him you are. If he is setting himself difficult targets, he will just be demoralised and not bother. I agree with you, the sleep problem is a vicious circle. I would stop nagging, give yourself a rest, it probably makes no difference anyway. Praise him for getting up for college and perhaps find other reasons for him to get up on time during the week. I can't remember, does he have hobbies? My son took up mountain biking. He does it in fits and starts, but he says its the one thing that gives him relief from OCD. He has to concentrate so hard on staying on the track, there is no time for anything else! Snowbear will know better than me, but I have only really recently understood from my son that he feels guilty about the way he is and me going on about it, makes that even worse. I always told my son that I would find him help as soon as he was ready and one day he did say to me, he couldn't cope any longer by himself, but it did take until he was about 20.
  15. Interestingly this has been recommended for my son both by the Maudesley and an OCD expert we both know well Ashley. From what I gather it helps you to control extremes of emotion and your reaction to situations (well thats a simplified version!) and that it would help him be more accepting towards CBT.