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I must not have OCD


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Im coming to the conclusion i dontnhave OCD. There are so many sub types and personally my situation doesnt fit into any. POCD, HOCD, False memory OCD, Real evebt OCD the list goes on. 

I thought my issue fell in the real event ocd category because as I checked out a girl from behind then realising she was/could be under age. I felt discust, shame guilt all at the same time. Straight after that I googled the legal status of a well know porn site to come across the 'word' CP on a Wikipedia page. I had a panic attack that night and ever since then 14 months ago my thought/feeling is that ive accessed something in relation to that online. I dont know how or what that is just this overwhelming feeling of guilt, fear and uncertainty. 

Is this OCD, does this fall into a category? I thought it could have been real event ocd but looking into it, it seems real event ocd is something that happened in the past and has come to the mind now to worry about it. Mine happened there and then, one thing led to another and now im worrying about the police coming to get me for something i dont know what ive done but then why do i have this strong feeling that i have? 

Did checking out that girl lead me to search the legal status of a well known porn site (ph)? Did then seeing the word CP nake it worse and then did the panic attack in the middle of the night finish me off? I dont know what im asking ypu these queations as i dont knlw myself. This feeling has been with me for a ling time now and because of the nature of it im terrified. Im terrified ive done something so taboo my life is going to be over. Is it possible to forget doimg something so bad not to rember it but to retain the feeling as doing something bad? 

Please help. 

 

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Just because you can't categorize your obsessions doesn't mean you don't have OCD.

Three things you need to have OCD: obsessions, distress and compulsions. Additionally, there is often a good deal of doubt.

While you are focusing on your obsessions, you are ignoring your compulsions. You have been fixated on this one thing for a long time. That comes from ruminating, a compulsion.

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13 hours ago, Chris2020 said:

There are so many sub types and personally my situation doesnt fit into any. POCD, HOCD, False memory OCD, Real evebt OCD the list goes on. 

There are no subtypes of OCD.  There is only OCD.  People categorize OCD for their convenience but the only difference between a person with "POCD" and "HOCD" is what thought happened to be going through their head when their OCD acted up.  OCD can be about anything.  If you can think about it, if you can worry about it, you can obsess about it.

Maybe you are the first person in the world to have your particular worry.  Give how many people have OCD thats unlikely, but it's possible.  Well someone else was the first person to have OCD about being gay.  Some else was the first person to have OCD about hitting someone with their car.  Someone else was the first person to have OCD about a night they were drunk and can't remember everything that happened.  It didn't mean they didn't have OCD, it doesn't mean YOU don't have OCD.  As Polar Bear points out, whether or not you have OCD is not based on the topic of your fear but the three components, Obsessions, Compulsions, and Disorder.  If you meet those criteria, you have OCD.  Thats all there is to it.  You could have OCD about chocking on marshmallows, or tripping and falling down stairs, or being a secret spy whose brain has been manipulated so you don't remember it, or any. other. topic.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying to fit yourself into  some arbitrary category.  You have OCD, thats all you need to know to start recovery.  The next thing you can and should do is get help from a qualified mental health professional if at all possible.  OCD can be beaten, you can get back control of your life, but it takes time and effort.  However the sooner you start, the sooner you'll get where you want to be, in control again.

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Thank you both. 

Can I ask your own opinion. Does ocd latch onto thoughts that scare you? So the initial thought for me was bad but the more i thought about that thought the more worrying it become. Its has now led me down this rabbit hole. The rabbit hole is not my initial thought anymore but the consequences id it were true. 

I feel ashamed that im worried more about be arrested that what the my original thought was. It makes me feel like a terrible person thinking this way because i have another thought saying "your only now worrying because your  afraid you might get caught" Then the whole ruminating and talking to my thoughts again. 

Does this fall into OCD? Does it work in this way convincing me that i have done a horrible thing? 

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Also i forgotten to add that I read people have thoughts of doing something horrible and they are scare of actually doing them. Ive had a thought/feeling that I have done something awful but I dont know what it is. What i do know is that the subject that its relating too, not only is that bad enough but its telling me that it could be the worst of the worst if that makes sense. 

Could this feeling/thought be real and I just dont know or forgotten what ive done. I couldnt live with myself if i did what this feeling is telling me or making me feel. How can you possibly have all this emotion, fear, guilt, unhappiness, doubt, uncertainty based on a feeling. Surley there must be some truth behind it to be feeling like this. Ive never experienced this before so that fills me with doubt. 

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You are spending far too much time trying to make sure your situstion is OCD. You have been doing this for quite some time.

Again, to have OCD you need obsessions, distress and compulsions that negatively affect your quality of life.

You have that. Period.

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