Update-smoke detector debacle

[Robin43]

Hello everyone

I just wanted to check in with everyone, I am currently awaiting starting specialist treatment in the UK-my funding has been approved but I am awaiting hearing about an appt. You may remember my smoke detector problem-I have had no therapy since as it has taken a long time for the referral.

I contacted some Radiation Protection professionals who said that smoke detectors could leak radiation, then I contacted Public Health England who said they couldn't. I am thinking if I get the smoke detector leak tested the apparatus may not be working properly, I may have removed any radiation by rubbing the outside of the black ionisation chamber of the 27 year old smoke detector (as told to do by therapist), so therefore it I removed it I won't know if it was ever there in the first place.

I also contacted PHE and my GP to arrange to get tested for Americium, but I can't bear for the sample to be posted to England due to my intrusive thoughts (that x-rays in postal system would decontaminate sample) and I also read online where someone got a test done and it showed a negative result even though the Americium was present. A Dosimetrist I contacted said that sometimes a dose could be missed in a sample, like any other testing...

And meanwhile me...well I spend all day everyday thinking about this, I have lost interest in life-I feel this radiation is inside me and there is no point in anything. No point buying nice clothes, no point worrying what I look like any more because I feel like I have destroyed myself. I honestly can say that I feel like I have lost the person I use to be and I will never be that person again. I often burst into hysterics crying because I feel I will never get over this, I feel I am going to believe everyday for the rest of my life that I have got radiation inside me and it is inevitable I will take cancer. It is unbearable how I feel. And worst of all...I don't want to start therapy as it was a therapist who put me in this mess and I also have lost the want to get better-I feel there is nothing to get better for as I can't stop thinking that I could have got this radiation inside me and I am going to die early so there is no point worrying about OCD-there is nothing to get better for.

I really just needed to share this with people, sorry for rambling on.

Edited June 8, 2021 by Robin43

[PolarBear]

Robin, frankly, you did all the wrong things. Contacting all those people were compulsions. And what did they do? They made you feel worse.

How badly you feel right now is directly related to the fact that you won't let this go. You take the thoughts seriously, you ruminate (a compulsion) endlessly and you do other compulsions. All that does is keep the thoughts top of mind where they continue to borher you and disrupt your life.

In short, you are doing this to yourself. Any adverse problem from you touching that part of your smoke detector pales in comparison to the real damage to you that is being wrought every single day by you doing the wrong things.

To get back to some sense of normal, you need to change what you are doing. I fear if you don't that things will only get worse for you.