Husband’s OCD

[JMM]

My husband has OCD and severe anxiety and has been suffering for over 20 years. This has become much worse since COVID. I always told him that we could live with his condition unless it started to affect either our children’s or my mental health. It has got to the point now where we are all affected as a family. I have tried suggesting he seek treatment but he just gets angry with me. Can anyone offer advice on the best way to approach him getting help without it resulting in him getting angry 

[DRS1]

2 hours ago, JMM said:

My husband has OCD and severe anxiety and has been suffering for over 20 years. This has become much worse since COVID. I always told him that we could live with his condition unless it started to affect either our children’s or my mental health. It has got to the point now where we are all affected as a family. I have tried suggesting he seek treatment but he just gets angry with me. Can anyone offer advice on the best way to approach him getting help without it resulting in him getting angry 

So I would say part of it is the way you have looked at the OCD. OCD is not something you want to tolerate. Equally it's important to separate the OCD from him as a person.

 

Don't accommodate his OCD in any way. Might seem harsh but it will only make it worse for him in the long run.

 

You don't need to start with him trying to get therapy. You can give him a self help book to start working through. I'd also recommend getting one to help you and your family work with that too.

 

Try and have conversations about it to get him to open about the OCD to you first and foremost. You will likely find out why he finds the things he fears so distressing.

 

From there then you can move onto looking at what the correct treatment is which is mainly CBT with ERP and potentially a medication but the latter is not always needed at all.

 

Remember too, he may fear disclosing these things as he might feel as if he does he could end up in a mental hospital, losing his job, getting sent to prison or in a more general sense that no one will believe him or recognize it's just OCD. Again no idea on the main things he deals with but that could be a general idea of that sort of thing.

 

If he does disclose the things he fears to you including the intrusive thoughts or image content, do not judge him and don't react with shock or anger or fear or basically any negative emotion as that can make him feel like his fears are confirmed.

 

A final thing to say is try to see if he would join the forum and be able to post about his OCD anonymously. The great thing here is we all have/have had OCD covering a whole range of topics as OCD can affect everything. Maybe finding out he's not alone and that he can talk to people who understand exactly what he's going through since we have all and still go through it could be helpful for him.

 

I would say you can't just expect him to go and get help, it's not that simple. For me it was something I had to build up to when I could no longer handle the OCD as it was bombardment all day every day and doing 6 hours of compulsions. You have to get to a point where you are willing to get help because you've had enough of OCD taking so much from your life. 

 

The stigma attached to OCD and intrusive thoughts is huge and the amount of misunderstanding of the condition (I struggle to even call it a condition, it really is a disorder) by health professionals doesn't exactly give people the confidence to go and seek help knowing that either they will or won't understand it.

 

I hope that helps a bit.

[Handy]

Find out whats making it stronger. It s it more stress, alcohol, nicotine? 

Compulsions are his coping mechanisms & self soothing methods. You probably have some ways of dealing with stress too. Does he put up with your methods?

[Tryingtohelp]

I’ve lived with my husband who suffers with OCD in various forms for about 14 years, and from experience, when I bring up the subject of him getting help when I’m at my most exasperated with an OCD behaviour, it falls on deaf ears, or makes things worse, because he is also highly stressed and doesn’t feel like anyone can help. Changing habits, especially something that you’ve lived with for so long, is going to be difficult for both of you, and it’s understandable that emotions might get high.

I’d recommend trying to find some time, possibly without children around and when you won’t be interrupted, but you’re both relatively relaxed and bring it up gently. Suggest that you’ve seen support groups run by OCD UK that he may find useful, you can join those together and listen in without talking if it’s difficult to talk. (have a look at the main OCD UK website or instagram if you haven’t seen these, they’re really valuable, and there are some for family that you might benefit from too)

If it doesn’t work first time, try not to feel defeated and try again another time. You’ve (both) got this

[Caramoole]

On 02/10/2022 at 15:16, JMM said:

My husband has OCD and severe anxiety and has been suffering for over 20 years. This has become much worse since COVID. I always told him that we could live with his condition unless it started to affect either our children’s or my mental health. 

Hmmm??  So why don't you just snap out of it & pull yourself together and simply not let it affect you??

I'm sorry, I'm not being facetious .....I completely understand your distress but turn it on it's head and one could day....just deal with it!  It's not easy for you or your children but try & think about how helpless & distressed you all feel and try & relate how much it's affecting him and making him feel.  Should he get help?  Absolutely but fear is preventing him so far.  Explain (again): quietly, without blame, how much this is affecting you all, especially him and insist (gently but firmly) things have to change.