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  2. Thanks BelAnna. I hadn't thought of it like that - I'll imagine myself as Neil Armstrong next time. (It makes perfect sense btw.) I hope you're feeling a bit better now.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Hi there. Just took a look at some of your previous content so now understand. Challenging those catastrophic thoughts is one way to deal with this. OCD will always follow a worst case scenario, but why should the worse happen? Real life doesn't work like that, it works on maybes, maybe nots - and with those outlooks people can take the stance your nephew is. I did this myself a few years back. I had a two week referral for a procedure to check for cancer. My doctor didn't think it was, but needed to have it checked. I used to worry about all sorts of things. But I worked hard psychologically and managed to overcome that. So with this two weeks, I applied that thinking. I put it out of my mind, and was only a tad concerned, on the day, to make sure I kept alert so I didn't misunderstand the procedures. The results were clear. Last year my wife was ill and we had two speedy referrals, and I helped her challenge her health phobias and keep busy on other things whilst waiting. Did I worry she had something terminal? I thought she might, but I was calm, adopting a "whatever will be will be approach", which worked well. For me, there was no purpose in worry, it would only make me ill. The checks came back with diagnoses of conditions which needed to be managed with medication. Julie has improved well and the meds are great. Taking the worst case approach, as per your OCD, just makes you anxious and feeling ill. Don't look to carry out compulsions like Googling - compulsions only make things worse. Try taking that "maybe, maybe not" approach that has served us so well.
  5. Thanks for the answer. It's not easy to let the thoughts be just thoughts. During the day it's nearly impossible to not fall into the rabbit hole when they appear. At least during my meditation session in the evening I can neutraly observe these thoughts. Do you think it is productive to do the neutralising compulsion during the day and working on them during the meditation in the evening?
  6. My hubby knows what my stresses are, its all due to waiting for a 2ww that I've been referred too. And I'm going out of my mind, because I suffer with health anxiety and keep thinking the worst case scenario.
  7. OCD can do all kinds of things, and is typically made worse when we are feeling stressed. If we can take control of the stress, then at the same time we will be rebuilding some resilience to help us to tackle the OCD. So maybe discuss with your hubby what your stresses are and what you might do about them, then look to Impliment the best ideas.
  8. Firstly, seeking to counter an intrusion with saying "I don't know and that's OK" each time isn't the way forward, as it's a neutralising compulsion. Just leave those thoughts be. They are only thoughts. Remember that old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never harm me?" Thoughts won't harm us if we don't give belief to them. Spot intrusions , then refocus away. Keep gradually (not continually) doing this until not paying any attention to them becomes the norm. That's the refocus and distraction element of CBT. The other important element of the B - behavioural - element of CBT is exposure and response prevention. Having learned the C - cognitive - side of OCD (what it is, how it works, and why our themes aren't true) we need then to fully expose ourselves to the trigger intrusions, whilst bearing this in mind. It works best I think in short, structured, sessions in a quiet private environment. As we ride the anxiety response, but remind ourself that there isn't a real threat, over several sessions the anxiety should begin to ease away. And when the intrusions lose their power, they should reduce in both strength and frequency.
  9. Just wondering if its at all normal to not want to be near your children or partner when your extremely stressed and anxious. I had a really bad day today, and as I got the kids home from school and was tidying up and doing tea, whilst also feeling like absolute ****, cos of the stress I'm under at the min. I felt really anxious with my kids and hubby like I didnt want to be with them..... I love them all and obviously feeling this way made me even worse! I actually broke down to my hubby and said I need to go to my mums and stay there, he was really supportive, so here I am at my mums sleeping over, and dont feel anxious at all....until tomorrow again probably. Can OCD make you feel like you dont want to be with loved ones! I feel guilty. But also think i needed the break!
  10. I agree, and supplied by the looks of it!
  11. First of all: thanks for all your replies! I really appreciate the help. I somehow managed to get a few stairs up. Maybe it's the side effects of my SSRI gradually decreasing or my way of coping. I try to say "I don't know, and that's ok" to myself whenever the intrusive thoughts come up. Feels like I have to do this 10.000 times a day. It's a hard battle, but at least I don't go in to analyzing mode when the thoughts return this way. I fear, that the method I just described is only distracting me from the thoughts and that this may not be the right way to handle them. I've seen a lot of people writing, that I have to dive into the thoughts and feel them with all it's threat and badness to get rid of them. So, what's right now? No diagnosis. I just met him one time and he prescribed me escitalopram. He let me fill out a form about psychosis, but this came back negative. He wasn't very interested in supporting me. Since then I tried to avoid visiting one. To be honest I don't know if the traumatic events in my childhood play a big role. Until my 21st birthday I was pretty sure I have recovered completely because I was a happy and social person. After my first panic attack soon after, things changed. Maybe I'm just prone to anxiety since these early childhood incidents and some external and internal triggers can bring it back to the surface? @dksea's history would confirm this. But I really don't know.
  12. I think all of this is reassuranceseeking. You shouldnt trying to get an answer everytime. I will say, who knows. It could be contaminated
  13. Thank you both hadn’t really thought about it like that just panicked. I was also thinking of them walking by dog poop. Silly I know but it feels so very real.
  14. This is such a good point. And have you ever heard of a plumber spreading diseases or someone getting sick because a plumber had been round to fix their bathroom? I certainly haven’t, there is nothing to be frightened of here Madchoc 😊
  15. There is no real threat here, only the threat that your OCD'd brain is conjuring up. Stop listening to those intrusions, get yourself busy and refocusing away. Under the "rule" that OCD is trying to impose on you, all plumbers would be major contamination-spreaders. Can you see how ridiculous that thought is? Plumbers would, effectively, have to be controlled in a completely unworkable way. They would have to decontaminate themselves, before going to their next job, by showering or bathing in the very equipment you would deem they have contaminated! Should they carry around a portable steriliser for their tools? The "rules" of OCD are designed to restrict our daily lives and cause fear, distress and anxiety. When we learn to not obey those rules we will start to get better.
  16. What you describe is typical of sexual theme OCD. End of story really. The route towards recovery from OCD needs us to first accept that we are, at least probably, suffering from OCD. The disorder will toss in doubt, lies, unwanted thoughts and feelings to try and keep us within its power. But by learning in CBT to see this, not believe or connect with it, and not carry out compulsions such as you are doing, we can follow the path to recovery. I liken it to the allegorical route, beset with obstacles, leading to the celestial city that Christian must overcome in John Bunyan's "The Pilgrim's Progress". But it is a route well-travelled, and a route that hordes of sufferers have taken successfully. So others can do so too.
  17. Hi everyone, I just wondered what you would think of this thought due to contamination OCD please, our new shower has broken, the fittings that hold the shower head have snapped, someone came to look at it today, but didn’t have the part with them. They are coming back tomorrow, my problem is he had to go into my shower and obviously I don’t know what or where he had been or by what he had been near. My shower now feels dirty and contaminated, plus it’s hard trying to shower one handed, holding the soap in one hand and the shower head in the other. . This hads caused tremendous panic in me. The man did take his shoes off. I just need advice please.
  18. I know it’s a compulsion and a bad idea but I’ve read it now and can’t stop thinking about it. For years I’ve felt that really I could have a paraphilia and am just using my ocd compulsions (I know I definitely have ocd from past obsessions) as a way to cover up, suppress fantasies and they’re not really thoughts - if I analyse the thoughts and go over and over them from every angle until it feels right and just say to myself they’re ocd then that’s what I believe for a while but it feels they could really be paraphilias. All the cbt I’ve had, all the books and internet pages I’ve read, peoples ocd seems so much more simple than mine. Mine feels so complex. I’ve had so many feelings when thinking of these thoughts which are rarely intrusive anymore. I’ve felt excitment and arousal, not physical often but mental. But am I feeling these feelings because it’s what im afraid of and my brain is playing tricks? I’m so confused and scared.
  19. I think there are two mental angles to when we are ill. There's the side where we feel weakened, perhaps stressed, and are as a consequence more vulnerable to OCD - particularly if we are not able to distract with our normal daily duties. And I reckon there's another side, where the very fact that we have to think about our illness becomes a distraction, forcing the OCD in the background. I found that I belonged in the latter camp.Though of course I had no desire to have another illness to feel better about my OCD! But what this did additionally show me was the benefit of distraction in refocusing our mind away from the obsessional thinking and the carrying out of compulsions.
  20. Magazine now uploaded to printers. 

  21. What you do is nothing. Do nit wipe diwn the machine. Go ahead and move the bag, if needed. Other than that, get on with your day.
  22. The simple fact that you dislike what is happening is a sure sign this is OCD and not something else. Now I can't stress this enough: you MUST stop Googling and researching paraphilias and OCD. That is absolutely a compulsion and it will only make your situation worse.
  23. I had the exact same obsession when I was at university. I was constantly fearful I would blurt out something inappropriate or that I had written something in an email to a lecturer or in an essay. I’d then ruminate over and over about every encounter I’d had with them and check my emails over and over. I even ran out of my lectures a few times. An OCD specialist told me that she had heard of this obsession time and again, and also, to this day I haven’t ended up offending anybody to my knowledge 😛, so the fear was definitely unfounded. University is so stressful what with all the deadlines etc it’s no wonder OCD flares up and the theme subsequently sticks with you because you were so massively afraid. I find just being able to recognise OCD for being OCD and not reality helps a great deal (oh, there’s that same thought again), and then distancing myself from it and doing something I value. Over time, the less I’ve reacted to it and just got on with doing what I wanted to do, the thoughts naturally lessened. Hope you’re feeling better.
  24. Hey Greentop, I don't think your hard work need be flushed down the toilet, I guess just accept that today you're unwell but later in the week you will dust yourself down and start again, but you're not starting from scratch is the good news. I think when we are poorly everything else will feel a lot worse. With me sometimes my OCD does feel worse like you are experiencing, but other times I think I feel so poorly that I can't face my OCD rituals and end up with unplanned exposures. Try not to worry, spend some time looking after yourself and pampering yourself and worry about OCD later in the week
  25. I'm finding my OCD to be particularly bad this week as I'm suffering from a flu which appears to be going around my housemates. Feel like a lot of my hard work has been flushed down the toilet essentially as I've let intrusive thoughts take hold and haven't been strong enough in my illness to stop ruminating about them. Has anyone else found this when they are poorly?
  26. A couple of great north run places left, deadline this Friday. 

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