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  2. Hi I don't know the way to start this so just going to ramble it all out. I have suffered with OCD for a number of years after serious mental bullying from my father when I was younger...I'm now in my later 40's. All the bullying from my farther turned me in to a treble checker and worrier and ultimately led to my OCD and I realise that this suffering has now been playing a strain on my relationship with my lovely fiancée of 22 years and fear my constant worrying of money, doing things, taking risks and constant checking is the end of us...she has been brilliant but this last year has really took its toll. I have tried some help before on the NHS but not had much joy and just don't know what to do. Help!!
  3. Whenever I do the laundry, I usually wear gloves (eczema related). I have to wash everyone's laundry including male family members. I can't help, but worry if I can get pregnant if there is semen on their underwear and it touches my private area. Also, I would throw the gloves away in the garbage can (which is located in the washroom) after I'm finished doing the laundry. Now, I'm worried if I can get pregnant if I accidentally touch the gloves (after it was used in the laundry) in the garbage if I'm using the washroom if that makes sense. Should I be concerned? Also, the toilet paper was wet and I can't help, but wonder if it was dropped in the toilet water filled with semen after one of my male family members used the washroom. Should I be concerned? I know I sound absolutely ridiculous, but I heard this is very common to worry about with OCD sufferers
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  5. Well if she had all the listening time we have had then she wouldn't be focusing just on the wedding:and it isn't just a normal wedding anxiety it's obsessive, and compulsive - another expression of OCD with the other two you have told us about. She will have no magic wand. We have a wand in that we HAVE sussed out what is going on and what you need to do. And we have conveyed that to you. It's you, as others have said, that must do the work. Personally I doubt a therapist is likely to say much different to what we have been saying. What you need to be doing is moving yourself gradually away from filling your responses here with talking about the - unhelpful - compulsions, and more towards how you are working on those methods you have been given. The solution needs to be the focus, not the problem.
  6. So being where you are today is somehow better?
  7. What's the point in all of this? I'm so tired of it all. I was really trying to research cbt and try and get my life on track but I'm not able to. I feel as though everything is true. I was watching a show almost to see if I could relate to one of the characters and got so anxious from it. I just thought - great. I don't want to get help because it'll just be me realising that all of this was true in the first place. I think that would leave me devastated or maybe not. It seems as though I'm carrying this on by going onto OCD websites and reading the books about it. There's no point really, I don't see a way to carry on anymore. It's all pointless.
  8. Ah sorry, I'm meant to say their is only 2 rooms that we can do these kind of exams in. One room I know very well and the other , not so well. Sorry I didn't make that clear. My fiancee just broke up with me today and it's made me feel even worse. I've had ctb and it did nothing for me, I just hate life at the moment,etc.
  9. Hi, Are you able to go into more detail, SeekingERP? I wonder if you are perhaps experiencing depression as well, and if so, it might be knocking your appetite & motivation. All the best.
  10. Roy has described an interesting technique that might reveal an answer. Some of my checking compulsions were so ingrained that it was only ceasing to do them that the causes -the ‘obsessions’ -revealed themselves. So I wonder if doing cooking would reveal the causes. By that I mean buy the ingredients and plan a meal and then do the cooking. Do the activities and see what pops into your head. There is another explanation to do with hoarding and its concomitant consequences. That being: organising the appropriate space. Do you have any explanations no matter how fanciful they appear?
  11. Hi Marko It seems odd to me that you know the room months in advance and they have scheduled a exam in an inappropriate room. So merely pointing out the bare facts of your concern should resolve matters. If your cognitive ability is affected by your pill taking then a letter from your GP in support of this might facilitate the granting of additional time at the exam. I think that you are overgeneralising from one poor experience with a past employer. Forget it, move on. I understand how bad rejection feels. But the job market for graduate jobs is not good except for nurses and teachers where the rapid turnover of staff has led to chronic shortages. Some might blame the state of the job market rather than the decisions they have taken in the past. I am surprised that psychology -counselling? - has barred you from further support. I would contest that decision by the assistance of a supportive GP. So I think that you have freedom to act and choices.
  12. Yes I mean at the moment I have some relief I am touching the new door handle but let’s ignore that because there’s is areas like my coffee table and radiator I won’t touch due to past “forever contamination”. I know I can’t replace everything but that doesn’t stop me having thoughts about how I will replace stuff. I mean I honestly can’t explain how it makes me feel. It’s like something powering tugging me down telling me I need to replace to feel relief. Not replacing makes me annoyed. I am battling contamination vs my existential crisis worrying if my life is real, controlled, planned out, worrying if I should set new goals have a family or simply content myself? I really hope the therapist can root this out and figure out why I feel this way. At the moment she is blaming it all wedding stress as is much GP. They believe that’s why I feel this way or have issues like sore stomach ect
  13. What everyone has said is spot on. To overcome my fears of making personal connections with the subject matter of adverts, posters, news headlines I had to Accept that OCD was making up the negative connections. Continue to get out there, experience these feared things, note the distorted connections OCD was trying to make, and learn to not give belief to them. No quick fix. It took time, there were setbacks sometimes big ones, but I got there. They don't bother me now. Avoidance, carrying out compulsions - minus points for recovery. Acceptance, learning the CBT way and Implimenting it - big plus points on the road to recovery.
  14. One thing about OCD is it has an estrogen component & flares up during hormone changes. But as you know, it changes back.
  15. I can relate to this as it’s badly affected family,but somehow still can’t manage to put the work in! 😢
  16. Hi welcome to the forum do you have OCD and if you ever want to talk you will find a lot of support on this forum
  17. Apologies, I hadn’t seen that reply. Many thanks. I was a little confused what they meant? There’s no need for the attitude or assumptions - it was a genuine mistake.
  18. If you imagine you had a deep fear of spiders, and went to a therapist. The therapist can't just say "spiders in this country aren't dangerous, you don't have to fear them" and bam, suddenly you're no longer scared of spiders. You would have to confront your fear of spiders. You would look at a picture of a spider, then a video of a spider, then a real spider, and eventually you would hold a spider. Only then would your feelings around spiders change. This is no different - you have to face your fears before your feelings will change. Nobody can change your feelings for you.
  19. As DKSea says, a therapist can't change your view - YOU have to change your behaviour and ONLY then will your view change. it doesn't go the other way round. You have to change your behaviour long before your feelings will change.
  20. Yes that’s true but I am seeing more and more toilet germs my gran uses a commode so toilet germs after not washing hands could be on stuff I mean I get a wedding gift so the germs could be on that it’s never ending. Some how a therapist can change my view on this?
  21. She can’t. Only you can change your thinking by making choices and doing things differently. There isn’t going to be some “ah ha!” moment where everything clicks in place, and you start thinking differently and are cured and THEN stop the compulsions. You stop the compulsions first and that helps change your thinking. You have to accept that your behavior isn’t healthy. You have to accept that doing compulsions isn’t helping. You have to choose to start doing things differently. Therapy can only support you and guide you, YOU have to make the change.
  22. Thanks everyone for the lovely comments! Wishing u all well on your journeys to recovery! Xx
  23. Continuous Thought of falling of ceiling fan
  24. Blocked toilet germs has troubled me for years but I’ve been thinking about that letter box again. When I stayed at my parents I flooded the bathroom with toilet water it’s since had two different Lino floors put down since I moved out but today I was like what if my shoes carry blocked toilet germs? That’s the problem I have been in her bathroom quite a few times but never worried about the floor. Again my therapist told me she knew someone who was in a house and the toilet flooded and they wanted to move but in the end cleaned up and stayed. So yes realistically the floor isn’t clean I mean perhaps in public toilets we stand on toilet water and don’t care? That makes me ask how clean the floor is? It could be full of toilet germs? My own floor I had a little water splash the floor one time to. But I feel it was worse as it was flooded and required a mop. I moved out almost 4 years ago why did it trouble me today? I believe it’s because I responded to the door handle because I worried about the wheelie bin. I blocked a toilet at my partners parents house almost a year ago maybe more since then I have never used there toilet in fear of blocked toilet germs. In hotels if I block the toilet and leave it I will never stay there again. So yes I start therapy again tomorrow how can she change my thinking on this?
  25. Hello everyone, I havent been on these forums for over a year as I tried to fix my life and illness, however the past few months have been really bad. I've just finished university but have 3 exams to do in Augusr due to illness and they say I may not be able to do my practical exams in that room I'm used too which is bad as I wont be able to wire up equipment in others room, so be left at a disadvantage. My problem is I'm never happy, I've one good at university but when I pass something my anxiety or whatever is at play, makes me go in a down mood and doubt myself. I may get 20 seconds of happiness before it comes on. I always feel I should do better and I'm finding it hard to remember stuff due to the amount of pills I'm on. I constantly don't want to alive and yet I couldn't do anything as people rely on me etc. I sometimes don't shower for weeks as I have a bad phobia of water due to being drowned as a teenager by so called mates, kept my head under water 3 times and I nearly died. I'm starting to do the counting steps I do again and cant land in a odd step. I have no friends and can't find a job as I've been trying, sent over 50 applications in and heard back from only 1. The one I wanted to apply for ignore me as I use to work for them 6 years ago and they fired me and said I was **** etc, now I have more knowledge etc,they just don't reply, this makes me feel worse. I just feel I'm worthless and nothing I do is ever good enough, I sleep in now to 1 or 2pm everyday as cant sleep at night due to my obsessive thinking. I went on this course to help me and I feel it has in ways, but in ways it lead me to a dead end. I don't know what to do and psychology wont see me as I didn't do to appointments years ago do to anxiety and having physical dhiarea etc, but theh didn't care about that. I am lost and not sure what to do anymore:(
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