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oetegenn1976

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Everything posted by oetegenn1976

  1. I've been ok these past couple of days and have coped reasonably well with my ocd, however I have now started my period again and as usual I'm heavy.....Sorry any men reading this! Everytime I'm on, I seem to lose touch with reality which scares the heck out of me! I know there is nothing o can do about mother nature, but just feel like I'm totally out of control and my mind is constantly running riot, like what if I go mad, oh know I'm going mad, cant cope, out of control, I'm getting psychosis, im gonna die, what if I haemorrhage! These are the kind of thoughts I'm having and I just feel totally on edge and emotional. Please help, any advice would be good. Maybe I need a kick up the bum or like my husband says, go outside and give my head a shake! Just feeling trapped in this never ending circle of poop!
  2. I've had headache and a stiff neck for a few days now, its probably a migraine but maybe tension too.... Thing is everytime I get a headache I feel wobbly, dizzy and tired. Which is probably normal with a headache, but I start worrying thinking the worst case scenario, like is it a blood clot on my brain? Is it a tumour? Is it a stroke etc etc....this then causes more tension more anxiety and my headache becomes worse! Also taking different tablets causes anxiety too. I usually just take paracetamol but these haven't budged it, so I've just taken paracetamol and caffeine, which isn't too drastic, but I keep thinking I'm allergic and that I cant breathe, and feeling dizzy etc which isn't helping my headache either. I know I need to chill more, but any advice on kicking health anxiety where it hurts?
  3. This maybe a reassurance post, but for the last few months since I moved into my new home, my ocd has been really troublesome. I feel really low and just feel like I'm not my usual self and this terrifies me as I hate feeling like this, I just want my oomph back! I recently referred myself for counselling and cbt, so its a start. But this last week I've been feeling much worse, and my ocd is seriously picking up on this and is making me obsessed about wanting to do myself in....I seriously dont, and wont....I love life, just feeling a little flat thats all! But these thoughts and obsessions are making me even more low! And now I'm questioning, have I had enough?, is there nothing more left? Why am I thinking such thoughts? And I am truly scared. Has anyone else had this kind of obsession and how did you battle it, cos its scaring me like crazy.....
  4. The more you try to extinguish a thought, the more it will fuel and carry on, to get rid of a thought so that it doesn't no longer bother you or creates anxiety, is by letting the thought be there.... And think of it let it be, dont ignore it, the more you think of a thought it will go, the more you try to stop it, it won't!
  5. Whats evil about wanting to mush the cheeks of a baby? I have two kids and would seriously love to squeeze their pips out! And as for watching babies pull faces and doing funny things, is just that funny! I find babies quite hilarious ? lighten up, your not evil x
  6. I have told my husband and family about Ocd and nobody understands it. Let me just say this though, we are no different to anyone else, we are normal human beings and we are not mental! All we have is the inability to differentiate between rational thoughts and non rational....thus making us dwell and keeping the thoughts with us. People without ocd have same thoughts they just don't dwell on them and carry on.
  7. Sounds a lot like me at the min, so your not alone. You know its ocd, so challenge these these thoughts and let them be. I know easier said than done. But thats all they are, just silly thoughts that take over, these thoughts dont even mean anything, they just stick and cause havoc because we let them. Their just thoughts!
  8. We all have a fear of dying and death its normal, but its not normal when you start obsessing about things that are out of our control, in which case you seek help! Which is a good start. The obsession is very Ocd and the compulsions you have are checking over your ex, you really need to challenge your thoughts about her dying and limit yourself to checking about her, once you challenge this it will become easier with time. Its going to be difficult, although you know you need to sort this out! And infact let the relationship go.
  9. Your mind and body are linked, so whatever you think will also affect how you feel, which inturn will carry on the thought and a vicious cycle starts! You say its not the thoughts that bother you, but indeed it is as its the thoughts that connect your feelings etc. Ocd is a pain in the butt, and I know how you feel. You just need to accept the thoughts for what they are, just thoughts the feelings will then no longer bother you. You know in yourself that you wouldn't do anything that your mind says, and that makes you normal like the rest of us.
  10. Today I've been rushing around and a little stressed but not to the point of having a panic attack! Since picking my daughter up from nursery, I felt really breathless and my heart beat was really fast like I've been running, I got into the car and took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself down then I started getting tingling in my hands and face! Now I'm over checking how I am when I talk, move etc and I'm frightened I'm going to stop breathing or something, I hate the constant feeling of suffocation. Really scared and dont feel in control of my breathing at all, I know my thoughts have a lot to do with it, but the feelings are still scary!
  11. And yes I did speak with midwife, gp and health visitor about my thoughts and they were very supportive....I even took mefs whilst pregnant with my second child.
  12. I've felt like you and had the most horrifying thoughts about harming children and when I got pregnant with my first, the thoughts were awful..... Nobody took my child away, despite being really crippled with ocd! I now have another child and I still have em. Try not to worry, nobody is going to take your child away x
  13. I'd like to help also, will email tomorrow.
  14. Its also funny that you mentioned new job and moving as the stressors too, as I have lol....I've been in my new house for 3 months and I love the house, but my ocd is seriously playing on this and I just miss my old one so much, even though this is ten times better! Just dont feel settled at all
  15. Every month I generally feel awful especially the first couple of days, like my ocd becomes 100x worse. When its that time of the month, I feel like I'm delusional, paranoid, extreme anxiety and my thoughts are just totally magnified! Ocd is always a part of me, and I cope reasonably well but when its that time.....I just feel like I'm mad, mental and wierd! Then I over analyse every thought, feeling and emotion that makes me worse. Hate it! I'm currently at the inlaws just chilling out, but constantly feel on edge like something is gonna happen if if theres nothing, just feel edgy and basically just wierd and odd.
  16. I was ok a minute ago, was pratting around dancing with the kids etc and then just felt this overwhelming whoosh come over me for no reason and now I feel anxious and low! Why does this happen? I just feel so **** now :'(
  17. About two years ago I had a transvaginal ultrasound as I was having heavy periods, they found a polyp.... He didn't seem bothered and said lots of people have these and dont know etc etc, but said I need to see a gynae and to be have it removed as might ease the bleeding! I said what if I dont and again wasn't that bothered, like its nothing to worry about. Anyway I left it at that, and carried on as normal although had worries that there was this thing in my body! And I was obsessed to the point of research on the Internet etc and found many scary things saying they could turn cancerous! I soon stopped dwelling and this obsession passed and no more thoughts about it, but then last night I was thinking about it again, just out of the blue after all this time! And now keep researching etc and convinced that my polyp might be cancerous or might be later in life....my mind is all over the place. :'(
  18. I too had those feelings when my son was born 9 years ago, I wouldn't hold him even though I wanted too, and I was very anxious being alone with him....everyone thought I had postnatal depression, but it was all OCD related. I had terrible thoughts of hurting him and I loved him so much to the point I didn't want harm coming to him, that was when I got diagnosed with ocd and they put me on meds! I was so scared of it happening all over again with my daughter who is 4 in may, but it didn't luckily I had a great support network from the mental health perinatal team..... As my children get older, I feel my thoughts get easier! Its harder when their younger because the responsibility feels very overwhelming with ocd. I'm fine now, although I still have my moments but not as harsh!
  19. I've always been an anxious person and although I try to be positive, theres always that negative self talk thats always there! When I was 19 I hit a bad patch in that I was frightened of everything and my anxiety levels where really intense, to the point that I was frightened of going out! I thought I really need to get out of this and many months later I managed it, and started to get my life back.... I still have my moments, but now at 39 I feel its happening all over again! I've had a few stressful events happening, but thats no excuse really its just life! I love going out and meeting people, and hate the thought of being stuck in again because of anxiety. Everytime I go out now, I'm constantly aware of everything and it scares the hell out of me! I was getting my hair done the other day and all of a sudden had this overwhelming anxiety and paranoia. After the episode I felt absolutely knackered and guilty cos I also spent alot of money as retail therapy. I just hate feeling this way and I'm seriously hoping I'm not going to be how I was at 19. I mean whats tge paranoia about???? Its never bothered me as much before..... Any advice will muchly appreciated x I am so trying to get on with it and carry on regardless but just hate being so overly aware of everything. Thanks for reading x
  20. Just moved in and I have been really busy, but now that I am resting...my thoughts are getting some what annoying! Whilst making dinner, I had a pop up thought that I was back in Germany, which I lived 6 years ago, and haven't a clue why that popped up! But this overwhelming anxiety come over me, after this pop up, and now I feel low and deflated like I want to cry! The house is lovely and everything nearly has its place, but its just my anxiety and frightened I'm going to become depressed and its going to take over and I'm going to lose control. Any advice greatly appreciated x
  21. Thanks, I'm moving at weekend and everything is all up in the air and I feel so cluttered and unorganised! So suppose its normal.....but really frightening!
  22. My head feels numb like cotton wool and everything I hear sounds like gobbledegook.... Like I'm listless. My mother in-law came round and was chatting to me, and all though I was listening and hearing her it was like she was speaking a foreign language! I was fine this morning, but now geel so scared that I'm having somekind of episode or seizure. I dont suffer with siezures, but why do I feel so weird and detached?
  23. My ocd is in over drive at the minute and all I keep doing is going over everything, over analysing everything....doubting have I made the right choice? What if I dont like the new house? What if I dont settle? Then the relationship ocd kicks in....am I just with hubby because of the house? What if after a week I tell him I want to end this? Etc etc you get the jist....just wish I could be happy and not think about such ****! I am so drained from all these doubts!
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