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Happy Birthday! It's very knackering indeed. Well worth trying the over 50's club, just being with likeminded folk can help a lot Have you tried asking the charity for help accessing treatment?

I remember it well, @Ashley. This forum provided a very much needed lifeline for me when I had no one else to talk to following a chance diagnosis from a recently qualified community mental health nurse who had been on a training course with Paul S. This forum has continued to provide support for me when I needed it over the last 20 years and I'm very thankful to all those who moderate and take part. Here's to another 20 years!

Well done Bens. I've been there too and it is a very scary thing to share your darkest thoughts with someone you've never met. A corner turned in the right direction and you can be proud of yourself.

Hi, I can't seem to register for the above, is there an issue? It says this is for authorised registrants only when I press the register button. Thanks

Please explain more as I can't say I get that part

I took this on my phone on a recent cycling trip to France which is full of amazing urban artwork.

I've had EMDR for PTSD whilst having CBT. I was really worried about it like you, but it really isn't anything to worry about at all. I had all sorts of crazy ideas about what it would be like, all were wrong, you're just in a more relaxed state. If you've ever done something called stream of consciousness, which is just writing down whatever comes into your head, it's like that in a way. You follow whatever pops up in your head, verbalise it and go from there. For me it's hard to say if it worked or not, but I'd like to think it allowed me to look at things in a different light. Seriously, you have nothing at all to worry about. Let us know how it goes

How are you doing @welterwhite?

Please don't worry about that @snowbear and thanks for the apology. I think bluegas has summed things up pretty well in what he says especially about you being a lovely caring person. I also thought you might have worked for the NHS at some point so understand you want to defend them. The NHS are amazing in many aspects and I have huge respect for those on the front line, we'd be lost without them but mental health care seems to have always been neglected. Why can it be fantastic in some areas of the country and utterly appalling in others? That's not right. I haven't really thought about this much but now I do, I've had quite a lot of interaction with the NHS because of my own mental health issues and also my Dad's, he's been through the mill somewhat too. I suppose in an ideal world where there are enough GP's, doctors, therapists, psychologists and nurses who aren't overstretched, they could allocate those with a more sensitive approach to do the initial triaging when it comes to mental health. I'm not saying I haven't encountered some very caring and sensitive GP's because I have. I fully understand there is no one size fits all so they have to ask something, but I do think there's an opportunity to fine tune what GP's or any specialists ask a person. When you're in a state of constant anxiety or are depressed, the world can be a really a frightening place.

Hi @snowbear I was merely responding to the request from Ashley about 'The experience of patients trying to access help for OCD', and I would very much welcome your input into problems you've faced in accessing NHS treatment (either medication and/or therapy). I was just expressing my own feeling and experiences. I'll add that I have also felt suicidal in the past so have some understanding of how that feels. I know you mean well but your reply does seem like a bit of a lecture. Yes the evidence may indicate asking these questions saves lives, but is anyone measuring the impact it has on people like me all those years ago who at that time was so shocked by that question that I didn't feel comfortable telling them about my OCD thoughts. I've just given my experience and don't need a lecture in return.

Hi @Ashley Coincidentally I was talking to a friend yesterday about the same thing @bluegas said about having suicidal thoughts. I completely understand the thinking behind asking a person if they are feeling suicidal however, personal experience of being asked that by a GP for the first time was really frightening (I'm going way back in my first mental health NHS experiences now pre OCD diagnosis). It was frightening to me because I already felt terrified of my own awful thoughts as well as feeling completely alone and constantly anxious. So, to be asked if I wanted to kill myself (or harm anyone else for that matter) was not what I wanted to hear and just made me feel even more like something was wrong with me and just made things worse. So, one bit of feedback I would like to point out is that asking an already vulnerable person to rate how suicidal they are and if they have made any plans to kill themselves, is not the best starting point. Quite frankly they need to come up with something a little more nuanced and caring. Hope that's of some help.

Hi Welterwhite I've been there many times, wanting the suffering to end and thinking about 'opting out' but as others have said, we don't really want to die, we only want the suffering to stop, it's completely understandable, we become desperate for anything to take away the torment. The good news is you can find a way to live without constant suffering, I'm proof of that and there are lot's of other people doing the same on here and out in the world. Focus on finding yourself some help, support, talk to someone. I was too scared to talk about my thoughts for years which prevented me getting the help I needed but when I finally did, it was a massive relief and it opened the way to getting the help and support I so needed. It's perfectly ok to feel how you do, but it's not ok to give up on yourself completely, I know you may not think it but you deserve better

Great post Ashley, You've reminded me of Socratic questioning or the importance of giving ourselves a good question to frame our problem with. Sometimes in the past and present, I struggle to understand what is actually causing me so much anguish, but if I focus on finding the right question, such as, what am I actually afraid of, trying to prevent or avoid? The answers I need to help myself move forward are easier to discover. Sorry to hear about the current OCD situation.

Hi Ashley, I was away over much of xmas but would love to do something in January if poss! Hope you had a nice one.

Hi Laura Has this been and gone??

As someone else who's been exactly where you are...what he said Don't waste your life on what doesn't exist. Easier said than done I know, but the sooner you commit to getting on with your life and not ruminating, the quicker you'll realise you never needed to do it in the first place. You'll also feel more confident all round

Hi Thinks2much The lack of trust in people is understandable after what you've been through but I think you need to work on stopping the rumination which is definitely a compulsion. Trying to be certain that you are safe is just going to reinforce your belief that you are in danger/people are dangerous and you need to keep mentally checking. Easier said than done I know but it is possible

Well done Mini you CAN do it!

Hi Ralph, Sorry to hear this, I think the first port of call is to revisit what you did in previous therapy. Sounds like you’re forgetting to apply some of it. Also, remember there are no good or bad thoughts. You are labelling them which is causing distress and keeping the cycle going. Cheers

Sounds good!

Sorry to hear that, COVID has caused a lot of fear and anxiety. I think therapy can be an evolving process a bit like high altitude mountaineers do, before summiting but over a much longer timeline. They have to teach their bodies to adjust to the reduced oxygen levels over time so go up and down several times going higher each time until their body adapts to summit. Also some therapists are better at some aspects than others so may miss something, that's what happened to me with PTSD, possibly they were so focused on the OCD aspect they overlooked it. I've had the symptoms for decades but it took the last therapist to pick up on it, two other therapists missed it. Are your parents supportive? Do they understand what's going on? My parents supported me but I had a difficult relationship with my Dad who also had his own mental health issues so that added a lot of strain at times. Things can improve, hold on to that.

Hi Lostsoul Sorry you’re having a tough day, I know exactly how you feel, intrusive thoughts about harming others was a big problem for me for a long time. Sadly it lead to me ending a few romantic relationships as well as stopping me from doing the things I wanted to do. I was petrified to talk about it for years. I was convinced I’d act or acted on my thoughts on many occasions and would spend literally years going over things in my mind every waking hour and it caused some very traumatic experiences along the way. Yes I’ve got my own house and have lived a few hundred miles from home for 10 or so years. I’ve established my life in the southwest and have a good group of friends. Its not perfect and I had a big setback two years ago but I asked for help and accepted all of it and I know some people helped me because I’d opened up a few years before that. I was in a pretty bad way so my mum came to look after me for six weeks so I could stay at work, I should really have been off but in a way I think it helped me get better quicker. Probably the toughest time in my life as I had severe insomnia for a few months on top of constant anxiety from a combination of ocd and ptsd. I’m still not back to myself but I do ok and manage. Have you had any therapy? This should be your goal and someone who understands the problem.

Hi Lostsoul I totally get where you're coming from, I went back to live with my parents in my mid thirties because of OCD and PTSD. I'd left home quite young and lived a pretty independent life up till then so it was very hard. They secret is not to indulge those thoughts about what others think but that's way easier said than done particularly when you're struggling. I 'came out' with my OCD to all my Facebook friends a few years ago, it was a huge step and one I'd discussed with my therapist. For me it was important to speak out and not feel like I'm being silenced, so I decided it was important for me to do it. I got a lot of nice messages from people after that and some people contacted me directly to talk about their mental health issues which also helped me to not feel alone. For me it was also very empowering and a form of opening up to being vulnerable and by opening up to others, it gives them the opportunity to open up themselves as well as giving support to me. That all said, I do have anxious moments where I worry about having said it and if some people see it negatively, but I have to remember if that's what they think, if I ever found out they view me in that way, I would ditch them as a friend. Happy to talk some more about this.

Hi Seb I just read your post, sorry it's so tough, I know it doesn't solve the issue but you're not alone, we all understand how hard it is. Sounds like you've made some good decisions in getting CBT arranged so well done on that. In the meantime perhaps try to recognise you don't have all the mental tools to help yourself for now so can only do so much. Sadly there's no off switch as it's well engrained beliefs that keep you hostage, i.e if I don't check something bad will happen and I cannot allow that. That's not to say you are helpless because there's a lot of books out there as well as support here. Hope work went well today and good on you for doing what you do as a career, it must be incredibly tough at the moment.

I was there around 2008/9 and can’t think of where that is. My girlfriend lived in Manchester so spent a bit of time there too. Cumbria is lovely. I used to go to the Lakes a lot and miss it as well as the Yorkshire Dales and Moors.