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  1. I can relate to this. I know we shouldn't really think in themes, but I've just never encountered anyone with this theme before. I've seen so many doubt their relationship, some their orientation or idenity, but I've felt like I was the only person who doubted everything. I felt like it went full circle at some point though and I just became numb to it in a way.
  2. My question was mostly related to POCD. Like I understand that anyone could be like "Maybe I could [insert horrible thought]" and though that thought would be horrible they'd push it away, but thoughts about children I don't understand how anyone could really brush off or just go back to life after that. I think I made the mistake when I was told I had OCD the first time to feel relief that it wasn't really me and I was not my thoughts, but I also saw what I had as a disorder and not something normal everyone went through. And I guess I feel a bit worried that people who never had OCD also
  3. As in people without OCD don't get groinal responses/POCD intrusive thoughts?
  4. I guess I struggle a bit to find the difference between having OCD (pure O in particular) and not having OCD. I'm not sure if this is reassurance seeking, but I struggle to find where the lines goes. A huge trigger for me is when people say "everyone has intrusive thoughts" and that way I struggle to see the difference between people who have OCD and those who don't. Especially when it comes to POCD and groinal responses. Does everyone get those kind of intrusive thoughts and does everyone get groinal responses?
  5. Thanks for your reply! Was there anyone saying it wouldn't. I have no idea where this idea comes from, but it seems to be quite popular around here. Unless I've misunderstood and my OCD symptoms are really just ASD.
  6. My diagnosis is having OCD and being on the autism spectrum co-morbidly. I'm sure if I really believe that it's the case and I just get more confused, but I'm fine with it though if that's the case. One thing I've heard though is that ERP doesn't work if you have Asperger's on the side. Has anyone heard anything about this and is there a reason?
  7. This didn't really work out well. I pretty much knew it wouldn't. It seems my therapist thinks I have Asperger's, and I'm not really sure if he means I have it co-morbid with OCD or if he thinks all my symptoms are Asperberger's. Then I guess I need to know the difference and it's gonna be hard to accept that a diagnosis I had for so long was the wrong one. I guess what I feel like is that I have some sort of amnesia (not actual amnesia), but I get the feeling that if I don't have OCD all my memories are wrong and it wasn't actually me having them or something like that. When I re
  8. I hope I'm not posting too much in this thread. I had some sort of a breakthrough yesterday, but it might be the opposite. I've been thinking of trying to get my files or epicrisis from my first therapist who diagnosed me with ocd and get my current therapist to look at them. I just hope he won't be mad at me for bringing it up again. I often feel like I'm beating a dead horse. The last few years I feel like I've tricked my mind into not doing things I want to do, and I want to find a way to trick it back, but I feel like that might be dangerous in some way. I feel like if my therapist
  9. I feel like it has. I think for years I treated it like it's OCD and tried to live with the uncertainty of it, but that also means not getting treatment for it. I guess that makes me feel hopeless. I'm, when unemployed, realize that it's these thoughts and wanting to be sure I've had/have OCD that is causing me distress for the most part. It also ruins my ability to concentrate and stay calm. One thing that I think is important is: My intrusive thoughts started at 15 or 16 and from that on my compulsions and rituals would take up most of my time and I would give up making new fri
  10. It feels though like the past means more than the present at the moment. That if I could get it verified 100 % that I did have OCD, or alternatively what else that made life what it was I'd be able to move on in some way, but the latter would still be awful to me as most of my life would still feel like a waste of time. I just wonder what would happen if I got that confirmation, would I be able to move on? If I did in fact get it confirmed that I did have OCD, would I stop thinking about that and move on to another theme? Would I just doubt that it was true?
  11. I guess there was some mind of misunderstanding. I was sent a letter that I was going to start treatment, but it didn't say anything how the treatment would be like. I guess I was rather naive to not think there would be some sort of evaluation. I thought I had already started the treatment when I was there. And I met three people and felt very intimidated and didn't really say anything regarding my symptoms and then two of them went out of the room and I could finally talk to the third person. And then the two came back and had concluded I didn't have OCD. They also said they only focused on
  12. It's been a while since I posted here. I used to post here a lot in 2013 and 2016 and 2017. I have had huge struggles with intrusive thoughts, magical thinking and rituals for most of my life. I think the time I posted here I felt at some point I was really recovering and in the latter years that I was in a really bad place. In 2018 my life got completely turned upside down. I was probably at my worst at the time and I got an appointment with the only OCD specialists in my area. I was called in to an appointment and I was so excited because it was something I had dreamed of for years. When
  13. Another thing I notice is that I feel kind of a relief in times when I feel really bad because it makes me feel like I have feelings and there are certain things like my mood that I can't control when I start to doubt everything I feel somewhat emotionless and I worry that I could be able to control my feelings until they don't exist.
  14. I still feel pretty much stuck. I think the best solution would to have something to occupy my time with. One thing that makes me sad is that I used to love spending time with myself and now I feel very dependent on others. I feel like this is mostly because I'm not sure what to do when I'm alone. I guess it also makes me feel a bit clingy and worried about being alone too much.
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