PolarBear

Depression is very common along with OCD and that would likely explain your weight loss. That is a lot of weight to lose. At this point I think it would be very good for you to learn all you can about OCD. You need to understand what obsessions and compulsions are so you can identify those as they relate to you. Some people have been able to make improvements in their lives by taking care of therapy on their own. The first step is education, understanding OCD very well. Then you need to understand what CBT/ERP are when it comes to OCD (the two main therapies for overcoming OCD) and be willing to put them into practice. One place you can start is reading the great information at www.ocduk.org

Is it working for you?

Alen, welcome to the forum. Contamination is one of the most of common OCD themes there is. Obviously you have a problem if the amount of washing you do is affecting your hands. I am concerned about your weight loss. Do you know why you are losing so much weight? Are you not eating and if so, do you know why you aren't eating? I'm not sure what kind of help is available in Bosnia. Have you looked into finding an OCD therapist to help you?

Why do you think it is important that people know or don't know that you've been there?

It can be very difficult to live with someone who is suffering from OCD. It's also hard to live with yourself when your mind is invaded with thoughts you don't want and you have a ceaseless, strong urge to perform compulsions. It sounds like your son could be depressed and that is very common with OCD. The two tend to go hand in hand. It can be very discouraging having to deal with a mental disorder and that can really make a person feel down. Your son needs help. Some people have been able to overcome their OCD through educating themselves and putting into practice known therapies that work to counter OCD. Most people need some kind of outside help. There are medications available that can help reduce the amount of anxiety he feels. And there are trained therapists out there who know how to help people with OCD. I think it's important at this stage that you support your son and start talking to him about getting help. Let him know that he doesn't have to suffer the way he is forever. Open a dialogue with him and ask him what he feels about getting help. You should learn what you can about OCD, how it works, how it manifests in people. There are many good books out there about OCD. Knowledge is power. See if your son would be willing to read a book on OCD too. You could mention this forum to your son and encourage him to sign up and talk about his situation. If nothing else, having a look around here will show him that he is not alone. We are all OCD sufferers or ex-sufferers here. I am from Canada so I'm not familiar with the UK healthcare system. Hopefully someone more familiar will advise you what steps you can take in the UK concerning getting your son some outside help. Hang in there. Things can get better.

Okay, well you have a handle on some of your compulsions and that's a good thing. You can't resist compulsions if you don't know what they are. You're getting there. Interesting that bit about, "So why are you having these intrusive thoughts?" That's pretty common to think that. The reality of the situation is that intrusive thoughts are not thought up, so to speak. You aren't in control of them popping up. They just do. You don't do anything to make these horrific thoughts appear. They are thrust upon you.

You see urine and semen as a threat. You see them as a threat to you, to your well being. The actual threat is extremely minimal, but your reaction to the threat is overblown.

Let's break this down. You glanced at the TV. That was just a normal, everyday act. The thought popped into your head, "I wonder if she is underage." That is an obsession. You likely did not want that kind of thought at that time and it probably caused you a slight increase in anxiety. That's the definition of an obsession - an intrusive, unwanted thought that causes distress. You stared at the TV for 10 seconds trying to determine if she was underage. That was a compulsion. You did this to try and prove or disprove the obsession. Moving forward, what you should do in the future for the above type of scenario is simple. Be aware that the intrusive thought is an intrusive thought. Tell yourself it doesn't matter if she is underage and refuse to look back at the TV to determine if she was or not.

When you have a conundrum like this it's best to take things back to the basics. > Obsessions are intrusive thoughts, images, impulses, urges that cause distress. > Compulsions are repetitive acts, behaviors, rituals or mental rituals meant to relieve the distress. You were thinking at the time. Did the thoughts cause you distress or were you going over situations in your mind and not coming up with a result, an answer, a resolution? We humans do ruminate even without obsessions. Rumination isn't the sole domain of OCD. Everybody ruminates now and again. We get into thinking deeply about a subject and, yes, it's like drifting off.

I look at it that the fact you are having such adverse reactions (panic attacks) to your exposures probably means you are dealing with the crux of your disorder. You're actually going to the place that you don't want to go to but that you need to and your mind is fighting back with horrendous bouts of anxiety. I think you're probably doing the right thing but maybe you're doing it too often. Give yourself some time in between exposures to calm down, recharge and get yourself to a more neutral state before continuing.

You've identified not only that there is a problem but what the crux of the problem is and that's a good thing. You're not the first person to have their mind filled with silly rules about having to do A before B can happen. Your belief that things must be just right before you can do something is not uncommon. It's a theme within OCD. These rules can really drag your life down and prevent you from doing normal, everyday tasks. It can suck the enjoyment out of life. What you need to realize is these rules are made up in your head. There's no basis in reality for them. Things are rarely perfect for anyone before they go to do something. That's just the way life is. You believe they must be right first but they don't have to be. What I would suggest is that you make a list of some of the common rules you adhere to. Then rate those items by how much anxiety you think would be created if you didn't follow those rules. Then start with the least anxiety producing items and work on them. You work on them by purposefully not following the rule. Yes, your anxiety will rise because you're used to following the rule and your mind will try to tell you that something bad will happen if you don't, but you have to practice. You let the anxiety come, you let the doubt come. Eventually it will pass. Do it again and again and eventually that rule won't have any power over you. Then you move on to the next rule on the list. I hope this helps.

Definitely keep going back to the psychiatrist. This is your best chance at getting better and clearly he gets your OCD. Tough it out. It doesn't matter how bad the anxiety gets, go back. And keep going back.

It is not easy to not react to violent, twisted thoughts. The feelings you get when these thoughts appear are a byproduct of your conscious mind railing at the content of the thoughts. You can't directly shut off those feelings; they are a part of you. What you need to work on is making sure you don't react to the thoughts through compulsions. When the thoughts pop up, let the feelings come, but don't try and find solace in doing compulsions. That's where the endless cycle starts. You perform compulsions, which reinforces the obsessions, making sure they'll continue to come back in the future. Identify the compulsions you perform after the awful thoughts appear. Work to resist them.

The question is, how much does this bother you? If it's just a question that popped up and you're asking for input, fair enough. If the question is stuck in your mind and you keep going over it in your head, then that's a problem.

I'm not going to offer you reassurance. You've been down this road many times before. You keep coming back looking for reassurance, which is a compulsion. Every time you post it is because the thoughts seem more real than the last time. It is a pattern that you are missing but that is plainly visible to others. The fact that you are asking for reassurance only seals the deal. You know what to do. Do it.

OCD can screw up relationships. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. You get obsessions about not loving or not caring about someone and suddenly you're finding evidence that that is true. Like all other forms of OCD, you perform compulsions. You likely ruminate over this a great deal, going over the thoughts in your head, again and again. You probably analyze your feelings, whether you are genuine with your feelings about him. These are compulsions and they need to stop if you want to realize a deeper relationship with your significant other.

You see what you want to see. If you only look for the bad, that is what you will find.

That would be a compulsion and the wrong thing to do. If you don't get your compulsions in check, you're going to start believing you see semen everywhere and this will spiral out of control. The same goes for urine. Your reaction is overblown to the actual threat present.

Mercury is obviously something to be avoided but the problem is your reaction to the possibility of having mercury on you that is the problem. You exhibit a common cognitive distortion called overestimation of threat and your reaction is blown out of proportion to the real threat present. I have to ask, why does your work have a capsule of mercury? Seems like something odd to have hanging around. That said, you need to work on your compulsions, which would include washing too much and I'm not sure what else you do in relation to mercury. See when you perform compulsions, like extra or prolonged washing, you reinforce the belief in your head that there is something wrong (that there is mercury about), making sure it will be top of mind in the future. You essentially ensure your mind stays on possible mercury poisoning. That's why you need to start to work on reducing and eliminating compulsions.

It's not about a sudden change. It's a process and you'll have good days and bad days. The extra stress from losing someone important to you will throw things out of whack. Take care of yourself and get back on track in the near future.

I am on Respiradone, 1.5mg per day and I think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. My mood shifted profoundly after starting Respiradone. I have way more energy, am a generally very happy person who looks forward to every day. That is in stark contrast to the gloom I lived in for 40 years prior. I estimated my obsessions (and the corresponding time I was spending on compulsions) reduced by about 60% after I started a high does of Cipralex. After starting Respiradone that reduction went up to 80-85%. I can't stress enough what a profound effect Respiradone had on my general mood and lowering of anxiety. Of course, that was for me. Others may have different results.

You do exactly what you've been told to do a hundred times. You're getting obsessions that upset you. Watch out for compulsions and stamp them out. Keeping people away from your daughter at this point will be a compulsion. Resist ruminating over all of this. Keep on moving.

It's just OCD and it's all OCD. Stop questioning why you feel a certain way. It just is and that's part and parcel of what this disorder can do. You know what to do. Don't respond to the thoughts. Watch out for compulsions and stamp them out. Keep going.

What do you think it is? You had contamination issues around urine and now you're thinking things are contaminated with sperm. You're performing compulsions around your obsessions. Showering after drinking orange juice is a big compulsion.

It's going to continue bothering you so long as you continue to ruminate. Ruminating does absolutely no good. What it does do is keep the obsession (that you're a pedophile) top of mind and strong. You are paying attention to the obsession through ruminating and that is exactly the wrong thing to do. You need to begin to resist your ruminations and to resist any other compulsions you partake in. Let the thoughts be. They are only thoughts. Treat them as such and stop your compulsions. Over time you will gain control. The obsessions won't bother you as much. Let them die from apathy.