Slowcoach

Are you taking steps to get help though? For OCD, not anything else. Don't give up on that.

P.S. If you're getting videos like that popping up in your feed it's because of previous searches. It's sending you you what it thinks you'll be interested by, that's all. If you delete your search history that will help stop that happening, and then stop searching for more!

Hey, I haven't followed all of your posts, but I've read a few, I wanted to add a few things. I've had harm ocd and sexual ocd in the past: I think you need to seek out a professional, but it's so so easy to let it go, get swept along, turn to other things, especially when you're struggling. You need to make that a major focus and don't put it off. You need to fight to find a therapist who is right for you. I've had experiences of telling parents and doctors things weren't OK and getting nowhere, but then years later finding the right person. So make it your priority and don't stop until you find that person. I don't know your exact circumstances, but we can all stumble at times and pick ourselves back up. If you're in a bad place now there's next year, and next year and so on. Sort this out first though. Is seeing somebody privately possible for you? Some people will offer a sliding scale for payment. From what I've read you aren't at all bad, so don't act like you are. Sexuality and attraction are complex but I'm certain it's very easy to convince yourself you're feeling something when you aren't. I could have got back together with a wonderful girl who was really keen on me, but I pushed her away because of hang ups about my sexuality (it wasn't to do with the same things you worry about). At the time I thought I was being really virtuous but now I think I was just being a total idiot. I've done the same thing with leaving a good job for 'ethical' reasons. It's not my place to tell you if you should talk to family, but I would say that without understanding OCD it may be confusing for them. I told my Dad about my problems and he was totally cool about it, but not understanding OCD he couldn't give me the correct advice. He thought he was helping me but it wasn't really. I would think if you do talk to loved ones about it you should tell them about OCD, nothing else to begin with. I think you need to avoid everything you can that reminds you of this. Try some new activities, exercise, see friends, surround yourself with all the things which help calm you down. You're just digging yourself deeper like this, I've been there believe me! Stop digging and do something different.

I think maybe it's made harder by cultural things. They way we drink in the UK, especially when young, is probably seen as excessive in some cultures. So AA could say you're an alcoholic but I wouldn't say you sound like it. I've had an alcoholic in my family, and you definitely don't fit that description, I've also heard of 'almost alcoholics' who drink a bit too much each week to relax (glass of wine or two each evening), I've been there, but currently getting on top of it. I would say seek treatment for OCD, not drinking, you're still young, don't let it mess your future up!! Be aware it can change to a new theme. But get treatment, don't let it go, find somebody who can help you. As a 40 year old now, I'd advise against heavy binge drinking, although when I was in my 20s I did it like everyone else! I've seen people get hurt because of stupid things they did in that state. Just enjoy a few drinks and if people pressure you to do more, just - don't! It may also make your OCD worse the next few days. Booze and mental health issues are never a good combination. Can you maybe treat your drinking and OCD separately? Decide what is a reasonable amount to drink for you - everybody kind of sets their own limits. There's no harm in being concerned about drinking a bit too much in a non-OCD way. It's totally cool to drink nothing at all, or drink the amount the Government sets as recommended, or drink more but be aware of it, take time off drinking and so on. But do it because you think that works for you, not because of an obsession.

Wow this is great! Needed to see this today

Yeah these days I do. Just struggled a lot when I was younger. It's tough!

Maybe this is a strange question. I had a lot of trouble in my family because my parents were both very difficult when it came to understanding my mental health problems and doing stuff about them. They meant well, but it was very hard to get through to them. I think part of my reason for finding it so hard is that - if you have OCD you know that somebody blaming you for something could really upset you. Being told one thing which the OCD latches onto could hurt you for months, years even. So, you assume that that's how it works with other people. Like I hated the fact that my Dad smoked, but when I finally got up the courage to tell him I couldn't bring myself to say he had to quit. I just said he should cut down. It was because I was so scared of what would happen if he wasn't able to quit after I'd said he needed to for my mental health, that he'd be so troubled. It's true that he had real problems with alcohol too, so he was fragile, but really, I think for him it would never have had that effect that a thought can have on an OCD mind. If somebody said to an OCD sufferer - you have to do this for me, or I'll really struggle, it could be very tough if you couldn't then do what you'd been asked. So, I'd tell my parents things very gently, like "I don't want to hurt you, I love you so much, but you didn't look after me properly on this occasion", and think I'd told them enough. In reality I should have been shouting and swearing and saying how incredibly angry I was and then doing it all again the next day until it got through to them. Maybe it doesn't work like this at all, but I'd be interested in hearing people's experiences.

If it makes life difficult for you then it might be worth looking into a diagnosis. In my case I really struggle with organisation, sleep and many jobs. Between that and OCD it's really made life hard.

Hey, thanks for that insight. Maybe it is that way round. There's definitely an OCD element to it, in that I can stop doing it if I use mindfulness. But it may well be behind the OCD at the same time. My family were difficult in a way I still don't understand. Two therapists have also been at a loss for how they acted. They turned what should have been a manageable situation into a total disaster by not doing any of the sensible things I expected, not being able to grasp simple things like OCD being a long term condition which could recur. In spite of being well-meaning people, they really messed my life and my mind up. So - it's very hard not to get angry whenever OCD comes back. I'll mention it to the therapist I'm seeing.

I just wondered if anybody else gets this type of OCD and compulsion. Without going into all the details, my parents were well meaning people who were completely tone deaf to mental health. They found it incredibly hard to understand my OCD and this was on top of my Dad struggling with alcoholism. Anyway, it has caused me a huge amount of harm and meant I've missed out on what could have been a great life. My Dad is no longer alive, but my Mum is and she tries to help me a lot these days. I'm not naturally someone who likes to blame people and make them feel bad. The thing is when I get OCD spikes, one of the things which comes back is this incredible anger, and I think it's OCD type compulsions to go over and over what my parents got wrong. It can be all day - well anyone with OCD knows that experience. The thing is it makes me act really badly towards my Mum which is terrible. I can see now that it's a compulsion and I'm getting better at ignoring it. I just wondered if anybody else had had this experience. I think it is OCD but maybe an unusual type?

Yeah it's so hard! I don't really have contamination OCD but I was being at what what I'd call the far end of normal cautious. I think I'd say follow the government guidelines. Can you see where they end and your obsession starts? It's about doing what is reasonable to keep others safe. I think you could check up, without it being reassurance, as long as you don't keep checking. Just see what they recommend and stick to that.

Yeah I think that's it! Have to fight it. Indecisiveness is part of it too I'm sure.

Maybe this is a strange question... Ive had OCD since age 14, and I'm 40 now. I've struggled a lot in terms of direction in life. As well as bad episodes of OCD, I've had more low level perfectionism making it almost impossible to decide on a career direction, and making me feel that everything is spoiled somehow or other (and some other messed up stuff I won't go into). As soon as I find a direction my brain seems to get busy finding a reason I can't do it for a job. Some OCD related thing. I think now I could move forward and stick to something, but it's so hard to decide what to do. Everything's been so jumbled up for so long. It's like I haven't been able to ever have a dream, or a plan really. I think some people are able to have that from a young age. So - I don't know if that makes any sense. Does anyone have any tips for kind of resetting things and starting afresh?

This is a late response but I really related to your initial post. I have read your initial post and this one here. I had a breakdown which was similar to this in a way and absolutely destroyed me for months. I had another shorter one where I saw some videos of underage girls in swimming costumes on Youtube when I was looking for something else. I wasn't aroused by it, nor had I been looking for it, but that's OCD for you. It's like you feel guilty by simply having seen something. I really feel for you trying to get answers over some random image online. I know offering reassurance is the wrong thing to do. I can't offer reassurance as to who was in the pic. What I will say is - I'm sure you know most men look at porn of some kind. I don't see that you've done anything wrong in relation to child abuse, that seems to be what's upsetting you. If you didn't seek that image out then you've done nothing wrong. You don't need to tell any girls about it, there's nothing to confess. You won't be able to find out who made the image, it will have gone round the internet for ages if it's a meme. You were looking online and an image came up which upset you, is all you seem to have done. It sounds like classic OCD. You're feeling the shame and sense of being unworthy. I would say keep exploring help, books, good websites, therapists if you can. Try the NHS if you haven't already. I lost my chance to get back with an amazing girl who could have really helped me and made me happy, and I think I could have made her happy too, all because of this type of OCD. I would really say don't let it spoil things for you.

Hey, sorry if I'm hijacking this thread. It's very interesting to me. My Dad was very perfectionist. He was brilliant at making things - wooden furniture for example, but he would get irate if things were wrong. He smoked a lot and drank way too much and I think it was connected. I don't know for sure if it would count as OCD. I do have OCD which takes many forms. I definitely have elements of perfectionism at work. I also have ADHD, so am prone to making stupid mistakes. So - can you imagine what that's like?! I had a really bad breakdown and relapse of OCD when I found I'd have to go back to work with the new covid measures in place, as I have to serve the public. I was so worried about making mistakes. After speaking to my manager a lot and making loads of preparations I've been able to handle it. If you're studying I'm guessing you may still be fairly young - I'd advise you watch out for drink as potential issue. I'm sure my Dad drank to get over the pressure of a long day trying to be perfect. I do the same myself and always regret it. It can come at any age - I didn't start to drink in that way until my 30s. Good luck with it all anyway

I was diagnosed about a year ago or slightly longer (age 39) - I diagnosed myself first and can't remember the dates exactly now. But yeah got an official assessment too - mine is the inattentive type, so probably less easy to spot. I went to university a couple of years later than normal so was a bit more settled and managed to stay on, although undiagnosed OCD made the last year and half really miserable and I got a lower grade and missed out on making a lot of friends and so on. Have you looked at getting an assessment? Without medication it's helped me, I did a CBT course on the NHS. It's hard work building all the stuff into your life, needs a lot of willpower. Curious to see if the medication will help or clash with the OCD. I still find it impossible to make serious plans. My friend asked me yesterday what kind of work I was looking for, and I had no idea what to say. It changes every time I think about it!

I can really relate to this!!! I have been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type), going to try medication for that soon. It may make the OCD worse though, so I'm apprehensive. I find meditation really hard, although better in a class. I haven't done a class for years though. I've tried sleep stories, podcasts, various meditation apps and youtube videos. I can do a bodyscan meditation but I do find the OCD thoughts come back massively. If I try to meditate without a recording they come back even worse. I tried to do a standing qigong meditation last night and the intrusive thoughts were really bad. I just ignored them, but it wasn't very nice or relaxing. The only thing which does seem to work for me is listening to a vaguely interesting podcast (nothing to heavy - something about running or travel maybe) and then relaxing different parts of my body, if I keep doing that I can sometimes doze or at least feel more calm. My doctors are not keen on giving sleeping tablets out. I've had serious problems with drinking to get to sleep, which is great in the moment but never, ever worth it. It's an obvious pathway to addiction and at the least a massive drain on your health and will not lead to better sleep. I find that the only way to manage it for me is through hard exercise, like running or a vigorous class. Unfortunately I also struggle with fatigue, so it's always a balancing act. I think what Gingerbreadgirl says is really true too - getting totally involved with something is way better for me than meditation. I'm curious to see what effect the ADHD meds have on all this. Will maybe post about it on here. I guess maybe meditation can be seen as putting in the hard work at the time for more relaxation in life in general. But for me I've never been able to get that far.

I don't know if this is OCD but sounds like you have a lot of life things on your plate. I'd imagine talking to a councillor or therapist would help if that's an option for you. I know it's a really obvious thing to say, but all the regular things to help with anxiety should help you to some extent. I'm brilliant at saying things don't help me or my life's hopeless or whatever and then I realise I'm sleeping badly, drinking too much, eating badly, not doing my relaxing exercises or regular exercises and so on. All those things do add up to lightening the load I think. With the internet there are always new option for making friends - online zoom meetups (I do life drawing), and in the future physical ones will be an option again - hiking, languages, computers etc. Try Meetup dot com. So many things on there! I think it can be hard to know what is and isn't OCD, and maybe some things are kind of OCD, I don't know. With me it comes in many shapes and sizes and they change over time. I'm sure some of the guys on here could help, but otherwise defo talk to a specialist if you can.

Well, I don't know as I can't really compare it to not having it. Certainly I have very intense intrusive thoughts, but I guess a lot of people with OCD do! As a combination, OCD and ADHD make it very hard to get on in life though. ADHD makes a lot of jobs very difficult (mine is inattentive subtype), and OCD knocks your confidence / desire to go for any jobs which are a bit more doable. It's a struggle

I think it's just the world we live in. Look out for your family, don't hurt anything for pleasure, that's all anyone can do.

I just wondered if anyone else here has ADHD as well as OCD. I'm going to be trying medication for ADHD soon. I'm already on a high does of venlafaxine for the OCD. Interested to see if the medication helps but a little apprehensive about it making my OCD worse. Luckily I think you can stop the ADHD meds a lot more quickly than anti-depressants, so I'm not stuck on them if they don't work out.

Definitely agree with Malina - it's like 'Finally I could be free, if only I hadn't done this one other thing!' It's very common, with me anyway. Like that one little detail you think ruins it. It doesn't , it's just the OCD trying to cling on. A couple of things which might help together will all the good stuff the guys have said on here. For me a 20 minute run is totally incredible, how much it changes how I feel. A therapist explained how it helps to change the levels of stress hormones to make you more calm. If you can't get yourself out of the house, even just running on the spot or doing squats or jacks, anything to get you puffed out for 15 - 20 minutes. It will lower the tension a bit. One other thing somebody told me was just write the compulsion on a piece of paper and go out for a walk or whatever for 15 minutes and don't think about it. Often when you come back you won't even want to go back to it. I mean - just finding a way to say OK, if I'm guilty or not (you're not of course) but if you can't convince yourself, say even if you are guilty you'll still stop the compulsion for 15 minutes. Then try to build it up to longer breaks. That's not from a therapist so some may disagree - but I think anything to break that cycle is good. Don't try to reason your way out of it - just say you're doing the break either way.

I can really relate to this, although I haven't had the specific OCD. What Malina and Snowbear say is all so true though! I can't see anything wrong in your behaviour. You're allowed to show affection and have feelings for family members. OCD picks on your worst fears, it can make them seem real with body sensations and can even come to you in your dreams. I think your totally normal feelings are being twisted by the OCD. I want to hug and kiss my niece and nephews all the time! I would say you are just a very kind, sensitive and conscientious person and your OCD has picked up on something very important to you, your feelings of responsibility for your brother. If your colleague says you're really nice it's because you are! If you were really interested in harming your brother you wouldn't be on here worrying about it. I read in "Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques" by David Veal and Rob Willson, that people with OCD are the safest to have around children. Any supposed desires to harm a child are simply OCD and sufferers would never act on those thoughts. And kissing your brother is definitely not acting on a harmful urge!! I know how hard it is when you feel so strongly that you are bad and have acted badly but nothing I've read sounds even remotely bad. It's just your OCD mind picking over totally normal things and the feelings of guilt are making them seem bad. Keep working on everything your therapist suggests and hopefully you'll be able to calm your mind and see that you've done nothing wrong. For me keeping busy and getting on with stuff does help, as well as all the treatment. One piece of advice I'd give is that when you feel better, do keep working through it until you're really able to move on - keep in touch with the therapist. It's easy to start to avoid triggers for the OCD and that can be damaging in itself. I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of that.

This is me every night! Have you been tested for ADHD? That's what I have. I'd strongly advise staying away from alcohol, I really struggle not to drink. My main advice would be exercise during the day. That always helps a bit.

Sorry - I'm new to this forum and suddenly posting loads. But - I wanted to share this as it's so important. I've had such a bad OCD and depression episode and it came out of the blue really. I was coping pretty well in lockdown, getting on with stuff, I was tired but coping. Trying to learn new skills, keeping on top of the germs side of things. I started drinking more towards the start of my breakdown but don't think that alone caused it (I did another post about that). I found that when I was told I had to return to work it stressed me out so much. I work in a cinema facing the public, and as I also have ADHD it's difficult, even after years of doing it. For me the thought of fitting in the new procedures with everything else really freaked me out. I was worried as my Mum is over 70, worried about my OCD getting worse and messing up with my ADHD and getting even worse harm OCD. Having an OCD mind I also got really stressed that I should be there as somebody else might get ill if I wasn't working. I did try talking to a therapist once and thought I was OK with it but I'm not sure that she really understood, or I really understood at that point how badly it affected me. In the end I gave my notice but the stress of the decision really pushed me over the edge. I ended up asking for my job back as I couldn't face being alone. I can't think straight with OCD on full blast. So - to try to put a positive note on it... I think it's really worth putting things in place for the stress of return to work. Some CBT, therapy, whatever support. Put it in place now, before the stress gets out of hand. I think most likely the actual job will be fine, it's just the ideas around it are very hard for an OCD person.