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Bulletin Board User
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About beckyboo

  • Birthday 04/07/1987

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
  • Type of OCD
    Harm - Self or towards others.

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    North Yorkshire
  • Interests
    Crafts, helping others,Music, Make up

Recent Profile Visitors

256 profile views
  1. just live my life & enjoy it but yes your right in what youve said, thank you Acceptance is going to be key for me i think
  2. Yes it is however i went through higj intensity CBT im sure the therapist would of picked up on it
  3. Thank you, Ive spoken to my Gp who has said the anemia & fatigue will certainly be contributors but also apparently after coming off mirtazapine even gradually there are some side effects for a little while
  4. It was the hospitals duty psych who said PND & didnt bother to check my history of OCD I had all the classic signs of a OCD relapse but was dismissed. I requested to go to a facility later that day because her words gave a terrifying certainty that i just couldnt cope witu. i had a formulation whilst there with the hospitals duty consultant who confirmed OCD relapse. I was then under the CMHT who also confirmed OCD and refferred me onto IAPT for CBT & Erp therapy. while i was waiting for the refferal the CMHT teams psych basocly said it dodnt matter if it was pnd or ocd that both were treatable which i didnt find helpful due to one of my compulsions was ruminating to figure it out. Every session i had i did a depression / anxiety score sheet in which my depression score was never above 4 my therapist established OCD & GAD as co.morbid We established that my compulsions were mental ones specifically around checking emotions or avoidance I was refferred to IAPT by the CMHT and treated for OCD even if i did have depression she would of picked up.on that (Therapist was a high intensity CBT psych)
  5. I was given mirtazapine because for some reason on my medical notes that id already tried sertraline & citalapram ...however even though id been prescribed them citalopram made me very spaced out even after 1st dose so i didnt continue them & the sertraline made me feel very sick, having emetephobia thats a huge challenge for me so i refused to take anymore (3 doses i took max) Plus the duty pysch at the hospital last year when i presented in huge crisis she failed to listen to me about OCD, confirmed a fear by giving false certainty before telling me it was post natal depression & discrediting any compulsions i told her i was having. So that cast alot of doubt Our family social worker also dismissed me telling her it was OCD because id recognised the signs, she went on to say i was in denial & not willing to accept i was actively suicidal, telling me i had been hiding thing deliberatly rather than hiding them as a safety seeking compulsion so again this made me doubt myself. And more recently my consultant physchiatrist whom ive never met wrote to my docs saying if i show depressive symptoms again i have to be prescribed sertraline no mention of OCD even though id completed 5 months of CBT & ERP for it I just have to believe in what ive learnt. I think it just took me off gaurd as ive been feeling pretty much OCD free for a while.
  6. thank.you for confirming that. I think its possible ive read other news about people who didnt show any signs then the next day a life gone.and been overly hypervigiliant. I dont think its a tummy bug as its just nausea. and ive lost 11lb in a week which isnt good. im on 650mg per day of iron & additional.50,000 units of vit D too just started them so.hopefully i will perk up soon xx
  7. Ive just done the inventory you mentioned & its sat at 17, so just above the mild mood disturbance heading into borderline clinical. However i am very low on iron & vit D which could be altering the mood & this has only been since tuesday so going to maybe monitor things before rushing to go back on my tablets. i do need to start eating rekon that would likely positively impact things.
  8. I had weekly Phq-7 & Gad asessments and for at least 8 weeks my Depression score was subclinical at 2 points & my GAD score also being a 4. My OCD asessment upon discharge was also subclinical. ive not heard of the Beck asessment thought. Im sure she used the Steckerty model. And yes ur understanding is correct. Just feeling worse as the anxiety has caused feeling nauseated alot im hu gry but cant face food so that wont be helping much
  9. i mean what if ive just been in complete denial? and convinced the therapist it was OCD?? even Dr. Blenkiron wrote to the Gp saying if my depression symptoms returned i should be put on sertraline, when i was being treated for OCD not depression. I just feel like now theyve covered it up from me because i have been so scared of being told i have depression
  10. So after a good 6 months of feeling great, completing CBT & ERP It was agreed for me to come off mirtazapine all together which i did Mid feb. up until this week ive felt great! Then tuesday i felt like i was going back downhill. Ive barely been getting enough sleep due to my youngest having tummy troubles through the night, then my eldest being at hospital, a very low iron & vit D deficiency and a whole lotta doom n gloom in the news & social media. tuesday night i felt low, then my anxiety must have kicked in cos i felt sick & shivery then alot of toilet trips too. I barely slept a wink. My stomach still isnt any better im between feeling sick & hungry so my appetite has gone. Im panicking that maybe i actually do have depression & that im actually having actual suicidal thoughts (my Ocd focused on a fear of suicide) It was established through therapy that i was miss interpretting emotions and feelings and using them as confirmation. In the end my therapist was unable to trigger.me. I have however become hyper vigilant again so attempting to compare what im feeling now with other peoples cases of depression or ideation. again i now feel sick & shakey which has upset my tummy. Ive decided maybe i should just go back on my tablets because i dont wanna risk it if it is actual ideation or if im fearing a relapse. I was doing so well! became a peer to peer facilitator with OCD Action & do alot of advocay & started documenting my journey on Youtube. I did what should of been a positive live and just felt like i was faking the whole time :'( I really dont want depression or these thoughts im trying my hardest to pull myself back up my therapist told me i needed to get myself through this to show myself i can cope otherwise i will always respond this way she says i can overcome it & to re read.my relapse blue print. But now im doubtful that this is even OCD Just so sick of it now, i have been doing amazingly well this just feels like such a step back
  11. its hard to not do things because of the doubt and risks associated i need some help in figuring out the compulsions, i know trying to avoid the thoughts is one of them and being in these forums is another
  12. Recently started the Exposure part of CBT, For months ive been fine, barely even noticing the intrusions and just letting them sit lke background noise which is a huge step! i could finally see light at the end of the tunnel, i felt ready to tackle the last hurdle, i told my therapist if i could overcome this particular theme like i had the others then i would be set for life because the latest theme has been by far the hardest to deal with. Our first session of ERP we had to read out an article about the passing of Robin Williams over and over, yes it was upsetting because i felt so bad for him and his family. but it hadnt triggered me, or so i thought. this week she said she didnt know if id actually reached a point that id overcome the intrusions and worry already and she was unsure of which way to proceed because i have been so proactive in understanding ocd and recovery that all that was needed was a relapse prevention plan OR to be more hard hitting with the exposure work, she suggested maybe watching 13 reasons why. Now on first thought this had me worried and hesitant, then to seeing some videos on suicide shared on facebook and BOOM i got triggered i think. feel horribly tearful all weekend, to feeling helpless / hopeless to sleeping 14hrs straight because i couldnt face the day, to the old habit of ruminating if it was all ocd playing tricks on me on putting laundry away came across a box of sharps on top of cuboard that id forgotten about to the intrusions of they could be used so that spiked my anxiety, to taking my medication and seeing the box thinking it would be so easy to take them all which futher increased the uneasy feeling to thoughts of how awful my kid future would be without me in it. just feel like ive taken a huge step backards and got stuck in the whole ruminating wether its ocd or not :'( so tired of it all really. i wanna live my life and have things i want to accomplish but not if have to keep fighting like this. ive ended up back in other ocd support groups, posting in here and sat wondering if im dispaying or feeling things that are associated with someone who has ego syntonic suicidal thoughts or if what im feeling or thinking is ego dystonic urgh so ready to overcome this
  13. I was doing alot of this over the months...until i got triggered again
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