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  1. I saw my new care co ordinator today, shes just completed her first year in CBT training so was much more relaxed an felt really understood. she wanted to get a clear picture of when intrusive thoughts started, triggers any rituals and things i gave her a copy of my flower formulation which she said would be highly useful in making sure i get the right care going forward & helps them to understand my difficulties and what areas i need help with. she quiried wether or not a diagnosis of depression in march was right as ive always maintained i wasnt depressed but the OCD was causing depressive like symptoms i feel there is a big difference she also doesnt agree woth the psychiatrist continually wanting to increase my anti depressants which arnt even SSRI i did one of those scale questionnaire which i scored a 2 for depression. she said these forums are a good place to start for self help and also re-reading the break free from OCD. are there any self help things i can do now until CBT starts. shes going to show my formulation flower to the psycologist and also the cbt therapist until then i wont see anyone until 12th july
  2. i think stable is where im no longer having the ruminating thoughts of self harm :/ even though those are unwanted thoughts. il be asking my care co today because i cant keep going round in cycles like this
  3. i do however see a new care co-ordinator tommorrow who does runs group CBT classes..so im hoping she may be more beneficial for me for now. but it is getting rediculous being told i have to keep increasing my medication when its therapy i need to help manage things.
  4. Shes just a psychiatrist she wont be the one delivering therapy. if i ask to change i could be waiting months, last time it took 10months before i got to see one to diagnose OCD and much longer to be refferred for CBT by wich point i was told i didnt need since the intrusive thoughts were all but gone so got signed off.
  5. ive asked but keep meeting the same response of once im stable...they dont know what stable looks like for me. she said although im making positive progress in recognising my triggers and trying to keep myself active rather than opting to sit ruminating all day that im not making as much progress as she would like! then went on to say that the mirtazapine im on (30mg) takes up to 12 weeks etc when i know its not medication that helps. she said i need to consider going up to the maximum of 45mg
  6. Hey i probably should of posted yesterday. im due to see my duty psychiatrist for a review in half an hour :/ ive been persistently asking to be refferred for therapy and being told once stable. i feel i am managing bad days and currently having more good days than bad. ive completed my own flower formulation which il be showing her i also enrolled on a confidence & resiliance course started back up with hobbies and generally keeping myself busy rather tha n sitting ruminating and also identified my triggers im hoping she will agree to refer me rather than simply increase my tablets. is there anything in particular i should be asking? i dont hold much hope since she couldnt be bothered to ring me back after making 3 requests 2 weeks ago
  7. i was told i had post natal depression in march, no mention of the fact i have OCD which is what was causing all my distress.
  8. I didnt wanna keep posting in the forums, people will likely get sick of me. therapy properly is going to be a while away yet so this is up to me.  I need some help & support pinpointing my compulsions and what i can do thats helpful to help.bring this anxiety down because im afraid of the alternative if i dont. i dont want reassurence because i know that will intensify my thoughts more and thats the last thing i want. i have nobody else to talk to who understands the way ocd works like everyone in here I know nobody is in here thats a therapist either but some pointing in the right direction will help.me greatly i have some self esteem & confidence issues going on so finding it hard to figure out what i should & shouldnt be doing especially when i doubt so much. ive rang the Gp to say that i dont think the mirtazapine is having any effect at all even though i know medication doesnt help with OCD only the psycial sensations of anxiety but i am actually scared for my life. today has been so so emotional and difficult that ive been in tears in public, infront of my kids to a point they know something is wrong with thier mummy and thats not fair. ive read break free from OCD and understood i have problems with rumination, avoidence & reassurence seeking along with attempts to nuetralise, distraction & mental arguments but i cant seem to figure out a plan on how to combat this.
  9. beckyboo

    OCD behaviour

    i hope one day this will be me
  10. In some parts i agree that it seems like a checking compulsion...but actually its also helpful in the very sense that psycopaths dont feel fear,upset or distress by thier thoughts, actually they feel the opposite or actually just dont think at all ...so i think what its doing is helping you to realise you are not a psycopath so that you can let go of that thought or accept its there knowing that your not one its the similar i think when people fear they are going crazy or losing thier mind, i certainly did before my diagnosis and i know its a common fear....however those who are going crazy or losing thier mind arnt aware they are
  11. so i came across an article wrote about a guys wife who he didnt know had post natal depression, how she didnt bother with the children and just saw herself as a bad mum. the guy no longer has a wife and now its made my mood sink and im now thinking all the same things from that article :'( its making me feel awful!
  12. beckyboo


    i actually just stopped myself from having compulsive behaviour... i was attempting to search for a post in the forums for someone else who has the same thoughts as me....i think i was doing it for more reassurence that this is OCD and not actual Ideation! ...i knew by doing it, it would confirm its OCD ...and also realise by doing so it would bring me some comfort for a little while until i doubted it again ...then go in search again! i also thought if i couldnt find one on here then maybe google this type of theme with OCD but I know what i was doing and not done it. woohoo!! I think for me ....its fearing the 'it'll get worse before it gets better' i dont fancy that at all especially with something so risky but i know i gotta take that chance on myself because its far riskier living like this and missing out on living my life and that of my kiddies! onwards!
  13. i read this book cover to cover yesterday. for someone struggling with alot of doubt into wether or not particular thoughts are ocd or not it put alot into perspective & also highlighted some of the unhelpful things ive been doing thats keeping the cycle going. i certainley found the flower diagram very helpful at firsr i only wrote a few things by the time id finished i had quite the page full, Theory A & B is work in progress that i think il need to do more im depth once im put forward for CBT it certainley highlighted why reasurrence & doubt goes hand in hand for me. probably one of the better books ive read on OCD so far. its helped me to recognise my triggers, memory triggers. just need to fully understand what habits i need to work on and put in place safely.
  14. beckyboo


    I bought & read it yesterday ...also.completed a viscous flower (formulation) & did some theory A & B thoughts too. it certainly all points to OCD and from all of my own knowledge, common sense and rationality knows it is...its those pesky doubts. i think im more unable to let go of fear because the risks are dangerous especially when it comes to having a fear of self harm ...because it would mean game over im not sure about the safest way to challenge ruminizing ocd. problem is everywhere we look it says ring 999 or crises teams if you have thoughts of that nature lol so that really does not help. im havnt started CBT but really want to! my care co is changing to someone whos training in cbt and runs cbt classes ...i see her on the 16th of this month, which will have been a month since seeing someone. so im keeping my fingers crossed. i did write out my vicous flower to give the her.
  15. beckyboo


    not really apart from using some distraction plus i still have alot of doubt & fear surrounding the theme that im stuck on. previous themes were difficult and distressing but far easier to overcome because the content was sooooo far fetched and rediculous i knew i would never harm any of my children ...the ones i have now i cant seem to apply the same because the theme is something thats real & really happens to people so i still have alot of doubt wether its ocd or not (i know this is a common thing with OCD) so sometimes it feels safer to hang onto the fear just incase does that make sense??