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beckyboo

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    99
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About beckyboo

  • Birthday 04/07/1987

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Harm - Self or towards others.

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    North Yorkshire
  • Interests
    Crafts, helping others,Music, Make up

Recent Profile Visitors

430 profile views
  1. This is a fantastic book! I have it on my kindle & will be revisiting it soon!
  2. Aww I'm so sorry your experiencing a relapse! .. ive had lots of time to reflect today, Ive been watching the 'Luther' tv series which isnt a usual genre for me & it is quite graphic so im putting alot of it down to that triggering some rather creative new intrusive thoughts.. the reason my lack of fear/distress response was there is because knives are no longer a trigger for me (done alot of ERP around them) please try not to self diagnose hun as this wont be helping, pregnancy & the elevated hormones is actually linked to OCD spikes with pregnant women, its also normal to have fluctuating moods too, if your like me you'll be overthinking those low moods, analysing them and also fearing another flare up... Remind yourself of your tools from what youve learnt, understand that low moods are quite normal and just takes a bit more effort to have self care in place. ive just re-refferred to IAPT for some CBT refresher sessions to remind me of my tools again. Your always welcome to pop me a messege as we deal with the same thing.
  3. Thank you its nice to hear that actually im responding the right way. i think the self doubt is actually the cruelest part of OCD, intrusive thoughts i can deal with them easily.. but when they cause us to question ourselves thats thr ultimate torture.
  4. im now also sat worrying that this is going to set off a repeat of what i went through last year.. ive already been anxious over developing PND after babies born and i really am so afraid of another relapse.. it was such a terrifying time for me i would do anything to avoid a repeat.
  5. Primarily my OCD runs on the whole 'harm' theme.. it started out as harm intrusions about my child.. always been centered around the youngest, through the work ive done over the years I established that this was because my youngest at that moment was the most vulnerable, dependant on me keeping them safe. i worked through that well & then suffered a relapse last year the theme changed after doing exposure work to suicidal OCD. I completed CBT & ERP for this i still have to work daily on the hypervigilance around my emotions & over analysing them as i now have a huge fear of becoming severely depressed.. This was caused by midiagnosis and risk asessments etc by persons with a lack of understanding around OCD. Things have been going great.. currently 21 weeks pregnant too! .. Ive been a bit of an outreach for someone in america who has been comparing herself to 'amanda / andrea yates' a huge case over there in which she was suffering psychosis and took the lives of her children. My partners gone out this morning im just sat with my toddler and up pops 'What take his life then your own' im sorry if it sounds horrible.. its literally made me feel sick & a need to be away from him just incase its not OCD and there is a real risk / Im a real risk to him! Im now sat thinking what if there is something else alongside the OCD thats going to cause me to act on this! .. I came into the kitchen an there was a knife on the side .. the rational part of me knows how to do ERP and the approach is to leave it where it is and not engage in compulsions so i left it there, with minimal distress over leaving it there, but then came the question.. why was i able to to just leave it there... does that mean that its not OCD?? ... I have moved it now, washed and put it away in a drawer but more because i felt thats what i should be doing more than feeling compelled to if that makes sense?? Now sat posting in here feeling very confused on why ive not had the same reaction i typically had previously... is it because the intrusion has some truth to it deep down or is it because ive worked on my OCD so well that im not triggered in the way im used to? i know theres an element of reasurrence in this post and some certainty seeking.. But im really fearing now that im one of those mothers that do, do it!
  6. Agreed!! .. I found ERP was the most helpful & beneficial part of therapy for me since i understood quite alot about the cognitive side. Mindfulness is an amazing tool to use for a multitude of emotional challenges or just worked into a healthy habit of day to day life. I also agree its useful to know there are other therapies available if a person becomes treatment resistant.
  7. I wish 😂😂 this one by far is the hardest!! but thank you very much
  8. I didnt have depression to begin with.. the idea was put there because the duty MH team didnt really understand my OCD and just saw it as Ideation rather than a fear & heck of alot of safety seeking / self preservation behaviour. My ocd has always centered around harm .. im able to work through harm intrusions about others easily with self guided ERP but somehow i manage to internalise it & it becomes self harm intrusions and it was that which they didnt understand & went ahead risk asessing me as being suicidal which i was far from it. but because of the doubt they put there i was constantly doubting if it was OCD .. which funnily i had come to that conclusion anyway. due to that i became very hyper vigilant over emotions & feelings, checking my responses and becoming afraid of normal lowered moods .. overanalysis and comparing to others depressive symptons to see if the matched I ended up making the connection that depression meant suicidal.. so low moods now trigger that anxiety off. But im pretty confident that it is just my ocd spiking a little due to pregmancy hormones & recognised ive done a fair amount of reasurrence seeking the last few days, with that knowledge my anxiety has come down massively and my mood has lifted too
  9. CBT with ERP is pretty much the best treatment for OCD.
  10. Yeah, The early session i had was around figuring out if it was depression or OCD because i received a misdiagnosis & alot of damaging things said to me during my crisis with the OCD some proffessionals had me doubting myself to the extremes & was trying to tell me i was in denial about my intrusive thoughts & compulsions so it took a while for the therapist to pick it all apart.
  11. Hey all! ... Ive not posted in here for a good while now.. my OCD has been in remission / recovery 95% of the time since coming off mirtazapine & completing CBT & ERP. However, im currently 17weeks pregnant with baby n.4 I didnt have OCD in my 1st or 2nd Pregnancies & my 3rd was so stressful & busy that i didnt really have time to even register moods / OCD etc. This time around its quite chilled / relaxed. the past week ive had the whole 'Cant be bothered / fed up' mood on and off each day.. My OCD unfortunatly focused on having a huge fear of becoming severely depressed & sucidal inteusive thoughts even though i actually wasnt. Unfortunatly due to a miss diagnosis & certainties given that shouldnt have been it progressed into doubts whether i had depression or OCD. I worked through therapy and as i said.. i came to the realisation that it was OCD. These moods lately ive tried to rationalise as hormone / pregnancy related.. but theres always that doubt that actually im depressed or heading that way & its so unsettling .. ive since messeged 2 people who i know either are pregnant and have a history of depression etc and ive also posted in a mums group & OCD group.. now here. Im aware now as i type that im most likely reasurrence seeking here and trying to reach a certainty that its still OCD but the doubt im having makes me think its not worth the risk.. I also just (about 15mins ago felt like throwing out all the tablets in the house which was a behaviour/compulsion i had last year) Not sure why im posting probably is simply for reassurence.
  12. just live my life & enjoy it but yes your right in what youve said, thank you Acceptance is going to be key for me i think
  13. Yes it is however i went through higj intensity CBT im sure the therapist would of picked up on it
  14. Thank you, Ive spoken to my Gp who has said the anemia & fatigue will certainly be contributors but also apparently after coming off mirtazapine even gradually there are some side effects for a little while
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