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Bev53

OCD-UK Member
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Everything posted by Bev53

  1. Hi, Rumination is a hard one to stop as we're often well into it before we realise we're actually doing it. Like you I've found TV or reading a book is often not sufficient at keeping my mind occupied. I've found exercise and/or getting outside helps, going for a walk, and trying to be mindful of it, taking pleasure in nature, fresh air, night skies...whatever. If that's not possible, is there anything you could do alongside the TV? A jigsaw, crafting puzzles books? I like to crochet, and find doing that whilst watching TV adds another layer of concentration so its easier not to fall into the rumination trap. A phone call with a friend or family is also useful in breaking the cycle, enabling me to refocus on the here and now. These are all things that have helped me.
  2. Almost everyone has intrusive thoughts, with OCD it's not the thoughts that are the problem, it's the meaning we attach to them that then creates the anxiety. Perhaps the lack of anxiety is a sign you're on the right path in being able to dismiss the thoughts as nonsense. Not sure if I've explained that too well, sorry, but hope that helps.
  3. Focus on the first part of your sentence, and give yourself a pat on the back rather than beating yourself up. You've been giving in to the compulsions for a long time, it's become a habit, and just like any other habit, we can't always explain why we do something the way we do, we just do. Change is not going to happen overnight, but today shows you can make progress, keep at it, you're doing great.
  4. Hi, I'm sorry if you are upset. I'm not great with words and can perhaps come across as blunt sometimes, but I don't mean to be. I'm sure that's the case with some of the replies you've had. Ultimately to beat OCD we do need to stop the compulsions, I'm not saying that is easy, and I don't think anyone else is, but it is the case. Personally, I sometimes need reminding of this as I get so bogged down in the emotion that I often don't even recognise my compulsions. When we're in the middle of an episode it's hard to see the wood for the trees. Also, I think it's hard to express tone and emotion in a message and I am frequently guilty of reading more into a reply than I should. Often in text messages from friends and family, I think someone may be a 'bit off' with me and worry I've done something to upset them. I haven't, it's just me overthinking a classic OCD trait. Hope you're feeling a bit better.
  5. All sounds like OCD to me. I believe people have already mentioned scrupulosity to you.
  6. You have two choices: 1. Confess to your wife about your 'terrible' (in your head) behavior. You feel better for all of 5 minutes that you've 'come clean', your wife is upset and angry, and guess what? RESULT: You feel even more guilty. You're no better off and your wife now feels rubbish too. 2. Continue to work on stopping the rumination*, again, and again, and again! It doesn't have to be automatic. You did something you now regret, shrug it off, get busy with something else. It's not easy, but it is possible. You know it, you've managed it before RESULT: The more times you can successfully shrug off the thoughts, the sooner you'll be out the other side. *There's a recent post on the topic of rumination...have a look at that for tips on quitting.
  7. A house I lived in 15 years ago came on the market, I looked it up. I wanted to see what it looked like now, see what had changed if anything. Didn't mean I wanted to go back there, just natural curiosity. Do that this time. Let it go and get on with your life.
  8. Hi, I wasn't sure where to post, the 'Getting the most from the forums' seemed the obvious place but I can't seem to start a new post there. Is it (or could it be) possible for users to pin an individual post within a thread, for their own personal recollection. Since joining the forums, when I have come across a particular piece of advice or explanation that resonates with me, and that I may need reminding of, either currently or in the future, I sometimes take a screenshot. Sometimes this requires 2 or 3 pages of screenshots and it can get muddled. I could bookmark the page but that then requires searching the thread for the particularly helpful post. Similarly using the forum search option often throws up too many options, and I struggle to find the content I am looking for. I just thought that if it was possible to pin an individual post it would enable users to build up their own little self help library more easily?
  9. I think it can be both. When I have a lot to deal with, be it work, family, just general day to day life that gets busy, and I'm tired, OCD can raise its head. When OCD is at it's worst I find the effort to stop doing compulsions mentally draining and exhausting. The only suggestion I can make is self compassion and care. In both cases I try to rest and give myself a break.
  10. Hi, I'm sorry to hear your family is struggling so much. I'm not sure I can help too much, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. When OCD first impacted on our family I felt exactly the same and didn't really know where to turn. The main OCD Uk site has lots of useful resources and some self help book recommendations. I think whilst waiting for therapy, learning as much about the condition and what to expect from therapy can help. We found Break Free from OCD particularly helpful in explaining the disorder and how certain actions such as reassurance are unhelpful in the long run Hopefully someone with more experience than I can offer further advice. OCD impacts the whole family, please make sure you are also looking after yourself. Wishing you well.
  11. Hi, The main OCD UK website has advice on finding a therapist. As a starting point they should be BABCP registered..meaning they are qualified in CBT. From there you can usually find out more about each therapists areas of expertise. The advantage of online therapy means you don't need to look in your immediate geographical area. Maybe talk to a few over the telephone first with your daughter if you can, to get a feel as to whether they sound like the right person to help. Unfortunately private therapists also can have significant waiting lists too. Good luck.
  12. Hi sorry to hear you that struggling. My sons OCD reared it's head in his final year at uni. As @Pmacsays I think the stress of his final year and the desire to do well brought it out, however we soon realised he'd had it probably since childhood. He had a couple of weeks at home but then chose to go back. His university was aware of his struggles, as were his room mates and close friends there. We also found a therapist closer to uni than home, and he had weekly sessions. We're fortunate that he has always been very open with his struggles. He checked in with us most days, and I was confident that he would shout out for help if it all became too much. There's no doubt that it wasn't plain sailing. He had some very tough times, but with the support around him he managed to complete his degree. I personally believe had he been at home they would have been just as tough, if not more so, as he would have had less to occupy his time. You don't mention whether you are having therapy or whether you have a good support network at uni. Without that I'm not sure that I would have been comfortable with my son going back.
  13. The link from the website that you posted contradicts your original post above. It confirms that physical compulsions are generally present in all of the sub categories you mention, for example googling, reassurance seeking etc.
  14. I often used to wake up feeling unsettled but didn't really know why. Rather than trying to pin point a reason and analyse why, I've learned to put the radio on, get moving, and get on with my day, the feeling disappears much more quickly when I do that.
  15. I'm no expert but I'm not sure it's as clear cut as that. The two in my opinion (and my case) significantly overlap.
  16. I agree..my son is now 22 so we're a few year's further down the road! We now have a better understanding of each other and have more open conversations about issues that may be bothering one or both of us, without it turning into an argument. I hate seeing my son struggle with his OCD, and the hardest part of all has been accepting that I can't make it better! However, I can encourage him in his therapy and CBT, and offer as much emotional support and hugs as he needs. @malina point of making time for yourself is really important. It's easy to neglect our own health whilst focusing on our children. I can (and have) made myself ill thinking about my sons mental struggles. I joined an exercise group two years ago and I can honestly say it has made a huge difference to my mental health. I go to 4 x 1 hour classes a week, 2 classes are outdoor regardless of the weather. I have met some fabulous people and made new friends. They don't know my family, only me. Regardless of what else is going on in my life they are MY four hours, I'm not wife, mum, daughter, I'm just me. It gives me the opportunity to focus on me and my effort and the endorphins from the exercise are an added bonus. @MarieJo find something that works in the same way for you.
  17. Hi MarieJo We want the best for our children so it's hard when we see them making what we believe to be bad choices which could have a negative impact on their lives. As you know already my son slso suffers with OCD (it wouldn't surprise me if he has ADHD too!). He frequently loses his keys, wallet, misses appointments etc and can't seem to organise himself, no matter how much help we give him. He has had a considerable amount of therapy for his OCD, and it used to frustrate me no end when he didn't practice the techniques he'd been shown, and continued to engage in behaviour (namely late nights and alcohol) that he knew exacerbated his OCD. Most of us aren't very good at taking criticism and tend to lash out, particularly if we know there is some truth in what is being said, perhaps this is the case with your daughter? My reminders to my son (or nagging as he called it) only upset us both. I think we just have to let our children make mistakes, that is afterall how we all learn, but be there to help if asked. I have learned to take a step back. On the whole he knows where and when he is going wrong and doesn't need me reminding him. He's an adult and can make his own choices and accept the consequences. Only a couple of days ago my son said his mood was low and his OCD was worse. In the next sentence he admitted he'd let his CBT exercises slip during the Xmas break, and also acknowledged that later nights and alcohol were also likely to blame. I would of course still help him if he asked and/or if he was in distress.
  18. Hi Chris You're obsessing over something, you're doing compulsions, mainly ruminating, and it's having a big impact on your daily life. What other 'evidence' do you need. Old obsessions do rear their heads again, often with a slightky different angle which rekindles the doubt. Take heart from the fact that you've managed to deal with this successfully before, and you can do so again.
  19. Sounds lovely @taurean Annual New Year's Day buffet at my mum in laws today. Then back to a normal diet tomorrow. I don't feel I've over indulged too much this year and other than the pastry end of a 'chicken wellington' we've had no real food waste (which I hate) either. The break has been nice but I am now looking forward to getting back to my usual food and exercise routine.
  20. I've just finished the Xmas pudding warmed with some double cream poured over! My Mum makes one for us each year. She is 91 and it was her granny's recipe.
  21. This really resonated with me and the need to retrain the brain to build new thought pathways and habits. Just like good physical health, good mental health requires continuous effort to maintain it. I've also taken a screen shot of your list! We all need these reminders at times and it's a concise snap shot of CBT. Thank you.
  22. Hi, as your wife says this could be something that may pass on its own, and may not be OCD. At the same time your son is obviuosly anxious and helping him to talk about and learn to deal with this can only be a good thing. A book that helped my son when he was younger was 'what to do when you worry too much' by Dawn Huebner. I think it would be age appropriate. From memory it is based on CBT techniques which is the recommended treatment for OCD and general anxiety. If you think the anxiety is effecting your sons health and overall mood then I would absolutely mention it to your GP. They can refer him to CAMHS if they feel its necessary. It's hard seeing our children struggle and to know how best to help them. Best wishes.
  23. Hi, welcome to the forum. As you've probably learned already, going over and over the thoughts (ruminating) is a common compulsion which ultimately keeps the anxiety going. Thoughts are just thoughts and we don't need to analyse them, work them out, solve them etc. We can choose to just let them go. When you catch yourself in the rumination loop try and get busy with whatever you were doing, I find mindfulness exercises help me, and when the thoughts pop back, do the same...over and over again. Night times are often the worst for me, when I'm trying to get to sleep. If they're a problem for you maybe try an audio book or one of the relaxation apps that can give you something else to focus on. Rumination is tricky to stop particularly if like me you've been doing it for years, but with practice it does get easier. I used to ruminate for hours on the meaning of life, what happens when we die etc. Now most of the time I can just let it go, before the thought even takes hold. What works for me is visualising a turn on the road...the intrusive thought is directing me to turn off and go down the winding, looping, lane of rumination. I've taken that path many times and it just goes round in circles. Now I choose to go straight on..walk on by and get on with the rest of my day. I'm sure someone will come along with better advice than I can give, and there are also some really good self help books recommended on the main website.
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