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Emily

Ocd makes me not want sex

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Hi, I'm Emily and I'm new to this site. I'm 17 and have been suffering with OCD for 3.5 years. It started when I was in 8th grade with HOCD intrusive thoughts and then spiraled from there. For 3 years I struggled with it alone and didn't want to tell anyone what I was going through. A little over a year ago I met a great guy and we started dating. A couple months into our relationship I told him I think I have OCD and he has always been very supportive and helpful. About 6 months ago, I saw that OCD was deeply affecting our relationship and knew I needed to do something about it. I started going to therapy and was officially diagnosed. Goin to therapy was the best decision I've ever made. I worked on things such as compulsive apologizing and mental compulsions. I got much better and stopped going to therapy for the summer. I'm immensely proud of my progress. But here is my problem. One issue that I can't seem to get rid of is intrusive thoughts during sex. Whenever I start to have sex with my boyfriend, a thought pops into my head that I want to stop. I know that I truly don't want to stop, but the thought won't go away. Whenever I fantasize about having sex with him, this doesn't happen, but in person it does. About half the time I tell him I want to stop and we stop, and the other half of the time I just try (unsuccessfully) to push the thought away and keep going. I like it better when I try to keep going, but it's a ton of effort to try to keep the thought away. I told him what's going on and he's very caring to me, always telling me he's there for me and it's okay when I want to stop. I've tried to find answers about how to deal with this but every time I research sexual intrusive thoughts, it's people talking about intrusive sexual thoughts about things they don't want, like incest or pedophilia. I don't have this problem. My problem is I want to have sex, but a thought always pops in my head telling me I don't want to. Also, it ranges in severity. Sometimes it is unbearable and sometimes it is easier to handle. Please help!! If you have gone through this or have any advice, please tell me. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Edited by Emily

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As OCD sufferers we are probably going to have some form of it for the rest of our lives, it's just managing it that's the key! As you said you felt very proud of the progress you made but that's how OCD works! just when you think "ahh I've cracked this!" It will sneak up on you when your defences are down so maybe a little refresh with some CBT again will build you defences back up. The thoughts might continue in your head while you are having sex but we can build coping techniques and we can learn to treat them as worthless and let them slide away down the conveyer belt of the gazzzzillion thoughts a day that we have!

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Hi Emily.

So the real problem is you trying to push the thought away. That is a compulsion and it is keeping the thoughts coming back. Believe it or not, what you have to do is nothing. Let the thought go. Let it float around in your head, try not to react to it, and centre your focus on the pleasure of sex. The more you do this, the better youll get and the thoughts should dwindle away.

This does not mean you agree with the thoughts. By doing nothing you're saying I'm not going to give you the time of day. I've got better things to do.

It's sort of like dealing with a screaming child. If you ficus on other things and don't give the child attention, they'll eventually give up.

Make sense?

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And self, I couldn't agree with you less. There is no reason to believe that sufferers will always have some form of OCD for the rest of their lives. I suffered for 40 years and I am completely recovered. And managing is not the type of outlook prove should have. The goal should be recovery.

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I am a fellow HOCD sufferer and I have dealt with this during sex. "You want to stop. do you really like this" It is pretty clear it is just a trick but u just have to accept it and move on. Say back to it, "yeah i probably hate this" and keep going. that is the only way. and eventually with time it will go away. Im also 18 so trust me we are in the same boat and youre not alone.

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I am 16 and suffering with hocd however it's questioning wether im gay even know i know I'm not but it's getting to the point where it is affecting my life and needs to be sorted I have had this before when I was like 13/14 and it lasted for around 1/2 months and when, when it went all I would think about is women etc never ever felt atracted to a guy sexually etc allways liked women but i have had anxiety really bad before and have seen a psychiatrist before so I know the best thing to do is to talk so someone so I mentioned  it to mum and she has got me an appoimtment for the doctors so I'm going to get sorted but I 100% understand how you feel it's not the same thing but can understand it. because it's getting to me so much I'm just looking at women now and it's not like it used to be I'm now just looking saying "oh it's a women" I will check her out etc but it's not as strong as it used to be and it's like 50% of my brain is not me and the other side is me and its just questioning it all all the time also what you could try is when having sex just lay back and close you eyes and just think about nothing just breath in and out and just try to be as calm as possible it might help but I'm not a doctor so I don't know but allways worth a try.

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